THE HOMEFRONT  10:58 am January 5, 2010

Newt Gingrich Knows *Exactly* Why Barack Obama Thinks Terrorists Are Human Beings

by Juli Weiner

Rejected minor Sorkin character Newt Gingrich went to speak with Bill O’Reilly somewhere inside the tevee yesterday to talk about terrorists and their known proclivity, terrorism. Gingrich, if he is going to be the Republican’s perennial safety nominee, must crack down on terrorism by saying how much Barack Obama loves it, starting now. This is called “appealing to the base,” and it goes a little something like this: “I believe what you have is a group of people centered in the Justice Department and the Attorney General, whose law firms all gave pro bono support to terrorism. They start every day with a presumption that the rights of terrorists are more important than the lives of Americans.” This guy!

Cue Bill O’Reilly with the vaudeville bad-faith mock-hedging:

An incredulous O’Reilly replied that Gingrich’s statement was “impossible to believe” and asked, “Why would any rational person want to extend protections to a terrorist than their own family?”

“You interjected the word ‘rational,’” Gingrich responded.

“We are in much greater danger than we were a year ago,” he also said. “…We have to confront the fact that this is going to be a much bigger, much harder war than we thought.”

It is our new fight against the word “rational”—it is “America’s Iraq War.”

[CNN Political Ticker]

 
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{ 54 comments }

Mr Blifil January 5, 2010 at 11:00 am

I’m not comfortable being confronted with Newt’s obsessions about things that are bigger and harder.

SayItWithWookies January 5, 2010 at 11:03 am

Oh, that’s it — them libruls just can’t stop takin’ all that there pro bono money. Newt’s a fucking financial genius, he is.

hockeymom January 5, 2010 at 11:04 am

AND he’s into bears.
Typical.

Snarko Marx January 5, 2010 at 11:04 am

By any chance do people have the right to be proven to be terrorists before we hang them or whatever to protect our families?

Doris Ziffel January 5, 2010 at 11:04 am

Like Newt is all rational himself. How rational is it to keep getting married after you’ve been divorced 3 or 4 times??

gurukalehuru January 5, 2010 at 11:05 am

Has anybody ever read “War of the Newts?” (Karel Capek) I’m not making fun of Newt’s name, and I’m not saying he resembles the newts in the book, except that they are both (all)warmongering assholes, it’s just that the name reminds me of the book, which I recommend.

Capitol Hillbilly January 5, 2010 at 11:07 am

Do you mean to tell me that Barack Obama worries about the rights of terrorists before he has his first cigarette of the day?

I find that hard to believe.

FMA January 5, 2010 at 11:09 am

Newt and O’Reilly discussing what’s “rational”? You don’t see that every day…

Diana Davies January 5, 2010 at 11:10 am

[re=489081]Doris Ziffel[/re]: It’s easy. Just marry all your girlfriends!

AnnieGetYourFun January 5, 2010 at 11:13 am

Republicans would always like you to believe that things are bigger and harder than they really are, amIright?

Neilist January 5, 2010 at 11:14 am

At least the bear is white. That’s something to hang onto in these troubled times.

At least, due to global warming, all the polar bears starve to death because there’s no more ice floes on which to hunt gay baby harp seals.

Another DC Lawyer (Again) January 5, 2010 at 11:16 am

Just starting every day believing that the rights set forth in the Constitution are more important than the individual wishes of Newt and dipshit Magoo O’Reilly. What douche bag.

Berkeley Bear January 5, 2010 at 11:16 am

[re=489080]Snarko Marx[/re]: NO! Shoot first, burn second, salt the ground third. Repeat as needed. For good measure, teport yourself to Guantanamo at once, you filthy terrorist lover!

norbizness January 5, 2010 at 11:17 am

For balance, Meet the Press and other gabfests should exhume the smelly corpse of Jim Wright, so long as we’re going with the “disgraced, idea-less former Speaker of the House” paradigm for ratings-death.

(one Google search later) Holy shit, Jim Wright’s not dead.

JadedDIssonance January 5, 2010 at 11:19 am

[re=489093]Neilist[/re]: The bear is white…for now. They shall “go green,” for Iran, as the global algaes bloom.

Berkeley Bear January 5, 2010 at 11:19 am

That pesky Bill of Rights. So hard to keep it in tatters forever, despite the best efforts of the party of “Homeland First.” You know who else kept talking about the safety of the Homeland . . .

JMP January 5, 2010 at 11:19 am

Hey, it’s a non-Steele post, hooray!

And dipshit, read the fucking Constitution – you know, the thing you swore to uphold lo those many years ago when you were actually relevant. No one is arguing for “extending” rights to terrorists; the Constitution guarantees certain rights to everybody, no matter what crime they’ve been accused of, even if – and I want to make this perfectly clear! – even if they do say Jehovah.

Also, pissing your pants and quaking in fear over an incredibly unlikely threat is “rational”.

SlouchingTowardsWasilla January 5, 2010 at 11:20 am

Man, this guy is freakin’ brilliant, what with that newfangled strategy of scaring everyone half to death and then claiming to have a solution to the scary thing. Brilliant I tells ya.

JadedDIssonance January 5, 2010 at 11:22 am

[re=489099]JadedDIssonance[/re]: Algae is already plural, you pluralist.

WadISay January 5, 2010 at 11:22 am

Nothing better than listening to two right wing nuts trying to out-insult each other, viz:

BOR: What rational basis is there to give terrorists rights?
NG: Haha, you said these were “rational” persons.
BOR: Haha yourself, fuck you, I never said they were “persons”.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 5, 2010 at 11:22 am

You know who else interjected the word “rational”?

Also, that bear looks WAY more terrified than does Michael Steele’s boxer pup. If that’s possible.

JMP January 5, 2010 at 11:22 am

[re=489080]Snarko Marx[/re]: Of course they do. The test is simple; you throw them in the water, if they float, they’re a terrorist and must be killed; if they drown, they’re innocent.

Come here a minute January 5, 2010 at 11:22 am

[re=489075]Mr Blifil[/re]: Also interjecting.

Berkeley Bear January 5, 2010 at 11:23 am

Polar Bears are the least predictable creature in zoos – they have no hesitancy about attacking people, even when the bears are hand raised in captivity. So we can always hope the little critter in the picture will someday grow up and maul some white haired asshole.

norbizness January 5, 2010 at 11:24 am

Why does Barack Obama want to give terrorists a new Playstation III and he kicked me down a flight of stairs?

Birdcrash January 5, 2010 at 11:25 am

Does Newtie have an underpants bomb between his legs, or is that a girl polar bear?

UnattendedConsequence January 5, 2010 at 11:25 am

Why’s he mixing in this pro bono stuff, anyway? What difference does it make if there are some U2 fans in the guvmint? Newt-if that is his name-needs to start making sense.

ManchuCandidate January 5, 2010 at 11:28 am

If I were an alien from another world and had to watch this instead of “Single Female Lawyer” then I’d get the idea that guys like Newty were big crazy wussies whose own bellicose braying was masking the deep seated chickenshit within.

Paterlanger January 5, 2010 at 11:32 am

[re=489102]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: Well, he certainly sounds brilliant when the auto-tune is switched on.

Advocatus_Diaboli January 5, 2010 at 11:33 am

I’m pretty sure USMerika won the war against rationality a while ago.

Like November 2, 2004, at least.

Ducksworthy January 5, 2010 at 11:33 am

What’s the Newtster planning to do to Pedo Bear? Or has he already done it. That would explain the grin on Gnut and the disgusted/terrified look on the bear’s face.

user-of-owls January 5, 2010 at 11:37 am

Newt is absolutely right. We need to go back to the old ways, just like when we sent Timothy McViegh off to a black site in Belarus and tortured the bejeesus out of him to gather intelligence on white militias.

What?

pampl January 5, 2010 at 11:38 am

[re=489116]UnattendedConsequence[/re]: U2 is Irish, Irish are terrists. U2 is musicians, musicians are liberals, liberals are terrists. Therefore U2 = al Qaida squared

freakishlystrong January 5, 2010 at 11:41 am

Why is Knut posing with that right wing loser blowhard?

JMP January 5, 2010 at 11:44 am

[re=489077]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Hey, the pro bono thing makes it even worse. Republicans know that anything is OK if you’re paid enough, even defending an accused terrorist; but only a monster would try to uphold the Constitution over mere principle. It’s a violation of the Gospel of Rand.

Snarkalicious January 5, 2010 at 11:53 am

Newt Gingrich, shopping for a new fursuit.

Cape Clod January 5, 2010 at 12:08 pm

For balance, O’Reily really should get someone from the liberal perspective who is equally relevant and morally upstanding, like Gary Hart.

Way Cool Larry January 5, 2010 at 12:18 pm

“It is our new fight against the word “rational” — it is “America’s Iraq War.””

Were truer words ever written?

inedalo January 5, 2010 at 12:25 pm

what’s rationality go to do with it?

inedalo January 5, 2010 at 12:26 pm

what’s rationality got to do with it?

Dr. Spaceman January 5, 2010 at 12:37 pm

[re=489156]Cape Clod[/re]: Gary Hart would tear Newt a new salamander hole.

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 5, 2010 at 12:48 pm

@ManchuCandidate: Aliens are known for their intelligence, especially the ones watching Earth TV.

TGY January 5, 2010 at 12:52 pm

What Gnute meant to say was that some people just get a pro bono from terrorist underpants, that’s all. Hey, is that a pic of two gnutes and a holler?

claytor January 5, 2010 at 12:58 pm

TEEVEE!!!

donner_froh January 5, 2010 at 1:08 pm

[re=489114]Birdcrash[/re]: Looks like some type of unspeakably foul male camel toe.

yellowdogdem January 5, 2010 at 1:21 pm

I want to see the picture where the little polar bear claws Newt to death.

betterDeadThanRed January 5, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Where are the health care death panels? Will Congress get off its butt and pass the death panels law already. Clearly irrational olds like this need death panels. WE WERE PROMISED DEATH PANELS!

PrairiePossum January 5, 2010 at 1:32 pm

What rational basis is there to extend rights?

Well, we could try reading the U.S. Constitution, or maybe the Geneva Conventions, or perhaps a U.S. Supreme Court opinion or two. But that assumes the authors of those documents are “rational.”

chaste everywhere January 5, 2010 at 2:03 pm

[re=489114]Birdcrash[/re]: [re=489205]donner_froh[/re]: It’s where he keeps his list of the names of 57 card-carryin’ terroris’ bearhuggers.

BarackMyWorld January 5, 2010 at 4:38 pm

“Why would any rational person want to extend protections to a terrorist than their own family?”

Man, what a screwed up hybrid of a straw man argument and loaded question that is.

BarackMyWorld January 5, 2010 at 4:54 pm

“I believe what you have is a group of people centered in the Justice Department and the Attorney General, whose law firms all gave pro bono support to terrorism. They start every day with a presumption that the rights of terrorists are more important than the lives of Americans.”

Apparently Newt really thinks Eric Holder was a lawyer for al Qaeda and that there is a literal either/or choice between observing due process in the courts and protecting American lives. Or he is a lying sack of shit.

Oldskool January 5, 2010 at 5:12 pm

“We have to confront the fact that this is going to be a much bigger, much harder war than we thought.”

Not bad, only eight years late. Sadly, the lowbrows love that stuff. Barry needs to ridicule those dipshits every day, like FDR. People loved his snarkability.

FlownOver January 5, 2010 at 6:21 pm

Bite his face! C’mon, you chickenshit polar bear, do it now!!!11!!

glamourdammerung January 5, 2010 at 6:36 pm

Never before have I wanted a polar bear to destroy someone’s face then make violent “surprise sex” love to the hole.

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