MEET YOUR CANDIDATES  5:45 pm January 4, 2010

Everyone Is Gearing Up For 2010 Elections!

by Jim Newell

Gotta construct somethingThe 2010 midterm elections are only a few years or months away, and everyone is so excited to meet the latest batch of monsters preparing to ennoble our next Congress with their presence! Expect nine million posts just like this in the coming months. Who do we meet today? Well, a certain South Carolina county commissioner is considering a run for the House. His name is Paul Thurmond. Paul THURMOND. That’s right. The father was a notorious spawner, and now his tadpoles will all take over the country and restore the Dixiecrats to prominence. [Politico]

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Hola wonkerados.

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OReillysVibrator January 4, 2010 at 5:48 pm

Another half-black politician?

memzilla January 4, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Will Strom’s illegitimate black daughter be campaigning for him?

bago January 4, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Not content with a chocolate child, he comissioned a chocolate bust.

Jukesgrrl January 4, 2010 at 5:56 pm

And people didn’t want Caroline Kennedy because they thought she felt too entitled.

El Pinche January 4, 2010 at 5:58 pm

I hate testicles.

Radiotherapy January 4, 2010 at 6:00 pm

He was a bust, alright.
Especially, his concept of politically expedient racism.

Redhead January 4, 2010 at 6:00 pm

Was this particular spawn of satan conceived with his white wife or his black mistress?

Because frankly, if Strom Thurmond’s illegitimate half-black love child claimed his last name and ran, I would donate half my -$150/week unemployment check to his campaign, just to see the look on all the rednecks’ faces as “Strom Thurmond’s son, yay!” is followed by “… but… but…” ala Chapelle’s Clayton Bigsby…

hoosiermama January 4, 2010 at 6:01 pm

Fuck this — where’s the Real World:DC recaps?!

Snarkalicious January 4, 2010 at 6:14 pm

[re=488811]Redhead[/re]: Make sure to hold enough back for your crack rock and Caddy note, welfare queen.

Redhead January 4, 2010 at 6:19 pm

[re=488822]Snarkalicious[/re]: Oh you’re right. I almost forgot about the crack and the 40s of Cobra and all the other essentials! Silly me.
I must have been too busy, out protesting the guvment takeover of our health care. They’re making it all socialist, you know – SOCIALIST!!! I don’t need no guvment control of my health care thank you very much. I’m just fine paying $220 every two weeks for CBRA. Then I can spend the remaining $40 a week on crack and cheap beer. Rent’s really low in my refrigerator box under the bridge.

Pizzuti January 4, 2010 at 6:27 pm

I’m surprised that Strom Thurmond’s children aren’t already old and decrepit, the same way Abraham Lincoln’s children will be.

In other news, is it one of Thurmond’s black children or his white children?

Jim Demintia January 4, 2010 at 6:28 pm

“The father was a notorious spawner, and now his tadpoles will all take over the country and restore the Dixiecrats to prominence.”

Zounds, the mulattoes have taken over South Carolina!

SayItWithWookies January 4, 2010 at 6:34 pm

Well, from the looks of him, he’s corn-fed, sunburned, awkward in a suit and probably of below-average intelligence — so anyone running against him in Mark Sanford’s old district (oh, yes it is) has their work cut out for them.

user-of-owls January 4, 2010 at 6:38 pm

Typical racist post from Wonkette. No mention at all of the plethora of BLACK ‘legacy’ candidates, like:

-Lieutanant Cornel West
-Gennifer ‘Gen’ X
-Jaa’Mar’Cus’ Garvey, and
-B.E.T. DuBois.

That’s not racial transcendentalism!

user-of-owls January 4, 2010 at 6:40 pm

[re=488826]Redhead[/re]: Filthy bourgeoisie with your McMansion-sized refrigerator box will the rest of us huddle in our microwave cartons.

Redhead January 4, 2010 at 6:52 pm

[re=488843]user-of-owls[/re]: I had a really really really good job before the darkie commie nazi socialist preznit took over. That’s why I make all of -$150 a week in unemployment and can afford the big refrigerator box. I was really really healthy before that, too, which is why my CBRA payments are so low. Of course now my liver is failing since all I drink is Cobra beer (cheaper than water!) and my lungs are pretty much shot between the pig flu and the crack smoke. But it’s okay! The ER doc (my regular physician won’t see me anymore) told me he can do a double transplant. It’s only $450,000 – and my deductible will cover all of it except the last $425,000! America has the greatest health system in the world and no damn darkie preznit is gonna put his socialist hands on my health care, damnbit!

assistant/atlas January 4, 2010 at 7:02 pm

[re=488837]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You failed to mention the crazy eyes. Gotta have the crazy eyes these days to be a real Republican contender.

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 4, 2010 at 7:03 pm

@SayItWithWookies: I tried clicking on the comics in that photo, but they did not embiggen. Lame!

chascates January 4, 2010 at 7:13 pm

He may take some thunder away from Rand Paul.

x111e7thst January 4, 2010 at 7:13 pm

[re=488843]user-of-owls[/re]: [re=488848]Redhead[/re]: Hah. I have a small shed. It is infested with squirrels. Occasionally I manage to stun a stupid slow one with a rock or chunk of wood, and then I add it to my hobo beans. However if you guys want to come to the scenic Hudson Valley I am willing to share, particularly if someone brings some crack and/or some beer.

donner_froh January 4, 2010 at 7:14 pm

Brilliant of the sculptor to find a source of clay that exactly matched Strom’s striking salmon-hued complexion and hair.

tbogg January 4, 2010 at 7:37 pm

[re=488837]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Why is he campaigning on the set of Jersey Shore? Are there Guidos in SC?

southern mark smith January 4, 2010 at 7:40 pm

[re=488837]SayItWithWookies[/re]: OH! You mean the one in the metrosexual blue tie, not the fat guy with the landing strip on his face.

user-of-owls January 4, 2010 at 7:52 pm

[re=488837]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=488878]southern mark smith[/re]: Er, “Rocky” (aka LaGuardia Face) appears to work at an Islamic radio station, with full crescent credentials! Allah-u-akbar, y’all!

Servo January 4, 2010 at 7:57 pm

I’m actually amazed that the tie isn’t a clip-on. His momma must’ve tied it for him.

stew January 4, 2010 at 8:07 pm

Michael Steele Update: I was right! White republicans (which is to say republicans) too freaked by black guy cover his book: sales rank is #2,924. Course, it just came out today and it go all the way up to #2,000 by the end of the week.

Servo January 4, 2010 at 8:29 pm

The Great Big GOP Hip-Hoppity Pop-Uppity Coloring Book.

MzNicky January 4, 2010 at 8:30 pm

[re=488863]x111e7thst[/re]: You have a small, squirrel-infested shed? Luxury! I, a Tennessean, must make do with granny’s outhouse, where I sleep sitting upright on the rotted wooden throne whilst battling feces-laden rats and cockroaches the size of muskrats. And I’m lucky!

Bearbloke January 4, 2010 at 8:30 pm

[re=488887]Servo[/re]: [re=488878]southern mark smith[/re]: You’ll note that the young Thurmond is present for “Mommafest”, a time-honoured Car-O-lina celebration of Dixiecrat inbreeding…

Good Morning Mizz Wonkett! The pic of old President Thurmond (R – Scum) prompts me to ask –
Have you started taking names for the 2010 Ghoul-Pool?

Jim89048 January 4, 2010 at 9:02 pm

[re=488891]stew[/re]: To be fair, Ron Christie just got off work and hasn’t had the chance to buy his copy(ies) yet.

Up To Here Again January 4, 2010 at 9:04 pm

The subway train was a bit slow this evening in the cold.

One guy -
apparently acting up his tea bagger personality,
actually said this out loud:

“The trains not working cause you voted all those blacks in”

And so it begins. . .

shortsshortsshorts January 4, 2010 at 9:09 pm


obfuscator January 4, 2010 at 9:09 pm

[re=488899]Bearbloke[/re]: kind of like southern california’s annual “motherboy” pageant?

obfuscator January 4, 2010 at 9:22 pm

[re=488921]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: “moolatoes”?? i think not. the revolution will be delicious!

coolcatdaddy January 4, 2010 at 9:26 pm

[re=488920]Up To Here Again[/re]: That’s funny. I thought the trains stopped running because we couldn’t keep up with the mortgage payments to the Chinese gov’ment.

kudzu January 4, 2010 at 9:45 pm

Why is South Carolina still thinking it’s a state? Who failed to let them know they’re not supposed to have elections or government or anything that resembles a civilized organizational entity? I thought we all agreed that once Hussein took over we were not going to allow the Redneck states to be states anymore. What’s going on here?

Bearbloke January 4, 2010 at 9:46 pm

[re=488923]obfuscator[/re]: Brilliant show that one! The papers gushed over it and it gained once we got Region 4 DVDs – a few even started taking The Balboa Observer-Picayune to read more about it…

Mr Blifil January 4, 2010 at 9:50 pm

Just remember, if you are going to invoke the elder Thurmond, keep reminding yourself it was NOT rape…

Up To Here Again January 4, 2010 at 9:55 pm

[re=488927]coolcatdaddy[/re]: Your comment was funny.

Hunger Tallest Palin January 4, 2010 at 10:12 pm

How old is he, 96?

iburl January 4, 2010 at 10:13 pm

About this comments thread:

free January 4, 2010 at 10:47 pm

Its P. Cadaver posing for a “Weekend at Bernie’s”.
No , now Clarke, this is some serious shit.
Throw a bag of ol Roy on here for Snotz.

glamourdammerung January 4, 2010 at 10:47 pm

[re=488938]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: He was born in 1976 from what I have read.

southern mark smith January 4, 2010 at 11:19 pm

[re=488885]user-of-owls[/re]: That’s awesome. There’s definitely a trickster at work here. Is it possible that Robert Anton Wilson or the Ghost of HST has inhabited this part of The Secession State?

stew January 5, 2010 at 12:03 am

Having just watched the guy on Colbert, I realize what a bunch of pussies we are here on Wonkette. Who here has had the balls to refer to someone as a “goat-fucking child molester” (David Souter in this case) like the pudgy red state guy so forcefully did? Time to kick it up a notch, I say.

shortsshortsshorts January 5, 2010 at 12:14 am

[re=488957]stew[/re]: David Souter eats dick for sport and drives a cock to work every morning. Does this bring you any fucking joy? Erick Erickson fucks goats on his days off and drives a 1998 Lunatic Newt Gingrich. This should bring him great fortune from his “Bible Belt” fuck orgy. The fuck you want?

stew January 5, 2010 at 12:21 am

[re=488958]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Well, its a start. Now if you could just work in some bestiality (or whatever you call supreme court justice-goat sex).

bago January 5, 2010 at 3:08 am

[re=488920]Up To Here Again[/re]: Someone suicided on the red line at Adams Morgan. the subway was fuxxored for the second time that day. (Train died at medical center earlier)

gurukalehuru January 5, 2010 at 3:13 am

PaulThurmond, Ron Paul, why don’t we just start referring to these as the 2010 Paulections.
(Politicians Are, Usually, Lunatics?)

gurukalehuru January 5, 2010 at 3:14 am

Sorry, Rand Paul.

gurukalehuru January 5, 2010 at 3:15 am

I’m voting for the pro-legalization candidate, Paul Pot.

S.Luggo January 5, 2010 at 3:53 am

“There‘s one other big-time name on the rumor mill: The ex-wife of Gov. Mark Sanford, Jenny Sanford.”
Sure, Jen. Had you ever attempted the art of love south of the border, Mark would never strayed on the Appalachian trail,
No sympathy.

S.Luggo January 5, 2010 at 4:02 am

Paul Thurmond, the pater familias of a new generation of servile South Carolina mulattos? On the other paw, there might be more than one Paul Thurmond in the Palmetto state, e,g., Paul Hakim bin Charleston “Death to all Infidels Lacking the Requisite Exploding White Jockey Shorts ” Ali Saddam Thurmond. Worth checking.

zhubajie January 5, 2010 at 4:26 am

Will his sister campaign for him?

zhubajie January 5, 2010 at 4:38 am

[re=488959]stew[/re]: What about the Georgia Mule-fucker who was running for governor?

S.Luggo January 5, 2010 at 4:46 am

[re=488977]zhubajie[/re]: Will happen. It’s because they will soon have a more closely matched genotype. It’s the South Carolinian way.


U.S. Reopens Embassy in Yemen
Wall Street Journal December 5
Yippeedee do dah.
GOP Chief [Que?]: Republicans ‘Screwed Up’ After Reagan
Jan. 05, 2010 03:14 AM
Mistakes were made.
Democrats plan to fast-track final health care bill
Boston Globe
[Sodomites wish to destroy our 2nd Amendment freedoms.]
Jan. 5
Somehow the phrase “the fuck” got dropped from nesr the end thst limk
Bostonians, so polite.

Up To Here Again January 5, 2010 at 6:26 am

The White Moron’s Burden:

Way back in the real age, like George Wallace, you apologize for all your crimes and start working with the people you hated.

Now, you just admit you fucked one and fathered another, and move on, with absolutely no apologies for all those you sent to the lynching tree.

x111e7thst January 5, 2010 at 8:40 am

Malkin has apparently been replaced by a gay eagle. Who even knew there were such things.

El Pinche January 5, 2010 at 9:24 am

[re=488957]stew[/re]: Actually, that term is used quite extensively in the Muslim hate web sites. Conservatards are not that original.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 5, 2010 at 9:55 am

[re=488837]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=488878]southern mark smith[/re]: [re=488854]assistant/atlas[/re]: And yet no one has yet mentioned the prominent gayface that Thurmond fils is sporting. Countdown to unseemly scandal involving the fellating of a Spartanburg police officer or South Carolina state trooper in 3…2…1…

CJ Cregg January 5, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Politico is terrible.

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