LATE WAR ON XMAS IDEAS  5:06 pm January 4, 2010

Ha Ha Oh God, Michael Steele’s Secret Book Comes Out Today

by Jim Newell

Oh snap, Michael Steele’s new joint hits the streets today. Not that you haven’t had the bootleg since October (before it was even conceived, most likely). It is a creative approach, here, to equate your potential audience with alcoholics in need of a recovery itinerary. How are the literary tastemakers responding to this pre-ordained failure of ghostwritten propaganda? The three editorial critics at Amazon — Bill Bennett, Sean Hannity, and Mark Levin — seem to approve! Big Government, meanwhile, has posted an excerpt in which Steele praises his party for letting Arlen Specter switch sides and become the 60th Democratic vote. [Big Government]

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chascates January 4, 2010 at 5:08 pm

What Up
Right Now
Take Back
Praise Massa

Edywin January 4, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Wayne Brady has already turned down the lead role in the movie version: Out on DVD this Fall!

iwillsavethispatient January 4, 2010 at 5:09 pm

The 12 steps:
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, NO!

Edywin January 4, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Out-takes from the movie version of “Right Now”
Step 1

snideinplainsight January 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm

I like the way they cropped the top of his head off in the cover photo. Makes you feel like he’s right in the room (or like Stevie Wonder is holding the camera.)

snideinplainsight January 4, 2010 at 5:16 pm

None of the important stuff goes on up there anyway.

Hey, how does Van Halen feel about the title and all, anyway?

SmutBoffin January 4, 2010 at 5:18 pm

“With wit and insight, passion and judgment, Michael Steele points the way to a GOP comeback.”
— William J. Bennett

Michael is not really known for his ‘wit’, though that “cow on the tracks” thing might come close in a self-deprecating way.

glamourdammerung January 4, 2010 at 5:18 pm

Someone needs to fix the contrast on the cover picture of the Larry David book.

SayItWithWookies January 4, 2010 at 5:19 pm

The grassroots – activists from tea parties to town halls – have sent a message: now [sic] more ‘fake-it-until-you-make-it’ conservatives.

It only took him two sentences until his words conveyed the exact opposite of his meaning — which, for someone who started off trying to remake the RNC into a more inclusive party, is probably par for the course.

hedgehog January 4, 2010 at 5:20 pm

Is Michael any relation to Lexington Steele? I love Lex’s book “Right Now … and All Over Your Face.”

memzilla January 4, 2010 at 5:20 pm

“Don’t believe the pundits’ common refrain that the Republican Party has moved too far to the right. In reality, the problem is that we’ve been moving to the left.”

Oh PLEASE let them base their entire 2012 strategy on this premise. Because we need more schooling, for more students, for Morescience High School. And we’re not afraid of it, are we?

stew January 4, 2010 at 5:20 pm

Will Republicans actually buy a book with a black guy on the cover? I’m guessing we won’t exactly be seeing Palinesque sales figures (after the think tanks stop bulk purchases at least).

stew January 4, 2010 at 5:21 pm

[re=488752]SmutBoffin[/re]: Weren’t they worried Bennett would try to eat the book?

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 4, 2010 at 5:23 pm

So it’s true. The GOP is in dire need of a twelve-step program. Might I suggest:

Tap tap tap,
Reagan corpse fellating,
Moo moo,

mcc January 4, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Is it known who wrote this?

Holden Caulfield January 4, 2010 at 5:25 pm

We must explain our principles clearly and forcefully, directing our appeal to the American people as a whole—not to balkanized racial groups . . .

Ah, it appears that Steele is abandoning the vaunted GOP Serbo-Croatian strategy.

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 4, 2010 at 5:26 pm

Is there a chapter on web site design?

AggieDemocrat January 4, 2010 at 5:28 pm

[re=488747]snideinplainsight[/re]: The new Kannon AE-1. So simple, anyone can use it!

AggieDemocrat January 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

[re=488765]Holden Caulfield[/re]: I prefer the Visigoths, personally.

memzilla January 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

From the Comments section of the article: “…we would no more like a federal government interfering with states’ rights…”

Being a reThuglican, commenting on a book written by the GOP’s Resident Uncle Tom, and invoking the classic Faubus/Wallace euphemism for racial discrimination = TRIPLE IRONY WIN!

widestanceromancer January 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

Refreshing honesty in that the subtitle makes no pretense about saving America’s soul or a new vision for conservatism; just defeating Obama, that’s it. [re=488747]snideinplainsight[/re]: his banjo is cropped off, too.

V572625694 January 4, 2010 at 5:31 pm

[re=488763]mcc[/re]: To the extent you’re suggesting that Chairman Steele didn’t write every single word, including “a” “and” and “the”, of this fine addition to the literary canon, YOU LIE!

lochnessmonster January 4, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Do ya think he’ll quit taken speaking money if he can make enough selling his book?

snideinplainsight January 4, 2010 at 5:31 pm

right now, people are having unprotected sex
right now, someone is working too hard for minimum wage
right now, you are reading this text
right now, van halen is sueing the daylights out of the remnants of the McCain/Palin campaign for copyright infringement

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 4, 2010 at 5:34 pm

Naked Bunny with a Whip: Yes there is a chapter on web design. Curiously enough, though, it seems to be all about fisting technique and how to get away with cheating on your cocker spaniel with the hawt new Dobie that moved in next door.

S.Luggo January 4, 2010 at 5:34 pm

[re=488762]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Win.

Blingee, anyone?
Steele looks like he has just been chomped on the thigh by his much abused Boston Terrier. Bad dog, bad.

snideinplainsight January 4, 2010 at 5:36 pm

I’m sorry, I can’t stop googling;

Alex and Eddie Van Halen (both of whom backed Barack Obama for president) issued a statement saying “Permission was not sought or granted nor would it have been given.” McCain’s recently announced running mate and governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, according to the Associated Press, has named one of her five children Trig Paxson Van Palin, in honor of the band.

AggieDemocrat January 4, 2010 at 5:37 pm

[re=488777]snideinplainsight[/re]: FTW!

9/11 is a verb January 4, 2010 at 5:43 pm

[re=488759]stew[/re]: Well. he’s black kind of like Clarence Thomas is Repubs can stomach it on their shelves. As long as they feel that Mikey is still a house slave, they’ll be ok

Jerri January 4, 2010 at 5:43 pm

Nothing like releasing a book the first Monday of the new year to boost sales. What up? Steele not needing Christmas sales, that’s what.

S.Luggo January 4, 2010 at 5:48 pm

Oooo, looky. The index contains references for:
Cox, Anna Marie (tough luck, Jim)
Dead, Grateful
Secks, Butt

loquaciousmusic January 4, 2010 at 6:08 pm

I want to name a book after a Van Halen song. How about Finish What Ya Started: The 12-Step Guide to Health-Care Reform or Can’t Stop Lovin’ You: Republican Sex Scandals in the 20th Century?

BlueStateLibtard January 4, 2010 at 6:12 pm

It took just five seconds for me to spot this excerpt: “now more ‘fake-it-until-you-make-it’ conservatives.” And no more spell-check Michael, or proofreaders, or Freudian slips.

user-of-owls January 4, 2010 at 6:21 pm

[re=488772]AggieDemocrat[/re]: [re=488765]Holden Caulfield[/re]:
Tea Party? interahamwe?…really, what’s the difference?

hedgehog January 4, 2010 at 6:24 pm

I’m looking forward to the 2012 GOP Convention, when Steele will rub off his makeup to reveal that he is really C. Thomas Howell.

comicbookguy January 4, 2010 at 6:29 pm

Palin/Steele 2012. What up? You betcha!

Dear Diorama January 4, 2010 at 6:31 pm

Dear Michael Steele,
Rapping the audiobook version = $$$

S.Luggo January 4, 2010 at 6:36 pm

[re=488820]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: The phrase is correct as written.

AnnieGetYourFun January 4, 2010 at 6:40 pm

Is it just me, or does Steele have a bit of a zabiba there? Are all blacks in American politics actual muzlin tear-wrists?

AnnieGetYourFun January 4, 2010 at 6:43 pm

[re=488841]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: That’s slang for “raisin”, you racist git.

Country Club Jihadi January 4, 2010 at 6:44 pm

He needs to take 12 steps and leap off the motherfuckin’ Pliz-ank.

proudgrampa January 4, 2010 at 6:52 pm

[re=488841]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: By jove, I think you’re on to something!

steverino247 January 4, 2010 at 6:56 pm

12 step program?

“I’m Michael Steele and I’m an asshole…”

loquaciousmusic January 4, 2010 at 7:07 pm

[re=488829]hedgehog[/re]: …or Ted Danson, circa 1993.

Lorax January 4, 2010 at 7:11 pm

Step One:

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin’ and twitchin’ kinda like I was smokin’

When, oh when, will the RNC realize that they’ve done messed around and elected Shock G as Chairman? (I’m hoping NEVVAHHHHH!!)

Bruno January 4, 2010 at 7:30 pm

I’ll bet the whole thing can be summed up with those circle/arrow/box diagrams like the GOP road to recovery ‘strategy’

Crankenstank January 4, 2010 at 8:40 pm

Most 12-step programs start out with admitting one has a problem, and I fear Mr. Steele hasn’t quite gotten that far yet.

rocktonsammy January 4, 2010 at 8:49 pm

Hope he remembers to dedicate the book to Max Power, who help Mikey pick his new name.

Servo January 4, 2010 at 8:55 pm

I always thought Michael Steele is really Shock G trying to bring back the Humpty Dance.

leaveskoalrebelalone January 4, 2010 at 9:50 pm

i got a 12 step plan to shove my throbbing lilly white love pole up this dick wad’s colon port!!!

Mr Blifil January 4, 2010 at 9:53 pm

The air will be thick with remaindered copies.

Hunger Tallest Palin January 4, 2010 at 10:17 pm

Love the “Copyrighted Material” at the bottom of the cover. Like anyone is going to steal that shit.

Or fRighties who want to parrot his talking points will have to pay a small fee.

Decker January 4, 2010 at 10:18 pm

[re=488751]snideinplainsight[/re]: Right now, the RNC is in even worse shape than VH.

dr.giraud January 4, 2010 at 10:34 pm

[re=488758]memzilla[/re]: By 2012, Michael Steele himself will be holding an N-word sign.


iburl January 4, 2010 at 10:34 pm

Thanks for the inpiration Lorax and Servo

Pat Pending January 4, 2010 at 10:36 pm

I swear to GOD that is a white man in black face. He just looks… painted. Botox and Bare Minerals, perhaps?

free January 4, 2010 at 10:41 pm

I swear to drunk I’m not Gawd. And if this POS can turn the tide
I will stoop to piss for the remainder of my life.

AddHomonym January 4, 2010 at 11:03 pm

[re=488915]Servo[/re]: However, it is Larry Craig who once got busy in a Burger King airport bathroom.

AddHomonym January 4, 2010 at 11:10 pm

[re=488952]AddHomonym[/re]: Strikethough FAIL! Burger King

piniella January 5, 2010 at 12:33 am

I think Glenn Beck was the ghost writer. :-)

S.Luggo January 5, 2010 at 2:09 am

“Right Now: A 12 step program for defeating the Obama agenda.”
A McGuffey’s Reader of NeoConism, using words of three syllables or less.
Phase 1: Collect Underpants
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Profit

Steele: Republicans can learn from Reagan [even if he be very dead]
“Not all of us gave up the fight and not all the time. But many, especially among our leaders, have in recent years allowed our principles to be buried under layers of compromise or outright abandonment in the name of power and acceptance and going along to get along.”
E,g., Healthcare reform.
Fight the power. Fight … the … power. Quel un tool pathetique.

BarackMyWorld January 5, 2010 at 2:11 am

[re=488915]Servo[/re]: Win.

trondant January 5, 2010 at 3:09 am


Steele’s a freak
He likes the dudes with da boom
He once got busy in a MSP bathroom

thesheriffisnear January 5, 2010 at 6:06 am

[re=488757]hedgehog[/re]: Actually he’s more like Remington Steele, a totally contrived character.

zhubajie January 5, 2010 at 7:41 am

Will Palin tell her fans to buy the book?

PlanetWingnuta January 5, 2010 at 8:45 am

[re=488930]leaveskoalrebelalone[/re]: Now why are you gonna let Mikey have that fun? Bring that over here!

The Huffington Pogue January 5, 2010 at 8:49 am

If the original Steele Blingee wasn’t so perfect, I think this would be the perfect opportunity for another Blingee Contest.

Manos: Hands of Fate January 5, 2010 at 9:16 am

Based on the excert, this looks like the most insightful piece of political thinking since John Locke. The problem with the last eight years is that the GOP was too liberal? Brilliant! Can’t wait for more. I hope Wonketters are busy writing their own reviews for Amazon.

Gumboz1953 January 5, 2010 at 10:01 am

A 12-Step Program for Defeating the Obama Agenda

Step 1. Get a viable candidate and get that person elected to President. If that is not possible at this point . . .

Step 1a. Secure time machine, go back to last summer, make sure McCain picks somebody else besides the asshole he picked.

Step 1b. Sit back, relax, and watch McCain win.

I would have voted for McCain had he picked a viable running mate. I was troubled by Obama’s inexperience on the national scene, and really thought Hillary Clinton was better qualified. Still do. The GOP blew this, all by themselves.

Step 2. Quit being dickwads all the time. If that isn’t possible . . .

Step 2a. Ramp up the PR on Faux News so that the citizenry won’t realize what dickwads most of you are all the time.

and so on.

Gumboz1953 January 5, 2010 at 10:07 am

[re=489024]Gumboz1953[/re]: Make that “go back to the summer of 2008.” Time sure flies when you’re having fun.

Mr Blifil January 5, 2010 at 10:31 am

[re=489024]Gumboz1953[/re]: You would have voted for Bomb-Bomb Iran if only he hadn’t picked Cariboe Barbie? You thought the economy was in great shape? You think Medicare needs deep cuts and that insurers are our friends?

Maybe it’s me but this stance somewhat undercuts your trenchant attempts at snark. Are you trying to make Denby look good?

Ro February 12, 2010 at 3:41 pm

He’s such a TARD! lol

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