Traitor Congressman Parker Griffith’s Entire Staff Just Quit

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We don't even know what this is supposed to mean.Alabama fraud Parker Griffith, who won his congressional seat as a Democrat but just switched to the GOP because he likes to fuck boys he’s scared of southern teabaggers, got a special karmic present today from his entire staff: They all quit! HA.

From some gloating Democrat press release:

Nearly every staff member of Representative Parker Griffith’s office tendered their resignation this morning in response to his recent decision to change party membership. This included the Chief of Staff, along with the entire legislative and communications team.

Oh, and his entire campaign-consulting team quit just before Christmas. [MSNBC]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • DeLand DeLakes

    Well isn’t that just a hoot!

    I already regret that. Sorry.

  • SmutBoffin

    If Bill Kristol is a respected, astute policy critic then I’m a Republican rent-boy.

  • desertwind

    Not before they downloaded super-secret Alabama Dem info.

  • chascates

    Quick Riley! Hire on as his aide so you can report from the inside!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Parker Griffin does lose.

  • JMP

    And if Bill O’Reily is an independent, I’m a deep-ocean giant squid. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense either.

    There must be some significance to barn owls among the inbred Alabama populace that I’m just not getting.

  • SmutBoffin

    I bet he’ll spin it as “Republican congressman creates ~1 dozen new jobs!”

  • Come here a minute

    Must have something to do with breasts.

  • Chernobyl Soup

    I haven’t been to DailyKos in years but if it’s anything like I remember, they’re wanting the DCCC to spend its entire budget electing a Dem to that seat in 2010. Just to show them, you know.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Michele Bachmann is going to be pissed — until this kerfuffle, she was the most odious employer in Congress. And now Griffith doesn’t even have the staff to fend off the shitstorm of crazy that Bachmann’s gonna send his way — most likely something about the Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail as the site of future FEMA death camps.

  • user-of-owls

    **clears throat**


  • Barrelhse

    [re=488583]user-of-owls[/re]: Well….Just how DO you “use” them?

  • Escape Goat Nation

    Alabama is the fattest city in the U.S.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    I don’t know why you lined out “he likes to fuck boys,” Ken. I’d be willing to bet Mr. Two Last Names has at least one Cub Scout on retainer, for “yard work” and such.

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    I hope they left strategically placed “surprises” throughout the office.


    It’s Alabama- they tender their resignation at the beginning of squirrel season every year, then they come crawling back in April having failed to go professional.

  • BigDupa

    Have any of the operatives scanned the job posting board at Late Night Shots? Perhaps the morning period of the post W era has passed and some of them junior turd blossoms can get cracking and start answering Peter Griffin’s mail.

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    Re: The Alt text

    As an Alabamian, I have no clue either. We come up with some weird shit.

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    [re=488626]NYNYNY[/re]: NYNYNY…. No, we resign at the beginning of armadillo season. Git it rite! We don’t eat squirrel. They’re to fast and don’t have enough meat to worry with. Armadillos are fat and plump and come with their own dinnerware. Like we always say, “Armadillo: Nature’s fast food!”

    Parker Griffith, who WAS my representative, is a cunt and will loose in 2010. He isn’t Konservative enough for the KKK, and has betrayed the few libruls that liked him to begin with.

    And because no one likes a douchebag with a last name for a first name. Also.

  • Cape Clod

    This has got to be one of the least well thought out party switches in American political history.

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    [re=488595]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: That would actually be the Mississippi metro area. Though we are a distant second. (We could be a close second, but all the lard limits our proximity to one another.)

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    I just did a health profile for Alabama. Of the 50 states:
    Prevalence of Obesity 49
    Air Pollution 45
    Children in Poverty 47
    Premature Death 48
    Poor Physical Health Days 46
    Infant Mortality 48
    Poor Mental Health Days 47
    Cancer Deaths 44
    Cardiovascular Deaths 49
    Stroke 49
    High Blood Pressure 47
    Heart Attack 49
    Cardiac Heart Disease 45
    Diabetes 48

    Overall 48

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    I just did a health profile for Alabama. We are a third world state. The fewest whites voted for Obama of any state. Of the 50 states, Alabama ranks:

    Prevalence of Obesity 49
    Air Pollution 45
    Children in Poverty 47
    Premature Death 48
    Poor Physical Health Days 46
    Infant Mortality 48
    Poor Mental Health Days 47
    Cancer Deaths 44
    Cardiovascular Deaths 49
    Stroke 49
    High Blood Pressure 47
    Heart Attack 49
    Cardiac Heart Disease 45
    Diabetes 48

    Overall 48

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    If it’s worth posting, it’s worth posting twice!

  • Ashley Todd&#39

    Most likely his staff was simply trying to save their respective careers. It’s much more difficult for a hill staffer to switch sides of the aisle than it is for a congressman. If they stayed with him they wouldn’t be able to find another job with a Dem OR a Republican later on. I believe the same thing happened when Specter switched.

  • sezme

    Wait, do we have confirmation that he didn’t just eat his entire staff?

  • SouthernDem

    [re=488651]CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us[/re]: The shells protect them from getting too mushy when they get run over. Roll Tide!

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=488617]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: That is a funny name for IEDs.

  • Alaska Girl

    People with cajones and principles in government? WTF is up with that?

  • Jumping Jim

    [re=488716]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Where else is there to take your sister on a date?

  • chaste everywhere

    [re=488595]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: [re=488670]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Oh yeah? Well, Wisconsin’s the fattest COUNTRY in the U.S., so neener neener.

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=488561]JMP[/re]: Let me break it down for you. Barn owl -> Hooter -> Tits -> Milk Producer -> Dairy Farmer -> Blessed By Jesus -> Leper -> I’ve got my dick in my coat pocket.

    Hope that helps.

  • bamaboy

    Well, they say people get the government that they desrve.

    What the hell have we done to deserve this?

  • Sparky McGruff

    [re=488616]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: It’s completely unfair to say that ALL republicans fuck boys. That’s patently untrue. At least some fuck hookers while wearing a diaper, or fuck their female assistants and have their parents bribe said assistant’s husband into keeping quiet. Still others put on a couple of wetsuits and do the autoasphyxiation thing.

    There’s even a contingent of animal lovers. (I shouldn’t forget the bears-raping-little-girls-in-cages part of the last one). Some (Larry Craig) even try to hook up with big boys.

    See? Your statements are patently unfair.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=488760]Sparky McGruff[/re]: My mistake. I forgot to factor in the Alabama part of the equation. This means that there’s at least one sheep farm outside of Monroeville that’s pretty damned nervous.

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    [re=488688]SouthernDem[/re]: ROLL TIDE! Ready for Thursday?

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    [re=488716]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Not to sound like Dr. Phil, but we Alabamians also have another saying… “Thank GOD for Mississippi!”

    Oh we also say “ROLL TIDE!”

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    [re=488760]Sparky McGruff[/re]: No it’s fair– they just haven’t been caught yet.

  • Guppy06

    Those Alabama staffers will be damned before they work for a man in the same party as that goddamnyankee Lincoln!

  • guangho

    @Alaska Girl: I realize you are unaccustomed to this given the proclivities of your home state.
    Perhaps a nice drug/sex scandal would reassure you.

    Parker getting caught in a meth lab with teenage boys in 4…3….2…

  • Wonderman

    Ah, so THIS is how the GOP “creates” jobs…

  • Jukesgrrl

    Umm, that would be a DemocratIC press release, pleeze. Unless you call the other side Repubes, in which case you can forget I mentioned it.

  • WestEndEd

    Well, my resume is in.

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    [re=488882]Jukesgrrl[/re]: “Unless you call the other side Repubes…”

    I do. Amongst other sordid names.

  • Long Form Def Certificate

    Almost makes me want to pull for that snake Saban in the Nat’l Championship game. Alabama has been somewhat redeemed by this show of conscience.

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    [re=488770]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Where are you from??? I am from Andalusia, which is about 55 miles to the east southeast of Monroeville, AL.

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    [re=488916]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: c’mon! You know you want to! Might I remind you, Texas is the land of BOTH Bushs’… Bama’s never thrust a leader onto the free world. ;-) That should count for something, no?

  • Roslin

    Please. Compared to South Carolina, Alabama’s merely a dilettante in the serious business of being a national laughingstock.

  • Mr Blifil

    What the fuck else were they supposed to do? They saved him the trouble and expense of having to fire them all. Seriously, if what they had wanted to do was stage a protest, they could have simply adopted the Republican principle that all government activity is wasteful and harmful to democracy and simply sat at their cubicles doing nothing but eating Cheetos and indulging in NSFW activities online. That would have shown him!

  • Decker

    I’m pretty sure that button is a Kennethism from 30 Rock

  • 5erfun

    Well, at least you can still credit Alabama with giving us Helen Keller (and my very dear friend Larry, RIP).