PAYBACK  2:54 pm January 4, 2010

Traitor Congressman Parker Griffith’s Entire Staff Just Quit

by Ken Layne

We don't even know what this is supposed to mean.Alabama fraud Parker Griffith, who won his congressional seat as a Democrat but just switched to the GOP because he likes to fuck boys he’s scared of southern teabaggers, got a special karmic present today from his entire staff: They all quit! HA.

From some gloating Democrat press release:

Nearly every staff member of Representative Parker Griffith’s office tendered their resignation this morning in response to his recent decision to change party membership. This included the Chief of Staff, along with the entire legislative and communications team.

Oh, and his entire campaign-consulting team quit just before Christmas. [MSNBC]

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DeLand DeLakes January 4, 2010 at 2:59 pm

Well isn’t that just a hoot!

I already regret that. Sorry.

SmutBoffin January 4, 2010 at 2:59 pm

If Bill Kristol is a respected, astute policy critic then I’m a Republican rent-boy.

desertwind January 4, 2010 at 2:59 pm

Not before they downloaded super-secret Alabama Dem info.

chascates January 4, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Quick Riley! Hire on as his aide so you can report from the inside!

ManchuCandidate January 4, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Parker Griffin does lose.

JMP January 4, 2010 at 3:06 pm

And if Bill O’Reily is an independent, I’m a deep-ocean giant squid. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense either.

There must be some significance to barn owls among the inbred Alabama populace that I’m just not getting.

SmutBoffin January 4, 2010 at 3:07 pm

I bet he’ll spin it as “Republican congressman creates ~1 dozen new jobs!”

Come here a minute January 4, 2010 at 3:09 pm

Must have something to do with breasts.

Chernobyl Soup January 4, 2010 at 3:11 pm

I haven’t been to DailyKos in years but if it’s anything like I remember, they’re wanting the DCCC to spend its entire budget electing a Dem to that seat in 2010. Just to show them, you know.

SayItWithWookies January 4, 2010 at 3:18 pm

Michele Bachmann is going to be pissed — until this kerfuffle, she was the most odious employer in Congress. And now Griffith doesn’t even have the staff to fend off the shitstorm of crazy that Bachmann’s gonna send his way — most likely something about the Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail as the site of future FEMA death camps.

user-of-owls January 4, 2010 at 3:21 pm

**clears throat**


Barrelhse January 4, 2010 at 3:27 pm

[re=488583]user-of-owls[/re]: Well….Just how DO you “use” them?

Escape Goat Nation January 4, 2010 at 3:29 pm

Alabama is the fattest city in the U.S.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 4, 2010 at 3:45 pm

I don’t know why you lined out “he likes to fuck boys,” Ken. I’d be willing to bet Mr. Two Last Names has at least one Cub Scout on retainer, for “yard work” and such.

Manos: Hands of Fate January 4, 2010 at 3:48 pm

I hope they left strategically placed “surprises” throughout the office.

NYNYNY January 4, 2010 at 3:52 pm

It’s Alabama- they tender their resignation at the beginning of squirrel season every year, then they come crawling back in April having failed to go professional.

BigDupa January 4, 2010 at 3:56 pm

Have any of the operatives scanned the job posting board at Late Night Shots? Perhaps the morning period of the post W era has passed and some of them junior turd blossoms can get cracking and start answering Peter Griffin’s mail.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 4, 2010 at 3:58 pm

Re: The Alt text

As an Alabamian, I have no clue either. We come up with some weird shit.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 4, 2010 at 4:08 pm

[re=488626]NYNYNY[/re]: NYNYNY…. No, we resign at the beginning of armadillo season. Git it rite! We don’t eat squirrel. They’re to fast and don’t have enough meat to worry with. Armadillos are fat and plump and come with their own dinnerware. Like we always say, “Armadillo: Nature’s fast food!”

Parker Griffith, who WAS my representative, is a cunt and will loose in 2010. He isn’t Konservative enough for the KKK, and has betrayed the few libruls that liked him to begin with.

And because no one likes a douchebag with a last name for a first name. Also.

Cape Clod January 4, 2010 at 4:13 pm

This has got to be one of the least well thought out party switches in American political history.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 4, 2010 at 4:13 pm

[re=488595]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: That would actually be the Mississippi metro area. Though we are a distant second. (We could be a close second, but all the lard limits our proximity to one another.)

What Fresh Hell is This? January 4, 2010 at 4:16 pm

I just did a health profile for Alabama. Of the 50 states:
Prevalence of Obesity 49
Air Pollution 45
Children in Poverty 47
Premature Death 48
Poor Physical Health Days 46
Infant Mortality 48
Poor Mental Health Days 47
Cancer Deaths 44
Cardiovascular Deaths 49
Stroke 49
High Blood Pressure 47
Heart Attack 49
Cardiac Heart Disease 45
Diabetes 48

Overall 48

What Fresh Hell is This? January 4, 2010 at 4:19 pm

I just did a health profile for Alabama. We are a third world state. The fewest whites voted for Obama of any state. Of the 50 states, Alabama ranks:

Prevalence of Obesity 49
Air Pollution 45
Children in Poverty 47
Premature Death 48
Poor Physical Health Days 46
Infant Mortality 48
Poor Mental Health Days 47
Cancer Deaths 44
Cardiovascular Deaths 49
Stroke 49
High Blood Pressure 47
Heart Attack 49
Cardiac Heart Disease 45
Diabetes 48

Overall 48

What Fresh Hell is This? January 4, 2010 at 4:21 pm

If it’s worth posting, it’s worth posting twice!

Ashley Todd' January 4, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Most likely his staff was simply trying to save their respective careers. It’s much more difficult for a hill staffer to switch sides of the aisle than it is for a congressman. If they stayed with him they wouldn’t be able to find another job with a Dem OR a Republican later on. I believe the same thing happened when Specter switched.

sezme January 4, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Wait, do we have confirmation that he didn’t just eat his entire staff?

SouthernDem January 4, 2010 at 4:30 pm

[re=488651]CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us[/re]: The shells protect them from getting too mushy when they get run over. Roll Tide!

glamourdammerung January 4, 2010 at 4:31 pm

[re=488617]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: That is a funny name for IEDs.

Alaska Girl January 4, 2010 at 4:47 pm

People with cajones and principles in government? WTF is up with that?

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 4, 2010 at 4:47 pm

[re=488662]CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us[/re]: Amen to that. And 99% of them hang out at the Wal-Mart in Senatobia.

Jumping Jim January 4, 2010 at 4:57 pm

[re=488716]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Where else is there to take your sister on a date?

chaste everywhere January 4, 2010 at 5:05 pm

[re=488595]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: [re=488670]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Oh yeah? Well, Wisconsin’s the fattest COUNTRY in the U.S., so neener neener.

Snarkalicious January 4, 2010 at 5:16 pm

[re=488561]JMP[/re]: Let me break it down for you. Barn owl -> Hooter -> Tits -> Milk Producer -> Dairy Farmer -> Blessed By Jesus -> Leper -> I’ve got my dick in my coat pocket.

Hope that helps.

bamaboy January 4, 2010 at 5:16 pm

Well, they say people get the government that they desrve.

What the hell have we done to deserve this?

Sparky McGruff January 4, 2010 at 5:21 pm

[re=488616]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: It’s completely unfair to say that ALL republicans fuck boys. That’s patently untrue. At least some fuck hookers while wearing a diaper, or fuck their female assistants and have their parents bribe said assistant’s husband into keeping quiet. Still others put on a couple of wetsuits and do the autoasphyxiation thing.

There’s even a contingent of animal lovers. (I shouldn’t forget the bears-raping-little-girls-in-cages part of the last one). Some (Larry Craig) even try to hook up with big boys.

See? Your statements are patently unfair.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

[re=488760]Sparky McGruff[/re]: My mistake. I forgot to factor in the Alabama part of the equation. This means that there’s at least one sheep farm outside of Monroeville that’s pretty damned nervous.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 4, 2010 at 6:09 pm

[re=488688]SouthernDem[/re]: ROLL TIDE! Ready for Thursday?

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 4, 2010 at 6:12 pm

[re=488716]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Not to sound like Dr. Phil, but we Alabamians also have another saying… “Thank GOD for Mississippi!”

Oh we also say “ROLL TIDE!”

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 4, 2010 at 6:15 pm

[re=488760]Sparky McGruff[/re]: No it’s fair– they just haven’t been caught yet.

Guppy06 January 4, 2010 at 6:16 pm

Those Alabama staffers will be damned before they work for a man in the same party as that goddamnyankee Lincoln!

guangho January 4, 2010 at 7:10 pm

@Alaska Girl: I realize you are unaccustomed to this given the proclivities of your home state.
Perhaps a nice drug/sex scandal would reassure you.

Parker getting caught in a meth lab with teenage boys in 4…3….2…

Wonderman January 4, 2010 at 7:32 pm

Ah, so THIS is how the GOP “creates” jobs…

Jukesgrrl January 4, 2010 at 7:44 pm

Umm, that would be a DemocratIC press release, pleeze. Unless you call the other side Repubes, in which case you can forget I mentioned it.

WestEndEd January 4, 2010 at 8:38 pm

Well, my resume is in.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 4, 2010 at 8:40 pm

[re=488882]Jukesgrrl[/re]: “Unless you call the other side Repubes…”

I do. Amongst other sordid names.

Long Form Def Certificate January 4, 2010 at 9:00 pm

Almost makes me want to pull for that snake Saban in the Nat’l Championship game. Alabama has been somewhat redeemed by this show of conscience.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 4, 2010 at 9:01 pm

[re=488770]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Where are you from??? I am from Andalusia, which is about 55 miles to the east southeast of Monroeville, AL.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 4, 2010 at 9:04 pm

[re=488916]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: c’mon! You know you want to! Might I remind you, Texas is the land of BOTH Bushs’… Bama’s never thrust a leader onto the free world. ;-) That should count for something, no?

Roslin January 4, 2010 at 9:09 pm

Please. Compared to South Carolina, Alabama’s merely a dilettante in the serious business of being a national laughingstock.

Mr Blifil January 4, 2010 at 10:10 pm

What the fuck else were they supposed to do? They saved him the trouble and expense of having to fire them all. Seriously, if what they had wanted to do was stage a protest, they could have simply adopted the Republican principle that all government activity is wasteful and harmful to democracy and simply sat at their cubicles doing nothing but eating Cheetos and indulging in NSFW activities online. That would have shown him!

Decker January 4, 2010 at 10:22 pm

I’m pretty sure that button is a Kennethism from 30 Rock

5erfun January 6, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Well, at least you can still credit Alabama with giving us Helen Keller (and my very dear friend Larry, RIP).

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