Brit Hume is very concerned about Tiger Woods’s Values, which revolve around having sex with monsters — out of wedlock! He read on the Wikipedia that Woods is a Buddhist — a.k.a. El Salvadoro-Mexican quesadilla worship — and would like for the private golfer to convert to his beloved Christianity. Even Bill Kristol hears this and says, “Uhh… that’s great Brit, but anyway, about that golf tournament Tiger Woods might win later…” [Andrew Sullivan]
Brit Hume Orders Tiger Woods To Abandon Satanism
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If Bill Kristol had to walk down the street to wherever it is that he calls his “place of employment,” and during that sojourn every third person catcalled and mocked him for fucking anything that moved and made caustic comparisons between the size of his penis and his choice of golf club, he perhaps would have a less sanguine expectation of Tiger’s chances of recovery.
Britt Hume should not be giving ANY advice to anyone on how to deal with family matters.
Hooray! This clean break from the last decade is exactly what America needed. I bet everyone felt just this way in 1910!
Brit then turned on Bloody Bill and attempted an exorcism to drive the Jewishness out of him.
If Kristol says Tiger is going to win the Masters, oh shit, poor Tiger– looks like last place for him!
I predict that Buddhists will be flocking…FLOCKING to houses of Christian whorship based on Brit’s insightful analysis. However, this does not mean I will remove my Dashboard idol, thus becoming Dashboard Jesus.
This is the clip of the decade! That’s right – the new decade. Just in time for Stewart and Colbert to mercilessly rip into. I was expecting the other roundtable members to have they eye-bulging reaction, ala “keep plucking that chicken” – but no! There’s nothing wrong with that statement.
Jesus, Brit.
One of the dildos that associate with Andrew Breitbart thought that anyone who criticized droopy dog on this is being “intolerant” of Brit’s Xtianity…ummm…ok…
Brit Hume will recover as a political commentator. Whether he can recover as a person I think is a very open question, and it’s a tragic situation for him. I think he’s lost his credibility, it’s not clear to me if he’ll be able to have a relationship with his female viewers, but the Brit Hume that emerges once the news value dies out of his blather — the extent to which he can recover — seems to me to depend on his system of measurements. He’s said to use the English System; I don’t think that system offers the ease of conversions and convenience of the metric system. So my message to Brit would be, ‘Brit, turn to the metric system and you can make a take advantage of smaller units of linear measure to make your personal measurements sound more impressive to the ladies.’”
Wow, when Bill ‘human dildo’ Kristol is actually the voice of reason–dayummmm…..
Four possible interpretations of this, either:
-Hume just thinks Woods would be a lot happier with himself if he became a Christian because they get the best deals on having a clean conscience;
-Hume thinks Woods should convert to a religion he doesn’t believe so the public will love him again;
-Hume is literally afraid of Tiger Woods not being forgiven by God and doesn’t want to see him actually go to Hell;
-Hume is using religion to pander to Fox’s pre-dominantly Evangelical Christian demographic, and plans on riding the inevitable backlash like some kind of popularity-boosting wave.
Committed adultery? Still Buddhist? Well come on down to Chucho’s house of Christianity where we offer forgiveness and redemption at low, low prices! How much would you offer for complete forgiveness? Well don’t answer yet, because for a limited time only, our saviour will be absolving all your sins through His death by crucifixion! Wow, we must be crazy to offer you a deal this extreme…
You gotta like Hume’s explanation of Buddhism: no redemption, so they’re all going to hell. Britt says it, I believe it, that settles it.
“El Salvadoro-Mexican quesadilla worship…”–brilliant, Jim.
[re=488369]snideinplainsight[/re]: Brilliant!
No mock Brit. T’is a gift to be simple.
All Brit’s saying is that if Tiger had loved Jesus, he’d have been able to fuck waaaaay more women — also done meth and had sex with men, lied about it and then start his own church after claiming he was cured. So Christianity wins hands-down.
Brit: Instant Karma’s gonna get you.
Yeah, Tiger. Become a Christian and cheat on your wife in a Christian way. That was one of the most insane remarks I have everr seen by a talking head.
Brit Hume is a dick.
all Tiger has to do is become a Christer, and then join the C Street House in WashingtonDC, and become pals with Ensign, Sanford, Gingrich, and whatever sexy religious nuts that get easy automatic redemption by slapping each other on the back, or is the thigh? don’t know all their cleansing rituals…
Britt offered the same solace to his son Sandy when he learned he was gay for Bill Paxon.
Methinks Brit is projecting his own marital sins and subsequent christ-o-flecting onto
Mr. Woods.
Brit Hume has a growth on one side of his face that goes from his eye socket all the way to his jawline while the other side looks “normal”. Tumor? Bad make-up? Satan trying to burst out?
[re=488405]proudgrampa[/re]: He also would then be part of the proud religion of crusades, slaughter of Jews and Muslims, raping of children and then moving the priests so they can rape in a new parish, and lots of other good, moral traditions! Fuck these pansy Buddhists and their “peace” and “harmony with nature”.
Well, there goes Brit’s chances of reaching Bodhisattva.
Still, is it Brit’s fault that Christianity encourages sleeping around with skanks and whores?
The altar boys must be the most forgiving of all.
Anyway, if the Buddha was real, why didn’t he speak English like Jesus did?
[re=488369]snideinplainsight[/re]: Bill Kristol will recover as a blithering idiot. Whether he will recover as a person I think is open to question. I understand that his faith is Judaism, which doesn’t offer the same possibility of redemption as Christianity. I hope that he will stop being a dirty, dirty Jew and become a Christian.
Brit’s making sense here; see, as a Christian, Woods could’ve cheated as much has he wanted, and been instantly forgiven by being right with Jesus, instead of having to try and make things right with the wife.
Did Brit really forget that, while a fellow right-wing nutcase in most respects, Kristol is not a Christian and might get a wee bit offended?
This is almost as bad as when Brit starting chanting in tongues after Michael Vick went to jail.
I can’t decide which one is more disgusting, Hume for his uncalled for altar call or Kristol for being such a self-hating Jew that he ingratiates himself to these Christianity-uber-alles assholes.
Keep fucking that tiger, Brit.
[re=488351]hockeymom[/re]: Bwhahahahahahahahahah — are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Can Brit and Nomentum haz a TeeVee show together?
ktnxbai
This reminds me of my endless nonsensical conversation with my southern Baptist dorm-mate. “If you’re Saved, then you’re going to go to Heaven.” “Well but if you’re Saved, and then you go out and axe-murder someone, how could you get into Heaven?” “Well if you were really Saved, then you wouldn’t axe-murder anyone.” “But people have been known to declare themselves Saved, and then later do bad things.” “Well those people really weren’t Saved then.” “Then what’s the point of declaring yourself to be Saved?” “God will know if you’re really Saved.” “Well God is the one who admits people into Heaven anyway, so why does he need you to declare yourself Saved then?” “Well but he doesn’t want you if you don’t want to be Saved.” “But if He knows all things, doesn’t he already know if you’re Saved?” Etc. Loop to start and continue.
The whole “being saved” thing seemed like one step too many. It made so little sense, it made my head explode.
Once again, it’s time for the Yipperoo 3D rendering of the tenets of Xtianity (for Tiger’s benefit):
http://www.yipperoo.com/
You mean Tiger has been winning all those tournaments without Jesus-as-his-lord-and-savior?
How can that be?
Chop wood. Carry water.
That ol’ Buddha must not be so “meh” about whoring Cabalesians.
Guess Faux News Jesus-ism explains the existence of fat, hairy troll Newt Gingrich, a delightful role model to all.
I’m sure Brit’s son Sandy can tell us in great detail what a great influence Brit has had on him. Oh yeah, I forgot…
[re=488520]sezme[/re]: Jews put a trapdoor labeled “Leviticus-based dietary edict violation” dropping straight to Sheol, natch.
Catholics have an off ramp to Purgatory. and a rotary/roundabout for unbaptized babies to Limbo.
[re=488881]schvitzatura[/re]: Wasn’t Sheol that big ass spider in LOTR?
The Noble Eightfold Path vs. Snakehandling/Strychnine slurpin’ Primitive Pentecostalism Cage Match!
Acintya bheda bheda tattva!
[re=488524]germansteel[/re]: The Buddha digs Golf. Just ask the Dali Lama or Carl Spackler.
A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
Jesus, not in to Golf as much, but boy, does he dig the skanky hos. Cf: Mary Magdalene.
Hey, Brit Hume, or whatever your name is:
You should consider becoming a Satanist, because Satanists offer great forgiveness!
It would be great, also, if you became a Satanist, and starting talking excitedly about being a Satanist on television, every day!
Please consider these actions–they’ll boost your exposure, and your ratings!
In fact, every cable television anchor and reporter should become a Satanist.
What? They already are?! Oh, never mind.
Wow, just stumbled across this site. Wasn’t sure what is was so I looked up shallow in the dictionary and there it was WONKETTE. now I know.
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