Blue Moon, You Saw Me Standing Alone
Sensing that a theoretically possible Victory in 2012 is only three years and fifteen outrageous terror attacks and a viable GOP candidate away, Republicans are complaining that Obama didn't freak out enough on Christmas Day about the Tighty-Whitey Terrorist. [ Washington Post ]
Bombers in Afghanistan killed eight CIA agents, four Canadian soldiers and a Calgary newspaper reporter in two separate attacks. [ BBC News ]
American stock markets are way up, but they're still way down as compared to a decade ago, and way the motherfuck down since August of last year, so this is obviously just like the 1930s, which means the Nazis will lead America to New Boom-Time Prosperity in our new decade, the 1940s. [ New York Times ]
Beloved entertainer Rush Limbaugh is "resting comfortably" in a vat of poison eels today after being dumped from Hawaii's Sea Platform, according to Rush Limbaugh's robot lackey. [ CNN ]
The moon is full tonight, for the second time this month, which is a very rare occurrence of the "Blue Moon Phenomenon" (two full moons in one calendar month), which is a fucking valuable thing. [ Los Angeles Times ]