Everybody will always remember exactly where they were and what they were doing when CNN put a Star Wars hologram on the teevee.
Runner-up: The day Three Men and a Baby had some beers somewhere, for controversy.
Everything became super-ironic, like all these white racists using “racist” to describe black people who had somehow stopped being slaves. WHO ALLOWED THIS? (It’s not in the Constitution! Not the *real* one, anyways. Fucking Lincoln.)
Intern Riley got to fuck Wonder Woman at the Teabagger Rally! But Wonder Woman was really a man, and this did not technically “happen on teevee.” 
Oh hey Wolf Blitzer got himself a Twitter.
Larry King got a Twitter, too ….
Larry King also interviewed many important world leaders. And he “made bagels,” too.
This dog, in America’s South, was taught to hate a *specific* black person. That’s different!
Ha, we wish!
Did you know Barack Obama *bought* his wife, at the slave market?
Let Fox News proclaim who is brave or whatever. At CNN, objectivity rules the day. (Probably only this day, at this one moment.)
CNN’s Ed Henry won his Imaginary Pulitzer/Peabody the hard way: By consistently broadcasting (and Twatting) the most banal, idiotic bullshit.
Who can forget the day George W. Bush Junior resigned?
When Alex Pareene replaced Wolf Blitzer and moved The Situation Room to some Internet cafe that served alcohol, we were truly “A Nation Challenged.”
Basically the Wonkette comedy website was on the CNN cable news every day.
When your Wonkette wasn’t actually quoted on CNN, the CNN people were doing important stories like this dramatic coverage of the Iowa Caucus Riots of 2008.
The news never stops on CNN ….
Never, ever stops …
And once cable news discovered “the web video,” we could watch all the Hottest News right from our computer, such as, perhaps, 24 hours of 9/11 replay video every year forever.
CNN caught Dennis Hastert emerging from his graveyard lair.
Oh yeah and there was that time CNN dingbat Kyra Phillips jabbered from the bathroom on a live mic while Bush jabbered his own inane nonsense. Never Forget.
Luckily, there was never a Terrorist Attack On America or anything of the sort, during the eight years when Bush was in the White House. Otherwise, well who knows?
Fox News asked important economic questions such as, “Is it better to fuck over the nation’s remaining workers?” (Yes, obvs.)
In perhaps no other way did Fox News make its “fair & balanced reality” mark as in the realm of Math. Why stop at 100%? Because you’re a fag? Well how about you STOP being a fag and START making as many percent as you want.
A good, conservative number for how much percent total there should be of something is 193. 193%.
Wouldn’t have been the 2000s without The Politico, right? Because the 2000s fucking sucked.
Whatever, just type “MUSLIN-LAND” and be done with it.
Think about it: Would a Republican politician have an affair with a lady?
But then how could this famous Democrat, boy-fucker Mark Foley, be a Democrat?
Sorry for the repeat from our Decade In Funny Pictures post, but this one cannot be left out of the Top News Stories of Our Time feature.
OH MY GOD WHY IS THAT LITTLE GIRL EATING JERI THOMPSON’S DIAPHRAGM?
Oh, and there was this.
This post was co-written/researched by Jim Newell, who somehow did not publish his version at the same moment your other editor was posting the same fucking thing.
{ 100 comments }
“What is a caucus anyway?”
If only Hilsbot’s dipshit lardass “stragery guy” Mark Penn had the answer to that question before the 2008 Demrat primary.
WHORE DIAMONDS!!!11!
Let’s set the mood, shall we?
What about the guy who threw his shoes at Bush? Did you exclude him because he missed … twice?
Thanks to the internets,
2009 will never go away.
Today’s republicans are just so gay!
Dana Perino proves that you can brainwash yourself!
What I want is a machine that turns people into holograms . . .
and then we shut the machine off.
I’ll wait for Newell’s version. I think it will have more f-bombs.
It’s nice to see Obama get a little mad at these dingbats and wingnuts attacking him all day.
It took a whole year of trying to work with liars and frauds to figure it out.
Give them everything they wanted, and they still want more, and they still won’t vote with you.
Yeah, “cum-baya” so I can KICK you!
The day the hologram showed up on the CNN was not the day that network jumped the shark–it jumped completely into geosynchronous orbit, but parked over California, no where near the Fox Satellite of Assklownery, parked permanently south of the Manson-Nixon line.
I don’t remember that last one… Is that the mother of the turtle eating boy?
There probably wasn’t a good evocative screen shot of it, but Howard Kurtz’s seven-part interview with Mariel Hemingway about her twats was my personal media highlight, possibly forever, let alone this decade.
So when they freed the horse from the ditch, did it go back to its terrorist buddies to threaten America again?
I remember exactly where I was when the hologram appeared! I was commenting right here about the stupid pointless hologram. But I was simultaneously on the magic wall AND shooting a wolf from my chopper.
I just think I came in my pants looking at Intern Riley and Tranny Wonder Woman.
How do I find Wolf Blitzer’s Twitter? Is it above or below his clitoris?
[re=487135]S.Luggo[/re]: Twitoris!
W00t CNN-how else would we find out this earth shattering information:
“More than nine in 10 blacks questioned in the poll approve of the job Obama’s doing in the White House, far higher than 42 percent of whites who approve of his performance as president.
But when asked how they personally feel about Obama’s presidency, only 42 percent of black respondents say they’re thrilled, with nearly half of those questioned saying they are happy but not thrilled. ”
http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/12/29/race.relations.poll/index.html
[re=487121]V572625694[/re]: I jaz a sad. I’d love to know more about Mariel Hemingway’s twat and I missed it.
Perino deserves a good spanking for her naughty naughty lies
Plus, I thought they were airlifting Candy Crowley out of the ditch..shows how much I pay attention to the Continuing Not News network
BREAKING NEWS!!!
RUSH LIMBAUGH rushed to hospital, suffering Viagra-overdose heart attack and toxic over-ingestion of teenage-boy semen!!
[re=487136]Extemporanus[/re]: Ick. In 2010 starting life over without BlueTooth.
If fatbastard Rush takes a dirt nap, I guess it really WILL be a Happy New Year for you Yanks!
Congrats on that, I hope…
I loved the Jessica Yell-O-Gram. I thought it was fun, cute, rather surprising and some gosh-darn, gee-whiz, swell technology. That and I totally want to bone Jessica Yellin.
The ONLY thing that could have made it better would be if she sort of bent over and stuck her debit card or something into a tallish trash receptacle or something, saying “Help me Wolfie-Wan-Kenobi, you’re our only Hope.”
Rush fatnazibastard Limbaugh
12 January, 1951 – 31 December 2009????
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……
Report: Radio host Rush Limbaugh taken to Hawaii hospital during island vacation
Associated Press
Last update: December 30, 2009 – 9:19 PM
HONOLULU – A Honolulu television station is reporting that conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has been taken to a hospital with chest pains.
KITV reported Wednesday that paramedics responded to a call at 2:41 p.m. from the Kahala Hotel and Resort where Limbaugh is vacationing.
The station, citing unnamed sources, said paramedics treated Limbaugh and took him to The Queen’s Medical Center in serious condition.
[re=487153]Bearbloke[/re]: Glenn Beck was discovered humping Rush’s sternum.
Prayers go out.
My favorite moment was when Trig went up in that balloon.
[re=487156]Bearbloke[/re]: Seriously, I will make special trip to Hawaii, Missouri, South Carolina (or wherever) just to dance a jig on his grave, whilst urinating.
I’m not sure I’d even do that for Mr. Cheney.
At first it seemed as if the Almighty had given Rush “the call” to join the angels in their work of giving perpetual praise to their creator. But within a day or two the Almighty called into Rush’s show to apologize.
[re=487160]S.Luggo[/re]: A prayer is going out, indeed -> Psalm 109:7-17…
http://www.tmz.com/2009/12/30/report-rush-limbaugh-hospitalized-in-hawaii/
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB126222894160411421.html
[re=487161]rocktonsammy[/re]:
Cancel that.
I’m putting my favorite moment on hold for now.
The smote-ing of fatnazibastard Limbaugh is what happens to those who stand against Voodoo President Obama – especially on Obama’s own sacred soil… bwahhahahahaha…
[re=487160]S.Luggo[/re]: A prayer is going out, indeed -> Psalm 109:7-17…
I feel sorta bad for Jim who put all this time into copy/pasting photos of screen caps and whatnot, and then suddenly Thrush Limpballs is splooging all over his nice fat compendium of interesting items.
[re=487158]Bearbloke[/re]: Could be a delayed reaction to the news that his broadcasting company, Citadel Broadcasting Corp, filed bankruptcy on Sunday. I mean, come on–who knew paying a fat fuck $40 mil a year could possibly lead to bankruptcy?
[re=487159]chascates[/re]: That doesn’t make any sense. Why would a Real ‘Murikan like Rush take a vacation in such a foreign, exotic place as Hawaii? Shouldn’t that heart attack have happened in Branson or somewhere in Alaska while moose hunting?
Either way, is it wrong to wish that some sort of drug/sexcapade be involved?
Teh Twitterz are a twitterin’
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&sa=X&tbo=1&output=search&q=rush%20limbaugh%20rushed%20to%20hospital&tbs=rltm:1
Examples:
Checked off some 2010 resolutions early tonight: 1. Renew subscription to Cat Fancy. 2. Have Rush Limbaugh rushed to hospital.
RT @Laura__Martin: Lmao RT @CDReed: Limbaugh rushed to same hospital Obama was born…which to t-baggers means Rush has been rushed to Kenya
RT @cnnbrk Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a Honolulu hospital with chest pains <–thats why they tell you to chew, THEN swallow ur food…
Please let Rush get a black lesbian doctor.
[re=487158]Bearbloke[/re]: [re=487159]chascates[/re]: Hawaii? Rush was in Hawaii? Isn’t that a rather foreign place, if you know what I mean, according to most Americans? I’m sure he has a perfectly good explanation (assuming he survives) for it, that will not involve hospital administrators or oxycontin suppliers.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OOOOOOOH…… I hope he fails.
[re=487176]Hooray For Anything[/re]: [re=487179]southern mark smith[/re]:
Since Obama & Nancy Pelosi are there he was probably just keeping tabs on them. And eating whole pigs, vats of poi, tubs of cheese fries, and smoking lots of Cubans.
[re=487181]El Pinche[/re]: I hope his kidneys fail.
[re=487182]chascates[/re]: Does that explain it, though? Isn’t he more or less immune to that stuff by now?
[re=487181]El Pinche[/re]: You mean you hope his doctors fail, right?
Is Rahm laffing his arse off yet?
Damn you interesting Americans – taking me away from my NYE party prep…
[re=487182]chascates[/re]: Don’t forget the barrel of spicy poisoned rat dicks he got from his friends at Wonkett!
Re alt-text of first pic: I love it when you talk Nerd to us, Papa Bear!
From sometime this past year:
(Palm Beach : Florida)Ucs News- Encouraged by the news of Senator Edward Kennedy’s emergency hospital visit, Limbaugh the popular right wing bloviater gleefully established a death watch for the aging Massachusetts Democrat. Limbaugh’s radio program, Blog and Web site traffic surged as Rush called for Kennedy to “Give the up the progressive fight and just die already..”
[re=487185]Bearbloke[/re]: Can you please explain this ‘Lord Monckton’?
Death Mask?
http://img.wonkette.com/images/thumbs/ea4a0d9309ca5e8e7d80b4b70ff4e908.jpg
On the plus side, at Queen’s Medical Center, use of a Vasolined anal probe is often an excitatious life-saver for those with a 9-inch, lit Monte Cristo Supremo which has been self-administered to the lower colonic cavity.
Prayers go out.
Wouldn’t it be wierd if he was rushed to the same hospital where Barry was born? Like a scene from a Tarantino flick, a beautiful African American female doctor shows up in last dying breath and shows Rush the real birth certificate. His last words: “Oh my…G…It’s true.” The doctor looks down onto Rush with sympathetic and even tearful eyes.
Then doctor proceeds and carves a backwards B on his forehead. Blood and lard come pouring out of the lacerations like thick syrup and pool on his pillow next to his ear. She then exits the room to the tune of Little Bitty Tear by Burl Ives.
That would be something.
What do you think? Oxycontin overdose, one double bacon cheeseburger with ranch dressing too much, or auto-erotic asphyxiation?
[re=487172]Mr Blifil[/re]: To be great is to be ignored.
I kmow.
[re=487191]El Pinche[/re]: Someone on Twitter stated that was the case. Someone else stated they heard via ABC radio he was in stable condition.
Let me just say, I signed up for Team Sarah just to see what those twats are up to, and they’re pretty funny. They just sent out an e-mail alert E-Mail Alert Pray For Rush Limbaugh
I come to you this evening with serious news about a great American who needs our prayers.
Rush Limbaigh, champion of values such as life, liberty, and the free market, was rushed to the hospital in Hawaii this evening and, according to reports, may be in “serious” condition.
Appranetly, pramedics were called when Rush complained of chest pains and he has been taken to an area hospital.
Members of Team Sarah in the Rush Limbaugh Fans for Sarah Group are following this and you can visit their group to learn more or to offer your own thoughts.
May God be with Ruish Limbaugh and his friends and family, and at this critical hour when voices such as his are refreshing and badly needed, may God be with his fans and the nation.
Followed by a link to a Sarah 4Rush group. I swear this is real. I’m not good enough of a satirist to have composed this. And I can spell.
Obviously anal poisoning, a disease invented by Rush for Rush.
[re=487189]chascates[/re]: He’s a bloody Pom prat – not one of our, but what we want to get away from! http://www.republic.org.uk/Who%20we%20are/Common%20Cause/index.php
[re=487191]El Pinche[/re]: Little Bitty Tear by Burl Ives
Either that, or this.
Holy shit — Rush Limbaugh taken to a Honolulu hospital with chest pains. Rush might yet make Wonkette’s 2009 media revue.
[re=487195]Katydid[/re]: Considering 2009 is known as the year in which a whole shitload of celebrities died, there’s people on another blog I read praying for 2009 to come through one more time
[re=487191]El Pinche[/re]: That. Was. Beautiful.
Now we know the reason behind this pic . OMFG!! The WH has a way of seeing the future.
[re=487199]southern mark smith[/re]: Or that , precisely. It would be the beginning of the end of the repuggies.
[re=487194]chascates[/re]: Yep, I see.. just read your twitter summary. Eh , I’ll settle for a drooling vegetable Rush. Maybe his listeners would be happy listening to his slurps and moans all fucking day. I bet they would.
So CNN had a graphic about Hopey being the antichrist and it maybe up for debate? Now I remember why they’re in last place. These were all great examples of what a joke the 4th estate has become. On the plus side, more material for Stewart and Colbert. My guess on Rushbo is an amphetamine OD, he didnt lose that weight on will power.
[re=487200]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I also apparently don’t know how to refresh a web page to find out if this boat has already set sail. The Video Professor has failed me again.
Are you planning to compile all of these decade-end posts into tasteful, leather-bound* books and then sell them for, oh, $19.95 or something, on the Internet and also the television box? If so, then I would like to order one with my initials on the cover, embossed in gold.
* To be contrasted with Republican Congressmen, who are often untastefully leather-bound.
I’d still do Dana Perino even if she’s the Rove Family Spokesperson; nobody’s perfect.
[re=487203]Jim89048[/re]: Thx. I’m auditioning for the Redstate Liberals-hate-Rush-to-death post. I know it’s a bit high brow for that crowd.
[re=487170]Bearbloke[/re]: “When his case comes up for judgment, let him be pronounced guilty. Count his prayers as sins.” Let Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, Alito forgive him, for he knows what he does.
Parallel NT verse: “Beckon the little flies to come unto me.”
[re=487204]El Pinche[/re]: Next, the WH staff draw lots for the chance to skull-fuck Rush’s corpse, after the President, and Rahm, of course. Meanwhile, Senator Franken has just been offered an advance on his next tome, Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Dead Idiot…
They need to immeadiately start chest compressions with an anvil.
[re=487195]Katydid[/re]: I may know how to spell, but obvs. I’m too idiotic to close a tag.
I wish for Rush the same he wished for Ted Kennedy and so many others.
[re=487213]EdFlinstone[/re]: Anvils cost money.
[re=487189]chascates[/re]:
On October 19, Rush Limbaugh described Monckton as “a voice of sanity”…
Does that tell you all you need to know, Mate?
For just a moment I almost felt a twinge of sympathy for some of the commenters at TheFoxNation while I was looking through their well-wishes — and then I came across this:
Rush all our prayers are with you.
I beleive in expressing what I feel, and now I really wish you can trade places with Barry.
Fight hard Rush, We will lose a lot if you don’t
Wednesday, December 30, 2009 at 10:53 PM
Because really — why just wish for Rush’s recovery when you can wish for the president to have serious medical problems at the same time? But what else would one expect from the folks who would play chicken with the economy, national security and the healthcare of 42 million Americans?
BREAKING: Rush may be about to bite it.
http://rawstory.com/2009/12/limbaugh-hospital-chest-pains/
OMG, I completely forgot the IRAN 8ED IRAQ graphic. Thanks for bringing that back.
I think.
[re=487209]El Pinche[/re]: But will Michael Steele willingly join Daddy Rush in the coffin, or will he have to be pushed?
Damn, I’m an atheist, so I can’t pray for it . . .
[re=487217]Bearbloke[/re]: I see. Lord Monckton = Lord Haw Haw
Now, who is Glenn Beck going to call “daddy”?
[re=487189]chascates[/re]: Lord Monckton is a British kind of journalist that has no science background at all that is convinced that climate change is a fraud. He also rails against the secular state of England and is in general a crackpot and an ass.
For some odd reason, nutters give Monckton some sort of credit for being smarter than pretty much ever climate scientist in the world yet not being able to demonstrate why he is supposedly correct.
Don’t you just wish all the right wing nut jobs, tea bag wacko’s, their evil strategists and dim bulb “spox” were just sitting there watching us type our niceties of concern for this unloveable whalebone?
If Rush is really in the same hospital that Obama was born in, then look for the ultimate Glenn Beck/redstate nutjob paranoid conspiracy theories ever to start tomorrow.
Flush the Rush Mush
This hateful man deserves no quarter from progressives, even at the moment of his demise.
No I don’t care if I am jumping the gun! Hell is about to get a new radio show!
Rush made himself the icon and spokesman and “conscience” (HA!) of the party of hate and greed and destruction.
There will be more love in the world the moment this man is gone.
Think of all the young men and women coming home from our stupid wars damaged or dead, thanks to this “man” and his type.
The future is against you, Rush, and your politics of the paranoid.
Your “party” has enemies you do not even know yet.
[re=487227]Up To Here Again[/re]: Allen Stanford.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmUlKPthrag
Rush’s illness and his subsequent recovery to lead the Limbaugh/Palin ticket to victory in 2012 and re-election in 2016 will be the news story that shaped the next decade. Just imagine eight years of Glen Beck as press secretary and Michele Bachmann as secretary of state.
[re=487233]glamourdammerung[/re]: “For some odd reason, nutters give Monckton some sort of credit for being smarter”
It’s the evil British accent of course.
So what’s that last one?
Also, apparently Rick Warren’s church is possibly going into debt. Who knew advocating murdering off teh gays was so expensive?
Amazing. I’d completely forgot about the existence of Dennis Hassert.
NEVER FORGET.
[re=487191]El Pinche[/re]: Pulp tension. Got to work a couplet and signature phrase in there for release. Pace: God…[doorstop]is COLLECTING[doorstop]…teh…TALENT.
[re=487429]Sleeves[/re]: (Seriously, I wish no man ill. But a life lived through fiction…BCE ends with the rapture of teh talents into the new Comic Era.)
OMG! Buried in all this trash is the fact that our Prince Barry is really King Tut. That is the most important news of the decade.
Stolen from the indians, Atlanta GA became home of the the KKK, race riots, and CNN; a pretentious news type thing.
2000!? to 2009
Since when did all you computer illiterate math phobes start counting like geeks… you know, starting with Zero??
Some decade got screwed back there with only nine years, since it used to go 1 to 10 pretty consistently.
[re=487220]stew[/re]: Nah, evil like this never dies. It’s probably just his esophagus aching from consuming a third human lifetime’s worth of calories. Besides, I’m sure he’s stashed some horcruxes in his gold plated microphone, his limo, and in his Dominican Republic boy toy’s underwear.
[re=487429]Sleeves[/re]:
Yes! In 2010, together lets write pulp politico short stories with blingee based illustrations.
[re=487752]El Pinche[/re]:
Now that should rate for a happy new year…
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