Remember those sexy body-scanners that were going to rape you with their robot eyes and steal your civil liberties? Well, the scanners have come to the Netherlands, so now pervy Dutch security officials will have ample opportunity to look at your junk before allowing you onto an airplane headed to the US.
Now that one (1) failed Nigerian terrorist was proven to have breached lax Dutch security, terrorists will flock to this land of pornography and tulips in the hopes of “hitting the big time.” Ergo, all US-bound passengers flying out of Dutch airports will be scanned, so that security officials can see who’s smuggling a bomb in their colostomy bag. Forewarned is forearmed!
Dutch to use body scanners for US flights, call Christmas Day terror plan “professional” [AP]
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For a people who purport to despise modernity, those islamofacsists have made us invent some pretty cool technological shit.
I feel bad for the first person who has their dingleberries confused for C-4.
And what is with the use of “an” with words like “hilarious” and “historic?” It isn’t a silent fucking H, it’s just soft. Like that guy’s dick in the scanner picture.
It’s “a hilarious optical illusion,” sellers of crappy junk in the back of comic books!
The hypen should be before “body”, not after.
MAD Magazine was right!!1!
Btw, why is that dude who was scanned for the x-ray machine wearing a thong??
Chuck Berry just applied for an airport security job.
Let the keestering begin.
while they’re scanning us, why not have a doctor on duty who can point out irregularities seen on the screen, relating to our private genitalia parts? get two for the price of one, i.e. freedom scanning to fight islamio-terrorlads plus free medical scan & advice with prescriptions, diagnosis and suggestions for treatment when we land home again.
Next step; TSA-issued Tyvek jumpsuits. These will be donned after herding us into showers under the watchful eye of FEMA staff… Wait a minute… Glenn Beck was RIGHT!!!
I predict a flood of Dutch perverts applying for airline security, and many attractive Dutch women finding other countries to fly out from.
And yep, an easily-foiled terror plan that wouldn’t have caused damage beyond a few seats certainly is “professional”.
The Albuquerque Sunport has one of these mm-wave scanners. It’s about as intrusive as a blood pressure measurement.
And as a previous commenter has noted, in the context of removing our pants at the airport, given the appearance of the average airline traveler, seeing their “junk” is about as arousing as seeing slush in a parking lot.
And the ACLU doesn’t seem to know what a “Hobson’s Choice” is.
[re=486688]inedalo[/re]: Health care reform we can believe in…
A word to the wise: all you wiseacres, with the bally-hoos you’re kicking up, are flirting with spending the rest of your lives on the Additional Security Inspection Required list, if not the no-fly list itself.
But how will the hash get smuggled out? Has anyone thought of those poor Afgan farmers whose only hope of a livelyhood is selling Afgan Kush to the smugglers based in Holland?
Like Rahm says, every crisis in an oppotunity. Wonder if I could win one of those “race to the top” grants by designing “B3- Biodegradable Benoit Balls”? Who wants to get in at the ground floor.
“… one (1) failed Nigerian terrorist…”
That should be “one (1) failed terrorist of Nigerian descent” you racists.
New internet $$$ opportunity: Sexxxy Dutch Body Scanner Cams
[re=486695]depraved indifference engine[/re]: Yeah, I think the ACLU knows what a Hobson’s Choice is. Here, though, as always since the 9/11 freak-out, security measures are going nuts, increasingly intrusive and just a plain pain in the ass, all over an alleged threat that is so unlikely that it might as well not exist.
You might want to force everyone to submit to this shit rather than piss your pants over an imaginary bogeyman, but a lot of us have a sense of proportion and actually respect other people’s rights.
[re=486701]Bruno[/re]: I was just thinking that. Now, when you visit Amsterdam, you are not going to be able to bring home any “souvenirs.” Thanks a lot, terrorists.
a lot of us have a sense of proportion and actually respect other people’s rights.
And you call yourself an American? Bah!
Oh they don’t wear pants on the other side of France!
(I wish I knew the rest of the lyrics to that one – or in fact which side of France that is referring to.)
[re=486682]magic titty[/re]: He’s European; they wear Speedos on beaches, so tasteful fashion is not a strong point.
[re=486688]inedalo[/re]: Excellent idea. “Sir, although we found no proscribed materials on your body, we found the beginnings of a nasty case colitis in your lower bowel. You should get that checked out before the cancer metastisizes and you die a nasty horrible death. Have a nice day.”
[re=486695]depraved indifference engine[/re]: Lot more people in the US are killed in vehicle accidents than by muslin terrorisms. Are you as terrified of the former as you appear to be of the latter?
OT, but has anyone mentioned/noticed that Michelle Malkin’s photo was taken by Jonah’s crotch?
[re=486711]Cape Clod[/re]: Are there any listed coffee shop shares? SHORT SIGNAL FOR GOLDMAN SACHS!
[re=486727]x111e7thst[/re]: Hell, forget vehicle accidents; according to SKS’ old boyfriend Nate we’re 20 times more likely to be hit be lighting than to be on a plane attacked by terrorists (successful or wannabes).
[re=486732]JMP[/re]: D’oh, forgot the link; http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2009/12/odds-of-airborne-terror.html
I’m not one to play the “Blame Game,” or even the “Take Responsibility for your Actions Game,” but wouldn’t it be interesting to see which congressional committee is responsible for the monumental fuckup with the trouser bomber? Let’s see, it’s the Department of Homeland Security Committee in the Senate. Who’s the chairman of that august body? I’ll look it up…just a sec…Oh my! It seems to be Joseph Lieberman (I, CT). Has he stepped forward and acknowledged his role?
No? That’s odd…
[re=486682]magic titty[/re]: It’s either an oddly shaped uncircumscribed penis or an ungodly European style of underwear or both. Either way, I’m going to have a nightmare about it, I know.
[re=486727]x111e7thst[/re]: I don’t drive on major holidays (because I am too drunk and frightened of all the other drunkards who don’t have as much sense). I will, however, fly on those days, especially since Southwest Airlines started offering free drinks on Halloween, Thanksgiving, Xmas, etc. And the airports tend to be empty.
So, to answer your question, is that a “yes” or a “no”?
[re=486732]JMP[/re]: War on Zeus?
[re=486727]x111e7thst[/re]: Stop being logical.
That’s not an armadillo in his pants!
“However, he added, body imaging technology has its limits — the machines cannot, for example, detect objects stowed in bodily orifices or concealed within the folds of an obese person’s flesh.”
New and exciting games to play in teh airports!
[re=486737]V572625694[/re]: Senator Sad Sack was so busy killing health care, he just lot Mr. Crotchfire onto the plane with nary an objection.
Sounds like a good time to strip him of his chairmanships.
I’ve always thought that all passengers should just be forced to get the sleepy gas like at the dentist’s (I love that stuff!). Everyone would just have a nice, relaxing flight, no screaming kids, etc. Or maybe just pipe in some pot fumes?
[re=486730]nbawriter[/re]: Now that we know all about J-Go and K-Lo, do you think he would betray his equally stupid and corpulent mate?
[re=486707]JMP[/re]: What, because I’m unconcerned about an imaging technology that’s been in place for at least a couple years, therefore I must be terrified of muslin bogeymen? Non sequitur. Forget Hobson’s Choice, that’s some false dichotomy right there.
[re=486688]inedalo[/re]: Also (judging by the image of the guy’s junk) everyone could later be sold a picture of him/her self looking like the Shroud of Turin.
Really, it’s only a matter of time before everybody has to lay flat on a conveyor belt and go through a CAT scanner.
This will come as a relief to the two-wetsuit/huge buttplug crowd.
[re=486756]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: If you don’t win the Nobel prize for that idea then consider yourself robbed.
[re=486693]JMP[/re]: That’s all it takes though. The only fuckers this dude has to scare would be the Teabaggers. Once those yellow-bellied thumbsuckers are shitting themselves, the entire elected body of Repubs jumps on board and before you know it the Ag Bill is being ‘filibustered’ because talking about farm subsidies when we have brown people to pre-emptively bomb is going to lead to Nazi Socialism.
[re=486758]depraved indifference engine[/re]: This tech is objectionable because it wastes large amounts of money on a statistically insignificant threat. It’s stupid.
[re=486756]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: I’m thinking more in line of pulling all the seats out of the plane and covering the bulkheads with industrial strength velcro. Then we just put all the passengers in their velcro covered “flyin’ Jammies” (full body straight jackets and Hannibal Lector masks) and stick them to the aircraft walls. You wont need stewardesses, just a messikan to hose the walls off after the plane lands, and without all that dead weight (seats, food, the bathroom) Airline profits will skyrocket! Our investor class will make a killing therefor it’s the American way and we need to do this right now…for the troops.
[re=486764]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: Terrorists need to eat more at MacDos.
And if those pics are to be believed, airport security will soon be scratching their eyes out.
[re=486764]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: This is exactly why we have to keep the third world hungry — so they can’t conceal bombs within their ample folds. Fatness isn’t a right — it’s a privilege given only to patriotic Christian Americans.
Count me in with the depraved indifference engine. I’d rather be left alone but if I have to be hassled, I’d rather have a mm-wave scanner do it rather than getting patted down by a stranger. (My eyeglasses set off the metal detector last flight.) Generally, if we have to put up with intrusive stuff, I’d prefer that which involves the least inconvenience on my part, and which might actually work.
As for strangers seeing some outline of my privates on a screen, meh, worse happens in the gym locker room (including the middle aged cleaning ladies who cycle through unannounced).
[re=486758]depraved indifference engine[/re]: It’s an intrusive, privacy-invading threat that shouldn’t be used. That goes along with other stupid shit you have to go through at airport security (removing shoes, no liquids, nail clippers or lighters) that’s more inconvenience than invasive. And it’s all because of panic over a negligible threat, that, yes,I assume you must be cowering in fear over if you think any of this crap is OK.
Also, ironically, you do not appear to know what Hobson’s choice is.
Poor Marilyn Quale. I finally get to see her junk and it’s called “An Hilarious Optical Illusion.”
[re=486775]dijetlo[/re]: We have to make sure that extra income is available to create jobs (for hose wielding messikanz). Care to bundle a repeal of the cap gains tax? Or should I get out the cast iron pot and hungry rats to find out how much you can tell me about Bin Laden?
[re=486791]JMP[/re]: And heart disease, cancer, and diabetes are real threats to the enjoyment of life, but let’s ignore those, and maybe they will go away. Meanwhile, let’s spend billions of dollars annoying and inconveniencing millions of innocent travelers in the hopes of annoying one terrorist. We are a stupid stupid species.
[re=486756]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: After 9/11, wasn’t there a rumor that U.S. planes were being fitted with some kind of gas that would knock everybody out — everybody not flying the plane, that is?
Anyway, Diprivan works real good. At least it did for my colonoscopy.
[re=486796]Snarkalicious[/re]: If we were going pay them, we wouldn’t be using messikanz.
The cap gains repeal is the only way to save the constitution, everybody knows that. Without flat tax though, we’re still doomed to socialism and of course the death tax makes God cry, and eagles also.
[re=486756]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: We could have the Russian Special Forces administer it. Worked so well w/ that theatre in Moscow. Every flight would arrive w/ half the passengers dead, that’ll scare the hell out of the terrorists, very Kaiser Soze.
[re=486799]Mustang[/re]: But those diseases are god’s will, which we shouldn’t interfere with, and anyway people who get them are at fault because they don’t pray enough or are the poors. But Terrists are the real threat, sent by the dastardly Muslin god (what’s that “Oklahoma City thing you mention? Abortion clinics? Can’t hear you!) to kill patriotic Chrisitian real Merkins.
The toe of a wooden shoe applied swiftly to the crotch would work equally as well.
Don’t Amsterdam me, bro’.
PS: Those x-ray specs don’t work. Waste of a dollar.
[re=486811]dijetlo[/re]: Dear Congress,
Plz send dijetlo one (1) Medal of Honor w/side of (free) buttsecks.
Thx,
Snarkalicious
[re=486757]JMP[/re]: If I were a Dutch screener and saw Jonah and K-Lo heading towards me I would just wave them through, because I would just want to enjoy another meal again before I die.
One more reason never to travel to the US.
[re=486818]red sky[/re]: Ooops, forgot about that. My idea of piping-in pot fumes is still good though. What’s the worse that could happen, everybody gets off the plane really hungry?
[re=486762]WadISay[/re]: You might be on to something here. Last time I was on a roller-coaster, they snapped a picture of my girlfriend of the day and me. Out of deference to her husband I didn’t buy the picture, but still…
[re=486692]Gun-toting Progressive[/re]: I’m thinking of starting up “Naked Airlines” — the safest airline in the sky! Get in on the ground floor for only $1 million, wired to a certain post office box on Grand Cayman Island.
[re=486707]JMP[/re]: Meh. It’s quicker and less invasive than having some schmo pat you down (and I should know, I’ve been that schmo.) So I’m OK with the body scanner.
Plus I’ve got a beautiful bod; don’t mind showing it off.
Isn’t the correct euphemism “Nether Regions”, not “Netherlands”?
[re=486683]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: I had to think bout the Chuck Berry comment for two seconds until a light bulb went off. That was funny!
[re=486819]JMP[/re]: True. And poors deserve suffering as do their children after they are born, of course. And nice white Christians do not. Especially at the hands of evil terrorists. Maybe I’ll have to rethink this. Thank God we are still allowed to say “Merry Christmas” without getting carted off to reprogramming prison.
This is like punishing the whole class when only one kid put tacks on teacher’s seat. Instead of cleaning erasers, we have to pull down our pants. Is this airport security or Catholic school?
[re=486711]Cape Clod[/re]: I don’t think these scanners can spot Herpes Simplex II but I may be wrong about that…
I’d rather be patted down by a young Winona Ryder than microwaved. What? I don’t get to choose?
And couldn’t she be holding a big cold glass of retsina when she does it? No?
[re=486685]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Makes one wonder if one could fit a big enough dildo to blow up a plane up ones ass. Of course, a quick drunken weekend in Istanbul would greatly increase ones capacity, if Lawrence of Arabia is any kind of guide.
Only in Amsterdam.
This new X-Ray thingie assures that I’ll never fly again as I fear those TSA people will all see and laugh at my secret shame.
[re=486874]snideinplainsight[/re]: You may get the M&M waves and the pat down and whatever else and sadly, they can not guarantee Wynona, nor any particular beverage.
[re=486873]snideinplainsight[/re]: “I’d rather be patted down by a young Winona Ryder than microwaved.”
She would probably walk off with your wallet and car keys.
[re=486884]Cape Clod[/re]: Well then, I guess she’d have my address and my number. And my wife’s as well.
This how we shall lose our freedoms:
http://www.spiegel.de/images/image-45051-galleryV9-rkjn.jpg
Heh heh… Heh heh… I can see her bones… Heh heh…
I just don’t think the system’s working.
“Say hello to my 14-inch canister…”
Eh, the people looking at the machines are in a different room, so they don’t actually know who they’re looking at. And the machines don’t make recordings, so there won’t be any footage floating around the webs. Compared to the look I get from the TSA guy who feels my nipple ring when patting me down, this feels a lot less invasive.
[re=486907]Lawtalkinguy[/re]: Again, as snideinplainsight has pointed out, you don’t get to choose. No one cares what your preference is. When the M&M waves spot your nipple ring, the staff will still want to give it a feel — and maybe your neuticle, too. Sorry! Have I revealed too much? They will be as invasive as they want to be and people like you will still be all, Oh well, it’s the price of freedom.
Coupla hits of Keukenhof Gold and y’all won’t give a flip abut how yer bod looks under yer duds, or that the TSA drones are trying to stifle their guffaws.
[re=486778]Antiquated Tory[/re]: ALSO. the maid who comes in when you’re sleeping naked on the bed after sex in a hotel room. HOUSE KEEPING! indeed.
[re=486711]Cape Clod[/re]: It’s llike they’ve always said, the terrorists hate us for our freedoms and our way of life…
This is how Maureen Dowd envisions the new airport security: “We are headed toward the moment when screeners will watch watch-listers sashay through while we have to come to the airport in hospital gowns, flapping open in the back.” EWWW, I’m gonna be sick now.
Ooh! I’ve accidentally stepped into a pile of dogma crap. I smell it now, it smells like tin-foil-hat-ism.
A couple of points:
1) Hobson’s Choice: being presented with a choice between this ONE thing, or nothing at all. vs
False Dichotomy: being presented with only two options, when really there are more than two.
2) Of course the implementation of mmw (millimeter wave, not Medeski, Martin, and Wood — although that would be far cooler) scanners is stupid. And expensive. And “closing the barn doors after…” But as I mentioned, it’s been in place, at least at some airports, for at least 2 years. So it’s probably not in response to A THING THAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK.
3) Well, that would be more than a couple, wouldn’t it.
4) As a card-carrying member of the Atheists, Communists, and Liberals United, I have to say that, while they (we) tend to be on the right side of many issues, they (we) have a tendency to overstate certain cases. It’s a hazard of polemics, but there it is.
You may now return to “d.i.e. is a muslin-hating pariah”, or whatever you were doing.
Great, now I have to wear a 10inch dildo inside my tighty whiteys lest some TSA douchebag I will never know, thinks I am “inadequate”. Ugh.
I just find it ironic that the failed state of Somalia stopped an airline bomber while the cream of western civilization, the Dutch, missed a BIG HUNK OF EXPLOSIVES!
As far as my recent survey in Waikiki shows, half of the U.S. is so fat, their flabby guts drape down over their junk anyway.
[re=486913]AddHomonym[/re]: Those of us who wander around outside naked whenever the weather permits, think you paranoid clothes-wearers are a bunch of silly prudes who can’t get a grip on your own humanity.
That said, I wish we had some balance of attention on the carnage. 300,000 americans a decade dead on the roads vs. 3000 from terrorism. Lame priorities. Lame. Lame. Lame.
[re=487071]Darkness[/re]: Sure but statistically speaking you are a hell of a lot more likely to get blown up in an airliner in an airliner than driving your car…
Yeah, they’ll have these things installed in Chi-town (O’Hare) early next year. I’m hoping it makes things go a little quicker, since I’ve been through that airport over 120 times this year. For the money they cost, it should save us from taking off our shoes.
Oh yeah, fuck Joe Lieberman (take Homeland Security away from him).
[re=486677]nbawriter[/re]: And what was with those Sea Monkeys having long ponytails and strumming guitars?
[re=486707]JMP[/re]: Imaginary? Dude, that nap you took, it started before 9/10/01? Welcome to the end of the aughts. The body scanners are about as intrusive as a grocery store scanner.
[re=486732]JMP[/re]: Nate Silver, flashin those mad 10th grade math skillz again. Yeah, the chances are lower, but if those motherfuckers blow you your plane, right over downtown Detroit, you, your fellow passengers, and the five people still on the ground in the city of Detroit are gonna die, word is bond. So your chances of dying are 100%. Ask the folks who stepped out of the WTC from the 95th floor rather than burn to death. If someone has to see me in all my porcine glory to make sure I don’t have a bomb tied to my nutsack, I am all for it. If you don’t want to fly, get in your car and drive to NY, LA, or France. Have a nice trip.
[re=487071]Darkness[/re]: Someone getting a grip on my humanity is exactly what I am worried about, maybe, depending on, y’know, who the gripper is.
[re=487089]plowman[/re]: Trenchant!
OK, maybe it’s just because I’ve gotten through cancer once in my life already, but why isn’t anyone talking about cancer risk vs. terrorist risk? Wasn’t it just 2 or 3 weeks ago that we were being barraged by a bunch of news reports on whole body scans used in medical diagnostics increasing cancer risk? Why aren’t we hearing ANYTHING about mortality risk from these airport body scans? I mean at least give me a decent reason why I shouldn’t be thinking about quiting my job to move closer to my family so I can avoid flying a couple of times a month. Privacy be and terrorism be dammed, I’m scared about dying from the radiation.
[re=486698]V572625694[/re]: You’re a TSA worker, reading Wonkette on the job?
Why not just go back to sea travel? Arrive in Bangkok after 14 days, not 14 hours, but rested and ready to go.
[re=487132]worried[/re]: You’re taking all the fun out of being scared of dying. Actually dealing with something like cancer is difficult. Pretending to deal with terrorism by installing a cool machine is really neat, and you can criticize Obama at the same time.
I think making everyone take all their clothes off would be way more effective in the long run.
X-radiation is cumulative. Frequent fliers will accumulate lots of it in airports, causing them to die of cancer. Thus, the odds of frequent fliers not getting blown up before their shortened lives end are going through the roof! (But not because of explosion.) Yay!
land of pornography and tulips……Never been to Holland Huh..? Stereotyping Holland by an clueless individual who obviously has never been there. On that note, the us then could be stereotyped as One nation under god….a nation full of child abusing priest that set back the church about a billion dollars if not more to cover up child pornography. One nation under god full of the biggest consumers of illegal drugs in the world. one nation under god with the largest numbers of individuals incarcerated in the world. One nation under god with the fattest unhealthiest people in the world. One nation under god where about 20% of their people do no have health insurance. One nation under god where about 10% or more of their people are unemployed.
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