About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


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  • Scarab

    But there was no return of the acid-wash jeans so I say… win!

  • memzilla

    Fortunately, Arnie’s Whole Beef Halves still delivers… except after curfew, in Sectors R or M.

  • user-of-owls

    Well, at least the Apocalypse’s soundtrack is catchy.

    “Who dies this way, ho ho ho?”

  • V572625694

    Hey thanks for that, Ken. What time shall we kill ourselves?

  • Sharkey

    I stopped worrying when they invented Chipotlaway.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Anyway, during the Avian Flu Horror, everybody with health insurance got prescriptions for Tamiflu, which was invented by Donald Rumsfeld before he also invented SARS in his underground Pentagon laboratory…

    Hey, it’s not Rumsfeld’s fault that SARS didn’t turn the planet into a pile of moldy corpses — you terrorize the American people with the diseases you have, not the diseases you’d like to have.

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    So was that “Hi, I’m a Mac” guy considered a terrorist attack, friendly fire, or an act of God?

  • JMP

    Just when it seems our national terrorism freak-out may have ebbed, along comes another incompetent wanna-be to make our nation’s media and middle Americans go nuts again. You’d think we could learn something from folks like the English who had to deal with regular actual attacks by terrorists, but no.

    [re=486245]Scarab[/re]: You must not have spent too much time around college students & young hipsters recently; the kind who drink PBR “ironically” but really just because it’s cheap. They’re back.

  • kudzu

    You forgot the good events: Tom DeLay, Jack Abramoff, Larry Craig, Pastor Ted and other like-minded Republican fucktards falling from grace and Jerry Falwell and Oral Roberts kicking the bucket. To me, all that plus the last Election make up for all the shit you pointed out.

    Happy New Year and thanks for all the fish.

  • magic titty

    Sadly, Ken skipped over the part where America saw Janet Jackson’s pierced titty on teevee and lost its fucking mind, post-haste.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=486247]memzilla[/re]: needs more sugar

  • JMP

    [re=486266]magic titty[/re]: If we allow that kind of filth on the TV, children may grow up thinking it’s perfectly normal for people to have nipples! Think of the children!

  • V572625694

    [re=486247]memzilla[/re]: Nobody ever wants to come up in the hills!

  • El Pinche

    Don’t forget Jon and Kate. They fucked our shit up.

  • Sharkey

    On the bright side, if it weren’t for this decade, we wouldn’t have quad-core processors and PCI-E 16x video.

  • Mojopo

    Remember when the stores ran out of duct tape?

  • user-of-owls

    [re=486264]JMP[/re]: go nuts again Intentional phrasing?

    [re=486283]JMP[/re]: But fortunately, we’ve calmed down. Now we just show blowed up panties.

  • stew

    The Terror Decade ends with a whimper (or whatever sound one makes after blowing up one’s junk).

  • Cape Clod

    [re=486266]magic titty[/re]: Does anybody even remember who played in that game?

    On the plus side, the ‘OOs saw the introduction of Baconaisse which kinda balanced all the bad stuff out.

  • Sussemilch

    Awesome summary, pretty much the way I remember it. It was a decade of terrible conflict – generations old and new – fighting endlessly and dragging everyone else into their religious battle. Someday maybe they’ll be able to work out their differences, but for now the Yankee-Red Sox war rages on.

  • JMP

    [re=486295]Mojopo[/re]: Ah, Tom Ridge, a perfect source of inane political propaganda masked as useless “advice” for surviving a terrrist attack. Today’s threat level is Orange.

    [re=486296]user-of-owls[/re]: Uh, sure; totally intentional.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=486306]Sussemilch[/re]: Are you saying we should annihilate New York? WHAT OUTFIT ARE YOU WITH?

  • magic titty

    [re=486305]Cape Clod[/re]: Great point.

  • slappypaddy

    so, and slow it goes, and grows

  • bureaucrap

    [re=486285]V572625694[/re]: [re=486247]memzilla[/re]: [re=486272]slappypaddy[/re]: Stop singing and finish your homework. Shoes for Industry!

  • thesheriffisnear

    Condi being pressed by the 911 Committee for the title of the briefing she ignored and being coerced into saying: “Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.” Ahhh, good times.

  • PlanetWingnuta


  • desertwind

    Speaking of Terror All the Time — How much longer must we be exposed to the Mi Mi Mi Malkin on the side?

  • V572625694

    [re=486318]bureaucrap[/re]: Heavy on the thirty-weight, Mom!

    Achtung, Chuck-o, not that one!”

  • JMP

    [re=486325]desertwind[/re]: I’d guess until “Sun., Jan. 3, 12-3pmET”.

  • Cicada

    [re=486325]desertwind[/re]: I have been taking pleasure in the fact that they are completely wasting their ad money here.

  • DiscoUkulele

    What a crappy decade. Except Xtube.

  • El Pinche

    [re=486308]JMP[/re]: Now everytime some poor bastard sharts his drawers brown on an airplane, the terror level will be orange. The turrists have won.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=486306]Sussemilch[/re]: [re=486309]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: ¡Viva RSN!

    ¡A las Barricadas Verdes Monstruosos! ¡A las Barricadas Verdes Monstruosos!
    por el triunfo de la Nación Medias Rojas!.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=486305]Cape Clod[/re]: 2004 Super Bowl: Patriots beat the Panthers 32-29 in Jacksonville, FL. And I didn’t even have to look it up (wink, wink).

  • Sussemilch

    [re=486309]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Hey man, I’m just a mild-mannered tailgatin’ Brewers fan.

  • Vulpes82

    I know how you’ve survived this decade, Ken (booze and cynical gallows humor), but how have I, a non-drinker with far too much earnestness for my own good, managed not to slit my wrists?

  • Paul Tardy

    The decade was a great one if you were in the military, law enforcement and a really good one if you worked any government job, or owned gold(or commodities)(*). Otherwise agreed it sucked. But think about it this way, if you were a lowly semi literate high school graduate that got a job as an air port screener, you basically hit the lottery, POTUS W litteraly plucked you from poverty and gave you a career with authority and a pension. Authority over people you once admired, and who looked down on you. Work doesn’t get much better than that.

    (*) Like Ron Paul did, the Sage of the House.

  • McDuff

    [re=486349]Sussemilch[/re]: Beer Brats for all!!!

  • depraved indifference engine

    I noticed that nobody mentioned Elliott Smith’s stabbing himself in the chest, which for me was the defining moment of the 00s. That, and my cat died and I got burglarized, all within 2 months of each other.

  • finallyhappy

    [re=486295]Mojopo[/re]: I remember this idiot in kensington, Md who put heavy plastic and duct tape all over a room- she would have suffocated- but that would have been a good thing for the rest of us.

  • Bruno

    The only good thing about the Y2K Terrorz was being able to profit from stocks remotely related to fixing the problem. What shares do I buy if I want to profit from an underwearless society. It’s all way to unpredictable now

  • proudgrampa

    I think the decade was pathetic.

    Perfect symbol: Ashley Todd, the idiot who carved a “B” on her cheek and claimed she’d been attacked by a black man. The “B” was backwards.

    Fucking pathetic.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=486367]Bruno[/re]: For your American portfolio, chafing cream. For your Mideast portfolio, Tampax, Maxipads and Silicon implants. Oh, and maybe toss a few bucks at Penis Reconstruction.

  • chascates

    Jennifer & Brad, the story of the decade.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    I have a whole fridge full of Cipro, but that’s because of the bladder infections I get when I have too much of the sex with everyone, not because of anthrax.

    [re=486369]proudgrampa[/re]: That was the BEST PART of the decade, gramps. My Blingee of Ashley was mae famous! Mine!

  • JMP

    [re=486346]proudgrampa[/re]: Ah, that one was a preview of the 2004 election; a victory of pure evil, with cheating.

  • Mr Blifil

    Yet, if only one religio-conservative fucktard is found dead in a double layer neoprene wetsuit with a dildo up his rectum, it will all have been worth it.

  • x111e7thst

    [re=486377]Mr Blifil[/re]: Amen

  • JMP

    [re=486377]Mr Blifil[/re]: Will this help?

    They’re not even trying to hide it anymore.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    The barrage of constant bad news is why I killed myself years ago.

  • gurukalehuru

    Worst decade ever. Well, except for maybe the 1940s. and the 1860s. and pretty much anything before the industrial revolution.
    But it was certainly bad enough that some motherfuckers should have to go to jail for it.

  • Sleeves

    [re=486388]gurukalehuru[/re]: Worst decade ever.

  • betterDeadThanRed

    It was the lamest decade that I’ve experienced. Kind of like what the ’70s would have been without drugs, sex and rock-n-roll to dull the pain.

  • Servo

    Americans spent the ’00s acting lke Sylvester the cat when he and Porky Pig stayed at that haunted hotel. As Porky said, “You psychopathical p-p-pussycat.”

  • chitrade

    I’m still waiting for my Franklin Mint Commemorative “Capture of Osama” gilt coin.

    We caught him with all the Cipro in .af, right? Or was that Friedman? It was a confusing decade, and passed by so very, very fast.

  • Come here a minute

    Oh please, we haven’t even scratched the surface of the “decade of terror” retrospectives that will be unleashed in the weeks and months before 9/11/2011.

  • betterDeadThanRed

    [re=486413]Come here a minute[/re]: Oh please! Can’t we skip that part and go directly to the retrospectives of Obama’s failed presidency?

  • Servo

    The motto for the ’00s: “We broke it, you bought it.”

  • slappypaddy

    [re=486357]Paul Tardy[/re]: “The decade was a great one if you were in the military”

    which military? the vatican swiss guards? if you were in the u.s. army or marines, the decade could be the time when you got your legs blown off during your third or fourth tour of some god-forsaken patch of impoverished desert on the other side of the planet.

  • zhubajie

    Well, for me, it was a good decade to spend teaching in China! Actually, 12 years have gone by! The Year of the Tiger is back!

    One pleasure of China: lots of Chinese ladies want to verify the rumor that foreign men have fur all over their bodies….

    Zhu Bajie

  • Servo

    the time when you got your legs blown off during your third or fourth tour
    And that’s when the Support Our Troops people stop supporting the troops, because the extensive physical and mental rehab programs may necessitate a tax hike and reduce VA services for retirees who’ve earned them by sitting at a desk for 20 years.
    Repugnants love to categorize people and my wingnut co-workers are no exception. I find myself repeatedly explaining that there are lotsa veterans within their Unemployed/Homeless Parasitic Scum category. Now we have thousands more that are handicapped and jobless. The back-pedalling is priceless.
    However, I would really love to see them tell these disabled veterans to their faces “Sorry about your limbs and all but, because I can’t sacrifice one iota, you’re gonna have to deal with it on your own. Suck it up and press on. Thank you for protecting our freedoms (That malarkey always cracks me up). We’ll keep you and yours in our prayers.”
    The dead are truly the lucky ones.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=486456]zhubajie[/re]: It seems more than a few Asians share that interest, and a few of the gay ones have been bold enough to pet my fur, also…

  • GeneralLerong

    [re=486420]Servo[/re]: The motto for the ’00s: “We broke it, you bought it.”

    Day-amn, I wish I could think up stuff like that. [Grovels in admiration]

    As to your co-workers, how to you prevent yourself from hurling your lunch onto their shoes? Do you harbor fantasies of them rowing heavy boats through jello in hell, while merciless demons crack whips? Or something ‘way more interesting and bloody than that?

  • Saint Ronald the Divine

    Chris Matthews interviewing himself, dear god the arrogance, A new special form of terrorism.

  • Servo

    Intimidation is my favorite tool.

  • chitrade

    [re=486434]slappypaddy[/re]: When you’re wounded on Afghanistan’s plains, and the women come out to cut up the remains, just turn to your rifle and blow out your brains, and go to your god like a soldier.

    I think that’s it…

  • CanadianBacon

    So the decade started with Y2K crashing all computers and ended with H1N1 killng off the entire human race. So as it stands humans are gone and all the computers failed so we have no records to leave for the future. Good because it would be too embarassing for Aliens to come to earth and discover we created Fox News and allowed Republicans to reproduce.