PROMINENT ALASKANS  9:52 am December 29, 2009

Sarah Palin And Levi Johnston Now Hate Each Other Because Of Another Infant: “Tripp”

by Juli Weiner

All feuds, legal and otherwise, between Sarah Palin and her teenage daughter’s ex-boyfriend can be handily expressed in Mad Lib form: Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston ______ (synonym of “bickered pettily”) about the treatment of ______ (member of Palin family under the age of 3), defenseless infant, in a very ______ (antonym of “private”) fashion today in ______ (“Alaska”). This latest meta-entanglement, in which Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston took ad hominem digs at one another about the treatment of Tripp Palin, defenseless infant, in a very public fashion today in “Alaska,” is no different!

See, there is nothing in the world that Levi Johnston would like more than for the custody battle over his kid to be as public as possible. Sarah Palin would like the opposite of this. How delicious!

On Nov. 4, [Bristol] Palin filed for sole custody of Tripp Johnston-Palin, the former couple’s son, who celebrates his first birthday today. [Judge] Kristiansen initially issued temporary orders limiting access to the case file and allowing the parties to file under pseudonyms.

Johnston wasn’t playing along, however. In an opposition to Palin’s motion for a gag order, Johnston’s attorney, Rex Butler, said: “Simply put, this matter is public in nature, the courts are not refuges for the scions of the elite to obtain private dispensation of their legal matters because the public at large has an interest in the proceedings.”

“Rex Butler”! This is a very well-done Mad Lib.

[Ben Smith]

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proudgrampa December 29, 2009 at 9:57 am

If the Palins are “scions of the elite,” stop the planet – I want off!!

Bruno December 29, 2009 at 10:00 am

What would Trig do?

comicbookguy December 29, 2009 at 10:01 am

Among Alaska snowbillies, the terms “scion” and “elite” are both relative.

Bruno December 29, 2009 at 10:01 am

This is all a scam by Sarah to get publicity for the upcoming white house wedding in her alternate reality

PrairiePossum December 29, 2009 at 10:11 am

I can understand why people named Bristol, Levi and Tripp would want to change their names. The parents were obviously stoned when they named those kids.

magic titty December 29, 2009 at 10:12 am

[re=485999]proudgrampa[/re]: Skeet-ons, maybe.

bureaucrap December 29, 2009 at 10:15 am

They hired “Rex Butler” just so that when Sarah Palin makes a motion in court, “Rex Butler” can say, “Frankly, Sarah, I don’t give a damn!” It took months for Levi’s team to set up that joke, but the payoff will be worth it, I can assure you.

x111e7thst December 29, 2009 at 10:16 am

I received my Scion of the Elite membership card upon my graduation from the Collegiate School(NYC)in 197whatever. I tore it up and threw it out today.

elburrito December 29, 2009 at 10:20 am

Sarah Palin:
Going Private

ChernobylSoup v2 December 29, 2009 at 10:21 am

Ever since Toyota introduced the Scion brand of ugly, low-end cars, the word has lost some of its je ne se watchamacallit. Kind of like what GM did to Saturn. That planet just doesn’t get any respect anymore. Don’t get me started in Geo.

sezme December 29, 2009 at 10:33 am

The main takeaway here is that the Palin – Johnston troupe of travelling circus performers has now been updated to include Todd, Track, Trig, Tripp, Tank, Ricky, and now Rex!

El Pinche December 29, 2009 at 10:34 am

Trig, Trip, Track, Trunk, which one’s retarded again? Sarah, this is a problem because our memories are fading. It’s time to say or do something profoundly stupid, again.

JMP December 29, 2009 at 10:34 am

Doesn’t the media know that they’re supposed to respect Sarah’s privacy, when she demands it, but lavish coverage whenever she wants it?

dijetlo December 29, 2009 at 10:38 am

It’s part “The Beverly Hillbillys”, part “To the Manor Born”. I wonder why grandma wants Bristol to have sole custody of her little campaign prop? It’s not like that girl has a strong track record of making prudent and informed decisions, she banged Levi Johnson.

JMP December 29, 2009 at 10:39 am

“Trig, Trip, Track, Trunk, which one’s retarded again? ”

All of ‘em.

Gorillionaire December 29, 2009 at 10:45 am

They should simply duel it out on banjoes.

Cape Clod December 29, 2009 at 10:51 am

[re=486026]JMP[/re]: Dumb media. Why don’t they pick on Nancy Pelosi’s family instead? And don’t give me that tired excuse of “Because they don’t do and say idiotic things in public” again.

loquaciousmusic December 29, 2009 at 10:53 am

It’s all a ruse: Levi doesn’t really want the baby. It’s all of Sarah’s Richard Marx albums he’s after, AND YOU CAN PRY REPEAT OFFENDER FROM HER COLD, DEAD HANDS.

WadISay December 29, 2009 at 11:01 am

To fill in the blanks:

1. barfed word salad
2. Stupid
3. spread-’em
4. Methville

Jim89048 December 29, 2009 at 11:07 am

[re=486024]El Pinche[/re]: That’s like asking a gotcha question, like which papers do you read?

binarian December 29, 2009 at 11:14 am

And WTF kind of name is Trig, anyway? Poor kid. In so many ways.

thesheriffisnear December 29, 2009 at 11:44 am

I strongly urge that they refrain from the pseudonym Ron Mexico as it has already been taken.

jennx December 29, 2009 at 11:45 am

So Levi’s lawyer is Rex Butler. Sarah’s is Thomas Van Flein. Gone With the Wind vs. Whatever Movie Has a Waxed Mustached Bad Guy

comicbookguy December 29, 2009 at 11:59 am

Scene: Levi Johnston lounging on the set of Playgirl photo shoot. In walks Rex Butler, “lawyer.”

“I’ve come to examine your briefs, Johnston.”

Bow pow, beepee bow wow!

Would the court reporter, Dirk Diggler, please read that back to me?

Bruno December 29, 2009 at 12:09 pm

I never understood the proper protocol for hypenated names. I thought the mothers name goes first or does it change from country to country? Or is Johnston-Palin another way of Sarah trying to emasculate Levi?

proudgrampa December 29, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Snidely December 29, 2009 at 12:25 pm

Don’t drag me into this.

nbawriter December 29, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Rex Butler? Wasn’t Fudd Rucker available?

S.Luggo December 29, 2009 at 12:48 pm

To support sole custody, Sarah’s … er … Bristol’s … custody Petition alleges that Levi tweets.
In his Response, para. 4, Levi denies that tweets.

Petition denied. Now GTF out my court, biotch.

Nefer December 29, 2009 at 12:49 pm

[re=485999]proudgrampa[/re]: I believe that in this context, “elite” means they have a double-wide, and “scions” is a synonym for “sceons”, also, too.

Zulu December 29, 2009 at 1:07 pm

Now that’s either the scrawniest neck holding up Malkin’s head or she’s packing one heck of a goobie.

Sharkey December 29, 2009 at 1:17 pm

I GIVE UP! Fine, I’ll take custody!

Tripp Johnston-Palin-Sharkey, meet your new mommy and daddy.

Rexie Van Flein and Sauron Scion.

thesheriffisnear December 29, 2009 at 1:26 pm

[re=486159]Snidely[/re]: Snidely Whiplash’s voice was provided by the great Hans Conried…OK I’ll go back to my room now.

chascates December 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm

This is the matriarchal version of those Mormon cults.

DP December 29, 2009 at 3:43 pm

Wait a minute…I call photoshop. Shouldn’t that little baby prop have a Darth helmet?

CanadianBacon December 29, 2009 at 4:40 pm

Please include a picture of Michele Bachamann on tomorrow’s Wonkette with Sarah and Michelle so I can look at all three female scions of America at once.
The best move for Rex Butler would be to drag this out until Sarah quits. Is it possible for the judge to deny custody to any of the parties involved on the grounds of insanity?

comicbookguy December 29, 2009 at 4:45 pm

How long before Levi figures out that Rex Butler – the lawyer he met at the photo shoot – isn’t really a lawyer? This pseudonym-laden plot is more hackneyed than a… oh never mind.

rocktonsammy December 29, 2009 at 5:01 pm

Both parties need character witnesses.

Line forms behind Bill Kristol.

Up To Here Again December 29, 2009 at 5:31 pm

Alien witch Sarah Palin has built a voodoo snowman of “Ricky Holywood” which Todd is “loading with lead” from about twenty paces (we are sure he is cheating a bit).

Sarah is NOT satisfied because snowmen don’t bleed.

And while Levi Johnston IS making lots of money between the covers (of magazines),
we notice that in over a year now, no one has yet asked Bristol to take her clothes off.

TVarmy December 29, 2009 at 5:52 pm

I dunno if I can trust these Palins. Trip? Trig? Levi? Bristol?

Are these people really from America? Why don’t they have normal names like Dave, or Bill, or Big Jim Slade?

We need a birth certificate. We need all of their birth certificates. The long ones, complete with infant blood samples.

Up To Here Again December 29, 2009 at 5:55 pm

Poor Tripp.

If only the babies could say no to conception!

FlownOver December 29, 2009 at 7:39 pm

That’s Rex LAMONT Butler to you, QuitterBitch!

DustBowlBlues December 29, 2009 at 7:40 pm

Damn. I got here too late for a clarification on this. Which infant is Tripp? Do they have a little Twitter yet? No? Get busy, Tipper–Pipper-Piper? What ever happened to names up there, anyway?

Tundra Grifter December 30, 2009 at 2:22 pm

[re=486016]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Was there a car named Pluto?

Tundra Grifter December 30, 2009 at 2:27 pm

[re=486008]PrairiePossum[/re]: Sometime back, Wonkette made reference to the family’s perchant for “product names.” Don’t forget “Mercedes.”

Personally, I never bought that story about “Bristol” being taken from ESPN’s home. I think it was what they were ripped on the night The Gov’Nor finally finished something – like kids named “Cutty” or “Hennessey” (true! You betcha!).

Meanwhile, is “Rex” a real name? Is it short for – what? – Rexroth? The only thing I can think of is “Rex ‘The Wonder Dog.’” And that might be a cartoon name – don’t know – my Google is broken…

Long Form Def Certificate December 30, 2009 at 10:10 pm

[re=486910]Tundra Grifter[/re]: He’s the Sex Cannon of Alaskan Jurisprudence.

Fuck it, I’m filing this brief.

(H/T KissingSuzyKolber)

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