All feuds, legal and otherwise, between Sarah Palin and her teenage daughter’s ex-boyfriend can be handily expressed in Mad Lib form: Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston ______ (synonym of “bickered pettily”) about the treatment of ______ (member of Palin family under the age of 3), defenseless infant, in a very ______ (antonym of “private”) fashion today in ______ (“Alaska”). This latest meta-entanglement, in which Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston took ad hominem digs at one another about the treatment of Tripp Palin, defenseless infant, in a very public fashion today in “Alaska,” is no different!

See, there is nothing in the world that Levi Johnston would like more than for the custody battle over his kid to be as public as possible. Sarah Palin would like the opposite of this. How delicious!

On Nov. 4, [Bristol] Palin filed for sole custody of Tripp Johnston-Palin, the former couple’s son, who celebrates his first birthday today. [Judge] Kristiansen initially issued temporary orders limiting access to the case file and allowing the parties to file under pseudonyms.

Johnston wasn’t playing along, however. In an opposition to Palin’s motion for a gag order, Johnston’s attorney, Rex Butler, said: “Simply put, this matter is public in nature, the courts are not refuges for the scions of the elite to obtain private dispensation of their legal matters because the public at large has an interest in the proceedings.”

“Rex Butler”! This is a very well-done Mad Lib.

[Ben Smith]

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  1. I can understand why people named Bristol, Levi and Tripp would want to change their names. The parents were obviously stoned when they named those kids.

  2. They hired “Rex Butler” just so that when Sarah Palin makes a motion in court, “Rex Butler” can say, “Frankly, Sarah, I don’t give a damn!” It took months for Levi’s team to set up that joke, but the payoff will be worth it, I can assure you.

  3. Ever since Toyota introduced the Scion brand of ugly, low-end cars, the word has lost some of its je ne se watchamacallit. Kind of like what GM did to Saturn. That planet just doesn’t get any respect anymore. Don’t get me started in Geo.

  4. The main takeaway here is that the Palin – Johnston troupe of travelling circus performers has now been updated to include Todd, Track, Trig, Tripp, Tank, Ricky, and now Rex!

  5. Trig, Trip, Track, Trunk, which one’s retarded again? Sarah, this is a problem because our memories are fading. It’s time to say or do something profoundly stupid, again.

  6. It’s part “The Beverly Hillbillys”, part “To the Manor Born”. I wonder why grandma wants Bristol to have sole custody of her little campaign prop? It’s not like that girl has a strong track record of making prudent and informed decisions, she banged Levi Johnson.

  7. [re=486026]JMP[/re]: Dumb media. Why don’t they pick on Nancy Pelosi’s family instead? And don’t give me that tired excuse of “Because they don’t do and say idiotic things in public” again.

  8. It’s all a ruse: Levi doesn’t really want the baby. It’s all of Sarah’s Richard Marx albums he’s after, AND YOU CAN PRY REPEAT OFFENDER FROM HER COLD, DEAD HANDS.

  9. Scene: Levi Johnston lounging on the set of Playgirl photo shoot. In walks Rex Butler, “lawyer.”

    “I’ve come to examine your briefs, Johnston.”

    Bow pow, beepee bow wow!

    Would the court reporter, Dirk Diggler, please read that back to me?

  10. I never understood the proper protocol for hypenated names. I thought the mothers name goes first or does it change from country to country? Or is Johnston-Palin another way of Sarah trying to emasculate Levi?

  11. [re=485999]proudgrampa[/re]: I believe that in this context, “elite” means they have a double-wide, and “scions” is a synonym for “sceons”, also, too.

  12. Please include a picture of Michele Bachamann on tomorrow’s Wonkette with Sarah and Michelle so I can look at all three female scions of America at once.
    The best move for Rex Butler would be to drag this out until Sarah quits. Is it possible for the judge to deny custody to any of the parties involved on the grounds of insanity?

  13. How long before Levi figures out that Rex Butler – the lawyer he met at the photo shoot – isn’t really a lawyer? This pseudonym-laden plot is more hackneyed than a… oh never mind.

  14. Alien witch Sarah Palin has built a voodoo snowman of “Ricky Holywood” which Todd is “loading with lead” from about twenty paces (we are sure he is cheating a bit).

    Sarah is NOT satisfied because snowmen don’t bleed.

    And while Levi Johnston IS making lots of money between the covers (of magazines),
    we notice that in over a year now, no one has yet asked Bristol to take her clothes off.

  15. I dunno if I can trust these Palins. Trip? Trig? Levi? Bristol?

    Are these people really from America? Why don’t they have normal names like Dave, or Bill, or Big Jim Slade?

    We need a birth certificate. We need all of their birth certificates. The long ones, complete with infant blood samples.

  16. Damn. I got here too late for a clarification on this. Which infant is Tripp? Do they have a little Twitter yet? No? Get busy, Tipper–Pipper-Piper? What ever happened to names up there, anyway?

  17. [re=486008]PrairiePossum[/re]: Sometime back, Wonkette made reference to the family’s perchant for “product names.” Don’t forget “Mercedes.”

    Personally, I never bought that story about “Bristol” being taken from ESPN’s home. I think it was what they were ripped on the night The Gov’Nor finally finished something – like kids named “Cutty” or “Hennessey” (true! You betcha!).

    Meanwhile, is “Rex” a real name? Is it short for – what? – Rexroth? The only thing I can think of is “Rex ‘The Wonder Dog.'” And that might be a cartoon name – don’t know – my Google is broken…

  18. [re=486910]Tundra Grifter[/re]: He’s the Sex Cannon of Alaskan Jurisprudence.

    Fuck it, I’m filing this brief.

    (H/T KissingSuzyKolber)

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