DAILY BRIEFING  8:45 am December 29, 2009

Making Sure A Plane Bomber Will Never Not Actually Bomb A Plane Again

by Juli Weiner

  • The Department of Homeland Security will begin smuggling more plainclothes air marshals on planes, most likely by just putting them in a regular Advil bottle. [New York Times]
  • Regarding the aspirational terror act, Obama, from Hawaii, has finally issued important threats about Investigating Things.  [POLITICO]
  • If the airplane bomber had been at all talented at bombing airplanes, the explosives he had would have been enough to rip a hole in the plane. [Washington Post]
  • North Koreans received a border-crossing American human rights activist on Christmas Eve! They have called “keepsies” and do not wish to exchange him for store credit. [WSJ]
  • China executed this heroin-smuggling British person, which was contentious for all the regular reasons but also because he was psychologically unsound. [Times Online]
  • Iran threatened to “slap” Britain, like the place, if it continues its alleged meddling in Iranian protests. [AP]

Hola wonkerados.

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memzilla December 29, 2009 at 8:49 am

“Is that a bomb in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

Well, somebody had to write it.

ChernobylSoup v2 December 29, 2009 at 8:53 am

Dear American do-gooders:

Please stay away from N Korea. We’re beginning to not care about your detentions. Besides we only have so many ex-presidents willing to go over there and bail you out.

Best regards,

Cape Clod December 29, 2009 at 9:05 am

The guy had balls to attempt that sort of thing. I guess that means he’ll never try it again.

x111e7thst December 29, 2009 at 9:07 am

“Approximately 45,000 professional screening officers have been hired by the federal government” = 45k morons who are not smart enough for the variety of better paying and more interesting jobs at McDonalds..

Naked Bunny with a Whip December 29, 2009 at 9:11 am

Approximately 45,000 professional screening officers have been hired

Meanwhile, the airplanes are falling apart and the pilots are sleeping at the wheel. Good job prioritizing, guys.

cynbot December 29, 2009 at 9:11 am

Man, I had a shitload of brussel sprouts for Xmas dinner. Good thing I didn’t get on a plane that night, because I might have blown a hole in its skin, too. Though more likely I would just have incinerated my underpants.

Country Club Jihadi December 29, 2009 at 9:17 am

[re=485976]memzilla[/re]: Does this bomb make me look fatwa?

Also, those underpants on Drudge should be called “Skidmarks of Terror”.

thesheriffisnear December 29, 2009 at 9:19 am

[re=485980]x111e7thst[/re]: AIRPORT SECURITY…thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitress.

JMP December 29, 2009 at 9:24 am

The important thing is that we make sure to add more pointless security measures that greatly inconvenience air travelers and don’t actually do a thing to keep planes safer, but look like the government is doing something.

Meanwhile, why is that insane, death-camp-for-Muslins-supporting woman staring at me from the Wonkette sidebar?

Come here a minute December 29, 2009 at 9:26 am

Mrs. Nigerian Airplane Bomber is extremely embarassed about her son’s underpants. “Oh, Umar, I have told you so many times to put on clean tighty whities before traveling in case you decide to blow yourself up!”

bureaucrap December 29, 2009 at 9:30 am

The bomb in the crotch of the underwear gives an entirely new meaning to the term “blow job”.

ivenson December 29, 2009 at 9:41 am

Absolutely true excerpt of CNN’s Nick Roberts interviewing Sidney Alford, a british explosives expert who looks like a skinny Santa Claus:

Alford says that it is possible to sew PETN into a set of underpants. “I’ve done it,” he says, “no problem at all.”

For the record, Nick does not ask a follow up question.

Sleeves December 29, 2009 at 9:48 am

“Shirin Ebadi, who won the 2003 Nobel Peace Prize for her human-rights efforts in Iran, told the The Associated Press in a phone interview from London that she called her sister Monday, and that she was being punished because of the conversation.”

Gives me the great sad: they’re sensitive as a British molar to any propaganda effort, after sixty years of maladicta and tomfoolery.

hockeymom December 29, 2009 at 9:52 am

[re=485990]ivenson[/re]: They should take away his degree to practice journalism. NO follow up question? WTF?

charlesdegoal December 29, 2009 at 9:52 am

On the other hand, anyone carrying four kilos of smack in China or explosives on an airplane is by definition crazy and so insanity pleas are always justified.

binarian December 29, 2009 at 9:52 am

[re=485985]thesheriffisnear[/re]: Remember to tip your waitress.

And try the veal

ivenson December 29, 2009 at 9:53 am

And why didn’t the guy who walked into N Korea realize what a burden he was putting on his host nation’s resources? They can barely feed their own citizens and now they have to scrape together enough gruel to shove under his dungeon door while he is on the torture waiting list.

Great job, pointless-gesture-guy.

binarian December 29, 2009 at 9:55 am

Malkin’s fear grimace on the left sidebar is somewhat disconcerting.

ivenson December 29, 2009 at 9:58 am

[re=485994]hockeymom[/re]: In both the print and video versions, no further mention is made of this statement. At no point does Nick say “Wait, jump back a few sentences….why have you made explosive underwear, you old coot?”

ivenson December 29, 2009 at 10:01 am

[re=485998]binarian[/re]: I have no idea what terrifying picture you are speaking of (Firefox add-ons be praised)

thesheriffisnear December 29, 2009 at 10:05 am

[re=485998]binarian[/re]: Actually Ms. Mangalang’s visage is extremely disturbing.

proudgrampa December 29, 2009 at 10:08 am

[re=485998]binarian[/re]: Maybe they could hire her to be a sky marshall. No would-be terrorist would fuck with that!

steverino247 December 29, 2009 at 10:10 am

Important phrase for would-be evangelists entering North Korea: “Give up your life for the sake of our leader, Kim Jong Il.” It’s taken the place of Arbeit Macht Frei, you know.

El Pinche December 29, 2009 at 10:15 am

Shit! We’re fresh out of willing Democratic dignitaries to dispatch our American . How about an even swap for Lieberman? He’d make an excellent door stop.

chaste everywhere December 29, 2009 at 10:21 am

Sometimes I feel like slapping Britain, too. Right on its poofy buns.

[re=485983]cynbot[/re]: Brussel sprouts?! Do you think Christmas falls during Lent, or on Yom Kippur, or something?

BeWoot December 29, 2009 at 10:23 am

[re=486006]proudgrampa[/re]: Skoalrebel is the man for this job. He’s got Skymarshall demeanor down pat.

Sleeves December 29, 2009 at 10:48 am

[re=486011]El Pinche[/re]: He sure would. He’s had excellent House and Varsity training, and always so proud to serve: He’s totally ignorant of both the Flynn effect and the meaning of ‘deism’! Quite a buy.

binarian December 29, 2009 at 10:53 am

[re=486006]proudgrampa[/re]: I think Michelle now has a secondary career choice; Helping keep Real Americans safe by some other means than running her mouth endlessly….

graceless December 29, 2009 at 11:22 am

Seriously, El Al.

proudgrampa December 29, 2009 at 11:26 am

[re=486087]graceless[/re]: Seriously, you are right. They wrote the book on airline security.

9/11 is a verb December 29, 2009 at 11:30 am

Al Qaeda is slipping a bit..failure after failure in plane bombings lately. Maybe it’s because their terror training videos (the ones where the same 3 A-rabs jump over a saddlehorse) are from the 70′s. They need someone like Lil General Lieberman to show em how its done

Sleeves December 29, 2009 at 3:50 pm

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