Didn't Public Enemy (the Washington Post) say 9/11 was a joke?
Don’t mind that bearded fanatic in his low-altitude primitive aircraft flying around the skyscrapers tonight! The government is totally aware of this problem, and has chosen to just sort of “let it play out.” Happy Christmas, everybody! [NORAD Santa Tracker]

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  1. There’ll be hell to pay tomorrow about Santa’s photo-op flyby of the Statue of Liberty. But Santa’ll just throw it on the list of things he needs to respond to — what with John Bolton complaining about Santa visiting the children of North Korea, Ayatollah Khamenei accusing him of secretly aiding the election protesters, Al Gore calculating the ludicrous carbon footprint of eight reindeer hauling tons of junk all around the world, Fred Phelps and his annual “God Hates Elves” demonstration, the FAA screwing up his request for an exemption from the eight-hour rest requirements, teabaggers sending him nasty emails about redistributing the wealth, and keeping the reindeer from diving after every doe in heat over Lapland, when Santa gets back to the North Pole he’s just gonna change out of his wet suit, put his feet in some epsom salts and hot water, and have Mrs. Claus bring him a hot cider and just keep loading the bong until he passes out while trying to catch up with the episodes of Top Chef he’s missed. Then he’ll wake up at four in the morning, hobble creakily to the bathroom, pee for what seems like forever and find his way to the bedroom where he’ll crawl under the comforter.
    “Did you have a good night,” Mrs. Claus will ask, half asleep.
    “Oh yeah,” he’ll answer. “Happy fucking Christmas, assholes,” he’ll mumble as he nestles his head into the pillow. “Same time next year.”

  2. [re=485024]hockeymom[/re]: I just got done…I seriously have to reduce the # of gifts or wrap as I get them!

    And Ken, as all my religious hoity toity Facebook friends say, it’s “Merry CHRISTmas”, you damn heathen!

    So Merry CHRISTmas to all at Wonkette! (You seriously keep me sane!)

  3. [re=485024]hockeymom[/re], [re=485027]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: This really is the worst possible time to be wrapping stuff, and trying to guess-weigh what will be Too Much for the stockings, but now I am done and children are finally asleep and a bottle of pinot noir awaits me, so happy xmas & good night.

  4. No snark tonight, just here to wish everyone a Happy Christmas. (I feel like a snooty Brit when I say it that way.)

    Also! This is an excellent article on the history of Christmas, from the banking pamphlet of record of all places. Lots of great ideas for getting the arguments started with your christard guests and relatives tomorrow. And you’ll be armed with facts!

    Nighty night. I’m gonna look for St. Nick. Maybe he’ll let me sit on his lap again.

  5. [re=485030]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: To quote the late, much lamented (and not at all snooty) Brit L’Angelo Misterioso:

    Happy Christmas
    Happy Christmas
    Christmas Christmas
    Happy Happy

  6. See, the Senate passes health care, and now the Socialist and Muslims are coming over the border. Sean Hannity was right, the appocalypse is upon us. If Cheney was still president, Does anyone doubt that this invader would be shot and then taken to Gitmo and tortured until he gave up everything he had?

    Won’t someone think of the Children?

  7. On the day of the Birth of her Lord & Saviour Lady Noonington turns her column over to others. After a bit, that is:

    The pundits and columnists, dreadful people that they are, call him cold, weak, aloof, arrogant, entitled.

    So let’s denounce him again.

    Wait—it’s Christmas. Let’s not. There are people who deeply admire the president, who work with him and believe he’s doing right. This week, this column is their forum. They speak not for attribution to avoid the charge of suckupism.

  8. Northcom and SAC are on stand-down, visible above. Here comes the new 9-11.

    A nuke the size of a bowling ball can level Manhattan or D.C. Not that I’m opposed! Let’s honor the shit out of our troops.

  9. [re=485029]Ken Layne[/re]: Someone let you BREED?! Oh, the humanity…

    [re=485030]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: hey mate – we say “Happy Christmas” down here and usually treat the bloody Poms to the fat-end of a cricket bat! However, if you’re still looking to sit on Jolly Ol’ Nick’s lap, he’s more than ready to accommodate you – just lube up this time…

    2+ days ago, [re=484640]chascates[/re] asked about 1) our xmas goose –> fully-roasted, resting before carving; 2) our xmas crackers –> several bowls of ’em like one here by to the punchbowl of mulled wine; 3) the puddings –> of course, my Senior-Bear wouldn’t have it any other way but these are from the takeaway shop, since the bloody things are a pain in the arse to make with the puddingcloth and suet and all that dreary business, plus I much prefer pavlovas…

    As no one’s asked about the thong-clad hairy Bears here at our xmas supper, I won’t mention it…

    Again, Happy Xmas Yanks (and any bloody Poms lurking)!

  10. The one thing we all know for sure is that Sarah Palin would have had her eyes on the border, and would have alerted us all of this on Facebook.

    George Bush kept us safe from a terrorist attack for over 20 years. Obama has been president for less than a whole year, and we get this and throw out the Constitution. Where are the Teabaggers when you truly need them!

  11. Un-manned drones took out three socialist Santa sleds over Communist Canada, wrecking Obama’s KGB plot to import medications for FOX “news” bullies.

  12. It’s almost 7:30 real American time and my toddler is not even up yet to see what Santa brought. Something’s wrong with that kid. Must come from his mom’s side of the family.

    When I was his age I’d have already broken like six toys by now.

  13. [re=485064]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: I just opened my eyes about 10 minutes ago. We’re headed over to my brother’s house at 10:00 for a “Southern brunch” even though we’re in Connecticut. Amongst other treats, we’ll be having “Bread Pudding with Bourbon Sauce” made from a recipe that looks a lot like this — but more unhealthy.

    I love the artery-clogging goodness that the holidays provide! No wonder Santa’s such a fatass!

  14. I was going to leave some remark about Wonkette recycling an Onion headline with this post, but then all the comments just got me so full of holiday cheer, I didn’t care anymore.

    [re=485027]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Wonkette seriously keeps me sane, too. Easily my #1 news source. Not so sure what that says about me….

  15. One day, it’ll be me, the fat man, and a Stinger missile. I’m dreaming of a blood-red Christmas, and I’m not talking about his suit or Rudolph’s nose, which I’m theorizing will show up real well on infrared sensors.

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