THE GLAMOR OF HISTORY  6:24 pm December 23, 2009

A Decade of Funny Pictures, Part II-VII

by Ken Layne

Let my possum go.
Did you know it’s impossible to spell “Funny Pictures” without the name “Katherine Harris” … as part of the caption from one of the many photographs of Katherine Harris that your Wonkette has posted under the “Funny Pictures” tags, over the years? Well, then welcome to the “Virtual Reality Based Community” or whatever it was called, shuck ‘n awe, etc.

We remember this because he called an Indian kid 'Macaca.'
Oh look, a fat white guy dressed in fake “western wear,” riding a horse on a sidewalk or something. Was this the opening of a used-car lot in Fairfax? BETTER: This was the campaign of big dumb racist turd George Allen, who lost his Senate seat in 2006 to a super-crazy Reaganite called Jim Webb, who literally wore combat boots everywhere, which was not quite as ridiculous as Allen wearing cowboy boots everywhere. Anyway, George Allen said a word (“Macaca”) to some guy from the Daily Kos or something, we cannot remember, but ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE and the Democrats won the House and then won the Senate plus the White House and then liberal bloggers denounced the African-American liberal president, the end.

'The Batman' was the greatest comic book movie of all time. RIP Heath!
Online webzine Slate made a comic book version of the 9/11 report. Just so we’re clear: Online webzine Slate made a comic book version of the 9/11 report.

You know what? *Fuck* writing text about these pictures. Just deal.

Not kidding at all.

No more alt-text, either.

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


Texan Bulldoggette December 23, 2009 at 6:31 pm

I don’t know which is more horrific: Tucker Carlson or butt-in-the-front lady/man(?)!

Balls! December 23, 2009 at 6:36 pm

Maybe it’s the angle but Spiderman’s package just doesn’t look that impressive from here.

AnnieGetYourFun December 23, 2009 at 6:38 pm

What, no original “Teabag the Dems” photo? Also, that possum picture really fucking pisses me off. I live four blocks away from someone who had a pet possum for five and a half… ah, fuck me, I need a fucking drink.

Nigerian Business Executive December 23, 2009 at 6:38 pm

I’m in a funny picture! I’m in a funny picture! I’m famous form the decade.

That’s a picture of my 2cd Life avatar (that I only tried because Wonkette kept bleating about 2cd Life over and over again way back then) looking at a picture of that lumber mill, wife-cheating-on guy at his forlorn 2cd Life campaign headquarters.

I would like you all to know that that was probably the first and last time I did the 2cd life thing. I have a life, after all. I plat World of Warcraft.

Also, I’m in a funny picture that will be in the Smithsonian and I’ll be remembered forever! Until aliens come and destroy us all, that is.

Suds McKenzie December 23, 2009 at 6:38 pm

Thank you .. *tears*.. Wonkette.

Extemporanus December 23, 2009 at 6:38 pm


weejee December 23, 2009 at 6:38 pm

Ah, a Wonkette treasure – Katie Harris and her possum riding crop.

ChernobylSoup v2 December 23, 2009 at 6:40 pm

Sensory overload. Er, Bush sucks and Obama rules?

puppylove December 23, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Joshua Norton December 23, 2009 at 6:52 pm

What the hell is that last picture about? You never told us. Did someone eat Easter? Are they going to have to operate to save all the Cadbury eggs and marshmellow peeps? Is that an Ooompa Loompma in the foreground?

I did a search on the intertubes for the image and it came back here to Wonkette. So what gives? Really.

kingofmeh December 23, 2009 at 6:52 pm

god, that almost makes me want to live the whole crazy decade over again.


StrangelyBrown December 23, 2009 at 6:56 pm

The state fair crowd looked from possum to Kitty, and from Kitty to possum, and from possum to Kitty again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

CrunchyKnee December 23, 2009 at 6:57 pm

I’m weeping with Jesus.

Sharkey December 23, 2009 at 6:58 pm

You know what? *Fuck* writing text in this comment box. Just deal.

Not kidding at all.

No more keyboard-typing, either.

fatherfigure December 23, 2009 at 6:59 pm

feces spewing obscenity

An Outhouse December 23, 2009 at 7:01 pm

Katherine Harris has some impressive upper body strength. She should apply that to blowing the Washington Post.

Fred Wertham Jr. December 23, 2009 at 7:02 pm

This is the best terrible music I’ve heard in quite awhile.

Jerri December 23, 2009 at 7:02 pm

Best Christmas present ever. (We’re very poor and can’t afford real Christmas this year at our house). Thank you, Wonkette!

An Outhouse December 23, 2009 at 7:05 pm

Betty Crocker advertises on Wonkette? I thought that brand still had some value.

stew December 23, 2009 at 7:08 pm

That music sounds like Tiny Tim being strangled. Well, it is Xmas…

slavojzizek December 23, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Why does the music remind of Chocolate Rain? Wouldn’t Chocolate Rain be a better summary of this decade, anyway?

Roll Fish December 23, 2009 at 7:17 pm

$$$$$ best post ’09

Neilist December 23, 2009 at 7:21 pm

[re=484577]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: The only possible answer to your question is: “Yes.”

SayItWithWookies December 23, 2009 at 7:21 pm

Wow, what a decade — holding a possum up by the tail was probably the least appalling thing Kitty Harris ever did. And besides that, there was far too much John McCain. Condi, Doug Feith, John Ashcroft and the rest of the war criminals are underrepresented, though — nevertheless, I’m still gonna have a big swig of forgettin’ sauce after looking at these.

SayItWithWookies December 23, 2009 at 7:24 pm

[re=484603]stew[/re]: I think it’s Nina Simone — who I generally love, but she’s done some awful tunes, too — try listening to her rendition of “Mr. Bojangles” for some real ear-torture.

house of the blue lights December 23, 2009 at 7:30 pm

Wonkette, are you SINGING?

iwillsavethispatient December 23, 2009 at 7:33 pm

[re=484603]stew[/re]: [re=484609]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It’s Antony and the Johnsons, winner of the Mercury Music Prize in 2005.

DirtyHarriett December 23, 2009 at 7:38 pm

Absolutely brilliant!! I was laughing my a** off once I realized what was going on!! Truly award work!! That was great. Thanks, Wonkette!!

Now I’ll go back and look at the pictures. Also.

Diana Davies December 23, 2009 at 7:38 pm

[re=484577]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I believe that whole butt in the front thing is know as a gunt.

Walnuts is my Co-Pilot December 23, 2009 at 7:43 pm

I love Wonkette so much right now I think I’ll click on some of those dumb ads of theirs.

DirtyHarriett December 23, 2009 at 7:43 pm

I forgot to mention the ‘piano solo’ I nearly had an ‘accident’ (and I’m still laughing) WIN FOR THE YEAR!!

Lee Hussein Oswald December 23, 2009 at 7:44 pm

What, you guys didn’t have comments back in 2007?

I think that the Smokey-the-Bear/Fish/Owl band features Ken Layne playing banjo. Correct me if I’m wrong.

And what’s the deal with the charcoal drawing of the Roadrunner and Triangle Man?

Lee Hussein Oswald December 23, 2009 at 7:46 pm

[re=484617]Diana Davies[/re]: Panniculus, actually.

Senhor Tambor December 23, 2009 at 7:46 pm

So, who’s the Brasiliera?

desertwind December 23, 2009 at 7:46 pm

Thanks! I’d almost forgot how much the decade sucked.

lumpenprole December 23, 2009 at 7:50 pm

Can we get some funny Cirque de Schiavo pics? That crowd was at least as goony as the baggers.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO December 23, 2009 at 7:56 pm


I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO December 23, 2009 at 7:57 pm

regarding the Giu911ani graphic novel, over at Slate they describe it as “striking.” Ha-ha. Terrorist attack humor equals awesome!

WickedWitch December 23, 2009 at 7:57 pm

[re=484599]Fred Wertham Jr.[/re]: This music is not putting me in the holiday spirit.

Saint Ronald the Divine December 23, 2009 at 8:09 pm

Thank you George Bush for the worst fucking decade ever. I did enjoy the sketch of Christopher Walkin though.

grevillea December 23, 2009 at 8:14 pm

[re=484608]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Bwahahahaha! I am totally stealing “forgettin’ sauce” and using it ad nauseam all Christmas Day. Thanks!

ifthethunderdontgetya" December 23, 2009 at 8:21 pm

Hurray for Hot Brazilian Girl!

Ten Effing Years, and that’s about the only good thing.

slappypaddy December 23, 2009 at 8:26 pm

took a trip and never left the farm…

merry christmas, wonkette, and likewise to all the wonketties, and all the ships at sea.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO December 23, 2009 at 8:40 pm

[re=484638]slappypaddy[/re]: Wait, what are you implying? Is Wonkette shutting down for Jebusmas and Jebusmas eve?

What the hell am I supposed to do over the next two days? Spend it with my wife and kids? Fuck!

faggotsdidthistome December 23, 2009 at 8:47 pm


loquaciousmusic December 23, 2009 at 8:56 pm

At first I thought that the CDC whooping cough ad banner was one of the pictures, but then I realized that it was an ad banner.

Then I started coughing. Now, usually, I’d blame that on my brother’s two dogs. But now, who knows…MAYBE I HAVE WHOOPING COUGH.

Thanks, Wonkette, for ruining my Jebusmas!

BlueStateLibtard December 23, 2009 at 9:01 pm

I hope the Wonkette editors will at least be checking in over the next four days. I remember what happened over the Memorial Day weekend, and how irresponsible commentators got drunk and insulted participants from the Flyover States–shame on them!

102415 December 23, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Oh thank you dear Wonkette. Just everything is all there.
I hope Santa brings you everything you think you want.

Gumboz1953 December 23, 2009 at 9:45 pm

Why do they say “Trix are for kids” anyway? Shouldn’t if be “Trix IS for kids”? It’s the product, not the activity.

Meanwhile, in other news, windows is shutting down.

Gumboz1953 December 23, 2009 at 9:49 pm

[re=484655]Gumboz1953[/re]: if=it. Fat fingers on an iPhone keyboRd.

SayItWithWookies December 23, 2009 at 9:50 pm

[re=484614]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Huh — I’d never heard of them, but I only listened to a few seconds of the song before making the comment above, so listened to it all the way through. Yeah, definitely not Nina Simone — more like the love child of Tiny Tim and a singing saw. Not that it’s not interesting.

Joshua Norton December 23, 2009 at 9:51 pm

[re=484655]Gumboz1953[/re]: No, no, no. “Trix” is plural. Like “Corn Flakes” and “Cheerios”.

Bearbloke December 23, 2009 at 9:58 pm

You forgot the funniest pic of the decade – namely the GIANT BLOODY ICEBERG coming to kill all us dirty furriners at the bottom of the world… hahahahah, gimme another drink, mate!

DustinXP December 23, 2009 at 10:14 pm

What a horrible, unspeakable decade.

the problem child December 23, 2009 at 10:20 pm

[re=484646]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Sorry, but that sounds like the way my pig aids started. You may be down for the week. Condolences…

ifthethunderdontgetya" December 23, 2009 at 10:21 pm

[re=484658]Joshua Norton[/re]: Truck Nutz!

askforgiveness December 23, 2009 at 10:29 pm

About the Trix kid:

Have you ever seen a

The expression on his

But he’s just a

It’s hard to say anything about this picture. It is too perfect. This child should be immortalized in the form of a marble statue,

then dropped to the bottom of the ocean.

askforgiveness December 23, 2009 at 10:31 pm

P.S. In Google Reader the song doesn’t start playing until you scroll to the bottom and see the stretcher. The combination made me lose my shit. “#6 Best Internet Posting of 2000s”

skoalrebelsdad December 23, 2009 at 10:36 pm

I think it would have been more nostalgic if this post was set to the screeching guitar licks of skoalrebel.

corduroypants December 23, 2009 at 10:38 pm

I don’t know what’s happening with Poppy Bush there, but I laffed long and hard at that one.

BeWoot December 23, 2009 at 10:40 pm

I love you guys. (sniff.) Merry Christmas.

Mr Blifil December 23, 2009 at 10:44 pm

I would have liked to have helped the body painter channel her anger.

Spike December 23, 2009 at 10:47 pm

Whats that hideous creature doing with a possum?

Mr Blifil December 23, 2009 at 10:47 pm

Oh shit you forgot about the box in Bush’s back. Those were classic. That was this past decade right? RIGHT?

El Pinche December 23, 2009 at 10:52 pm

Perfect timing of the music. The song ended when I got to the bottom and was wiping the god damned tears from my pussy ass eyeballs.
And I’m using Chromium on a Mac (from a nightly build last week) , so it works in a fringe Leftist Elitist Thug type configuration.

Any music from Casey and his Brother goes great against a photo collage of the 2000s.

skoalrebelsdad December 23, 2009 at 10:52 pm

I forgot how much I loved the pic of Rod B. killing those kids on stage as his last official act as Governor.

stew December 23, 2009 at 11:20 pm

[re=484609]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Nah, the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band owns that ditty. For the uninitiated, NGDB are for those who think Pure Prairie League is too complex.

stew December 23, 2009 at 11:27 pm

[re=484614]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Ah, A&J! Sad story, though–became an AC/DC cover band until lead singer chocked on vomit. Yes, there is a question as to the source…

Jim89048 December 23, 2009 at 11:32 pm

Possum? No wonder she lost, she can’t even spell it!

ShiningMathPath December 23, 2009 at 11:53 pm

1) The 00′s: the decade of the Furry.

2) All Bush Jr. really wanted was to be Benny Hill

3) [re=484581]Suds McKenzie[/re]: [re=484672]BeWoot[/re]: you’re the best, the BEST, damn group of sloppy drunks ever

suecris December 23, 2009 at 11:59 pm

I’m new here, and admit I haven’t always been a news junkie, so I need assistance: what is the picture of the ?child? and bird?


FlipOffResearch December 24, 2009 at 12:07 am

Fucking awesome! You unloaded the vaults. My favorite was the solemn Rummy with Captain America and Spiderman. No.2 was George W. “Trig” Bush Jr. holding the flag upside down while Laura and , I forget her name, skank no. 2 look on in stunned disbelief.

S.Luggo December 24, 2009 at 12:20 am

Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were.
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind.
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were.


S.Luggo December 24, 2009 at 12:36 am

Marsupial vs. Silicon Valley. Who winz? Who DESERVES to win?

Btw: Hot Brazilian Girl is John Stossel.

snideinplainsight December 24, 2009 at 12:52 am

The Aughts: a decade in which to blame furries!

stew December 24, 2009 at 1:15 am

That fucking music… Been tired to any suicides attempts?

S.Luggo December 24, 2009 at 1:40 am

[re=484698]stew[/re]: That’s a backward tape of John Ashcroft singing “As The Eagle Flies”. Why must you so hate our America?

S.Luggo December 24, 2009 at 1:48 am
ShiningMathPath December 24, 2009 at 2:35 am

[re=484698]stew[/re]: yes – Diane Arbus.

bhosp December 24, 2009 at 2:58 am

For a minute I thought that music was Randall Terry singing in his weird-ass castrato voice outside Terri Shiavo’s hospice.

Radiotherapy December 24, 2009 at 3:09 am

Katherine Harris paved the way for Spalin! Stupid, phony, fake tits and manipulated. Let’s hope they end up in the same footnote to the “oughts”.

Escape Goat Nation December 24, 2009 at 3:28 am

I like the pretty music.

ShiningMathPath December 24, 2009 at 4:12 am

[re=484687]suecris[/re]: hmmm, the facial expression looks like Bush reading “My Pet Goat” …

Extemporanus December 24, 2009 at 4:28 am

[re=484614]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Inexplicably, I have, until this very moment, read your nom de Wonkette as “iwillsavethisplanet”.

To which I ask: Why?

Adding: Will you?

Demanding: When?!

Regarding Ken’s subliminally sublime song selection:

A more apropos aural apotheosis of the paraparetically peripatetic pathos augured by the apocalyptic onset of America’s anhedonia-addled “aughts” ought never to be heard.

And if the exceedingly pretentious preceeding sentence wasn’t enough to convince you of said true fact, I humbly invite you to hide the narcotics, knives, nooses, and Neilists, and to give the insanity-ward-winning official MTV video for “Hope There’s Someone” a wee whirl.

Or, better yet, check out this intimately excellent 2005 live performance in Malmö, Sweden.

It tracks remarkable well with our soon-to-be death paneled decade-of-late-in-waiting. To wit:

0:01-1:04 = 2000-2002

1:05-4:29 = 2003-2008

4:30-5:24 = 2009-6:24 PM, Wednesday, December 23, 2009

5:25-5:41 = This goddamn awesome pixel-fucking Pulitzer of a Wonkette post

And finally, for the sake of posterity, karaoke, and bukkake, the lyrics:

Hope there’s someone
Who’ll take care of me
When I die, will I go?

Hope there’s someone
Who’ll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I’m tired

There’s a ghost on the horizon
When I go to bed
How can I fall asleep at night?
How will I rest my head?

Oh, I’m scared of the middle place
Between light and nowhere
I don’t want to be the one
Left in there, left in there

There’s a man on the horizon
Wish that I’d go to bed
If I fall to his feet tonight
Will allow, rest my head

So here’s hoping I will not drown
Or paralyze in light
And godsend I don’t want to go
To the seal’s watershed

Hope there’s someone
Who’ll take care of me
When I die, will I go?

Hope there’s someone
Who’ll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I’m tired

Happy Holidays, Wonkette.

Happy. Fucking. Holidays.

ShiningMathPath December 24, 2009 at 5:10 am

[re=484712]Extemporanus[/re]: I know you speak the truth, but I’m weak and afraid.

Don’t … want … to … hear … that … song … again

Extemporanus December 24, 2009 at 5:34 am

[re=484714]ShiningMathPath[/re]: Be strong. Be brave. Be enlightened.

Your Wonkette will be there waiting for you on the other side…

DC Hates Me December 24, 2009 at 5:41 am

So .. fat people wearing furry costumes and Ann Coulter singing holocaust music. Like a shiny lump of coal.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO December 24, 2009 at 5:49 am

[re=484712]Extemporanus[/re]: I don’t care ’bout your high falutin analysis. This song has me looking for a razor and my Cure cd.

Extemporanus December 24, 2009 at 6:16 am

[re=484719]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: When you find your Cure CD, you’ll have found your razor.

And vice versa.

Know hope.

freakishlystrong December 24, 2009 at 6:34 am

Ah Wonkett, I read it for the pictures, but stay for the alt text. Thank you for fornicating my memory hole.

Zulu December 24, 2009 at 8:19 am

No, no! Go for Harris’ jugular you idiot, not the armpit!

Vartan84 December 24, 2009 at 8:51 am

Wow, the choice of music just makes this montage an almost religious experience to look back on and remember this ridiculous decade, beautiful…

Gumboz1953 December 24, 2009 at 9:09 am

Defective possum. I thought they were supposed to be good at operating upside down? Too bad he didn’t take a chunk out of her.

Then she would’ve had to do the rabies treatments, and then would have discovered the importance of health insurance.

Deacon Frank Orris December 24, 2009 at 9:36 am

Needz moar alt-text, plz.

What Fresh Hell is This? December 24, 2009 at 9:46 am

It took a possum photograph to remind me what a plain, manly-looking woman Katherine Harris is — or the technical abilities of America’s modern bosom engineers.

NJB December 24, 2009 at 9:56 am

[re=484670]skoalrebelsdad[/re]: Shit – I’d forgotten all about skoalrebel. Now I’m going to have to forget all over again. Thanks a lot.

Doglessliberal December 24, 2009 at 10:07 am

Ah, the Furry and TruckNutz Decade.

And Dickhead Cheney does look as if he is peeing in the bush there.

phineas_bounderby December 24, 2009 at 10:10 am

What the possum photo doesn’t convey is that a few seconds after the picture was snapped Harris lifted the possum, tilted her head back, widened her mouth into a hideous chasm, and ate the possum live, whole and raw in one bite! It was worse than the Sarah Palin turkey massacre, especially the aftermath whereby Harris loudly belched and gleefully cackled.

bitchincamaro December 24, 2009 at 10:28 am

I just shot myself. Thanks, Wonkette.

El Pinche December 24, 2009 at 10:36 am

[re=484786]bitchincamaro[/re]: Where’s Meg when you need her ?! We want death!

watershed December 24, 2009 at 11:42 am

Regarding that last video, as Saigyo said:

What it is I know not
But with the gratitude
My tears fall

NixonNow December 24, 2009 at 12:39 pm

If i saw a furry driving a vehicle with trucknutz i’d be able to die satisfied with my life.

gaswhisperer December 24, 2009 at 12:40 pm

[re=484614]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Thats the Vogon Mercury 2005 Music Award?

Gumboz1953 December 24, 2009 at 12:48 pm

I’m trying to read the sign behind the possum-holding human.

skate boarders
roller bladers

It’s very much out of focus, since the photographer thought the foreground image was more interesting, for some odd reason.

lulzmonger December 24, 2009 at 12:53 pm


Jesus Fuck, what’s next? Internets-Fat-Girl-Angle Shots with extra lens-flare?

Would’ve much preferred “Stigmata” by Ministry, but that’s me – golden oldies all the way.

In conclusion, oooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-oooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooo-ooooooooh.
Happy Holidaze!

Okied December 24, 2009 at 2:01 pm

I would like a refund for this decade. When it began, I was ten years old. I want better formative years, goddammit. And, also, more alt text forever.

WickedWitch December 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

I fergot Madame Harris’s gonzagas were that huge. Are you sure she’s not a real life Barbie??

Charlie Bucket December 24, 2009 at 4:08 pm

The inclusion of this ridiculous dismal music is subtle comedic genius. Thanks, Wonkette, for adding funny to these hideous times we live in.

punmind December 24, 2009 at 4:32 pm

[re=484712]Extemporanus[/re]: Those lyrics – they – they make more sense to me than any I’ve ever heard.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO December 24, 2009 at 4:34 pm

The worst is that the song is now starting to grow on me. Well, that and the fact that I’ve stolen my wife’s black eye liner and aromatherapy candles.

gaswhisperer December 24, 2009 at 5:31 pm

[re=484935]punmind[/re]: Me too, and that gives me a sads. :<

Nigerian Business Executive December 24, 2009 at 10:18 pm

[re=484856]Okied[/re]: Get off my lawn!

FlownOver December 25, 2009 at 5:23 am

Kitty’s pic: Separated at birth?

taylormattd December 25, 2009 at 2:02 pm

I kind of want to fuck the white guy wearing the Obama shirt in his mug shot.

Arnold Palmer of Liberals December 26, 2009 at 2:11 am

Is it too late to change my avatar to the murderer in the bootleg Lion King house slippers?

Chuckie Jesus December 26, 2009 at 11:53 am

Love the stadium-full of sex-abuse survivors.

God, it’s like we started the decade with a faceplant and slid all the way to 2010.

Slainte chugat, my niggaz. Here’s to a better one.

GaySailor December 26, 2009 at 6:05 pm

I love the accompaniment to “butt in the front man-lady surrounded by her Oompa Loompa friends giving her moral support on the way to the emergency room!” CLASSIC!

thatonegirlsays December 31, 2009 at 1:04 pm

HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU GUYS SCARED ME. I had no idea where that music was coming from and it took me a good couple minutes to figure out your crazy bitches rigged autoplay to trap the Wonketteers.

Is the Middle Place the Middle East?

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