Let my possum go.
Did you know it’s impossible to spell “Funny Pictures” without the name “Katherine Harris” … as part of the caption from one of the many photographs of Katherine Harris that your Wonkette has posted under the “Funny Pictures” tags, over the years? Well, then welcome to the “Virtual Reality Based Community” or whatever it was called, shuck ‘n awe, etc.

We remember this because he called an Indian kid 'Macaca.'
Oh look, a fat white guy dressed in fake “western wear,” riding a horse on a sidewalk or something. Was this the opening of a used-car lot in Fairfax? BETTER: This was the campaign of big dumb racist turd George Allen, who lost his Senate seat in 2006 to a super-crazy Reaganite called Jim Webb, who literally wore combat boots everywhere, which was not quite as ridiculous as Allen wearing cowboy boots everywhere. Anyway, George Allen said a word (“Macaca”) to some guy from the Daily Kos or something, we cannot remember, but ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE and the Democrats won the House and then won the Senate plus the White House and then liberal bloggers denounced the African-American liberal president, the end.

'The Batman' was the greatest comic book movie of all time. RIP Heath!
Online webzine Slate made a comic book version of the 9/11 report. Just so we’re clear: Online webzine Slate made a comic book version of the 9/11 report.

You know what? *Fuck* writing text about these pictures. Just deal.

Not kidding at all.

No more alt-text, either.

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  1. What, no original “Teabag the Dems” photo? Also, that possum picture really fucking pisses me off. I live four blocks away from someone who had a pet possum for five and a half… ah, fuck me, I need a fucking drink.

  2. I’m in a funny picture! I’m in a funny picture! I’m famous form the decade.

    That’s a picture of my 2cd Life avatar (that I only tried because Wonkette kept bleating about 2cd Life over and over again way back then) looking at a picture of that lumber mill, wife-cheating-on guy at his forlorn 2cd Life campaign headquarters.

    I would like you all to know that that was probably the first and last time I did the 2cd life thing. I have a life, after all. I plat World of Warcraft.

    Also, I’m in a funny picture that will be in the Smithsonian and I’ll be remembered forever! Until aliens come and destroy us all, that is.

  3. What the hell is that last picture about? You never told us. Did someone eat Easter? Are they going to have to operate to save all the Cadbury eggs and marshmellow peeps? Is that an Ooompa Loompma in the foreground?

    I did a search on the intertubes for the image and it came back here to Wonkette. So what gives? Really.

  4. The state fair crowd looked from possum to Kitty, and from Kitty to possum, and from possum to Kitty again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

  5. Wow, what a decade — holding a possum up by the tail was probably the least appalling thing Kitty Harris ever did. And besides that, there was far too much John McCain. Condi, Doug Feith, John Ashcroft and the rest of the war criminals are underrepresented, though — nevertheless, I’m still gonna have a big swig of forgettin’ sauce after looking at these.

  6. [re=484603]stew[/re]: I think it’s Nina Simone — who I generally love, but she’s done some awful tunes, too — try listening to her rendition of “Mr. Bojangles” for some real ear-torture.

  7. Absolutely brilliant!! I was laughing my a** off once I realized what was going on!! Truly award work!! That was great. Thanks, Wonkette!!

    Now I’ll go back and look at the pictures. Also.

  8. What, you guys didn’t have comments back in 2007?

    I think that the Smokey-the-Bear/Fish/Owl band features Ken Layne playing banjo. Correct me if I’m wrong.

    And what’s the deal with the charcoal drawing of the Roadrunner and Triangle Man?

  9. [re=484638]slappypaddy[/re]: Wait, what are you implying? Is Wonkette shutting down for Jebusmas and Jebusmas eve?

    What the hell am I supposed to do over the next two days? Spend it with my wife and kids? Fuck!

  10. At first I thought that the CDC whooping cough ad banner was one of the pictures, but then I realized that it was an ad banner.

    Then I started coughing. Now, usually, I’d blame that on my brother’s two dogs. But now, who knows…MAYBE I HAVE WHOOPING COUGH.

    Thanks, Wonkette, for ruining my Jebusmas!

  11. I hope the Wonkette editors will at least be checking in over the next four days. I remember what happened over the Memorial Day weekend, and how irresponsible commentators got drunk and insulted participants from the Flyover States–shame on them!

  12. Why do they say “Trix are for kids” anyway? Shouldn’t if be “Trix IS for kids”? It’s the product, not the activity.

    Meanwhile, in other news, windows is shutting down.

  13. [re=484614]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Huh — I’d never heard of them, but I only listened to a few seconds of the song before making the comment above, so listened to it all the way through. Yeah, definitely not Nina Simone — more like the love child of Tiny Tim and a singing saw. Not that it’s not interesting.

  14. About the Trix kid:

    Have you ever seen a

    The expression on his

    But he’s just a

    It’s hard to say anything about this picture. It is too perfect. This child should be immortalized in the form of a marble statue,

    then dropped to the bottom of the ocean.

  15. P.S. In Google Reader the song doesn’t start playing until you scroll to the bottom and see the stretcher. The combination made me lose my shit. “#6 Best Internet Posting of 2000s”

  16. Perfect timing of the music. The song ended when I got to the bottom and was wiping the god damned tears from my pussy ass eyeballs.
    And I’m using Chromium on a Mac (from a nightly build last week) , so it works in a fringe Leftist Elitist Thug type configuration.

    Any music from Casey and his Brother goes great against a photo collage of the 2000s.

  17. [re=484609]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Nah, the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band owns that ditty. For the uninitiated, NGDB are for those who think Pure Prairie League is too complex.

  18. [re=484614]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Ah, A&J! Sad story, though–became an AC/DC cover band until lead singer chocked on vomit. Yes, there is a question as to the source…

  19. 1) The 00’s: the decade of the Furry.

    2) All Bush Jr. really wanted was to be Benny Hill

    3) [re=484581]Suds McKenzie[/re]: [re=484672]BeWoot[/re]: you’re the best, the BEST, damn group of sloppy drunks ever

  20. Fucking awesome! You unloaded the vaults. My favorite was the solemn Rummy with Captain America and Spiderman. No.2 was George W. “Trig” Bush Jr. holding the flag upside down while Laura and , I forget her name, skank no. 2 look on in stunned disbelief.

  21. Katherine Harris paved the way for Spalin! Stupid, phony, fake tits and manipulated. Let’s hope they end up in the same footnote to the “oughts”.

  22. [re=484614]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Inexplicably, I have, until this very moment, read your nom de Wonkette as “iwillsavethisplanet”.

    To which I ask: Why?

    Adding: Will you?

    Demanding: When?!

    Regarding Ken’s subliminally sublime song selection:

    A more apropos aural apotheosis of the paraparetically peripatetic pathos augured by the apocalyptic onset of America’s anhedonia-addled “aughts” ought never to be heard.

    And if the exceedingly pretentious preceeding sentence wasn’t enough to convince you of said true fact, I humbly invite you to hide the narcotics, knives, nooses, and Neilists, and to give the insanity-ward-winning official MTV video for “Hope There’s Someone” a wee whirl.

    Or, better yet, check out this intimately excellent 2005 live performance in Malmö, Sweden.

    It tracks remarkable well with our soon-to-be death paneled decade-of-late-in-waiting. To wit:

    0:01-1:04 = 2000-2002

    1:05-4:29 = 2003-2008

    4:30-5:24 = 2009-6:24 PM, Wednesday, December 23, 2009

    5:25-5:41 = This goddamn awesome pixel-fucking Pulitzer of a Wonkette post

    And finally, for the sake of posterity, karaoke, and bukkake, the lyrics:

    Hope there’s someone
    Who’ll take care of me
    When I die, will I go?

    Hope there’s someone
    Who’ll set my heart free
    Nice to hold when I’m tired

    There’s a ghost on the horizon
    When I go to bed
    How can I fall asleep at night?
    How will I rest my head?

    Oh, I’m scared of the middle place
    Between light and nowhere
    I don’t want to be the one
    Left in there, left in there

    There’s a man on the horizon
    Wish that I’d go to bed
    If I fall to his feet tonight
    Will allow, rest my head

    So here’s hoping I will not drown
    Or paralyze in light
    And godsend I don’t want to go
    To the seal’s watershed

    Hope there’s someone
    Who’ll take care of me
    When I die, will I go?

    Hope there’s someone
    Who’ll set my heart free
    Nice to hold when I’m tired

    Happy Holidays, Wonkette.

    Happy. Fucking. Holidays.

  23. [re=484712]Extemporanus[/re]: I know you speak the truth, but I’m weak and afraid.

    Don’t … want … to … hear … that … song … again

  24. Defective possum. I thought they were supposed to be good at operating upside down? Too bad he didn’t take a chunk out of her.

    Then she would’ve had to do the rabies treatments, and then would have discovered the importance of health insurance.

  25. It took a possum photograph to remind me what a plain, manly-looking woman Katherine Harris is — or the technical abilities of America’s modern bosom engineers.

  26. What the possum photo doesn’t convey is that a few seconds after the picture was snapped Harris lifted the possum, tilted her head back, widened her mouth into a hideous chasm, and ate the possum live, whole and raw in one bite! It was worse than the Sarah Palin turkey massacre, especially the aftermath whereby Harris loudly belched and gleefully cackled.

  27. I’m trying to read the sign behind the possum-holding human.

    skate boarders
    roller bladers

    It’s very much out of focus, since the photographer thought the foreground image was more interesting, for some odd reason.


    Jesus Fuck, what’s next? Internets-Fat-Girl-Angle Shots with extra lens-flare?

    Would’ve much preferred “Stigmata” by Ministry, but that’s me – golden oldies all the way.

    In conclusion, oooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-oooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooo-ooooooooh.
    Happy Holidaze!

  29. I would like a refund for this decade. When it began, I was ten years old. I want better formative years, goddammit. And, also, more alt text forever.

  30. The inclusion of this ridiculous dismal music is subtle comedic genius. Thanks, Wonkette, for adding funny to these hideous times we live in.

  31. The worst is that the song is now starting to grow on me. Well, that and the fact that I’ve stolen my wife’s black eye liner and aromatherapy candles.

  32. Love the stadium-full of sex-abuse survivors.

    God, it’s like we started the decade with a faceplant and slid all the way to 2010.

    Slainte chugat, my niggaz. Here’s to a better one.

  33. I love the accompaniment to “butt in the front man-lady surrounded by her Oompa Loompa friends giving her moral support on the way to the emergency room!” CLASSIC!

  34. HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU GUYS SCARED ME. I had no idea where that music was coming from and it took me a good couple minutes to figure out your crazy bitches rigged autoplay to trap the Wonketteers.

    Is the Middle Place the Middle East?

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