DRAT  3:23 pm December 23, 2009

We Did Everything We Were Supposed To, But Robert Byrd Is Still Alive!

by Jim Newell

No idea if this is a hoax or not, but a self-identified Republican, “Abraham” — like the famous Jew! — called into CSPAN to ask Republican Sen. John Barrasso why Robert Byrd hadn’t died after Tom Coburn had instructed everyone to pray for it, and they had acquiesced? Maybe Tom Coburn doesn’t know God so well. Weren’t we just talking about expanding medical coverage?[YouTube]

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ManchuCandidate December 23, 2009 at 3:27 pm

Next time, use a voodoo doll.

Joshua Norton December 23, 2009 at 3:27 pm

Y’know – at this point, how can they really tell?

Paterlanger December 23, 2009 at 3:29 pm

When Republican congress people ask you to pray “hard” maybe it doesn’t mean what you think it means?

ChernobylSoup v2 December 23, 2009 at 3:29 pm

I heard about this earlier today. I just figured y’all had made Riley place the call and ask the question.

glamourdammerung December 23, 2009 at 3:30 pm

The best/worst part of this is that conservatives have become such a joke that no one is sure if this is a hoax or not.

JMP December 23, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Hasn’t he ever seen “Weekend at Bernie’s”?

S.Luggo December 23, 2009 at 3:31 pm

Anyone seen Jim Inhofe recently?

Naked Bunny with a Whip December 23, 2009 at 3:34 pm

Well, Byrd is alive-ish. Good enough to vote on vast legislative bills, anyway.

Flanders December 23, 2009 at 3:35 pm

Yikes! The creatine guy over on the left looks like he should be deployed as a defense contractor in Afpakistan! Put some pants on, big guy!

Joshua Norton December 23, 2009 at 3:35 pm

They’ve assigned Byrd a page who’s sole job is to shake him violently every time he stops moving. Just to be sure…

snideinplainsight December 23, 2009 at 3:38 pm

Hey can they get health care funds for that kind of prayer?

Come here a minute December 23, 2009 at 3:39 pm

At least we can agree that it makes no difference whether James Inhofe is dead or alive.

sezme December 23, 2009 at 3:40 pm

“small teabag” Heh heh!

snideinplainsight December 23, 2009 at 3:41 pm

I prayed that Tom Coburn would get scratched up by a cat riding a roomba.

WideStance December 23, 2009 at 3:42 pm

Senator Inhofe stood strong against the global warming conspiracy, the Obama birth certificate conspiracy, and the health care communist conspiracy, but apparently has succumbed to a “small tea bag group” from Waycross, Georgia, which has prayed the wrong Senator to death.

Manos: Hands of Fate December 23, 2009 at 3:47 pm

I’m going to call bullshit on that call — it’s probably a Gawker reader. Of course if I’m wrong, I would hope every Democratic senator would stay out public view until this things goes through — the tea baggers are hopping mad and they think God is on their side.

S.Luggo December 23, 2009 at 3:48 pm

[re=484440]WideStance[/re]: Mistakes were made.

Sweet Baby Cheeses December 23, 2009 at 3:48 pm

I’m pretty sure if your prayers didn’t work, it just means god hates you.

knobwurst December 23, 2009 at 3:49 pm

What the small teabaggers didn’t realize is that it was Opposite Day in LaLa Land. Dummies shoulda used that reverse sociology and prayed to ah jesus to ah heal Senator Byrd…

JMP December 23, 2009 at 3:51 pm

[re=484440]WideStance[/re]: It does say a lot about Oklahoma that you have to clarify which Senator you mean by “the batshit fucking insane one”.

SayItWithWookies December 23, 2009 at 3:53 pm

The LORD hasn’t been very good to these idiots, has He? Maybe he’s testing their faith by shitting all over them — which He’s been known to do. I can’t wait until they get the boils.

Serolf Divad December 23, 2009 at 3:54 pm

[re=484434]Joshua Norton[/re]:

But not too violently, mind you.

d23 December 23, 2009 at 3:59 pm

God wants you to actually help people and not be selfish.

Who knew?

OReillysVibrator December 23, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Prank or no prank, classy of the Wyoming Senator not to take the opportunity to denounce praying for someone’s death. Can’t wait til the world ends because 40 Republican Senators exist.

Oldskool December 23, 2009 at 4:17 pm

God is really falling down on the job. I bet he’s in the hospital, too distracted by insurance forms to off the right people.

bureaucrap December 23, 2009 at 4:21 pm

The CSPAN reporter should not have let him off the hook; she should have said, “Okay, Senator, our caller is asking if you prayed sufficiently for Senator Byrd’s death. This is a “yes” or “no” question. So, yes or no, in your own opinion, did you pray sufficiently hard? And if “Yes,” why the *&^% is he still alive? Are you saying that you don’t have an “in” with the almighty?”

snideinplainsight December 23, 2009 at 4:24 pm

You know, I don’t think you all are being quite fair. The senator never SAID explicitly that people should pray for anyone’s death. The Lord works in mysterious ways. It’s quite possible that Senator Byrd could come down with a painful inguinal hernia, say, and miss the vote. Or by the will of God Senator Byrd might experience a miraculous pulmonary arteriovenous fistula and become incapacitated. Or a dental abscess. Or perhaps the Lord might impede Senator Byrd’s progress through the city by means of an automobile accident or his being pinned down by a sniper.

snideinplainsight December 23, 2009 at 4:31 pm

Diverticulitis, say, could in fact be an act of the Lord. Or say encephalitis. Reye’s Syndrome, or febrile purpura. How about Necrotizing fasciitis – that would keep a man home, for instance. Herpes zoster, if it were severe – yes, it would have to be pretty severe. Oh Lord in your mercy please consider the options of myocarditis, N-phase hepatitis B, or perhaps impetigo, erysipelas, or glomerulonephritis.

snideinplainsight December 23, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Perhaps as a Christmas miracle, Senator Byrd could contract endometriosis.

rocktonsammy December 23, 2009 at 4:38 pm

God’s main focus right now seems to be 4 days of freezing rain, flash floods and a shortage of salt for the roads in northern Illinois and southern Wisconsin.
A muslin god wouldn’t allow this during xmas.

snideinplainsight December 23, 2009 at 4:40 pm

Sorry, that should have been “Oh Lord in Your Mercy”.

Mr Blifil December 23, 2009 at 4:43 pm

C-SPAN is in the tank for Trucknutzz.

Dumptruck December 23, 2009 at 4:54 pm

I wonder if I could pray myself drunk…

whiskey tango foxtrot December 23, 2009 at 5:19 pm

[re=484508]Dumptruck[/re]: I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say our prayers are with you. And ourselves, also.

SmutBoffin December 23, 2009 at 5:22 pm

Assuming the caller really means what he says, this gives us a little window into the ‘bagger psyche. The dude is wondering, out loud on nations TV “I’ve spent all these years prayin’ for stuff, wavin’ the flag, votin’ for cowboys, hatin’ the queers and San Francisco liberals, carryin’ a big NOBAMA sign at ‘bagger events…why does my life still suck?

Toomush Infermashun December 23, 2009 at 5:39 pm

[re=484496]snideinplainsight[/re]: Can all these thayings be sedd en summ slidery southren akscaent, ah shore would be in fayver uv a wav. fale….

Dolmance December 23, 2009 at 5:39 pm

Oh, my Father… Why hast thou forsaken me and not gone out and whacketh the sinner Robert Byrd.

Hart88 December 23, 2009 at 5:41 pm

In a completetly unrelated incident, a Robert Burd of Pigknuckle, GA was suddenly struck dead by lightning on a clear day.

Dolmance December 23, 2009 at 5:45 pm

[re=484508]Dumptruck[/re]: Actually, you can pray yourself drunk. Some people have a genetic predisposition to literally get fucked up out of their heads when they go all Evangelical. When they’ve got their arms up like they do, they’re getting in position to get the last bit of stony shit being released from various glands affecting the brain and nervous system and getting completely looped. That’s why they tend to jitter around like epileptics or start crying and shit.

They’re fucking drug addicts. All of ‘em. It’s all about sensation.

You know, of course, that Evangelical women tend to have the most orgasms when being fucked? It’s true. And when they don’t have religion to hold it all together, they can often be found pulling trains at the local bar and then going on the Jerry Springer Show to come clean to their loved ones.

And the problem is, they think everyone else is like them – cats in heat, on Acid.

FlipOffResearch December 23, 2009 at 6:18 pm
arewethereyet December 23, 2009 at 6:39 pm

[re=484508]Dumptruck[/re]: sure you can….allow me to join you…our god in heaven……

O_o December 23, 2009 at 9:00 pm

I once saw five trolls trolling their troll cocks across ten other trolls, and not even that amount of trolling compares to this phone call.

petehammer December 23, 2009 at 9:21 pm

I too think this is fake. I don’t think a teabagging idiot would actual call his group a “tea bag” instead of a “tea party” group. I think the fake crying was to cover for laughter. It is well done, but still fake.

102415 December 23, 2009 at 10:05 pm

God bless him whoever he is.

CanadianBacon December 23, 2009 at 11:11 pm

I found a dead bird on my deck yesterday. Coincidence? I think not. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

leaveskoalrebelalone December 24, 2009 at 12:44 am

i prayed real hard…sniff sniff…that senator brasso from trucknutz ga would not answer the question about praying real hard…but would instead give the usual hack politician’s mail it in stock answer to any question at any time…sniff sniff.

joewilson' December 24, 2009 at 12:56 pm

the Lord truly doth work in mysterious ways…..

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 25, 2009 at 4:36 am

Silly Teabagger, don’t you know that President Obama has outlawed all prayer not directed toward Mecca?

And where in journalism school do they teach you when and how to totally avoid a question on a call in show because the caller is clearly demented? Bravo, I say.

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