Years of Painful Laughter: The Decade In Funny Pictures

Why look who’s here, America’s “Commander of Cheer,” Mister President Obama! And he’s got plenty to laugh about! Just think, when this millennium began just 10 years ago, people like Barack Obama were still legally considered slaves. And now it’s the white people who are HIS slaves. Haw haw!

Nothing says Christmas like an old picture of teevee’s Larry King scowling in a shopping mall, in 2006. (Yes, he’s wearing a Raiders jacket. Insanity.) This Kristmas Klassic was the first big “scoop” for internet gossip website “The TMZ,” and it was immediately PULLED FROM THE SITE because it turns out Larry King is a bigwig at CNN, which sort of owned TMZ, perhaps through AOL or Time-Warner or another one of those “dead tree” things, the media? Anyway, that’s all over now and Larry King can’t hurt us anymore. Never forget.

Many historians quite rightly consider the 2000s “the decade when George W. Bush Junior was most often the president.” He was truly America’s Funnyman, and never missed a chance to mug for the camera while doing some idiotic fucking thing. It is unfair to retards to call George W. Bush retarded. Totally unfair. Here’s “Dubya” getting some turkeyneck a couple-four years ago! Let’s roll!

Honest to god, eight years of this jackass as president. This photograph (of an idiot) is one of the earliest “funny pictures” in Wonkette’s vaults, from 2004! Send John Kerry!

It’s no wonder Laura Bush went sex-toy shopping in Europe! Here, she’s telling the German shopkeeper, “I’ve already got a giant dildo at home. Ahm lookin’ for a sex toy.” She just wanted to practice her love!

And then there was that time when George W. Bush pooped out an entire alive dog! It was a Christmas Miracle! The dog was named “Barney,” which is what Bush named all of his poops. Cut and Run!

How times have changed! Can you imagine MSNBC referring to Norah O’Donnell as “the white ho” today? (No, because that’s what they call Chuck Todd.) And the people who knocked the buildings down will hear from all of us soon.

Crazy times, in the mid-’Nads: In order to fully restore dignity to the White House after Bill Clinton had a fling with an adult woman in the Oval Office, the Bush Administration brought in a GAY HOMOSEXUAL PROSTITUTE supposedly working for a wingnut website nobody had ever heard of, and this male sex hooker, who was known alternately as “Jeff Gannon” and “James Dale Guckert,” not only attended White House press conferences, but was actually called upon by Bush himself, during televised propaganda sessions. Also, this sex-hooker pretended to be a U.S. Marine or somesuch, and he often spent the night at the White House. Oh yeah and the fake “GOPUSA/Talon News” website he “wrote for” didn’t even exist when the Secret Service began slipping him into the Executive Mansion. George W. Bush won a second term as president, after this.

But after five or so years of Total Darkness, the fun returned to Washington in 2006. Katherine Harris, the she-devil who had something or other to do with George W. Bush somehow becoming president for TWO TERMS, campaigned for a Senate seat! “You’d better watch what you do and watch what you say.”

This is Barack Obama’s first known appearance in Wonkette’s Funny Pictures archive, from way back in March of 2006, long before anyone could recognize Axelrod and Gibbs, way back before we first smoked Obama out of his cave.

THAT IS ALL FOR NOW. PART II COMING UP IN PROBABLY A FEW HOURS!!!!