Republican senators all want ancient Robert Byrd to DIE before Christmas Eve, so he can’t vote for Health Care Reform — this is not a jokey exaggeration, but documented fact. Democrats, on the other hand, just want Americans to honor Byrd’s half a century in the Senate by remembering his many legislative maneuvers and triumphs or whatever. Just kidding, they just want you to know Byrd is still, technically, alive.
Sen. Christopher J. Dodd (D-Conn.), who sits next to Byrd in the chamber, took note of his cheery attitude this week. “He looks a lot better, he seems a lot better, than a few weeks ago,” Dodd said. He added that Byrd is “clearly aware” of who his colleagues are, their families and their legislative interests.
Ha ha, Christmas is going to be like that for lots of us with elderly relations, isn’t it? So just try to be cool when Granny hisses at your wife of 15 years, “Who’s that whore?” At least your old relatives aren’t expected to supply the sixtieth vote for health care reform! [Washington Post]
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Those Reptards, y’know, they’re always good for a laugh.
“I did the icky!”
Welcome back Senator Grampa Abe Simpson Byrd.
Hey, now, he’s still got to survive until Thursday morning. Maybe Wonkette should intall a “Byrd Still Not Dead Dead DEAD!” countdown clock, to help elevate the suspense.
I do respect Byrd’s encyclopaedic knowledge of the Constitution. Being the Sixtieth Vote may almost make up for him having been one of the original Boys In The Hood(s), too.
i bet he’s so weak he can’t even fart properly.
“Senator Byrd is clearly aware…”
This is truly no decent way for a true American icon to spend his waning years. He should be hopped up on moonshine and oxycontin before getting near the Senate floor.
[re=484034]ManchuCandidate[/re]: senator byrd attached an onion to his wheelchair, which was the style at the time.
He added that Byrd is “clearly aware” of who his colleagues are, their families and their legislative interests.
Wow, that … that’s a pretty fucking low bar. “He is not a complete drooling vegetable! He looks at human beings that he’s known and worked with for years and can recognize them!”
Silly Republicans.
You don’t get to pull the plug on grandpa until *after* the bill passes.
#tips I think Brittany Murphy is dead.
[re=484044]5th Level Halfling Rogue[/re]: Silly, yes, but can the republicans pull they pull the plug on masturbatin’, mom’s basement dwellin’, pajama wearin’ bloggers? We shall see.
http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.com/2009/12/banned-making-it-on-sarah-palins.html?commentPage=2
[re=484046]foulmouthed mrscreant[/re]: shit…and fuck you, John McCain.
Here’s an idea. I wonder if Barack should just claim to be the Anti Christ, because the Anti-Christ is supposed to get 7 years to rule or something, right? Just say, look, people, I’m the Anti-Christ, all right? Now pass health care reform and we’re pulling out of Iraq, and giving gays the right to marry, and then after 7 years Jesus will come down and take over. If they argue, he can tell them that the Bible says he gets his way for 7 years. Then the Christianists would have to do what he says! Because they weren’t raptured up so clearly they have to endure it.
Because, srsly, there’s no way to reason with people who are praying for other people to keel over and miss a vote.
[re=484046]foulmouthed mrscreant[/re]: Palin/HarperCollins 2012 !
[re=484049]El Pinche[/re]: Bible Spice/Rupert Murdoch
/fixed
There’s that whole “celebrities die in threes” thing to think about. Brittany Murphy, Robert Byrd, and the sad remnants of Glenn Beck’s sanity. That’s three, right?
that’s a pretty fucking low bar. “He is not a complete drooling vegetable!
It’s still too high for 96% of the teabaggers to get over.
Wow… Senator Tom Coburn is a one-man death panel.
FREE BYRD! FREE BYRD! FREE BYRD!
[re=484053]Megapteronica[/re]: The Last Supper was the first Death Panel.
[re=484055]Extemporanus[/re]: I like mine better.
[re=484048]Noodle Salad[/re]: I’m not up on my Revelations but I think that Christ and the Anti Christ are supposed to actually fight it out for those seven years. If I’m wrong than I vote for your idea.
[re=484036]T.J.M[/re]: http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2009/12/21/2158192.aspx
They don’t need him for the final vote on the bill, a simple majority will do there. Wednesday @ 13:00 ET is the last time that the GOP can force him to appear for the final cloture vote on the underlying bill.
[re=484059]naveed[/re]: Oh, and they went a bit late on Tuesday morning, so that 30 hours ends around Wednesday 15:00 ET, unless of course the GOP behaves on days other than Thursday.
[re=484054]Extemporanus[/re]: “Our small tea bag group here in Waycross, we got our vigil together and took Dr. Coburn’s instructions and prayed real hard that Sen. Byrd would either die or couldn’t show up at the vote the other night,” the caller said.
[re=484036]T.J.M[/re]: Also! 60 Senate votes is important if they end up needing to break filibuster on the conference report in January or February 2010, which the President can finally sign into law.
[re=484061]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Saw that on TPM earlier. Just awesome.
“’He looks a lot better, he seems a lot better, than a few weeks ago,’ Dodd said.”
Excellent news indeed — if not for the fact that Dodd is a compulsive liar.
The Byrd is the wyrd.
I bet his Mom and Dad are really proud of him.
Hope it doesn’t end up like a Weekend at Bernie’s 4.
So, basically, the majority needs 60 votes in the Senate in order to even take a dump. And incumbents become Senators For Life until they are drooling at their desks. And douchebags from miniscule states like Connecticutt and Nebraska can derail any legislation they feel like. Tell me again why we still have the Senate? Abolish it already, for chrissakes…
The funniest part is where the “christians” freaked out because Inhofe had disappeared and they thought they had “god-smacked” the wrong guy!
[re=484075]HedonismBot[/re]: [re=484075]HedonismBot[/re]:
Yeah, that’s how the U.S. Government works. It’s been that way for a very long time. Perhaps even before you were born.
[re=484038]obfuscator[/re]: I wasn’t aware there is a “proper” way to do such a thing. Do they have lessons?
[re=484076]Up To Here Again[/re]: Praying for the deaths of others is a family value – end eminently Christian. Apparently.
Byrd entered the Senate chamber accompanied by an ear-splitting soundtrack – AC/DC’s “For Those About to Rock.”
I’m so glad the old coot is still aware. We wouldn’t want to have a mentally incompetent Senator, would we? Oh, wait…
[re=484057]imissopus[/re]: Sure, Obama’s the anti-christ. But who’s playing the role of the “big guy”? Beck? Hannity? Palin? Or maybe the Christ-like Vitter the Shitter?
Let’s see them go ten rounds. I put my money on the tall skinny kenyan muslin; the pasty faced Repubs wouldn’t stand a chance against his right hook. Unless, of course, Vitter pulls out some super stinky diaper move, and pins him down like a $50 whore.
What have we got to lose? We could put the receipts from the pay-per-view towards extending unemployment benefits or something.
So, in conclusion: pulling the plug on grandma? Terrible, terrible thing. Praying for grandpa’s death, on the other hand? Well, that’s really just the American way!
[re=484048]Noodle Salad[/re]: I love this idea. And perhaps Obama could propose that a publicly funded “tribulation force” be set up so that all the christianists can move to Montana and start preparing for the big battle while leaving the rest of us the time to get some work done.
[re=484084]the problem child[/re]: When it comes to Senators that should be under clinical psychiatric care, I’d strongly prefer the “drooling incompetent” type over the “delusional paranoid” type.
I think about a third of the republican senators (and about two thirds in the house) could strongly benefit from a strong dose of haloperidol. And the “thought leaders” of the Teatard Caucus should probably be institutionalized.
Seriously — read the DSM IV and think of Palin, Beck, Inhofe, etc.
– Delusional? (“false beliefs that are unshaken by facts?
– Creating their own alternate reality?” Check.)
– Hallucinations? (do conversations with God or Ronald Reagan count?)
– Disorganized speech, muddled thoughts? (You betcha! Also!)
– Disorganized or inappropriate behavior? (That’s a kind phrase for the teabag caucus)
Are you a Republican? There’s medication for that, you know.
Byrd truly has come a long way from his KKK days in the 1880s. He’s throwing up the Black Power fist there!
Better alt-text would have been: “Black Power”.
No, no, no! That fist in the air is from History of the World, Part I where the Roman Senators yell, “FUCK THE POOR!” Byrd’s been in office so long, he gets his legal briefs translated into Latin.
[re=484078]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Hell, it wasn’t that way until I was 2 years old (the current cloture rules were passed in 1975).
[re=484089]Sparky McGruff[/re]: I think many of them fake it on instruction from their corporate overlords. Michell Bachmann however must live in a truly frightening world and should be committed and medicated for her own good. There’s enough evidence for this in the YouTube videos of her speeches.
Byrd thinks his colleagues have “legislative interests”? That’s nuttier-than-a-pit-toilet-badger enough for me.
The Senatorium: Where old Klansman go to hold off from croakin’ just a trifle longer.
First off, I think it’s WRONG to have a senator who’s pushing 100 years of age. Sorry, I just think the people who vote for someone that old are freaks.
But even worse, to wish someone dead the way these republitards have done, is absolutely reprehensible. So fuck ‘em – I hope Senator Byrd lasts another 100.
Thank goodness Senator Byrd’s publicly funded health care will allow him to vote on a bill that marginally helps the rest of us.
Byrd: I think I’ll go for a walk
Bring Out Your Dead Guy: Yer not foolin’ anyone
[re=484085]Sparky McGruff[/re]: You know, Harry Reid looks kinda wiry too, and Al Franken used to wrestle (as he is wont to remind us from time to time). Let’s just have a Dems vs. Reps royal rumble. Not only will Dems win, but John Boehner will finally have a real reason to cry.
As for Mr. Byrd, fuck we need that guy to live forever. Can you imagine who would replace him out of West Virginia right about now? Remember the uh, distinguished lady on the back of the ATV with three-teeth? I’m thinking she would have a chance.
I love these neo-xtian republicans. When they pray for something, they won’t take no for an answer, not even from baby jesus himself.
“He looks a lot better, he seems a lot better, than a few weeks ago,” Dodd said. He added that Byrd is “clearly aware” of who his colleagues are, their families and their legislative interests.”
Which is more than can be said for Joementum.
I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO: Three teeth? In West Virginia? She must be friggin’ royalty. (In the province of the toothless, the three-toothed lady is queen.)
[re=484150]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: She wasn’t from West Virginia, she hails from the dentist averse state of Kentucky.
I’m sure he be naming things after himself for years to come.
[re=484171]chaste everywhere[/re]: Hence the heightened state of her electoral chances. Unless three teeth make her an elitist, that could be a problem.
[re=484183]Cape Clod[/re]: There’s a difference?
Oh to go back in time to a few weeks ago…
[re=484240]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: No, nevermind.
I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO : Lotta those ATVers are indeed elitist. I especially find them to be so when they’re trying to run me over.
If Byrd votes for health care reform, will they finally give him the medicines?
Someone strap a defib onto the old guy’s back. Tell him it’s a jetpack.
[re=484055]Extemporanus[/re]: DEATH panel — you’re not kidding! Don’t get me started about those coward asswipes who abandoned Jesus. Wouldn’t even stay up and watch with him. How hard would that be? Were they too bombed on that wine to stay awake? They turned tail and ran away like five-year-olds, scared of a few dickwads in skirts and funny hats. And then they lied about even knowing Jesus. Jerks. Shit, I wish I’da been there. “Come here Judas — I gotta kiss for you too, you bastard.” Meanwhile, Jesus was prolly thinking, “Major fail, Dad. You sent me to the Planet of the Assholes.” Great impression made on the Creator of the Whole Damn Universe. Way to go, morans.
Needless to say, the nuns didn’t like me, much.
[re=484055]Extemporanus[/re]: But back to the issue at hand — Senator Byrd wasn’t even born until a few years after the Last Supper, so we can’t hold him responsible for what happened.
[re=484084]the problem child[/re]: “Ronald Reagan proved that mental acuity doesn’t matter”
s/dick
And Coburn will just skate away from this kind of stuff (maybe an Olberman honor soon but that’d be it). The thing about God is he doesn’t like to be challenged like this. When Pat Robertson told everyone to pray that a hurricane would hit Florida to punish Disney for Gay Day at Disney World, instead the hurricane hit VA Beach where…wait for it…Pat Robertson is located. So, Oral Roberts gets zotzed while an Oklahoma senator is asking everyone to pray that R Byrd dies…hmmm…Ours is, indeed, an awesome God.
Also, this is “debate” in the US Senate? “I hope you die before the vote…”? No wonder no other country wants our exported “democracy”.
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