cognitive consonance

Roland Burris Devastates Senate With A B A B Rhyme Scheme

Watch maudlin narcissist Roland Burris read a “health care-themed” iteration of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” on the Senate floor. “We’ll clog up the Senate, they cried with a grin/And in the midterm elections, we’ll get voted in!” Chilling. Roland Burris will take two copies in his ark to the River Styx. [YouTube]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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30 comments

  1. JMP

    Why would he think Styx would be interested in it? Although the themes seem a bit reminiscent of “The Grand Illusion” and “Mr. Roboto”, the pattern and rhyme scheme doesn’t really seem appropriate for them (or any glam band really) and there doesn’t seem to be a good hook to turn into a chorus. Plus, they haven’t had a successful new studio album in over 25 years.

    Oh, wait; I see what you meant now. Never mind.

  2. depraved indifference engine

    I HIRED YOU FELLAS TO GET SOME TRACKS LAID NOT TO DANCE AROUND LIKE A BUNCH OF KANSAS CITY FAGGOTS

  3. Dumptruck

    [re=483636]This Cat[/re]: There once was a man from Ancer / Who had balls filled up with cancer / when they swelled up too big / he couldn’t walk, only jig / I hear he became quite the dancer.

  4. nbawriter

    If he wanders into the Starbucks closest to the Capitol, he will get brained. Because that’s what slapdicks who waste tax dollars by reciting nursery rhymes, raps, poems and songs deserve. So many embarrassments in that fucking building.

  5. Holden Caulfield

    If you stayed till the end, you heard Burris wish everyone a “Merry Christmas.” Clearly, he has taken sides in the War on Christmas — or maybe it was just a really subtle FU to Lieberman.

  6. snideinplainsight

    my Senate seat and me, close as can be
    we make a mean team, my Senate seat and me
    we caucus together, rhyme forever
    won’t be mad when stuck in philibusta 4eva
    My Senate seat…
    My Senate seat…

  7. Extemporanus

    [re=483643]magic titty[/re]: You’re right, that was a Rep. Jefferson joint:

    It was December 24th on Hollis Ave in the dark
    When I seen a man chilling with his dog in the park
    I approached very slowly with my heart full of fear
    Looked at his dog, oh my God, an ill reindeer
    But then I was illin because the man had a beard
    And a bag full of goodies, 12 o’clock had neared
    So I turned my head a second and the man had gone
    But he left his driver’s wallet smack dead on the lawn
    I picket the wallet up then I took a pause
    Took out the license and it cold said “Santa Claus”
    A million dollars in it, cold hundreds of G’s
    Enough to buy a boat and matching car with ease
    But I’d never steal from Santa, cause that ain’t right
    So I’m going home to mail it back to him that night
    But when I got home I bugged, cause under the tree
    Was a letter from Santa and all the dough was for me!

  8. eclecticbrotha

    “Don’t you give me all that jive
    about bills they wrote before I was alive
    cuz this ain’t 1823
    ain’t even 1970

    Now I’m the only senate bro
    and attention is one thing I know
    so every year
    just about this time
    I illustrate shit
    with a rhyme!”

  9. lochnessmonster

    I wish he’d just shut up. I can’t believe he is from my home state, Illinois. He makes us look like we are rubes. He can’t be voted out of office fast enough for me! But who to replace him with is one huge problem thinking of who we’ve got running in this state!

  10. RoscoePColtraine

    “President Obama” rhymes with “yo mama.” I would have figured out a way to make it work.

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