COGNITIVE CONSONANCE  10:44 am December 22, 2009

Roland Burris Devastates Senate With A B A B Rhyme Scheme

by Juli Weiner

Watch maudlin narcissist Roland Burris read a “health care-themed” iteration of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” on the Senate floor. “We’ll clog up the Senate, they cried with a grin/And in the midterm elections, we’ll get voted in!” Chilling. Roland Burris will take two copies in his ark to the River Styx. [YouTube]

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This Cat December 22, 2009 at 10:54 am

We should make the senate debate all bills in rhyming couplets, or dirty limericks.

ummm December 22, 2009 at 11:03 am

that was really awful.

magic titty December 22, 2009 at 11:04 am

Christmas in Hollis this was not.

JMP December 22, 2009 at 11:04 am

Why would he think Styx would be interested in it? Although the themes seem a bit reminiscent of “The Grand Illusion” and “Mr. Roboto”, the pattern and rhyme scheme doesn’t really seem appropriate for them (or any glam band really) and there doesn’t seem to be a good hook to turn into a chorus. Plus, they haven’t had a successful new studio album in over 25 years.

Oh, wait; I see what you meant now. Never mind.

Larry McAwful December 22, 2009 at 11:06 am

Is he going to have this poem etched on his mausoleum, too?

chaste everywhere December 22, 2009 at 11:06 am

White folk owned slaves in America, and Clement Moore was one of them (the white folk, not the slaves). I guess Roland Burris is a racist.

depraved indifference engine December 22, 2009 at 11:07 am


CrunchyKnee December 22, 2009 at 11:10 am

Haiti or Niger?

Dumptruck December 22, 2009 at 11:11 am

[re=483636]This Cat[/re]: There once was a man from Ancer / Who had balls filled up with cancer / when they swelled up too big / he couldn’t walk, only jig / I hear he became quite the dancer.

nbawriter December 22, 2009 at 11:45 am

If he wanders into the Starbucks closest to the Capitol, he will get brained. Because that’s what slapdicks who waste tax dollars by reciting nursery rhymes, raps, poems and songs deserve. So many embarrassments in that fucking building.

thesheriffisnear December 22, 2009 at 11:46 am

Now I’ll have Blondie’s “Rapture” bouncing around my head all day.

TGY December 22, 2009 at 11:53 am

[re=483649]depraved indifference engine[/re]: WHAT IN THE WIDE, WIDE, WORLD OF SPORTS IS A-GOIN’ ON HERE???

earnestcivilservant December 22, 2009 at 12:09 pm

Your tax dollars at work. How much fun did his staff have writing that thing?

Hedley Lamar December 22, 2009 at 12:40 pm

I safeworded out of the middle of the video.

Holden Caulfield December 22, 2009 at 1:11 pm

If you stayed till the end, you heard Burris wish everyone a “Merry Christmas.” Clearly, he has taken sides in the War on Christmas — or maybe it was just a really subtle FU to Lieberman.

snideinplainsight December 22, 2009 at 1:15 pm

my Senate seat and me, close as can be
we make a mean team, my Senate seat and me
we caucus together, rhyme forever
won’t be mad when stuck in philibusta 4eva
My Senate seat…
My Senate seat…

Jukesgrrl December 22, 2009 at 1:22 pm

See, Joe? THAT’S what you can get done in 10 minutes if you really try.

betterDeadThanRed December 22, 2009 at 1:31 pm

Please just bring back baby Maddie.

AKAM80TheWolf December 22, 2009 at 2:06 pm

[re=483647]Larry McAwful[/re]: res gestae divi rolandi

Gumboz1953 December 22, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=483653]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Mauitania.

Extemporanus December 22, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=483643]magic titty[/re]: You’re right, that was a Rep. Jefferson joint:

It was December 24th on Hollis Ave in the dark
When I seen a man chilling with his dog in the park
I approached very slowly with my heart full of fear
Looked at his dog, oh my God, an ill reindeer
But then I was illin because the man had a beard
And a bag full of goodies, 12 o’clock had neared
So I turned my head a second and the man had gone
But he left his driver’s wallet smack dead on the lawn
I picket the wallet up then I took a pause
Took out the license and it cold said “Santa Claus”
A million dollars in it, cold hundreds of G’s
Enough to buy a boat and matching car with ease
But I’d never steal from Santa, cause that ain’t right
So I’m going home to mail it back to him that night
But when I got home I bugged, cause under the tree
Was a letter from Santa and all the dough was for me!

lawrenceofthedesert December 22, 2009 at 5:07 pm

You think that’s bad, wait ’til he raps.

eclecticbrotha December 22, 2009 at 5:25 pm

“Don’t you give me all that jive
about bills they wrote before I was alive
cuz this ain’t 1823
ain’t even 1970

Now I’m the only senate bro
and attention is one thing I know
so every year
just about this time
I illustrate shit
with a rhyme!”

Numbat Dundee December 22, 2009 at 5:36 pm

I have hard the mermaids singing each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to him.

lochnessmonster December 22, 2009 at 5:39 pm

I wish he’d just shut up. I can’t believe he is from my home state, Illinois. He makes us look like we are rubes. He can’t be voted out of office fast enough for me! But who to replace him with is one huge problem thinking of who we’ve got running in this state!

Paul Tardy December 22, 2009 at 6:56 pm

I think a funeral monument update is in order.

June Cleaver 2.0 December 22, 2009 at 7:20 pm

You people are so mean. I thought that was cute.

RoscoePColtraine December 22, 2009 at 8:02 pm

“President Obama” rhymes with “yo mama.” I would have figured out a way to make it work.

obfuscator December 22, 2009 at 11:37 pm

michael steele will bite rollie burr’s style on his next mixtape.

Zulu December 23, 2009 at 10:24 am

No, No, I said do it inna Dancehall Stylee!!! Who the fuck is this guy’s producer?

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