caption contest

Look, It’s Atheist Santa Clause

Wonkette operative “Rob J.” sends us this pic of a Real American he saw at L’Enfant Plaza today, making some point about the Blacks and their long history of enslaving others. What a horrible misspelling of that one country’s name! There are two g’s, idiot.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  1. Ducksworthy

    This guys running around DC like this? He must be having some interesting conversations with passersby.

  2. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Dear Editors: I found an error on your site. I do not believe that WordPress can possibly be proud to power Wonkette. Please address this important issue. Thank you. Warm regards.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    [re=483199]gurukalehuru[/re]: And those poor people haven’t had a Luauitania since the Germans sunk it in WWI.

  4. Morbo the Annihilator

    I’m confused. Is this a sort of “let’s re-enslave them before they enslave us” thing?

  5. Patty Dumpling

    That’s not a hat, it’s an afro. When will these self hating black albinos stop self hating?

  6. Gopherit

    looking at him I am almost positive that he probably has a slave or two in his basement. Someone dial 911.

  7. El Pinche

    He really really really really wants ACORN to shove snowballs up his ass. If someone else here can somehow connect this to a green balloon reference, then this would complete the topical punch line.

  8. Way Cool Larry

    don’t you get it???? since blacks own slaves– we should be able too!!!!!
    I’m so voting Republican now!

  9. Katydid

    But their slaves are white? Is that his point? Somehow, I don’t think so.

    Also, am I giving him too much credit in wondering if the white type on black t-shirt was part of the message?

  10. snideinplainsight

    “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this tiny island a new nation, conceived in coconuts and dedicated to the proposition that all conch shells are created equal.”

  11. Extemporanus

    [re=483243]snideinplainsight[/re]: “Apart from that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the poi?”

  12. the problem child

    Somehow, I doubt he claims to be an atheist, in the real world. But he does believe in Satan Claws!

  13. phineas_bounderby

    From the likely manner in which “Mauitania” is pronounced (Maw-i-tayna) I can only surmise that this is Elmer Fudd, and that cwazy wabbit dressed him in this t-shirt and abandoned him in DC.

  14. OrangeAlert

    That explains that email I got the other day…

    “Hello very much I am happuly married banker email you to inform you your Uncle has passed away and you have unclaimed slaves!!1!!one!! Please send wire money of bank to…”

    And by the way, the more politically correct spelling is “Niga”, buddy.

  15. user-of-owls

    Not to be pedantic…strike that…to be explicitly pedantic…but actually, Haitians (by and large) don’t own slaves, they ARE HELD as slaves, by Dominicans on the sugar plantations. So when he reprints the shirt to fix the Mau Mau Mixup, maybe he can do a back-print that says, “Spics Own Spearchucker Slaves in the Dominican Republic.”

    That way, his friends in DC would know just what a sweetie he is coming AND going.

  16. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=483268]OrangeAlert[/re]: You got my email! Well, what do you think?

    I would like you all to know that I do not own slaves, but that I would one day like to have a harem of hot men who think Lady Gaga is ok every once in a while but don’t really get the big deal.

  17. Long Form Def Certificate

    If they own slaves in Niger, who knows where the lawlessness ends. Maybe Joseph Wilson (the earlier, libtardy one) was wrong, then. Maybe the gov’t in West Africa was shipping Yellowcake to Iraq.

  18. AutomaticPilot

    BTW, Mr. Editor: Santa Claus does not have an “e” on the end (although the Atheist Santa Clause just might).

  19. Rotundo

    [re=483201]Ducksworthy[/re]: He need not worry. Anyone crazy enough to wear a shirt saying that in the district wouldn’t be approached by anyone with the possible exception of the district cops or secret service. Anyone with any sense would figure he would be armed and crazy enough to use it with little or no provocation. In short, y’all don’t fuck with crazy unless you have to.

  20. betterDeadThanRed

    I would like to take this guy on a tour of some of the lesser know neighborhoods of Washington DC. You know, the places that are only mentioned in the Post’s “Local” section.

  21. hedgehog

    Of course, given weak economic conditions, most blacks these days are strategically defaulting on their slaves, leaving the keys on the kitchen counter, and renting.

  22. Long Form Def Certificate

    First, Yellowcake. Now, slaves. What further evil lurks in the cold, black heart of Darkest Africa?

  23. user-of-owls

    [re=483295]Extemporanus[/re]: You realize, of course, that we already have a copy of your Enigma machine, do you not?

  24. Mr Blifil

    When do we get to see the picture of this obnoxious white jerk having the shit beat out of him by powerfully muscular young African-Americans? The last thing I would wear at L’Enfant Plaza would be any t-shirt that included ANY word beginning with “n.”

  25. zhubajie

    I don’t know about Santa Claus, but St. Nicholas used to have a black slave, Black Peter, who would beat the bad children.

  26. GreatSatan

    I think you all are being too hard on weird, Confederate Martin Mull. His Union counterpart has had so much more success, and now this is the only job he can get, provoking teh Kenyans in exchange for, what? Pesos? Canadian money? This is what the OBAMA ECONOMY has brought us to.

  27. edgydrifter

    That’s the face of a man who’s just realized he got off at the wrong metro station, and now he’s going to die.

  28. GeneralLerong

    Haiti? HAITI?!? THIS Haiti?

    “It was the first independent nation in Latin America, the first post-colonial independent Black-led nation in the world, and the only nation whose independence was gained as part of a successful slave rebellion.”

    My my, how times have changed. Well, now that I know there’s a source of supply in this hemisphere, I’ll just cancel that next jaunt to Morocco…

  29. Darkness

    Hey, crazy uncle phil, who said black people were better than white people? no one, that’s who. your fucked up little brain leaped to that conclusion as soon as someone uttered the words, black people are human. Seek therapy, dude.

  30. zhubajie

    [re=483332]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Yes, of course. Half the fun of owning slaves was f*cking them whenever you felt like it. That’s why Black Americans often aren’t very black. (I suspect, too, a lot of Southern Whites are only “Jamaica White,” if you know what I mean.)

  31. President Beeblebrox

    [re=483201]Ducksworthy[/re]: Yeah, I was thinking he should take the Green Line down to Southeast and wear that patriotic, Eagle Tear-washed T-shirt all around the place. That’ll go over real well!

  32. Pop Socket

    [re=483311]Dave J.[/re]: That was the Maui-tania part. People born in Hawaii are Muslim slave owners too.

  33. doxastic

    This guy thinks the usual conservative “you’re racist for calling me a racist” argument is for pussies. He’s going straight for WHY DO BLACK PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT SLAVERY IF THEY LOVE ENSLAVING SO MUCH?!

  34. limepez

    That guy scared the shit out of me. I ran right after I took it. Did NOT want to be associated with him.

  35. Hunger Tallest Palin

    Take note other cities. D.C’s crazy people are so classy they get their deranged gibberish printed on t-shirts.

  36. Serolf Divad

    Aren’t we all Barack Obama’s white slaves now that Death Panels are law?* Shouldn’t the U.S. be added to that list?

    *Nonwhites excepted.

  37. hotdog

    Despite the misspellings, this t-shirt is brilliant. The subtle message is that Bush was a hypocrite for invading the non-slaveholding country of Iraq, while making no effort to change the regimes of the four enumerated slaveholding countries. Either that, or it’s totally incoherent.

  38. oldguy

    [re=483425]hotdog[/re]: And we might have had a chance of beating one or two of them. And what about Grenada, the Pakistan of the Caribbean?

  39. assistant/atlas

    Dear African-Americans and Black people:
    Please don’t think we don’t hate crackers like this almost as much as you do.

    This moment in racial transcendencyness brought to you by Santa. Merry Xmas! Drink!

  40. Dolmance

    [re=483206]Patty Dumpling[/re]: Some of us can remember when things really were like that, back in the bad old days.

  41. Neilist

    I don’t want to ruin my reputation by appearing to get all “United Nations” or “It’s A Small World After All” on you. But I have to say, a picture like this warms the cockles of my heart. It proves that, regardless of the things that tend to keep groups of people apart — e.g., race, ethnicity, religion, politics, gender, gender preference — we all have something in common.

    Whatever group of humanity may be in question: There is some substantial percentage of people in it walking around wearing “Shoot Me!” signs.

    First the white yuppies throwning snowballs at in irate black DC Metro cop with his gun out. Now John Bolton re-enacting the Harlem “I Hate Niggers” sign scene from “Die Hard 3.”

    Ah, so many targets. So little time. And the price of ammunition just keeps going up.

    Thank you, and Merry Christmas.

    (“It’s a small world after all, It’s a small world after all, It’s small world after all, It’s a small, smal :::BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG:::

    Sorry. I always did HATE that song.)

  42. I-man

    All the people that own slaves in those countries consider themselves Arab, sure their grandpa fudged their black slaves and they now have black skin, they still consider themselves Arab or Arabized Berbers…White. Oh fuck it is too complicated to explain to any asshole that can’t even bother to put the r in Mauritania.

  43. Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    [re=483501]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Once again, your comment almost got me contempt of court. Gotta stop reading this site at work.

  44. zoltan93

    You bigoted person why do you think he is an Atheist? Wasn’t it Christians who enslaved African people? Wasn’t segregation caused by Christians? Atheists have no reason to be racists we know that we all evolved from a common ancestor(all humans are descended from Africa)! You know its people like you who are the reason why the world is in the shape that it is! Ya and the person in the picture is a bigoted moron and probably not an Atheist!

  45. zoltan93

    [re=483374]Lawndarts[/re]: Because 16% of Americans are Atheists. And the have the same right to be Americans as you do! You bigot!

Comments are closed.