caption contest

Look, It’s Atheist Santa Clause

Wonkette operative “Rob J.” sends us this pic of a Real American he saw at L’Enfant Plaza today, making some point about the Blacks and their long history of enslaving others. What a horrible misspelling of that one country’s name! There are two g’s, idiot.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Extemporanus

    SERFS UP DUDE!

  • El Pinche

    His shirt = The Constitution
    God Bless this Patridiot.

  • SmutBoffin

    So…this Parallel-Universe-Santa will bring you slaves for Christmas?

  • Gopherit

    He looks like he’d make a lousy slave.

  • gurukalehuru

    Mauitania must be somewhere in the Soviet Socialist Republic of Hawaii. Kenya dig it?

  • thehelveticascenario

    Well, that shirt has convinced me to vote Republican.

  • Ducksworthy

    This guys running around DC like this? He must be having some interesting conversations with passersby.

  • qwerty42

    does this have a meaning? The folks in Haiti are confederates too? who knew?

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Dear Editors: I found an error on your site. I do not believe that WordPress can possibly be proud to power Wonkette. Please address this important issue. Thank you. Warm regards.

  • SayItWithWookies

    “Don’t send me back there!”

  • Patty Dumpling

    The back says: “Mustache Rides: 25 Cents (NO COLOREDS)”

  • chascates

    Moran

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=483199]gurukalehuru[/re]: And those poor people haven’t had a Luauitania since the Germans sunk it in WWI.

  • Morbo the Annihilator

    I’m confused. Is this a sort of “let’s re-enslave them before they enslave us” thing?

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    “I also have some analysis about the Mexicans and the Goddamned Jews!”

  • geminisunmars

    Hmmmm. New places to consider retiring to. Wonder how the health care is in those locales.

  • Patty Dumpling

    That’s not a hat, it’s an afro. When will these self hating black albinos stop self hating?

  • Gopherit

    looking at him I am almost positive that he probably has a slave or two in his basement. Someone dial 911.

  • El Pinche

    He really really really really wants ACORN to shove snowballs up his ass. If someone else here can somehow connect this to a green balloon reference, then this would complete the topical punch line.

  • Extemporanus

    WARNING: Do NOT click on TRON GUY! He has been CORRUPTED by HAXTARDZ!!1

  • Suds McKenzie

    Skoal Rebels Uncle.

  • Patty Dumpling

    [re=483218]Extemporanus[/re]: SCORE!

  • SmutBoffin

    He’s wearing this racist-y shirt in DC? Maybe the caption should be “Last known photo”.

  • sezme

    I went to the Republican National Convention and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

  • snideinplainsight

    Is that a Terminator in the background about to blow him away?

  • mookworthjwilson

    So that makes it ok I guess?

  • S.Luggo

    Hurray! Thank you, John Bolton. And nice fucking hat.

    Mauitania: a county in Afica.

  • lumpenprole

    Everyone else was doing it. It was MY TURN.

  • Way Cool Larry

    don’t you get it???? since blacks own slaves– we should be able too!!!!!
    I’m so voting Republican now!

  • Snarkalicious

    Hat is stuffed w/tinfoil.

  • Gorillionaire

    Why is it always some thick neck cracker with some gay-ass moustache? Oh yeah never mind.

  • CrunchyKnee

    The south will rise again, also, too.

  • user-of-owls

    You know it’s hard out here for a simp

  • PrairiePossum

    If the kids in Mauitania, Sudan, Niger and Haiti jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?

  • user-of-owls

    [re=483222]SmutBoffin[/re]: Or maybe, “Last Known Photo Taken By Rob J.”

  • CrunchyKnee

    [re=483231]Gorillionaire[/re]: “Thick Neck Cracker” is my new band.

  • SmutBoffin

    “Hilarious and fact-filled…overflowing with…PEE, POO, and FARTS!”

  • Katydid

    But their slaves are white? Is that his point? Somehow, I don’t think so.

    Also, am I giving him too much credit in wondering if the white type on black t-shirt was part of the message?

  • Don’t Mess with Joe

    $100 tons-of-fun couldn’t point to Mauritania, Sudan, Niger, or Sudan on a map.

  • snideinplainsight

    “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this tiny island a new nation, conceived in coconuts and dedicated to the proposition that all conch shells are created equal.”

  • Big Daddy Tom

    It’s “Mauritania” not “Mauitania.” That’s two misspellings poophead!

  • magic titty

    Mauitania…………..

  • Dear Diorama

    What politician will he be linked to and how soon! Big prizes at stake!

  • Pilate

    “I guess I’m a racist!”

  • kewlguy42069

    Hahaha whats yer fucking point dude

  • Extemporanus

    [re=483243]snideinplainsight[/re]: “Apart from that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the poi?”

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Jon Voight has really let himself go…

  • Gopherit

    [re=483222]SmutBoffin[/re]: I wish he’d been in that snowball fight.

  • Dumptruck

    That man looks like he plays the title role in the Whitespoloitation film, “Gringo”

  • ManchuCandidate

    Judging by his shirt, he’s probably extremely upset that blacks can say nigger, too.

  • the problem child

    Somehow, I doubt he claims to be an atheist, in the real world. But he does believe in Satan Claws!

  • Gopherit

    [re=483242]Don’t Mess with Joe[/re]: Hell, he probably can’t read his t-shirt.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Worst fursuit ever.

  • phineas_bounderby

    From the likely manner in which “Mauitania” is pronounced (Maw-i-tayna) I can only surmise that this is Elmer Fudd, and that cwazy wabbit dressed him in this t-shirt and abandoned him in DC.

  • whiskey tango foxtrot

    I know there has to be stupid, but why does it have to hurt so bad?

  • WadISay

    [re=483199]gurukalehuru[/re]: It’s where Mau-maus live.

  • OrangeAlert

    That explains that email I got the other day…

    “Hello very much I am happuly married banker email you to inform you your Uncle has passed away and you have unclaimed slaves!!1!!one!! Please send wire money of bank to…”

    And by the way, the more politically correct spelling is “Niga”, buddy.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=483252]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=483243]snideinplainsight[/re]: “…and here, children, is a picture of our Founding Father and his wife.

    http://heykidscomics.com/blog_04170601.jpg

  • I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    Yup, this is the kinda guy who whispers, “I ain’t a racist, but…”

  • germansteel

    “John Bolton, on his way to the Current Events Awards Banquet”

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    This looks suspiciously like the “Get a brain moran” guy.

  • schvitzatura

    What about Maumauitania?

    Mzungu Aende Ulaya — Mwafrika Apate Uhuru?

  • Pilate

    I love that crazed Middle American stare he’s got. It’s like someone just took his stapler.

  • rocktonsammy

    On the plus side, he supports health care reform.

  • Godot
  • user-of-owls

    Not to be pedantic…strike that…to be explicitly pedantic…but actually, Haitians (by and large) don’t own slaves, they ARE HELD as slaves, by Dominicans on the sugar plantations. So when he reprints the shirt to fix the Mau Mau Mixup, maybe he can do a back-print that says, “Spics Own Spearchucker Slaves in the Dominican Republic.”

    That way, his friends in DC would know just what a sweetie he is coming AND going.

  • Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=483268]OrangeAlert[/re]: You got my email! Well, what do you think?

    I would like you all to know that I do not own slaves, but that I would one day like to have a harem of hot men who think Lady Gaga is ok every once in a while but don’t really get the big deal.

  • NJB

    [re=483280]rocktonsammy[/re]: It’s ok. He’s with us on everything except the war.

  • CrunchyKnee

    But dude, what about your DIABEETUS?

  • Franklin Pierce & Pierce

    We cannot allow a slave gap to exist between us and “Mauitania”!

  • Rush

    Our species is doomed. (Wonkette, you know this is snark candy don’t you.)

  • Extemporanus

    [re=483285]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: NIgerian BUSiness execUTIVe rEVOLution!

  • Long Form Def Certificate

    If they own slaves in Niger, who knows where the lawlessness ends. Maybe Joseph Wilson (the earlier, libtardy one) was wrong, then. Maybe the gov’t in West Africa was shipping Yellowcake to Iraq.

  • The Huffington Pogue

    Is Rand Paul hosting a DC fundraiser tonight?

  • AutomaticPilot

    BTW, Mr. Editor: Santa Claus does not have an “e” on the end (although the Atheist Santa Clause just might).

  • Rotundo

    [re=483201]Ducksworthy[/re]: He need not worry. Anyone crazy enough to wear a shirt saying that in the district wouldn’t be approached by anyone with the possible exception of the district cops or secret service. Anyone with any sense would figure he would be armed and crazy enough to use it with little or no provocation. In short, y’all don’t fuck with crazy unless you have to.

  • betterDeadThanRed

    I would like to take this guy on a tour of some of the lesser know neighborhoods of Washington DC. You know, the places that are only mentioned in the Post’s “Local” section.

  • hedgehog

    Of course, given weak economic conditions, most blacks these days are strategically defaulting on their slaves, leaving the keys on the kitchen counter, and renting.

  • Joey Ratz

    He’s probably got one of these too:

    http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?p=7556

  • Long Form Def Certificate

    First, Yellowcake. Now, slaves. What further evil lurks in the cold, black heart of Darkest Africa?

  • user-of-owls

    [re=483299]Rotundo[/re]: Especially not with snowballs.

  • thatonegirlsays

    Wait, is it supposed to be Mauitania? Like Maui? I don’t need to give him that much credit.

  • Keram2

    Oh GODDAMNIT Grandpa. Who let you out of the house?

  • user-of-owls

    [re=483295]Extemporanus[/re]: You realize, of course, that we already have a copy of your Enigma machine, do you not?

  • Mustang

    and all I got was this lousy t-shirt?

  • Dave J.

    Points off for not including a Tiger Woods reference in this very topical shirt.

  • Darkness

    This is a good place for my favorite phrase: “Probably true, but definitely irrelevant.”

  • Bowdoin

    Y[re=483260]Gopherit[/re]: eah, and he misseed “Montana” too.

  • Mr Blifil

    When do we get to see the picture of this obnoxious white jerk having the shit beat out of him by powerfully muscular young African-Americans? The last thing I would wear at L’Enfant Plaza would be any t-shirt that included ANY word beginning with “n.”

  • SmutBoffin

    [re=483303]Joey Ratz[/re]: Ha! There you see it, ladies and gentlemen, “The Master Race”.

  • zhubajie

    I don’t know about Santa Claus, but St. Nicholas used to have a black slave, Black Peter, who would beat the bad children.

  • GreatSatan

    I think you all are being too hard on weird, Confederate Martin Mull. His Union counterpart has had so much more success, and now this is the only job he can get, provoking teh Kenyans in exchange for, what? Pesos? Canadian money? This is what the OBAMA ECONOMY has brought us to.

  • edgydrifter

    That’s the face of a man who’s just realized he got off at the wrong metro station, and now he’s going to die.

  • maven

    [re=483211]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Those messages are printed on his underpants.

  • hedgehog

    The U.N. Tourism Board came to regret going with the low bidder on its new advertising campaign.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=483317]Mr Blifil[/re]: So when you’re down at Baby Plaza, you’re strictly an Adidas guy?

  • GeneralLerong

    Haiti? HAITI?!? THIS Haiti?

    “It was the first independent nation in Latin America, the first post-colonial independent Black-led nation in the world, and the only nation whose independence was gained as part of a successful slave rebellion.”

    My my, how times have changed. Well, now that I know there’s a source of supply in this hemisphere, I’ll just cancel that next jaunt to Morocco…

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=483201]Ducksworthy[/re]: Was he even able to leave the plaza under his own power?

  • Darkness

    Hey, crazy uncle phil, who said black people were better than white people? no one, that’s who. your fucked up little brain leaped to that conclusion as soon as someone uttered the words, black people are human. Seek therapy, dude.

  • imissopus

    Mom?

  • zhubajie

    [re=483210]Morbo the Annihilator[/re]: Did you ever doubt that conservatives wanted slaves again?

  • Escape Goat Nation

    In bed.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=483309]user-of-owls[/re]: Who you callin’ eNIGma, cracker?

  • zhubajie

    [re=483229]Snarkalicious[/re]: tinfoil hats only concentrate the rays, unless grounded!

  • user-of-owls

    [re=483335]Extemporanus[/re]: Yo enigMAMA, dats who!

  • trondant

    [re=483218]Extemporanus[/re]: That’s Tron Guy. He fights for the users leftovers.

  • desertwind

    Shouldn’t there be a teabag hanging off that moustache?

  • zhubajie

    [re=483332]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Yes, of course. Half the fun of owning slaves was f*cking them whenever you felt like it. That’s why Black Americans often aren’t very black. (I suspect, too, a lot of Southern Whites are only “Jamaica White,” if you know what I mean.)

  • BigDupa

    Nice to see Captain Kangagroo again.

  • geminisunmars

    He forgot the “just saying” addendum.

  • Hedley Lamar

    Boy, John Bolton has really let himself go since the UN gig ended.

  • GeneralLerong

    Hmmmm…wear a t-shirt, or do this:

    http://www.restavekfreedom.org/

    Decisions, decisions…

  • rocktonsammy

    Its Tony Clifton!!!

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=483201]Ducksworthy[/re]: Yeah, I was thinking he should take the Green Line down to Southeast and wear that patriotic, Eagle Tear-washed T-shirt all around the place. That’ll go over real well!

  • Pop Socket

    [re=483311]Dave J.[/re]: That was the Maui-tania part. People born in Hawaii are Muslim slave owners too.

  • BeWoot

    [re=483342]zhubajie[/re]: Jamaican that up, tan boy.

  • Paul Tardy

    Why am I feeling that guy is living off a government pension?

  • doxastic

    This guy thinks the usual conservative “you’re racist for calling me a racist” argument is for pussies. He’s going straight for WHY DO BLACK PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT SLAVERY IF THEY LOVE ENSLAVING SO MUCH?!

  • biggiantannoyingthing

    Needs more bling. http://tinyurl.com/ycco8ju

  • Lawndarts

    How can he be a “Real American” and an atheist?

  • Lee Hussein Oswald

    [re=483336]zhubajie[/re]: Nope. Even when grounded.

  • Up To Here Again

    Wal Mart owns slaves HERE

  • limepez

    That guy scared the shit out of me. I ran right after I took it. Did NOT want to be associated with him.

  • limepez

    Also, the same thing was written on his back.

  • nbawriter

    Why does he Haiti Nigers, Mauitania?

  • Hunger Tallest Palin

    Take note other cities. D.C’s crazy people are so classy they get their deranged gibberish printed on t-shirts.

  • Serolf Divad

    Aren’t we all Barack Obama’s white slaves now that Death Panels are law?* Shouldn’t the U.S. be added to that list?

    *Nonwhites excepted.

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=483325]user-of-owls[/re]: When in Rome…

  • d4g33z

    Which district does he represent?

  • hotdog

    Despite the misspellings, this t-shirt is brilliant. The subtle message is that Bush was a hypocrite for invading the non-slaveholding country of Iraq, while making no effort to change the regimes of the four enumerated slaveholding countries. Either that, or it’s totally incoherent.

  • Mike Steele

    [re=483223]sezme[/re]: WIN!!!

  • Mike Steele

    I’m going to ty to ignoe that pick.

  • oldguy

    [re=483425]hotdog[/re]: And we might have had a chance of beating one or two of them. And what about Grenada, the Pakistan of the Caribbean?

  • assistant/atlas

    Dear African-Americans and Black people:
    Please don’t think we don’t hate crackers like this almost as much as you do.

    This moment in racial transcendencyness brought to you by Santa. Merry Xmas! Drink!

  • Dolmance

    [re=483206]Patty Dumpling[/re]: Some of us can remember when things really were like that, back in the bad old days.

  • Jim89048

    I think HP must be a Mauitanian corporation.

  • S.Luggo
  • Neilist

    I don’t want to ruin my reputation by appearing to get all “United Nations” or “It’s A Small World After All” on you. But I have to say, a picture like this warms the cockles of my heart. It proves that, regardless of the things that tend to keep groups of people apart — e.g., race, ethnicity, religion, politics, gender, gender preference — we all have something in common.

    Whatever group of humanity may be in question: There is some substantial percentage of people in it walking around wearing “Shoot Me!” signs.

    First the white yuppies throwning snowballs at in irate black DC Metro cop with his gun out. Now John Bolton re-enacting the Harlem “I Hate Niggers” sign scene from “Die Hard 3.”

    Ah, so many targets. So little time. And the price of ammunition just keeps going up.

    Thank you, and Merry Christmas.

    (“It’s a small world after all, It’s a small world after all, It’s small world after all, It’s a small, smal :::BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG:::

    Sorry. I always did HATE that song.)

  • I-man

    All the people that own slaves in those countries consider themselves Arab, sure their grandpa fudged their black slaves and they now have black skin, they still consider themselves Arab or Arabized Berbers…White. Oh fuck it is too complicated to explain to any asshole that can’t even bother to put the r in Mauritania.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=483483]Neilist[/re]: Feeling very alone?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Mauiggtania?

    And, in Haiti, aren’t they called “zombies?”

  • thesheriffisnear

    Rex Kramer: Danger Seeker

  • JavaJack

    The guy is an ASS. As much as I would like to snark him to death on his they do it why can’t I attitude. I can only hope all his friends all jump off the bridge.

    http://www.freetheslaves.net/Page.aspx?pid=183

  • Mahousu

    Good Lord, Gene Weingarten has really let himself go. Which for him is saying something.

  • kentuckienne2

    [re=483210]Morbo the Annihilator[/re]: Or “They have slaves, so we can too?”

  • TGY

    This man is a stranger to the private parts of women. Or men, for that matter.

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    Well if Haiti allows it, it can be all bad. That’s his point right?

  • Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    [re=483501]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Once again, your comment almost got me contempt of court. Gotta stop reading this site at work.

  • joewilson’sconscience

    that phrase “white supremacy” I don’t think it means what you think it means…..

  • Unsilly

    That’s Mauitania in communist Hawai’i, right?

  • BobTheBuilder

    I’m just impressed the guy’s vision has apparently stayed the same since 1977.

  • Rachel Ray Jihad

    [re=483368]biggiantannoyingthing[/re]: God, it feels good to be a gangsta.

  • curt

    Read “It’s the Jews Stupid” by Curt Maynard http://curtmaynardsnewestblog.blogspot.com/2008/09/its-jews-stupid.html

  • zoltan93

    You bigoted person why do you think he is an Atheist? Wasn’t it Christians who enslaved African people? Wasn’t segregation caused by Christians? Atheists have no reason to be racists we know that we all evolved from a common ancestor(all humans are descended from Africa)! You know its people like you who are the reason why the world is in the shape that it is! Ya and the person in the picture is a bigoted moron and probably not an Atheist!

  • zoltan93

    [re=483374]Lawndarts[/re]: Because 16% of Americans are Atheists. And the have the same right to be Americans as you do! You bigot!