AND WHAT IS WITH THOSE FOREVER STAMPS ANYWAY  10:48 am December 21, 2009

Fat Cat Postal Service Spent Bazillions On Food Orgies And Retirement Watches

by Sara K. Smith

Proud USPS employeeOn a pleasant sunny day, have you ever looked up from your desk and glanced out the window at your friendly neighborhood mail carrier trotting around in little blue shorts issuing cheerful hellos and thought, “That is the best job ever invented by Jesus”? Many postal service employees would agree!

In addition to the cute uniforms, postal service employees enjoyed nearly $800,000 worth of meals and fun parties in just five months this year. One party featured crab cakes, beef Wellington, shrimp, and scallops. Throw in some deviled eggs and a pitcher of Harvey Wallbangers, and it would have been the fanciest party of 1962!

Also: $14,140 on movie tickets and $6,480 on retirement watches. Sound familiar? Yes, it is precisely this kind of spending that caused the fall of Rome.

Report finds ‘imprudent spending’ at Postal Service [CNN]

 
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{ 73 comments }

dr.giraud December 21, 2009 at 10:53 am

Now I know why they’re trying to close a few post offices in my small urban home–the postal workers wallbangers, shimp and passes to AVATAR more that the poors and the olds need postal services.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO December 21, 2009 at 10:55 am

I agree, this spending is ludicrous. Given that a term has been entered in the lexicon regarding the loss of one’s mind in a violent and deadly manner thanks to postal workers, I’ms hocked we aren’t buying them cocaine AND the stripper’s asses to snort it off of.

JMP December 21, 2009 at 10:57 am

Yes, well, they deserve a little extra for all the work they do to deliver piles and piles of unsolicited crap to annoy everybody. Which is all that they’re good for now that mail is obsolete; aside from stuff for or from old people.

Patty Dumpling December 21, 2009 at 10:57 am

Neither snow nor rain nor taxpayer-funded drunken orgies…

bitchincamaro December 21, 2009 at 10:57 am

Yeah well, the joke’s on them ‘cuz all foodies know that “crab cakes” are restaurant code for “kitchen floor sweepings”.

freakishlystrong December 21, 2009 at 11:00 am

Who fucking mails anything anymore anyway? Anyhoo?

memzilla December 21, 2009 at 11:02 am

Not to mention the money we spent to outfit their pith helmets with those geeky solar-powered mini-fans. Shame!

magic titty December 21, 2009 at 11:02 am

Something about this story just reeks of ‘who cares?’

snideinplainsight December 21, 2009 at 11:02 am

Mmmmm… crab cakes… and just for one brief moment, I was in Baltimore. Hon.

pondscum December 21, 2009 at 11:05 am

Want that cat!

Sharkey December 21, 2009 at 11:05 am

If I worked for the Postal Service, I’d concentrate on stealing stamps. Harvey Wallbangers are too easy to trace.

Norbert December 21, 2009 at 11:06 am

So what if they were putting postage stamps in their buttcracks and getting another postie to moisten them during hazing? It’s a dangerous job, dammit, and boys will be boys. Um…defund ACORN!!!

Paul Tardy December 21, 2009 at 11:06 am

Do they get to retire after 20 years of work service?

Carrie_Okie December 21, 2009 at 11:11 am

[re=482835]freakishlystrong[/re]: I do. Fuck FedEx. Fuck UPS. Skull fuck DHL. My postal worker will shoot your Courier’s entire family.

ChernobylSoup v2 December 21, 2009 at 11:11 am

When my long-since-departed grandma was postmaster (postmistress?) of her little town, ain’t nobody received any girly magazines. No matter how many times they subscribed. They’d go straight from the inbound bags from the distribution center to the dumpster. Good times.

Way Cool Larry December 21, 2009 at 11:13 am

[re=482844]Norbert[/re]: Indeed! As long as they weren’t drinking vodka out of their buttcracks, I am okay with it.

Dean Booth December 21, 2009 at 11:13 am

This is the same story as “Welfare Queen Has Color TV,” but with different words.

slavojzizek December 21, 2009 at 11:13 am

$14,140 will get you exactly 25 movie tickets here in NYC. And $6,480 will buy about half of a retirement watch at Goldman Sachs.

coolcatdaddy December 21, 2009 at 11:13 am

Let’s not be too hard on the postal service. They do a great job delivering all those packages to me from ebay sellers, Amazon.com and Netflix so I can stay at home and avoid facing the outside world.

proudgrampa December 21, 2009 at 11:15 am

[re=482838]magic titty[/re]: Thank you. Seems like a tempest in a teapot to me.

Sharkey December 21, 2009 at 11:17 am

[re=482838]magic titty[/re]: This is what happens when you don’t tip your carrier.

JMP December 21, 2009 at 11:18 am

[re=482835]freakishlystrong[/re]: Old people.

Monsieur Grumpe December 21, 2009 at 11:18 am

[re=482832]JMP[/re]:
Don’t belittle junk mail. That unsolicited crap is heating 68.4% of the houses in the good old USA this winter.

Everybody sing!
Trucknutz roasting over Wal-Mart ads.

Buzz Feedback December 21, 2009 at 11:19 am

My letter carrier is some geriatric who drives around in her mail rover with Rush (the fat Republican, not the Canadian three-piece) blaring from the god-damned radio. Pass the shrimp. Also.

snideinplainsight December 21, 2009 at 11:19 am

Hey, and let me say, even though we had a(n) “historic blizzard” here over the weekend, we still has a postal worker delivering ON FOOT to my mailbox saturday morning. Neither sleet nor etc. If I had to pick one bizarrely paramilitary arm of the federal masters, staffed by borderline autistics and wierdos, it wouldn’t be Blackwater. It would be the guys who literally “haul the mail”.

WarAndG December 21, 2009 at 11:20 am

“…we’re blind to their tyranny.”-Kramer

CaiteeCruelle December 21, 2009 at 11:21 am

With 700,000 employees, that $800K on fancy food works out to $1.14 per employee. I’m disgusted. How many Wall Street bankers had to give up expensive paintings and vintage desks in their office renovations for this outrage?

finallyhappy December 21, 2009 at 11:23 am

As a long time Federal employee, I do not think there is any reason for the Postal service to be buying people’s homes so they can relocate- especially the ones who are at the top. The biggest joke I ever heard is that SES level employees can work in many places at many jobs because of their managerial expertise. Since the ones I have known couldn’t do the jobs they had, I know they can’t do anything anywhere else.

TGY December 21, 2009 at 11:32 am

Yes, put that way, it does seem to make incompetent banker’s multi-million bonuses seem a trifle unfair.

NJB December 21, 2009 at 11:33 am

[re=482838]magic titty[/re]: Really. Doesn’t the public have a right NOT to know?

donner_froh December 21, 2009 at 11:40 am

The juxtaposition of ultrafat fat cat looking cute and beefy roid-head Arnold looking Aryan is just the thing to start the week.

bago December 21, 2009 at 11:41 am

Wow, that adds up to almost 3 whole minutes of the cost of occupying Iraq.

Dumptruck December 21, 2009 at 11:42 am

Well, the whole home purchase for relocation deal was kind of a waste of money, but the whole thing is kind of small beans in comparison to, oh I don’t know… the 1 billion dollars that went missing in Iraq or Dick Cheney’s ivy backscratcher collection.

Dumptruck December 21, 2009 at 11:42 am

ivory. I meant ivory.

SayItWithWookies December 21, 2009 at 11:45 am

Hell, half of that was for one meal: “$355,451 of food provided at a September 2008 national sales educational conference.”
Knowing salesmen, one of them found the stash of champagne for the party later and ran off with it. Next time they should buy a $5 padlock and save shitloads of money — that they can drink in a way much less conspicuous to auditors.

NJB December 21, 2009 at 11:46 am

[re=482881]Dumptruck[/re]: And here I was googling “ivy back scratchers”….

snideinplainsight December 21, 2009 at 11:54 am

Also. Let me say, that’s the first proggy retort each of us should give to some bug-eyed teabagger saying “All the government’s job really is is to defense the country.” Fine. Carry your own GD mail.

Let me say, lots of other parts of the world, you can’t send your buddy a candy bar or a traveller’s check for Kwanza-mas because no matter how many times you try it, it never arrives. It’s a continuous source of wonderment among immigrants (like my wife) that Americans dare to send gift cards or movie tickets or a tiny little bottle of maple syrup through the mail, because in her previous country, all of those things would be reliably boosted by a corrupt postal worker.

Plus, some of them look pretty good in those tighty blue shorts -

norbizness December 21, 2009 at 11:54 am

George Costanza: Why are you home? You’re supposed to be out on your route, and getting my calzones for Steinbrenner.

Newman: Well, I saw that it’s raining outside, so I called in sick. I don’t work in the rain.

George Costanza: But… you’re a mailman! ‘Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow… ‘ It’s the first one!

Newman: I’ve never been much for credos.

Johnny Zhivago December 21, 2009 at 11:58 am

Cat photos = page views!

Cape Clod December 21, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Fat cats are cute. There should be a different name for people for the obcenely spendthrift. Like, blood weasels.

Mr Blifil December 21, 2009 at 12:13 pm

The irony is the postal service sent the invitations to these swank affairs using Evite.

jagorev December 21, 2009 at 12:14 pm

The postal service has about $70 billion in revenue. So this spending would amount to about a thousandth of one percent of USPS revenue (0.001% or thereabouts).

The post office also has 800,000 employees. This spending on frivolous luxuries amounts to about $1 per employee.

user-of-owls December 21, 2009 at 12:14 pm

[re=482891]Cape Clod[/re]: …or societal tapeworms.

the problem child December 21, 2009 at 12:14 pm

[re=482891]Cape Clod[/re]: Agreed. Fat cats are cute. Which is why it is so hard to say “no” to a fat cat when they are whinging about an empty food dish. So they are also self-perpetuating. That’s my excuse for my cute, fat cat anyway.

DirtyHarriett December 21, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Totally off topic but my employer has blocked some of Wonkette’s greatest hits! Like the stuff I missed over the weekend ’cause I was shoveling (with a broom, mind you)myself out of 20 feet of snow!

S.Luggo December 21, 2009 at 12:16 pm

If it doesn’t involve inhalation of massive quantities of Bolivian marching powder and sex with furrys, it doesn’t meet Bush Administration standards. Fail.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/11/washington/11royalty.html?_r=1

binarian December 21, 2009 at 12:17 pm

[re=482887]snideinplainsight[/re]: Yes. Most countries have nothing like the Postal Service.

alzronnie December 21, 2009 at 12:19 pm

800K is what the investment banking industry calls chump change.

Crankenstank December 21, 2009 at 12:20 pm

$6480 on retirement watches, that’s exactly where that multibillion dollar deficit came from. Not from subsidized junk mail rates, or the recession. Those doofuses could learn a thing or two from running the mail like a business, where they work the drones to death before they qualify for watches.

PAbitter December 21, 2009 at 12:22 pm

Sigh. They report that the post office lost 3.8 billion and find less than 1 million in unjustified expenses.
3,800,000,000-700,000= 3,799,300,000. Yeah, if only they had cut back on the food, the postal service would be doing great.

DangerousLiberal December 21, 2009 at 12:25 pm

[re=482833]Patty Dumpling[/re]: Wrong. Taxpayers don’t fund the post office any more. Postage funds the post office. (Postage is the stamps you buy for sending letters and bills…you know, letters? The things you would send to friends? And bills? When you’d mail checks to people you owned money, like the Malt Shop or the milk man? What? You’ve never even been in a post office?

These kids today.

Gumboz1953 December 21, 2009 at 12:28 pm

[re=482883]NJB[/re]: I was hoping it was POISON ivy backscratchers.

Don't Mess with Joe December 21, 2009 at 12:37 pm

POPULIST OUTRAGE! Another example of the guv’ment fleecing the taxpayers! When is Congress going to get down to business and cut the Estate Tax!

Snarkalicious December 21, 2009 at 12:38 pm

[re=482830]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: Actually, that action is subsidized by union dues. They get a bulk discount from ACORN.

ddenby December 21, 2009 at 12:40 pm

[re=482910]PAbitter[/re]: And let’s, the Googles say the Post Office has 656,000 employees, so this is like less than a buck and a half per employee, or the cost of three stamps (or three stamps and one of those fucked up twelve cent stamps or whatever) so really, this is a big deal? Yes, because it smells of socialism. If even one of these partygoers was a muslin terrorist, the USPS, and of course its leader Barack Obama, is a state sponsor of terrorism. To Gitmo/Illinois!

dijetlo December 21, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Now, now, let’s not be negative about the junk mail, people.
Somebody buys it, somebody designs it, somebody prints it, somebody addresses it and somebody has to use it for kindling. Other than Banking, Insurance and butt secks in the public mensroom, it’s about the only part of the economy still turning a profit.
So read your junk mail, if you still have money, use it to buy the things advertised and tell everybody you buy things from ” I’m only here because of your fascinating advertising media delivered to my household via a bulk rate mail run.” It doesn’t matter whether you got anything from them or not, seriously…most business owners are ‘tards and don’t remember if they are doing direct mail. Tell them you have a coupon and you lost it, you might get discount!
Yer uncle Dijetlo has about a zillion children and all them little bastards expect to eat at least once a day (Mrs Uncle Dijetlo turns into a real bitch if she has to skip a meal as well) so this is important, don’t dis the bulk mail. Lil’ Wang-Chungs college education depends on it.
Thank you

Dumptruck December 21, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Guberment needs ta’ keep der hands off my mail!

June Cleaver 2.0 December 21, 2009 at 12:46 pm

[re=482835]freakishlystrong[/re]: “Who fucking mails anything anymore anyway? Anyhoo?”

Old fashion lady raises her hand. I even have a fountain pen, bottles of ink, and monogrammed stationery. People keep my letters, but delete your emails. So there.

uncletravelingmatt December 21, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Uh-yup. John Stossel’s Mustache must be righteously pissed. This is the worst use of taxpayer money ever. Much worse than paying some nutjob sitting in a storage unit in Reno to decode hidden bar code messages in Al Jazeera broadcasts.

Mr Blifil December 21, 2009 at 1:04 pm

Considering that until the Columbine massacre, postal workers were considered emblematic of maniacal spree killers, this is the least we can do to keep them mollified. If the choice is cheap drinks and trays of hors d’oeuvres versus pools of blood beneath the teller window, I choose the former.

102415 December 21, 2009 at 1:09 pm

I love Forever Stamps because that one time I need a stamp it works. It’s so wonderfully Communistic. That’s all.

M.Yazz December 21, 2009 at 1:17 pm

We had to move our mailbox down the street because the mail carrier dude was too lazy to back up and turn his car around at the end of our street.

So much for “neither rain, nor sleet, nor having to back up and turn around in driveways shall keep these couriers from their appointed rounds.” Also.

Sparky McGruff December 21, 2009 at 1:25 pm

[re=482891]Cape Clod[/re]: I believe the new term for the “obcenely spendthrift” is vampire squid.

Cape Clod December 21, 2009 at 1:30 pm

[re=482899]the problem child[/re]: I had a cat once that literally ran to its food dish every time I stood up. It was the size of a bowling ball.

Manos: Hands of Fate December 21, 2009 at 1:37 pm

That might explain why I didn’t get my mail on Saturday. Neither rain, nor snow my ass.

the problem child December 21, 2009 at 2:04 pm

[re=482962]Cape Clod[/re]: A bowling ball with excellent sprinting ability, so you must have been doing something right as a parent.

Fuck Toad December 21, 2009 at 2:25 pm

“Old fashion lady raises her hand. I even have a fountain pen, bottles of ink, and monogrammed stationery. People keep my letters, but delete your emails. So there.”

Except that I can keep an email in my gmail forever, and search for it, while most letters I receive usually end up in a pile of recycling after I clean my room. Ha!

RoscoePColtraine December 21, 2009 at 3:24 pm

[re=482850]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Your Grandma is solely responsible for the wrapping of naughty magazines in non-see-thru plastic, as is currently the practice. Btw, I’ve often wondered what the mail carrier thinks when he’s delivering my pr0n. Something like: “More pr0n for Mr. Roscoe P. Coltraine – I wonder how [good/sick/hawt] this shit must be.”

MOG December 21, 2009 at 3:33 pm

Another old lady who still uses the mail, but also uses email and Facebook. My niece in nursing school loves to stay in touch with me via FB. But she loves my occasional cards even more.. because I send her checks.

binarian December 21, 2009 at 3:40 pm

[re=483076]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Don’t kid yourself. By the time it gets to you it’s almost worn out.

scotack December 21, 2009 at 3:53 pm

My mail always did smell like sex and lobsters.

problemwithcaring December 21, 2009 at 4:33 pm

I have a letter that my dead father sent to me years ago, yellowing now a little six years hence. It has affixed stamp of some long dead Black guy he wanted me to read up on, and a cut out of some magazine article he was excited about at the time. I plan to give teh contents to my nephew one day and show him about his granddad.

But yea, unlimited storage on gmail. yay

engulfedinflames December 21, 2009 at 6:12 pm

That’s my cat, Stella! She’s the alpha cat here and jumps in the bath tub when I’m pooping so I turn the water on to a slow drip which she drinks from her paw. Also my beautiful wife just retired from the post office, she was a window clerk so kind, generous and loving that she had several elderly people who stood in line every day to buy one stamp just so they could talk with her. Merry Christmas everybody.

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