Millions of D.C.’s hippest Twitterers coordinated a massive cross-street snowball fight at the major intersection of U & 14th streets NW today, to regale in the fruits of God’s most terrifying thundersnowstorm from Hell. A victory for spontaneous social network organizing! Or not? Because at some point during this apocalyptic spectacle, a frustrated undercover cop was trying to navigate his car down the barely plowed U Street, only to reach the masses of unhinged Twitter Snowballers. This didn’t make his drive any easier. And then a few of them pegged his car with snowballs, leading to the worst massacre in human history.

This annoyed the dickens out of him, so he got out of his car, yelled, and briefly took out his gun to scare the little fucks. The crowd soon began chanting “Don’t bring a gun to a snowball fight,” knowing full well that this crisp bit of soft irony would make for the perfect viral tweet, and maybe an amusing Tumblr, which usually leads to a book deal — and even more Tumblrs!

Here’s a video of a uniformed cop mediating the dispute between the undercover gun cop and some terrified Twitterers. It was clearly the most outrageous abuse of police power against the helpless urban poor since… well, whatever probably happened in Anacostia 15 seconds before this. Seventeen, eighteen murders? Unimportant! This angry cop took out his gun next to some snowballers who had just pummeled his car in the middle of the major street, you guys! Where are their civil rights? WHERE ARE THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS? 9/11 is a joke.

Eyewitness Confirms: D.C. Cop Freaks Out Over Snowball Fight–Brandishes Gun [City Paper]

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  1. If “black professor mouths off to white cop,” can set off the wingnuts, how will they react to “black cop pulls gun on white kids”?

    Too bad they weren’t Paultards or teabaggers – this might have been the fuse that started Civil War Two!

  2. Well the poor cop “got hit with a snowball!”! Knocked several ounces of testosterone out of him, clearly putting him straight out of the Kwanzaa spirit.

  3. [re=482450]WadISay[/re]: No, no, no. No beer summit for the Twitterers. Well, maybe some craft brew or the blackest ale imported from Jolly Old, but mostly it will be mojitos, peartinis, the new Gin Cobbler, and don’t forget, absinthe is back. Twitter Meg McCabe, she can fill you in.

  4. Police regulations do not allow for pulling out a gun when your car is hit by snowballs, the correct response is repeated tasering.
    I assume they were snowballing because the cold made teabagging impractical.

  5. [re=482454]CanadianBacon[/re]: The snow might make tasers short out. In that case, I believe the correct response is pepper spray to the face until the suspect falls to the ground, followed by repeated kicks to the head and groin.

  6. [re=482477]gurukalehuru[/re]: Sorry. Must watch video first. Anyway, Detective Baylor is a dick. And a pussy. He should therefore go fuck himself.

    Motherfucking yuppies.

  8. 1. Tonight conservatards are reading the libtards response to this
    2. Tommorrow conservatards will take the proper side and agree with the cop. Cops fight against ACORN and for freedom. And freedoms is amurka and support the troops.
    3. Who cares! so what?

  9. For a minute, I was hard sympathizing with the snowballiers. That is until the one guy asked him to spell his name after they’d already been asked for a badge number but then given a last name. You know what happens when a black dude asks for a cops badge number (let alone ask him his name and to spell it out)? They either get instantly handcuffed, or worse.

    That snowballer (yeah, I said it) should have lost his front teeth that day along with the cop getting fired, of course.

    And, yes; this would have made a “don’t tase me, bro” moment.

  10. A Hummer, no less. Like a snowball is going to do some serious damage to a Hummer. I would like to see Hummers banned (the vehicle, not the other kind)on the grounds that anyone who drives one is an asshole.

  11. Now, normally I am one of those people who thinks that all Republicans are irredeemably evil and I tend to lose patience with St. Barry of the rainbows for not cracking a few heads, but if I can be snark free for a moment here, I would like to point out that that crowd of snowballers probably consisted of both conservatives and liberals.
    A good snowball fight is truly a thing of beauty.

  12. Oh, and the comments over at the Washington City Paper are priceless. I particularly enjoyed Satan’s input.

    Also, was it Det. Michael Baylor or Det. Elmer Baylor. I’m rooting for Elmer, of course. Ooooh, those wascally snowbawers.

  13. Anybody who organizes a snowball fight via Twitter or any other means is a dipshit, just like anybody who plays kickball in an organized league.

    And a cop who pulls a gun on somebody for throwing a snowball at his private vehicle – a Hummer no less – is equally dipshitty.

    So in the True Xmas Spirit, there must be a Dipship Eggnog Summit.

  14. Correct Procedure: Apply truncheon repeatedly to head and other assorted “soft” body parts and compell perp to sing verse 2 of “Frosty the Snowman” to said officer’s satisfaction. Alternatively, call Riot Squat. Hey, this is U Street, remember?

  15. [re=482510]Paul Tardy[/re]: Ya know, some people have to take a perfectly delicious case of police abuse and fuck it up. To wit:

    The woman in the Santa hat shown in the video claims in a blog that when Det. Hummer was walking back to his car, the following occurred:

    Then, one more snowball hit him in the cheek.

    Officer Baylor went completely ballistic, running into the crowd and pushing people over to get to the person he thought threw that last snowball. Man, this guy cannot take a joke. He pulled his perceived attacker, a young man with a furry hat, out of hte crowd and back to the vehicle. Then, police proceeded to drive all of us to the sidewalk.

    Our fun was over…

    I think the only thing to do is keep asserting our basic, fundamental freedoms: To have fun as if our lives depended on it, and being fiercely creative about it, even if it means we use (gasp!) snowballs!

    This woman, it will come as no surprise, identifies herself as a “dreamer,” a media relations professional, a “student of the unknown,” and says she supports “Earth Justice.”

    If this is what DC cops have to put up with, I’m kinda surprised more of them don’t get shot.

  16. [re=482482]El Pinche[/re]: Normally, sure, conservatards would side with the cop. But has anyone seen his birf certificate? He’s probably a KENYAN MUSLIN cop, and part of thee secret ACORN branch, and he was on patrol to GRAB WHITE PEOPLE’S GUNS and SLEEP WITH THE WHITE WIMMEN.

    Why won’t he show us his BIRF CERTIFICATE? The long form one, with the fancy script lettering at the top and the coupons for McDonalds, not the one they give you at the county records office. WHAT IS HE HIDING?

  17. Twits acting like idiot twits, what else is new? It’s not like the mayor of Washington declared an emergency yesterday, so I guess the best thing to do would be to organize a snowball fight on slippery unplowed streets, and maybe get hit by a car or snowplow.

  18. I’m just imagining a Dirty Harry meets the Chief in his office moment, when that cop gets back to the station…. and then the resulting locker room exchange, followed by the cop having to go home and tell his wife….so many twitter-filled mini-soap operas… a potpourri of momentos..

  19. ╭══════════════╮
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    h ave so me che ap thi ngs …(Jew erly…)

    ni k e sh o es , fa s h i on cl o th es ; br a nd ha n d b a gs , wa l l et …

    I f y o u th ink o ur web site is go od , y ou c an p ut th is web site t o bookmarks or ot her pl aces, ea sy t o fi nd …

  20. My old man always said “There’s no situation so bad that the cops can’t make it worst”… If he were still around I guess it would be “There’s no snarky blog so bad that ebuying.cum can’t make it worst…”

  21. [re=482549]jacklang0002[/re]: Yr spamming method is so 2004. Go choke on some rat dicks.

    [re=482533]Toomush Infermashun[/re]: If this had happened in NYC circa 1997, those U Street libtards would be looking at some srs Guiliani Time, probably involving plunger handles and such.

  22. as douchey as the snowballers are, is that really a good use of emergency response personnel during a storm in which there are probably dozens of fender benders?

  23. This sounds like a case for the Supreme Court. I’m sure there are five justices willing to say that a gun versus snowballs constitutes reasonable force.

  24. [re=482515]Katydid[/re]: Defending their Barry-given right to throw things at complete strangers…

    I’m siding with the cop on this. I’d be less than willing to laugh off several dozen people randomly throwing shit at me, snow or otherwise. Nobody in DC knows how to drive in snow to begin with, even without random hipsters pelting their windshields. There’s bound to be at least one junior partner in that crowd that can explain to everybody what “assault and battery” means.

    Bah fucking humbug indeed.

  25. [re=482549]jacklang0002[/re]: How many people are both dumb enough to give you money and yet smart enough to be able to figure out what you were trying to say?

    We are sofa king we Todd Ed.

  26. A question for D.C.’s Twitterati: Were you unaware of all those wide-open spaces without vehicles/ traffic otherwise known as “parks”, or were you just too lazy to walk to one?

  27. This is why I love white people. What’s your badge number…how cute. Golly, yes, that’s right I use golly, wanna make a big whoop out of it? Golly, that cop was sure one dumb oinker! How can a snowball threaten the structural integrity of a freaking hummer? I think we all know why he is driving a hummer and quick to pull out a gun in the first place; Compensation!

  28. [re=482499]gurukalehuru[/re]: If you’re getting a hummer, pulling a gun makes sure the job gets done.

    Be sure to thank the United States Army this holiday season for the gift of Hummers that they gave to the world. USA!

  29. So bored white people have the right to treat the world around them as a source of endless amusement, and anyone who objects to having, say, stuff thrown at them is an asshole.

  30. [re=482573]the problem child[/re]: My thought exactly! But then they wouldn’t get the thrill that comes with fake naughtiness, so what would be the point. Dismal performance on all sides.


    (Or something like that. What was the subject?)

    Oh, and didn’t the “Boston Massacre” start this way?:

    The incident began on King Street, today known as State Street, in the early evening of March 5, in front of Private Hugh White, a British sentry, as he stood duty outside the Custom house. A young wigmaker’s apprentice named Edward Gerrish called out to a British officer, Captain Lieutenant John Goldfinch, that Goldfinch had not paid the bill of Gerrish’s master. Goldfinch had in fact settled his account and ignored the insult. Gerrish departed, but returned a couple of hours later with companions. He continued his complaints, and the civilians began throwing snowballs at Goldfinch. Gerrish also exchanged insults with Private White, who left his post, challenged the boy, and then struck him on the side of the head with a musket. As Gerrish cried in pain, one of his companions, Bartholomew Broaders, began to argue with White. This attracted a larger crowd.

  32. [re=482515]Katydid[/re]: It’s only fun until you get arrested. BTW, did the guy they arrested turn? Bet the cops have all the names and twitter handles they need.

    [re=482577]I-man[/re]: Basically all upper middle class white kids think all cops are campus cops. I liked the looks on their faces when the gun came out. Anyone remember the scene in Pulp Fiction when SL Jackson pulls the gun out on the college kids.

  33. [re=482506]gurukalehuru[/re]: Oh heavens, they are delicious. A Mr. “Cops suck” shared this gem:

    This guy is an pig. The only animal that barely describes this guy and people like him. Sorry to the decent pig for using their name to describe such primitive, knuckle dragging son’s of bitches called cops.

    An pig? Oh, you rapscallion, Mr. “Cops suck.”

  34. You know, after watching the entire clip, I was struck by the fact that, after the detective pulled out his handgun, someone threw the snowball that hit him in the head.

    There is a “Rule of Survival,” by either Larry Niven or Robert Heinlein (the former, I think), to the effect that “Don’t stand next to people who are throwing things (rocks, bricks, snowballs, whatever) at people who are holding guns.”

    Yes, it would have been a “Terrible Tragedy” if the cop had “overreacted” by shooting into the crowd.

    But think, THINK of the Enormous Benefit To The Gene Pool that would have resulted.

  35. [re=482603]Neilist[/re]: i’m kind of torn on this one. i’m not sure that brandishing a gun was the best reaction to the crowd throwing snowballs at the hummer, but what kind of dipshit throws a snowball at the head of a cop who is holding a fucking gun in his hand?? the faux righteous outrage of the shouty fuckheads who demanded the detective’s name and badge number was particularly galling.

    don’t bring snowballs to a gun fight.

  36. [re=482614]Jim89048[/re]: Me? I farm that kind of thing out to a U.S. funded mercena . . . :::WHOOPS::: . . . “private contractor.”

    I hear Xe rotated some folks back from The Big Sandbox. Maybe they can handle it. Also, a slight temperature increase will get rid of the evidence of those “dangerous ballastic projectiles,” etc.

    (Back to the “private contractor” thingie: Shouldn’t we re-write the lyrics to Warren Zevon’s classic, “Roland, The Headless Thompson Gunner”?)

  37. [re=482607]obfuscator[/re]: what kind of dipshit throws a snowball? Obviously an agent provocateur. I would not be surprised if the whole thing was organized by the police themselves. Cop just happens to be driving by some snowball throwing hipsters in a provocative CO2 spewing Hummer, on the eve of the collapse of the global warming talks. That just does not happen in the real world.

  38. How to deal with a baylor – Illustrated

    In French – but my basic translation follows

    In Brive-la-Gaillarde Marketplace
    Over a bunch of onions
    A bunch of females
    One day wes having a cat fight
    Foorted, horsed, automibiled
    Poorly inspired constables
    Came along trying to stop the fight.

    That said, it’s a well known custom
    Common the world over
    As soon as time comes
    To slug cops
    Everybody reconciles
    These vixen losing all senses
    Charged that bunch of clowns
    And gave a rather charming spectacle.

    Seeing these brave fuzz
    Being overcome, gave me a tingle
    ‘Cause I love them stiff
    From the attic where I dwell
    I energized the rugged arms
    Of the copicide shrews
    Shouting “Hip! Hip! Hip! Hurrah!”

    Frenzied, one of them
    Ties the old Billet Master
    And makes him shout
    “Death to pigs!
    Death to laws!
    Viva anarchy!”
    Another one shoves
    The cranium of one of these galoots
    Between her gigantic buttocks
    That she squeeze like a vise.

    The fattest of these broads
    Opening her dilated bodice
    Knocks out with great slaps of knockers
    Those who come close
    They fall and fall and fall
    And according to proficient experts
    This hecatomb was the nicest ever.

    Considering that their victims
    Had their fair share of bonks
    These vixens, as a ultimate offence,
    Before going back to their onions,
    These vixens, I barely dare to say
    So vile it is
    Would have cut out their balls
    Luckily, they had none
    Luckily they had none

  39. Thundersnowstorm

    You know who else strings small words together to form gynormous words, Ken? Germans. Hitler was a German. Or was he Austrian? SAME DAMN THING.

  40. Oh the poor white kiddies, so entitled to their inane flashmob snowball carnival, at cops no less. Just go somewhere else, uncreative weenies.

  41. [re=482583]responsible commenter[/re]: You’re completely missing the point. You’re (he’s, whatever) perfectly welcome to be pissed off to whatever degree he wants. The instant he pulls a gun on someone for hitting his car with a snowball, he’s way way over the line. Whoever he’s pointing that gun at is somebody’s brother, sister, father, wife. Once one of those bullets leaves the chamber, there’s no way to put it back.

    And if you’re car is so freaking valuable that you’re going to totally lose it if it gets hit by a snowball, do everybody a favor and keep it off the road (and get yourself some professional help.)

  42. Okay, in Alabama, we do not have snow; we have mud. Our cops, black and white, are often ass-holes, though only the most obviously corrupt ones drive Hummers.

    Say a bunch of high-spirited “African-American youth” were having a harmless mud-ball fight at a busy intersection and hit the high-sheriff’s Hummer with a mud-ball, and he pulled out his shotgun and pointed it at Henry Louis Gates, Jr. who always shows up on his adult tricycle to join in whatever hijinx are available

    How would Fox News treat the incident? Wouldn’t the Cambridge (and Oakland) city council vote to have the county deported back to Ireland and Scotland?

    This is soooo double standard.

  43. I too am torn about this one.

    The douchey hipsters for:
    a) having some ironic, flash-mob snowball fight
    b) demanding the officer’s badge number because they saw that on TV somewhere
    c) screaming “fuck you pig”

    The officer:
    a) the gun
    b) the whole ‘throw another snowball’ bit

  44. There are rules about snowball fights that anyone who was ever a kid knows instinctively.

    1) Everyone in range is a target
    2) Don’t take it personally
    3) Don’t want to play? Get yourself out of range.

    The cop was never a kid, apparently. No points allowed for having grown up in a snowless area, since the very same rules apply to water fights.

  45. The cop should not have pulled his gun–he should be disciplined and reprimanded–but guess what? No moron idiot douchebags should EVER be throwing snowballs at a car–moving OR stationary. You simply do not throw snowballs at a car. Also–when a cop tells you to stop, and move on, guess what? YOU STOP AND YOU MOVE ON. Who are these idiot morons actually arguing with a cop in the middle of a snowstorm. In reality, as Big Brotherish as it sounds, the cop could have had them arrested on several charges, including disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct, vandalism, assault (on the car), and failure to heed a police officer.

    So everyone here was at fault.

  46. [re=482569]Buttery1000[/re]: Not a gun. Taser, maybe. Yeah, he shoulda said ” You know, you’re right. The sidearm is a bit of overkill. Let me get something better……” zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZAP. “Ok, motherfucker, how’s that? Wanna throw more snowballs? No? That’s what I thought…”

  47. Just more proof that most cops are just former high school bullies and football players who weren’t qualified to do anything other than push people around. I’m glad he got desk work, you don’t take out your sidearm as a cop unless you intend to use it, not to scare hippies.

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