the things we type

Rand Paul’s Very Special Spokesman Resigns. Why Would He Do That?

Here’s the post you’ve been asking for, tipsters, about a fellow named Chris Hightower, who until very recently was the spokesman for the Rand “Jesus” Paul 2010 Senate campaign. That’s Chris (far left) up there in his former metal band, COMMANDER, whose sound was kind of like, half-Nirvana, half-”the sound of acid burning through a human skull,” and half-Orrin Hatch. What else is Chris Hightower into, aside from death metal music? Maybe he has an Internet paper trail and we can find out.

…???

…WAIT, AHA — as in “Martin Luther King Junior Day.” Because he was… right, right, got it.

Chris Hightower is a Real American who is concerned about deficits.

Rand Paul’s spokesperson is a Satanic Metal God in KKK gear (5 UPDATES) [Barefoot and Progressive]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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223 comments

  1. OffTheRecord

    I am going to interpret this as permission to smack every idiot I know who is planning on voting for Rand Paul. I’ve been looking for a reason other than the fact that his name is Rand and I really can’t deal with having senators named Mitch and Rand.

  2. dijetlo

    What can you say? You know they are dumbasses who can’t count. They think we can run the worlds remaining super power on highway tolls and…well, pretty much just highway tolls. Now we find out they believe in capitol punishment…for talking to white girls (or maybe just being “uppity”).
    Honestly, are we shocked?

  3. ManchuCandidate

    A Satanist and a Racist. Wow. Rand Paul really knows how to pick’em.

    Rand Paul, making Jim “Fucking” Bunning look GOOD.

  4. Snarkalicious

    Why do they all seem to have over-long arms?

    And can we get that post tattooed on his back and then send him to Rikers Island?

  5. Come here a minute

    Not sure I agree with your math, there, Jim. What about the other half?

    You’re just mad he was in a way cool band — Let the Eagle Soar, for Hanukkkah!

  6. glamourdammerung

    I figured “White Will” would have been running Rand’s campaign, but I have not really been keeping up with the Cult of Paul. I am looking forward to the strange justifications from the Paultards when they put out the Paulsign or whatever the fuck they do to signal a flock to a forum to annoy the decent folk.

  7. Humbleton

    I’m a bit surprised that so many people here so freely associate a libertarian candidate with racism. The tenets of libertarianism call for liberty for everyone, regardless of race, gender, or creed. Rand Paul a ‘racist’ because his staffer may or may not have been a closet racist? I’m not buying that…

  8. Gopherit

    Really, the best part was that he was Paul’s spokesperson. I always pick a press liaison who is fluent in hair metal, racism, and satanic imagery.

  9. whiskey tango foxtrot

    I love this story. I love everything about it. I especially love the end – to wit: If the Libertarian Party is worth half a damn, they’ll not repudiate this idiot but embrace him.

  10. Gopherit

    [re=481980]Humbleton[/re]: Rand Paul is a racist because he has been intimately associated with his father’s previous campaigns that regularly took money and other support from racist organizations. He’s fucking stupid for hiring a spokesperson who is outwardly racist.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    All these liberals really have it in for White America, don’t they? I wonder who the first website will be to say his first amendment rights are being oppressed?

  12. user-of-owls

    [re=481980]Humbleton[/re]: [re=481961]Mr Blifil[/re]: Rand Paul a ‘racist’ because his staffer may or may not have been a closet racist?

    Quite so, friends. We mustn’t rush to judgment on the basis of a single piece of so-called evidence.

  13. Humbleton

    [re=481992]user-of-owls[/re]: No, I don’t think so. I doubt anyone will really notice or care about this event. Next.

  14. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    WOULD YOU LIKE MAKE RACIST FUCK… COMMANDER!!!!

    Sorry, about that, it’s all [re=481984]Extemporanus[/re]‘s fault. I will never make another lame Clerks joke again.

    [re=481980]Humbleton[/re]: “May or may not…” You’re joking right? You come here, you see what we do in the comments section, you realize irony is a big part of it, so you’re shooting for subtle and ironic, yeah? Like, when we see a picture of, say, Bill Kristol schlurping Dick Cheney’s knob and one of us slyly mentions, “Oh, and I’m not saying Billy is gay, but he might like men.” That kind of subtle right?

    Because, I didn’t need to click the “more” button on this post to know that COMMANDER was kicking some serious neo-nazi vibes.

    [re=481989]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m just holding my breath until 2050 or so when white people will no longer be the majority. Of course, then Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’REilly will be resurrected from the grave and we’ll NEVER hear the end of it then.

  15. Cicada

    [re=482002]Cicada[/re]: Oh, and both Paul and his competitor in the Republican primaries have been linked to white supremacists. Gotta love KY GOP politics!

  16. organiccoffee

    [re=482003]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: Maybe not, but they firmly believe that work will set you free.

  17. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    [re=482006]Cicada[/re]: Right, the sad thing being that associations with white supremacist groups in Kentucky not exactly an electoral liability in Kentucky.

  18. Dear Diorama

    Wake up, sheeple! This is a diversion from the Illuminati to stop us from talking about the Federal Reserve!

  19. Scruffy_The_Janitor

    wait, no comments why this band is possing inside a car wash? Wonkette has jumped the sharkey…

  20. Extemporanus

    [re=481980]Humbleton[/re]: You are quite right.

    By accepting this message to his personal Myspace account from a glass closet racist friend and staffer, and then leaving it posted to said account for nearly two years before finally being compelled to remove it due solely to the deliterious effect negative publicity resulting from its public exposure might have on his nascent electoral aspirations, Rand Paul was nobly—dare I say, heroically—adhering to the gold plated principles of regard-less libertarianism that continue to make it the premier afterschool club for sociopathically-retarded contrarians and white supremacist-supporting relatives that it is today.

    NIger rEVOLution!

  21. Gopherit

    [re=482006]Cicada[/re]: Yeah. I think that has something to do with being white and republican in KY. What a shame, from the party of civil rights legislation….hahahahaha

  22. Scruffy_The_Janitor

    [re=482016]Extemporanus[/re]: Ex, are you like black? can i tell my friends that one of my best friends is black?

  23. Extemporanus

    [re=482016]Extemporanus[/re]: After all that, and I misspell the word “NIgger”.

    I guess that may or may not make me a “racist”.

  24. Extemporanus

    [re=482015]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: My [re=481972]first comment[/re] was plastic related.

    [re=482020]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: You can tell ‘em that his heart, hair, and hard-on are.

  25. funkyj

    [re=481980]Humbleton[/re]: “The tenets of libertarianism call for liberty for everyone”

    Maybe they’re wanting the “freedom to lynch colored” that the gubinmint took from them.

  26. user-of-owls

    [re=482022]Extemporanus[/re]: And here I thought, “What an innovative approach to weaving threads of contemporary racial discourse in America with theories of contentious politics in subaltern Francophone Africa”, when really I should have been thinking, “Dumbass bad-speller.”

  27. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=482016]Extemporanus[/re]: Now now. Poor Humberton may be into something. Just because he’s been palling around with racists doesn’t mean that he’s racist. I mean, who cares about this really? Details! Bygones!

    And another thing. Why is there no Cracker Day?

    And another thing. I’m hungry! Also!

  28. Monsieur Grumpe

    The guy on the right is named Spigot. He’s the dark and brooding one of the band. Spigot’s favorite color is white. He likes long walks on a segregated beach, hunting domesticated cats and blogging on Redstate. His dislikes are long words, French’s mustard and CFL light bulbs. Girls like Spigot the most because he lives dangerously by mowing lawns in his sandal’s.

  29. bitchincamaro

    1st pic: 4 lads sharing what looks like a cold shower: big turn-off. Fire your publicist.

    2nd pic: Slightly o/t but a gallery client of mine hired my firm to refurbish his space some years ago, including the installation of one of those pre-finished hardwood floors (we recommended otherwise). The first exhibition was a photo (and souvenier postcard!) show depicting lynchings in America, during it’s darkest years. After the show, we got a call to come and refinish or replace the flooring, as the stampeding hordes wore out the factory applied finish. Man, people loved those lynching pix. We complied.

    Finally, I am no Paultard apologist, by a long shot, but check out Jane Hamsher’s post on HuffPo today. We libtards may have more in common with our Paultard cousins today than we did before this healthcarelessness business began.

  30. user-of-owls

    [re=482034]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Every last one of them look like centerfolds from “I Was Mercilessly Pummeled as a Teenager” magazine, no?

  31. Humbleton

    [re=482002]Cicada[/re]: I believe his stated defense of accepting money from racist organizations was that he didn’t care whose money he was taking, since he would be able to use it to advance the cause of liberty.

    Anyway, I am not convinced Ron Paul or Rand Paul are racists, and neither is Ron Paul’s good friend, the head of the NAACP in Austin, TX.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtNUJ2vy_eo

  32. Humbleton

    [re=482033]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: I guess if your only source of news every single day is Wonkette, then I could understand why your opinion is so warped. Everyone knows about the ‘Ron Paul’ newsletters. Everyone knows that Ron Paul has repeatedly denied writing them or even knowing of their existence.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKBlk1Vpeuw

  33. Neilist

    I am appalled to say that I find that appalling.

    You Gun-Hating Commie Lie-Bruls have to admit one thing: Nothing fits up the asshole of a Redneck Racist Dumbfuck BoHo than a 12 gauge Remington 870 Express.

    Nothing.

    Without or without a adjustable choke.

    (Fook. What a fookin’ country.)

  34. Extemporanus

    [re=482028]user-of-owls[/re]: [re=482033]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]:

    NIgerian BUSiness execUTIVe rEVOLution!

    Seriously, how much more proof do you people need?!

  35. bitchincamaro

    [re=482034]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Riotous laughter. And I resolve to re-learn to close my tags in the new year.

  36. Cathangover

    Commander is just old-school thrash. And yes, it’s only a coincidence I’m posting this on Friday night.

  37. Extemporanus

    [re=482045]Humbleton[/re]: Everybody knows that the blimp is leaking, everybody knows that the captain lied.

  38. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=482045]Humbleton[/re]: Dude, why are you trying to debate people on a satire site?

    In any case, I’ll drop the snark for a special little tête-à-tête with you. You make an insulting assumption about someone you’ve never met by stating that you know how, where, and when I get my news. You want me to take you seriously on a satirical site (note: site that specialized in satire), please do me the courtesy talk to me like an adult instead of like some small child you can smother with condescension. You’ve said nothing here that makes me take you or Paul any more seriously than I did before. And that’s kinda the whole problem with your whole movement, isn’t it. It is impossible to take you seriously. You were built for sites like Wonkette.

    Now please, do enjoy your brief little stay at Wonkette. Good day to you, sir.

  39. user-of-owls

    [re=482045]Humbleton[/re]: Hi Humber Humber, can I call you that? Let me just pose a fairly simple question. Let’s imagine your Darwinist utopia was implemented overnight. Everyone is free to do what they wish. All have equal liberty, all have equal opportunity. Just like a 100 yard foot race, right? Except, dear Humber, when the race starts tomorrow, some participants will be standing on the 99 yard line, and others, most of the racers, will start at the -100 yard line. That is liberty. The noble freedom to exploit child labor, to sell poison marketed as health care products, to construct monopolies which allow fellow ‘free’ citizens the choice of either buying clean water from your company or not having clean water. It is, indeed, Humber, the most morally defensible ideology humanity has yet devised. I salute you for your ethical commitment to such lofty principles.

    Oh, I forgot. Fuck you.

  40. glamourdammerung

    [re=481980]Humbleton[/re]: “I’m a bit surprised that so many people here so freely associate a libertarian candidate with racism.”

    I am going out on a limg and guessing you are a Libertarian then.

    Also, you should capitalise the names of religions.

  41. glamourdammerung

    [re=482054]Humbleton[/re]: What does the link you provided have to do with Rand Paul’s campaign? Or are you acknowledging that the Cult of Paul attracts racist nutters no matter which Paul is running?

  42. Neilist

    [re=482057]user-of-owls[/re]: Owls, Old Boy: When it comes to your “100 yard foot race” thingie, can I sound the starting gun?

    I’ve got some “assault rifles” that would be perfect for the job. And a bunch of pre-Ban 30 round mags.

    “On your MARK! Get SET! GO! :::BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBAND:::

    Hmmm.

    Better make that “GONE!,” rather than “GO!”

  43. Humbleton

    [re=482053]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: You call this a satire site, I think its a pretentious method of spewing politically charged news stories that work desperately to discredit any group / person that doesn’t fit your progressive bill. I’ve seen it before, time and again.
    I only made a rude response in retaliation to your insulting assumption that I am a racist because I choose to ignore unsubstantiated political attacks that are worthy of a tabloid. Yes, Nigerian Business Executive, even humor can be used to insult. If ever there was an example of “condescension”, it is to be found on this site, under the guise of satire, by many of its subscribers, like you. But then again, that’s kinda the whole problem with your elitist movement.

  44. Come here a minute

    Did Our Barry make a deal at Copenhagen? I won’t know if it’s true unless I read it on the Wonkett.

  45. Extemporanus

    [re=482054]Humbleton[/re]: Right again, Mulder.

    I’m unwilling to believe that Ron Paul’s publicly stated views on homosexuality have any relevance to the fact that he published numerous writings that were sympathetic to the white supremacist movement.

  46. Extemporanus

    [re=482054]Humbleton[/re]: [re=482052]Extemporanus[/re]: And…

    Everybody knows that it’s now or never
    Everybody knows that it’s me or you
    And everybody knows that you live forever
    Ah, when you’ve done a line or two
    Everybody knows the deal is rotten
    Old Black Joe’s still pickin’ cotton
    For your ribbons and bows
    And everybody knows…

  47. glamourdammerung

    [re=482064]Extemporanus[/re]: I am unwilling to believe that Ron Paul’s publicly stated views on homosexuality have any relevance to Rand Paul’s campaign. Or his decision of having a racist spokesman.

    I think Humbleton is reaching so hard.

  48. norbizness

    Can Humbleton and Neilist book 2-for-1 tickets on the Go Fuck Yourself spaceplane headed for the heart of the sun?

  49. Humbleton

    [re=482057]user-of-owls[/re]: I appreciate your attempt to engage in philosophical debate. What you have described, however, is a form of anarchy. Even in a libertarian world, your assumption that some individuals will start on the 99 yard line and some on the 100 yard line is correct – that is, of course, if you think with the collectivist mindset to which your brain has been so well-accustomed. Liberty comes from your Creator (if you believe there is one) or simply from your rights as a person being born into this world. In an ideal libertarian world, people are prosperous because there isn’t a massive coercive force (big government) restricting those rights with which you were born (eg; the pursuit of happiness). Note that it is not my right to be endowed with happiness upon birth – but it is my right to seek it to my fullest ability, so long as I don’t intrude on the rights of others. In my world, yes, some people will be better off than others. In your ideal collectivist world, you would love for the government to make everyone equal in wealth, health, and ability. The problem is that your government would have to steal from some people to achieve your goals, and at the end of the day all the people will be equally poor and miserable, while a few government officials are rich and healthy. Talk about inequality. You’d rather stack all your hopes into one massive organization – I’d rather stack my hopes in the unique character of all individuals. Simple difference really, but at least I can appreciate that we’re all striving for the same goal.

  50. Extemporanus

    [re=482056]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Stop trying to distract everyone with capital letters and excessive punctuation!

    Everybody knows that you LOVE the VITU SUB-IN!

  51. glamourdammerung

    [re=482069]Humbleton[/re]: Do you believe in inheritance?

    If the answer is “yes”, you just invalidated your little screed there, instead of just your assuptions about user-of-owls.

  52. ForTheTurnstiles

    You know, if you find this URL

    http://www.commanderband.com/

    and assume it’s about the hot new buttrock band Commander, from Bowling Green KY (not the cooler Bowling Green in Ohio), you may be surprised at what comes out the other end of the intertubes. Try it. Betty Bowers would approve.

  53. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=482071]Extemporanus[/re]: You’re confusing me! I only get my daily news from Wonkette so that’s not hard to do. I guess Vitu is in Africa, which is in Spain, right?

  54. engulfedinflames

    [re=482061]Humbleton[/re]: Hey Jack , guess what? I always thought I was just pretty much a regular guy, it took people like you to make me understand how elite I am. Now go away, shoo, git.

  55. BlueStateLibtard

    The ugliness of human beings never ends, does it? Perhaps only matched by the cretin’s fat ugly face.

  56. Extemporanus

    [re=482075]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: No, that really is the parent URL of the hot new buttrock band Commander! I only [re=481984]linked to[/re] the entirely plausible other Commander website earlier because Rand’s man’s band’s page (www.commanderband.com/Bio) done got itself all busted for some reason (hmm…)

    BUT! There’s a very, very white cached version that dares to go behind the music:

    “In early 2005 Commander reconvened and sought out a singer to fully flesh out their sound. Shortly thereafter seasoned veteran Chris Hightower’s powerful, versatile voice and dominating stage presence won him the job as Commander set out to unleash their music to the masses.”/Bio.htm+commander+band&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=firefox-a”>cached version

    UNLEASH CHRIS HIGHTOWER!! HIS FLESHY MASS IS DOMINATING!!1

  57. suths

    humbleton reminds me of a jackass i went to high school with. oh, and i guess another one or two from college who claim “libertarianism” as their official creed so they feel better about their beliefs that not all men are created equal, only rich white guys.
    also, i wrote a letter to this asshole commander before asking if rand (since he associated with racists) was a racist too. of course, the only answer i received was that i was making things up.

  58. AnglRdr

    [re=482069]Humbleton[/re]: Paying taxes does not equal government theft.

    Please please please please, “libertarians,” give up that canard, because it simply is not true. Taxes are the entry fee for living in civil society.

  59. Bison

    [re=482074]glamourdammerung[/re]: Or, to take the point a step further, is it fair that some babies are born to good parents while others are born to Paultards? Those poor Paultard babies don’t have a hope in hell of competing with the 99-yard babies what with their starting back there on the negative million yard-line. So what we would do in the Libertarian Utopia is to chuck those newborns into some sort of arena, say it’s some sort of roundish enclosure, like maybe a howyousay Thunderdome, and those little runts can just use their cute little uncoordinated arm flailings and random vomit spews to battle for supremacy. If you don’t see the unassailable logic of my proposal then it’s only because you’ve been educated stupid into your current collectivist mindset.

  60. Extemporanus

    [re=482077]thehelveticascenario[/re]: Nationalistic Aryan Space Association!

    RAND: When I grow up, I wanna be an assholenaut, just like Daddy!

    HUMAN: Pssst…kid! Did you know that all white dwarfs eventually become black dwarfs? Or even…black holes?

    RAND: Mommy!

    [re=482076]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: From the Wiki linki:

    “Wituland (also Witu, Vitu, Witu Protectorate or Swahililand) was an approximately 3000 km² territory in East Africa centered on the town of Witu just inland from Indian Ocean port of Lamu north of the mouth of the Tana River in what is now Kenya.”

    DUHN-duhn-DUUUHHHN!

  61. Bison

    [re=482084]AnglRdr[/re]: I find it kind of handy that they always seem to lead with the ‘taxes = theft, point of a gun, mumble mumble mumble’ spiel. Makes it easier to pick them out in case you happen to be upwind of them.

  62. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=482086]Extemporanus[/re]: See? If you only take the time to explain your little games to me, I finally catch on. You’re saying there’s some sort of conspiracy here and I’m with you 193%! Relovevolution!

    Now, Kenya … Kenya. That’s the place Sarah Palin can see from her house, right?

  63. edgydrifter

    Humbleton clearly has yet to savor the pleasures of eating a lightly salted dick. Here, have a bag, and some Amero-flavored Kool Aid to wash it down.

  64. Jennasaurus Rex

    Ugh. The racism is relatively unsurprising (albeit appalling as fuck), but how many Libertarians are also Satanists? Until today I blissfully assumed that the one “Hail Satan + Ayn Rand 4EVAR!” jackass I knew was an anomaly, but yet again I’ve overestimated humanity. There’s not enough alcohol in the world to cope with this shit.

  65. Neilist

    [re=482065]thehelveticascenario[/re]: It will be a very short race, then. Unless they run very, very fast, that is.

  66. user-of-owls

    [re=482078]Come here a minute[/re]: Thanks. Dingus bird forgot the silent T in Humbert. Or maybe I just repressed my inner French.

  67. Extemporanus

    [re=482089]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Please accept my Humbleton apologies.

    Beyond simply linking to the proof, I should’ve also included the booking confirmation code for a roundtrip plane ticket to Vitu.

    Sarah may or may not be a closet racist, but when she heard that Chad was close to Niger, she ordered Bristol to stay as far away from him as possible.

    (But Kenya really blame her?)

  68. user-of-owls

    [re=482082]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=482090]Extemporanus[/re]: Personally, I thought Bio.htm+commander+band&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=firefox-a” was a pretty trenchant observation. Visionary, even. Now, where have I left that close tag…

  69. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=482103]bago[/re]: Oh hey. I didn’t even realise that guy was still talking to me. Thanks for reading it so I didn’t have to!

  70. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=482102]Extemporanus[/re]: I mean “green balloons”!

    (Damn! I should have said that first. Would have been way funnier.)

  71. fishskicanoe

    Oh jeez, anyone who has suffered through objectivist/libertarian dogma sessions knows that their meritocracy crap is just a new way of defending the ideology of the Übermensch. And while Aynnie may nave been a atheist and Rand Paul’s buttbuddy a Satanist, both are products of a basically nihilist philosophy. So, the bedfellowship they share isn’t surprising at all.

  72. the problem child

    Okay, I have libertarian leanings (sex, drugs, death, free speech, whatevs), but Humbert Humbert is leaning on my last nerve and too fuckin’ pedantic for Our Wonkette. So let’s ignore the earnest troll until our socialist overlords bring out the banhammer, ‘kay?

  73. the problem child

    [re=482111]user-of-owls[/re]: Ghana go to bed if the Sudan use of the banhammer don’t take me soon…

  74. imissopus

    [re=482045]Humbleton[/re]: Oh, Ron Paul denied knowing anything about the newsletters? Then that settles it! Next issue.

  75. Extemporanus

    [re=482107]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: [re=482110]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Actually, Tom, “Uncle” was perfect.

    [re=482111]user-of-owls[/re]: [re=482114]the problem child[/re]: [re=482115]Jennasaurus Rex[/re]:

    May the soothing strains of this traditional African lullaby carry you safe, sound, and swiftly to the Dark Incontinent of your dreams.

    Usiku mwema!

  76. glamourdammerung

    [re=482117]imissopus[/re]: I never have figured out how Ron Paul either performing fraud with his newsletter or not being able to manage a newletter is supposed to be a positive endorsement for running the country.

  77. El Pinche

    [re=482119]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Yeah, but I bet he kicks ass on Everquest. He probably made his own levels too.

    I don’t get the set. I thought it was an ad for welding equipment. What’s that in the background? parking garage?

  78. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=482127]Extemporanus[/re]: As usual, you are ten steps ahead of me in wit.

    I’m proud to say that even when I was 12 when that song came out, I still thought it was pretty dumb. And now it’ll be stuck in my head for the next week. Thanks a lot.

  79. El Pinche

    [re=482142]El Pinche[/re]: The band members have no name. They’re only referred by the color of their Bone.

  80. Cranky Old Batt

    Now see, these guys (who’s band sucks. You can just tell by looking) could seriously hang with Mr. Pitchfork Michael Richards. Am I right?

    I so heart teh blingees. Also.

  81. El Pinche

    [re=482136]mookworthjwilson[/re]: My wingnut dad defends Rush on a daily basis for his pervasive racism. He says that Limball’s production manager is “black.” Michael Steele is RNC chair also!

  82. x111e7thst

    [re=482060]Neilist[/re]: much more sporting to use a bow. Or even an atlatl. It’s not like these fucktards are fast enough to get away.

  83. Extemporanus

    noituLOVEr eVITUcexe sseniSUB-nairegIN: Only two more steps to go! YAY!!

    In regards to Dorothy’s dog, I was the exact same age when that song came out, and I remember feeling likewise. Thankfully, there were two 5th grade hotties wooing me with unsolicited Air Supply-backed phone sex that helped take my mind off the rain.

    P.S. You appear to have had an emergency replyectomy. Get well soon!

    [re=482135]Jukesgrrl[/re]: What’s with Friday’s?

    Seriously! They can button as many comments as they want, but they’ll never display our unique sense of flair.

    [re=482142]El Pinche[/re]: Man, your video for Mother Love Bone’s “Stardog Champion” is fucking awesome!

  84. Jukesgrrl

    [re=482142]El Pinche[/re]: The guy on the far right is styled as nicely as the pups. Do you think your Blingee will meet his aesthetic requirements? Or his boyfriend’s? Hot dogs all around! Make mine kosher; it’s Hanukkah.

  85. What Fresh Hell is This?

    Bastard can’t spell — and has his historical facts entirely wrong. Niger Independence Day is August 3. And in the coup, Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara was not hung, he was shot by soldiers, though his death was officially described as an “unfortunate accident.” I stand on the facts.

  86. gurukalehuru

    [re=482068]norbizness[/re]: Neilist did, actually, repudiate Humbleton. He may be an ssshole, but Humbleton is a whole nother level of asshole.

  87. S.Luggo

    [re=481980]Humbleton[/re]: When you sleep with dogs, et cetera [the last two words are a latin contraction for 'then you affirm, swear and agree that you've always wished to belong to the Aryan Nation and desire to have frisky carnal knowledge of yippy tiny poodles']. Asshat.

  88. gurukalehuru

    The truly sad aspect of this is that it makes the watermelons on the White House lawn e-mail appear benign.

  89. S.Luggo

    [re=481961]Mr Blifil[/re]:
    A fair and considered post. Full context? Glenn Beck and his throbbing male menopause encouragement of teabagging. AKA ‘thrust it or rub it‘.
    ******
    http://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics/AP/story/1389325.html
    Kentucky’s GOP Senate race roiled over racism charges
    Lexington Herald-Leader
    FRANKFORT — The Republican U.S. Senate campaign of Rand Paul confirmed Thursday night that its spokesman, Christopher Hightower, resigned after political blogs listed controversial materials related to him.

    The blog, Barefoot and Progressive, reported that Hightower had posted on his MySpace page for two years a statement from someone else declaring “Happy N***** Day” near Martin Luther King Day and a photo of a lynching.

    [End quote]
    ***
    In the sprit of amity, friendship, goodwill and bipartisanship ga-dunkdunk, we must be honest. It was only for 2 years.

  90. El Pinche

    [re=482152]Jukesgrrl[/re]: I’m not sure if it meats their standards. Of course, the dogs represent assfucking, and it is raining hot dogs (cock). I was trying for more Daschunds but Blingee has a shortage of wiener dog stamps…which is Obama’s god damn fault.

  91. memzilla

    It looks like Chris Hightower may has took hisself a little side trip to Poland to git some memoramento type thingy:

    “Polish police are using a sniffer dog in their search for thieves who took the infamous Arbeit Macht Frei sign over the entrance to Auschwitz” (extra irony points if it’s a German Shepherd).

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8421988.stm

    Bless his heart, he just wanted somepin to put over the firepit butween the Kriegsmarine ensign, the Blutfahne, and the Waffen-SS banner, I’m sure.

  92. S.Luggo

    [re=482175]El Pinche[/re]: “meats”? PETA wishes to have very serious words with you. Check under your Uggo before you drive tomorrow.

  93. Neilist

    [re=482068]norbizness[/re]: Sure thing, Norbiz. After all, you’ll be in the pet carrier in the cargo bay.

    Woof!

    [re=482158]gurukalehuru[/re]: I resent the comparison. I’m an asshole. But I’m not a BRAINLESS asshole.

    [re=482148]x111e7thst[/re]: A bow may be more sporting. But it lacks the Splatter Factor of a 12 gauge. Good lord, have you people no sense of style or artistry? Also, I have a 36″ draw. Those custom-made, overlong shafts used to cost a fortune.

    (No, not that kind of “over-long shaft.” Gesh, get your minds out of the gutter.)

  94. Capitol Hillbilly

    [re=481980]Humbleton[/re]: You had me at “his staffer may or may not have been a closet racist?”

    I think when you post a picture of a lynching with that cheerful greeting, you are pretty much out of the closet.

    Now please go away and jack off to Ayn Rand.

  95. factnorfiction

    I want to know specifically what happened in in our evolution as a species that made it possible for four grown men to look like that.

  96. zhubajie

    There are lots of Dixie Pixies out there who like to claim that slavery was not so bad, that Jim Crow was not so bad, etc., etc. Racism is the US national sin and none of us are untouched, but some are touched all over, touched in the head, and some of us are not. Or struggle against a racist, jew-hating, upbringing.

    Zhu Bajie, liberal son of a hard-core Nazi hater of almost everyone.

  97. Jennasaurus Rex

    [re=482197]factnorfiction[/re]: It is a deep biological mystery. Hopefully they will be unable to find mates and thus natural selection will eventually eliminate the rogue gene (or whatever).

  98. zhubajie

    [re=481969]Gopherit[/re]: A Texan, running for office in Kentucky??? That’s plenty weird in itself. That he might be jist a skoshi bit racist: not surprising at all!

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  100. L_Spooner

    Using the rules of association is a pretty neat game. Let’s see, anybody who proudly associates with the US government is a murdering thief. I guess your also racist since you support a commander in chief who seems to have a problem with the indigenous people of Afghanistan.

  101. glamourdammerung

    [re=482250]L_Spooner[/re]: Yet I bet you are willing to ignore Ron Paul’s longtime association with Willis “The Holocaust Did Not Happen” Carto, or the former White Citizens’ Council, or any of the many other nutter racist groups he pals around with while spouting that line of nonsense.

    Also, it is “you’re racist” to describe someone that is racist. “Your racist” would be a racist you owned.

  102. RoscoePColtraine

    Racist and talentless musician leaving a legacy of shitty music? Which is the primary reason we need to hate this guy, and which is incidental?

  103. gjdodger

    [re=482246]El Pinche[/re]: I thought it was Commander Cock and the Lost Penis Hairmen.
    There, italics closed. It’s not so hard.

  104. L_Spooner

    oh wait, the Commander in Chief is also a Nazi. He believes in Keynesianism. How does this correlate you ask. It’s simple really. In Keynes German edition of General Theory of Money he wrote a special introduction saying Mein Fuhrers totalitarian regime was ideal for implementing his brilliant ideas. That clever bastard tried to cover his tracks, but he has been exposed now.

  105. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=482127]Extemporanus[/re]: I got it! The crime was committed by a left handed negro with a spear in the library. I LOVE Clue!

  106. Darkness

    [re=481980]Humbleton[/re]: The basic tenets of libertarianism also call for digging holes to deposit your own excrement and drinking rain water. So, just what percent these guys “oh so true to their tenet” libertarians eschew their city water, sewer, regulated monopoly power supplies and refuse to drive on public roads? When they actually bother to act on at least some handful of their “tenets” I’ll deign to consider that their not just spoiled children who collect guns to shoot brown people.

  107. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=482177]memzilla[/re]: I’m ripping this off from a friend of mine…but maybe the sign was stolen for the decor at the new TGIAuschwitz.

  108. Darkness

    [re=482028]user-of-owls[/re]: Heh, I too gave Extemporanus the benefit of the doubt on that one. Self, I sighed: “Oh yet another reference I don’t get . . .”

  109. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=482269]Darkness[/re]: Don’t feel bad. Although I just assumed it was a typo, I’m usually very far behind when it comes to comprehending his references, as is clearly demonstrated in the thread above. He blesses the rains down in Africa.

  110. Darkness

    [re=482069]Humbleton[/re]: Yeah, I hate it when the government steals money from the rich to prevent cholera outbreaks and protect watersheds for large population centers and to educate a quality workforce for their slave labor operations. Cholera and poisoned water so doesn’t care what yard line you are standing on, talk about equality! You guys are very useful, I have to say. The left has done a craptastic job of pointing out the obvious public good that only government has any incentive to address. So, please. More tantrums and stamping of feet couched in fantasy, un-implementable language even Marx would blush to hear.

  111. problemwithcaring

    [re=482250]LaRoche_Spooner[/re]: Some people find lynching pictures hilarious. I don’t understand it any more than I understand the obsession with incessantly posting simplistic murder fantasies on a humor blog, but hey – to each micro-dick his own.

    That said: no one who has lived in America for 30+ years could possibly believe it was OK to tacitly dismiss Martin Luther King as a nigger or that such views have any place in mainstream American politics. Paultards: nice try at defending this turd, but save your tortured logic for when you have to start defending ya boy’s nonsensical foreign and economic policies.

  112. JMP

    [re=481978]glamourdammerung[/re]: “when they put out the Paulsign or whatever the fuck they do to signal a flock to a forum to annoy the decent folk.”

    Heh; this was immediately followed by Humbleton’s first post. Prescient. It doesn’t matter how indefensible or ridiculous their idols get, the Randian cultists will rush to defend them.

    [re=482262]L_Spooner[/re]: At least Humbleton’s defenses, while completely out of touch with reality, were internally consistent. You’re not even making any sense.

  113. L_Spooner

    [re=482278]problemwithcaring[/re]: rollin down rodeo with a shotgun, these people aint seen a brown skinned man, since their grandparents bought one

  114. glamourdammerung

    [re=482262]L_Spooner[/re]: You are being a pretty good argument for hoping the government starts regulating quality control for meth.

  115. glamourdammerung

    [re=482297]L_Spooner[/re]: And here I thought the Paultard/neo-nazi crowd tended to get arrested for “loitering” around the male bathrooms at highway rest areas (ignoring the humor of fact that their cock-suckery is being aided by taxpayer funded facilities).

  116. lawrenceofthedesert

    Humbleton and Neilist have rained on what is usually a glorious parade. Sigh. At a time in my youth (mammals were just coming into vogue), Libertarians were delightfully outside the political box, neither as right-wing as Freedom, Inc. wanted them to be nor as liberal as the Justice Black “no limits on the First Amendment” crowd would have preferred. A few such Libertarians remain, but the party has been heavily polluted by some of the worst political garbage of the ultra-right. Ron and Rand Paul are among the garbage.

  117. glamourdammerung

    [re=482299]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: I went to a Libertarian national convention way back to see what it was about. It was memorable as the first place I ever had really, really creepy men hit on me and the first (and so far only) time I have ever had people try to recruit me for “white’s rights” groups.

    Good times.

  118. Neilist

    [re=482299]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: “Humbleton and Neilist have rained on what is usually a glorious parade.”

    “Rained on”? Dear sir, if by “rain” you refer to the flecks of spittle coming from the gapping mouths of your (typically outraged) Lie-BURAL breathern in here, I can assure you that said moisture usually is not consider precipitation.

    Even when generated by Humbleton — whose views are, on balance, about as intellectual rigorous, and factually supported, as most in here.

    [re=482120]mookworthjwilson[/re]: “How small is my cock”? Well, I hate brag. Let’s just say that no one has ever accused me of “going off half-cocked.”

    :::Blushing manfully, while adjusting his Pants Python::::

    But enough about me. Can we get back to the Really Significant, Intellectually Compelling, Socially Significant Issue that started this post: “Is Posting Pictures Of Lynched African-Americans BAD?”

    (I know some of you are still struggling with this one. That explains the number of comments.)

  119. user-of-owls

    [re=482310]DC Hates Me[/re]: Good one, but for me, he looks like the poster child for a Ritalin abuse prevention campaign.

    And second from left strikes me as a counterfactual history exercise that poses the question, “What would Peter Frampton look like if he took part in the Bataan Death March?”

    Still working on the other two.

  120. Capitol Hillbilly

    [re=482320]tiger[/re]: [re=482316]user-of-owls[/re]: Well, Peter Frampton was in Humble Pie which was a thousand times cooler than anything these guys will ever do.

  121. user-of-owls

    [re=482323]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: Was that before or after he CAME ALIVE!?

    Oh, and I figured out who second from right is: The Comics Curmudgeon’s stupider, angrier and uglier older brother. Aka, The Death Metal Curmudgeon.

  122. ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=482323]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: [re=482326]user-of-owls[/re]:

    um Dinosaur Jr ripped the shit out of “Show Me the Way,” proving that Frampton must have done something right. Then again Dino could make shampoo ingredients sound cool

  123. Mr Blifil

    [re=482172]S.Luggo[/re]: I just want to make sure our debate does not have a chilling effect on the future use of images of hung lynching victims in order to make fun of minorities.

  124. Darkness

    [re=482276]L_Spooner[/re]: Um, clean your glasses maybe and read it again. Or not. Suspend upon water your own buoyant vehicle.

  125. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=482356]Mr Blifil[/re]: Thanks for the link and quote. This post was way to long to follow and there was no way in hell I was going to click on a link associated with that photo.
    The fact that a sentence could contain the words “Rand Paul” and “senate” and still have an ounce of seriousness makes me want to drink poison.

  126. Oh hell to the no

    [re=482045]Humbleton[/re]: I guess if your only source of news every single day is Wonkette RonPaul.com, then I could understand why your opinion is so warped. Everyone knows about the ‘Ron Paul’ newsletters. Everyone knows that Ron Paul has repeatedly denied writing them or even knowing of their existence. And that this is a damn lie.

    FTFY

    Also, as a black person, I have met many black people at the meetings that we black people often have (where we often discuss crazy white people) and elsewhere and I have not met a black Ron Paul supporter. At least not one on his meds. I have met black Republicans (you know, the type who’d like to kick it with Steele) but not black Paultards. Even Alan Keyes doesn’t even like Paultards.

  127. Oh hell to the no

    Also, to be fair to Humbleton. I read Wonkette every day and know that it is a satirical site but for the past two years, I’ve slowly lost the ability to discern the difference between satire and actual news about the GOP and Paultards and whatnot. So, really, it’s not that hard for someone to be super confused.

  128. viviangrrrl

    [re=481958]Snarkalicious[/re]: It’s because they’ve all got the wide stance going – it makes their lower halves look proportionately shorter than their top halves. They’ve gotta keep in top form for the winter travel rush, you know?

  129. AuBricker@MSN.com

    As for the libertarians, be they racist or otherwise, I would rather pay taxes and endure some measure of government regulation than return to the good old days of dirt streets, no internet, no public water and sewers, child labor, no public police, lack of safe industrial standards, no standard currency, free education, and all the discomforts that come with ditching big government.

    When I served in the military, I once visited Somalia. I suggest all libertarians and anarchists relocate there. No government would hinder their private pursuits at all and the taxes are very low — non-existent, you could say. And you would love the lack of gun control laws.

  130. kentuckienne2

    Thanks, Rand Paul and Chris Hightower, for reminding me why I left Kentucky. Now get yourself the hell out and leave my nice liberal mama alone. I hear Idaho likes racist fucktards.

  131. d4g33z

    All well and good, but I have a bad feeling the “Barefoot and Progressive” person is just as loathsome as Mr. Hightower. But I’m fairly loathsome too, so what do I know? Maybe I should get a “webpage” and advertise it to the world!

  132. rmjag

    [re=482012]Dear Diorama[/re]: the illuminati IS the federal reserve . done in a brilliant , bold and wtf move that no one saw coming ….

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