Ha! We have only just discovered the awesomeness that is this Washington Post “Person of the Decade” Tournament, which has now been pared down to two finalists: George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden beat Barack Obama in the semi-finals! What a surreal, hilarious sentence that was to write, for reasons as yet unclear. But yeah, George W. Bush, Osama bin Laden. It’s so terrifyingly accurate. And both are still at large. Have a drink, America. [Washington Post via Matt Yglesias]
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Authors
Kaia Mursi (45)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (801)
Jim Newell (5435)
Wonkette Jr. (628)
Liz Colville (97)
Blair Burke (171)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Ken Layne (6696)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 80 comments }
Their livers and kidneys are about equally well off.
so will this end in some weird texas death match or whatever?
It would make a great reality show if Shrub, The Dick, and Osama were all cell mates at the Hague.
What are the criteria for this insane contest? Ah, most INFLUENTIAL person of the decade, that makes more sense. But Paris Hilton lost to Lance Armstrong? Get real. And Dick Cheney lost to…who? Who are those guys?
I think I would actually have to vote for W, finally, in this election, if in no other.
Lets settle this on Sunday, SUNday, SUNDAY!!
THAT IS SOME GOOD REPORTING WASHINGONT POST
It must be Friday. To find out who L. Page and S. Brin are, you know what I did? I googled them. LOL!
Bin is going to be disappointed that Zuckerberg is an atheist and not a Jew.
Yo mama.
Steve Jobs beat out Jon Stewart? That doesn’t seem right. And JK Rowling beat out Al Gore? Hmmmm…who the hell is doing the eliminating?
And since I can’t read 2 point type, who are the twins against Hillz? Really–I thought those Siamese guys died years ago.
I’m sorry, I’ve still gotta vote for Julie Andrews.
Is Osama winning an Ipod from teh Wonkette? Huh, wha?
Wait, Lance Armstrong beat Paris Hilton? Where’s the secret sex tape then?
In the final round, Bush will run off to have a match against Saddam Hussein and let Osama win.
Finally, a clear cut opportunity to allow the terrorists to win once and for all so we can get back our old, pre-9-11 lives of keeping our shoes on at the airport and bringing beverages onto a plane. Tasty tasty malted beverages.
How did they pick their nominees and who the fuck is Mark Zuckerberg?
[re=481810]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I think its Harold and Kumar.
Anyway, between Bush and Bin Laden, I think it’s pretty obvious who is responsible for who. Today we are all islamofascists.
I smell a Pulitzer!11!!one!11
Trig.
I’m totally replacing m “Last Night of Hannukah Party” with “December Madness Bracket Party”. The bank-merger one was much funnier, though. And it made sense.
[re=481809]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Yeah, how exactly is the seeding done for this? And what if, in “fantasy person of the decade” JK Rowling and Steve Jobs had won? What then?
[re=481809]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Yeah, but Bin Laden kicked the shit out of Harry Potter.
And to think I had 50 bucks on SKOAL REBEL. When will Newspaper’s realize the Internet really is their enemy?
[re=481809]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: It was decided by reader vote. Never underestimate the power of pretentious Apple snobs to inappropriately evangelize for their messiah; er a, favorite product.
Ronald Reagan didn’t win?
THIS IS TREASON!
Amazing that Timmy Geithner didn’t get further.
So J.K. Rowling gets knocked out by a mysterious cave-dwelling dirty wizard? Appropriate!
oh, the inanity! (and all the passengers screaming around here)
Cheney combines both Bush & bin Ladin. He was the main force of evil during the past decade.
[re=481824]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: it’s never too late to start grooming SKOAL REBEL as the hero of the next decade, seeing as this decade was pretty gay as hell.
I had to google those guys who Bush beat. They are das googlemakers. I guess I want Bush to win. Bin Laden is such a dick.
The whole contest was contrived so that Obama could settle it, by inviting the finalists over, for a beer at the Whitehouse. Forget dialysis and forget recovery, it’s a chance to hang with Barry, while the teevees watch.
[re=481826]JMP[/re]: Speaking of evangelizing for a favorite product, why aren’t Trucknutz on this list?
Haha. NOsama totally pwned Facebook.
Snubbed again! damn you washington post. don’t you know that I was Time’s Person of the Year in 2006!?!
[re=481822]Delicious[/re]: But who sold more books, huh? I don’t seem to remember children standing in line for hours trying to buy copies of “Osama Bin Laden and the Prisoner of Warzistan” or “Osama Bin Laden and the Goblet of Death to America”
[re=481837]mollymcguire[/re]: ACORN must have rigged teh results! Real merkins woudl vote TRUCKNUTZ!
Or maybe the mysterious “Page & Brin” are the inventors of Trucknutz? Who else that no-one’s heard of could be more important that Clinton & Cheney?
Paris fucking Hilton! And we’re supposed to take this seriously? Why not on option for Brittany’s open crotch shots too?
Okay, think about it this way. It’s now illegal for the Swiss to build a minaret thanks to Osama Bin Laden.
Yeesh, it’s so depressing just how hardcore the terrorists won.
Just let that settle into your head for a second. OBL is the cause for a type of ARCHITECTURE getting outlawed. If that ain’t influence, I don’t know what is.
Shit! I had JK Rowling and 6.5 points. LOOOZER in the first round.
[re=481868]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: also, they rejiggered the construction/fire safety rules for skyscrapers as well, officially due to Osama. But unofficially, you know what really happened…
[re=481841]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I’d buy those books….does he have a romantic interest?
[re=481880]Way Cool Larry[/re]: No I dont’ know what really happened unofficially, and I’m afraid to find out.
Anyway, it clearly is Osama– an epic enemy of near mythical proportions who can never be allowed to die. Bush is just a joke.
Although who doesn’t think the Post will pick Bush in the end? Or do we get to vote on this?
They put Obama up against Hu? Way to go, Washington Post — you just like pissing off the Chinese for no reason now, huh? Well they were bound to call in their debts sooner or later.
And how is it that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie didn’t even make the first round? They’re annoying as hell, but I sure saw them every damn day for the past ten years.
[re=481854]Native of SL UT[/re]: Britney would be poisson of the decade…
This is a JOKE, people. The real contest will be next week. The two finalists are Ralph Nader and Ron Paul.
WHERE IS TRIG? WHY MUST YOU MAKE FUN OF MY RETARD NEEDS BABBY?!?
My snark gland haz a sad at the lack of Palin and Putin.
It WAS a pretty sh*tty decade wasn’t it?
[re=481883]Delicious[/re]: Muhja al-Hermoine
Kind of sad that the finale isn’t another match up between Hilary (who got beat in round one by two dudes nobody’s ever heard of) and Obama. Obama v. Hilary–those were fun times, weren’t they?
Nice that J.K. Rowling beat Al Gore in the poetry portion of round one.
[re=481893]Way Cool Larry[/re]: To be fair, I think Dubya did far more lasting damage to the country than bin Laden did. Although in a way it should go to both of them together, since the pair acting together did more than either one of them could’ve accomplished alone. They’re like America’s ex-spouse and best friend in a nasty divorce.
Wonkette, you’ve been “Team Bin Laden” from Day One.
Way to go!
[re=481903]Bearbloke[/re]: She’s more stochastic, don’t you think?
[re=481817]Suds McKenzie[/re]: [re=481810]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: No, if you zoom in enough, you can see that it’s Johnny and Luther Htoo.
http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070206/070206_child_vmed_4p.widec.jpg
Two undefeateds in the finals!! Yeaaa! Bin Laden will beat the spread and take the final, unless it involves clearing brush.
[re=481976]user-of-owls[/re]: Non – j’ai signifié qu’elle sent comme un poisson en bas là…
[re=481938]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yeah, they’re like a really fucked up Captain Planet or Wonder Twins.
Wait, it’s like HOLY WAR VOLTRON!
[re=482005]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: Damn, I miss Get Your War On.
[re=481995]Bearbloke[/re]: If you give a man a poisson distribution, he can express the probability of a number of events occurring in a fixed period of time if these events occur with a known average rate and independently of the time since the last event for a day. If you teach a man about the poisson distribution…
[re=481991]Georgia Burning[/re]: I’d actually go with Bush because I think Osama will win the unofficial vote count but Bush will win the official vote count as a bunch of old Jews in Silver Spring who wanted to vote for Osama will get confused on the Post’s web site and accidentally vote for Paris Hilton instead.
Ok, I’m trying to imagine how the tournament got to this point. I think it went something like this:
1. Google beat Hillary in the primaries, because the bitters don’t have broadband access.
2. Cheney sucked off Bernanke and the banks, thus gaining their power through semen.
3. Lance Armstrong got a steroid filled boob job and got cancer, gaining the sympathy vote over Paris Hilton.
4. Bush/Geithner same as Cheney/Bernanke
On the other side, in the first round:
1. JK Rowling was just plain easier to deal with than Al Gore (but only barely).
2. our man Osama vs. “Mark Zuckerberg” …hmm, sounds Jewish.
3. Steve Jobs defeats Jon Stewart, because you have to have one upset in the first round.
4. Obama? who? Hu?
Round 2, left hand side:
1. Gee-W lands a fighter plane just in front of Lance Armstrong’s bike in the Tour de Surrender Monkey Nation.
2. Google cannot be tortured for information, because information wants to be free. So Cheney’s got nothing.
Round 2, right hand side:
1. Our man Osama tells a better fairy tale than the kiddie porn wizard gal.
2. Obama sends Steve Jobs to the death panel, because he hates jobs and wants everyone on welfare.
Semifinals:
Bush over Google by using private email accounts to conduct official Person of the Decade business.
Osama over Obama because NO SOCIALIST MUSLINS!!!
So the decade ends with a Hobson’s Choice. I guess I should have seen that coming.
And the winner is . . .
Sandra Day O’Connor.
Just think how different the world would be if she had voted the other way in Bush v. Gore.
Let’s see, one of the two finalists still has a political career, so I that means guess Osama Bin Laden is the ultimate Person of the Zeroes.
How the fuck does a person be “of the decade” anyway? People who do shit come and go, but you’d think during any arbitrarily-selected period of 10 years, there ought to be at least one person who consistently represents what it means to be sane and decent without fail. The only one in that mass of vomit who fits the description is Jon Stewart, so of course he’s eliminated first round. These are the Zeroes.
Washington Post, can’t you just go back to whining about how your type of journalism is dead, so that I will never have to hear about you again?
If you want to play it as a “Human Blodshed Championship Slayoff” then Osama is just waaaaaay out of his league here.
“Blodshed”???
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU -
Give each one a chain saw
Bush and OBL…they’re Siamese twins. They defined a truly fucked-up decade together. They need to share each other’s space, air (and perhaps a jail cell.) Separate them and they each become superfluous.
Man, I totally fucking lost those brackets. I could’ve sworn it would be Colts and Saints. Damn office pools, anyway.
I never expected to see the Post acting in such limp-minded fashion — it would be comical if it weren’t so sad. It was a force just a few years ago, and now it’s a bunch of lost souls talking to each other and playing silly games like this. Papers replaced street-smart reporters with clueless college kids in the 70′s and 80′s (starting with George Will, who embodies the problem), and they have taken the press empires down. This “contest” is about as street-stupid as it gets.
Wait, why is Bin Laden in the same division as Obama, again?
WTF? No Gonzaga?
There really isn’t much of a question who wins in the finals. Osama is much taller than Bush, so he can post him up down low and dunk over him. In addition, Osama plays the Euro style, where big men can pop outside and hit the 3-pointer.
Dubya is just a slow, short white guy. He’s got no game.
Osama, 11-2.
Where in blazes is Jenna Jameson? Sure, she’s faded a tad the past coupla years, but then so have the pious frauds who made the finals. If only WaPo weren’t too embarrassed to acknowledge what a force she’s been in our “culture” throughout this Stoly-soaked olive of a decade.
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