SAYS SO IN A BOOK!  2:51 pm December 17, 2009

While We’re Spiraling Downward, Why Not Just Re-Scandalize This Scandal?

by Jim Newell

Mike Johanns and 19 fellow Republican senators demand hearing over Bill Clinton’s rumored sexual relationship with intern Monica Lewinsky in 3…2…1…

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 63 comments }

magic titty December 17, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Clinton lied = he asked to cum on my dress.

Fox News Light December 17, 2009 at 2:57 pm

I saw this and was going to send to tips. But then realized it was Politico. 5 PAGES spent on that article right there!

betterDeadThanRed December 17, 2009 at 2:57 pm

I hate re-runs.

RoscoePColtraine December 17, 2009 at 2:58 pm

If I were on an airplane and saw Ms. Lewinsky get on, I’d get off. Just. Sayin.

shortsshortsshorts December 17, 2009 at 2:58 pm

I hope upstanding, moral characters like Newt Gingrich investigate this claim RIGHT AWAY.

Doglessliberal December 17, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Really? We are doing this? I am still trying to get past Ken’s posting on the N Carolina ass who should be summarily executed in public by hanging him from his balls, and now this important story? This is what “news” has become? How about we go report some breaking news that Saint Ronnie was checked out mentally for much of his second term? At least that had some actual news value at the time it was happening. Bill’s blow jobs were irrelevant in 1993, and they still are.

I am tired.

ManchuCandidate December 17, 2009 at 2:58 pm

And no one died…

Well duh, Politico. I’m shocked that Politico hasn’t explained to it’s readers about what a blow job is.

Being the GOPer asslicks they are, they also failed to mention in the headline that Ken Starr was a tiny dicked asshole whose grasp of the law and competence made the OJ prosecutors look good.

SmutBoffin December 17, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Good times…good times.

you cannot be serious December 17, 2009 at 2:59 pm

That crazy George Clinton. I knew it wasn’t his natural hair color. Funkadelic!

SayItWithWookies December 17, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Put a dollar bill on a fishing line and drag it through Duquesne Law School and look what comes up.

Texan Bulldoggette December 17, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Sounds like someone’s missing the spotlight.

Extemporanus December 17, 2009 at 3:03 pm

[re=480780]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: It takes a hell of a lot more to get me off than the mere sight of Monica Lewinsky, and I’m actually in to hoo-haws & casabas.

monkeyglands December 17, 2009 at 3:04 pm

“He told me he was the president of the United State- I can’t believe I fell for _that_ old line”

AnnieGetYourFun December 17, 2009 at 3:05 pm

Huh, this might be the first time where I say “too soon” and mean it. Because I figure I’ll be dead in 2050 or so, and even then… much too soon for the nation to have to think about this. At all.

freakishlystrong December 17, 2009 at 3:05 pm

Shit, they’re really raking up the muck.

Franklin Pierce & Pierce December 17, 2009 at 3:07 pm

The biggest indicator that an Empire is in decline is its inability to address or even acknowledge their most serious problems. FINALLY holding Bill Clinton accountable for his blowjob is a step in the right direction.

JMP December 17, 2009 at 3:08 pm

[re=480783]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “And no one died…”

Now, don’t you remember back when Clinton tried to go after some guy he said was terrorist all because of some little thing at an embassy, I think his name was Ussama Laden or something like that? Luckily, the Republicans knew what he was up to, screamed “No blood for Monica!” and forced Bill to back off before he did too much damage.

RoscoePColtraine December 17, 2009 at 3:09 pm

[re=480793]Extemporanus[/re]: We all know how murderous the Clintons are, and they know how to fix an airplane – I don’t think they’ll care about Roscoe becoming part of the collateral damage is all.

Suds McKenzie December 17, 2009 at 3:09 pm

It took me fifteen years to figure out what the meaning of “is” is, and now this. Will Monica scream “Liar” at the hearings?

jetjaguar December 17, 2009 at 3:10 pm

The Carnival of the Stupids never ends.

Come here a minute December 17, 2009 at 3:10 pm

All this because of closing some stupid base in Omaha.

Franklin Pierce & Pierce December 17, 2009 at 3:13 pm

@ManchuCandidate: After saving America from the Clintons, Starr has served as chief legal council in defense of California’s prop 8 AND has provided council for Blackwater. America, FUCK YEAH!

BlueStateLibtard December 17, 2009 at 3:15 pm

The Republicans are now also demanding video of the Clinton-Lewinsky sexual relationship.

Franklin Pierce & Pierce December 17, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Haha, I fucked up the whole “talking at you” thing.

Ducksworthy December 17, 2009 at 3:16 pm

[re=480782]Doglessliberal[/re]: I remember Ronnie promising to resign if he ever noticed he was getting senile. Ha Ha. He fooled us. The great thing about being brain dead before you’re all dead is that you don’t notice it when you’re dead. Think about it. Ronnie doesn’t know he’s dead. Neither do his brain dead followers.

privatejoker December 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm

jesus tap-dancing christ. again?!

Roger3815 December 17, 2009 at 3:18 pm

What year is again? I can’t believe the dateline.

There really should be some sort of treatment for the mental illness (Clinton Derangement Syndrome?) these people suffer from.

BeWoot December 17, 2009 at 3:19 pm

Thick chick lit will never die.

anonymousryan December 17, 2009 at 3:21 pm

[re=480816]Franklin Pierce & Pierce[/re]: This isn’t twitter, fuckwad!

j/k I love you.

AxmxZ December 17, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Monica back, fatter than ever.

Extemporanus December 17, 2009 at 3:24 pm

[re=480803]RoscoePColtraine[/re], if you wanna stay alive, I’d recommend that you take a page out of
Suzie Q’s book and bust out the JC Penny pleats, plumps, and chains.

According to the book’s author, Clenis eats that sexy felon shit eat right up!

SayItWithWookies December 17, 2009 at 3:25 pm

[re=480817]Ducksworthy[/re]: Why are you dredging up the past? We should be looking to the future instead. Oh, and I heard something interesting about Chappaquiddick…

Terry December 17, 2009 at 3:26 pm

[re=480802]JMP[/re]:

Yeah, I remember that one, too. The GOP chicken hawks were yelling “wag the dog” back then, weren’t they?

Terry December 17, 2009 at 3:27 pm

[re=480840]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

Really? The hot gossip I’m hearing is about the teapot dome.

queeraselvis v 2.0 December 17, 2009 at 3:28 pm

Seriously? Monica Cumstain Lewinsky? Are you sure this isn’t Joe the Plumber gone tranny?

bitchincamaro December 17, 2009 at 3:30 pm

It’s back because it’s time for the next generation to learn about stogie-banging and how beejays don’t qualify as sex in DC.

Extemporanus December 17, 2009 at 3:33 pm

[re=480832]AxmxZ[/re]: Another day or two of lotion-saturated starvation, and it should be ready to go!

JMP December 17, 2009 at 3:39 pm

[re=480842]Terry[/re]: Yeah, they were. Good thing; otherwise Clinton could have succeeded in distracting the nation by hyping this alleged “Al Quaeda” threat.

And 9/11 was Clinton’s fault, because he let bin Laden get away. Yes, the exact same people made these two claims.

coolcatdaddy December 17, 2009 at 3:43 pm

Why don’t the Republicans just get it over with and dig up Ronnie “Where’s the rest of me?” Reagan and try reanimating his corpse?

Or are they waiting until 2012 so he can anoint Palin at the convention?

chascates December 17, 2009 at 3:45 pm

And Ken Starr gets a woodie.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO December 17, 2009 at 3:45 pm

You bastards! Here I am, thinking Wonkette just got a little cute with some Politico-esque fonts and stuff in order to make a point, and ten minutes later I go on Memeorandum and THIS IS ACTUALLY A FUCKING HEADLINE ARE YOU KIDDING ME OMGWTFBBQ!!!!

Damn it, it’s the nineties again. If this means I have to redo high school, someone is getting their ass beat.

RoscoePColtraine December 17, 2009 at 3:46 pm

[re=480838]Extemporanus[/re]: I soooo don’t trust you anymore. Your links would make Attila the Hun crawl under his bed. But, I reckon I will, in a minute………

here’s a pre-emptive “i hate you for that”

Advocatus_Diaboli December 17, 2009 at 3:46 pm

In other breaking news, it’s been alleged that Marine Colonel Oliver North may have done something kinda illegal-like.

PrairiePossum December 17, 2009 at 3:48 pm

Given our current downward spiral, I suspect 93.2% of the American public would vote to put that horny toad back in the White House and provide him with taxpayer funded blowjobs as a bonus.

thesheriffisnear December 17, 2009 at 3:49 pm

Paula Corbin Jones presser in 3…2…1

Naked Bunny with a Whip December 17, 2009 at 3:53 pm

Does this mean it’s time to bring up Newt “John Edwards” Gingrich’s personal life as well?

Mr Blifil December 17, 2009 at 3:55 pm

Aw, look, wingnut Xmas! So cute.

Gopherit December 17, 2009 at 4:00 pm

“The Death of American Virtue” is the same of her book? How can the snark possibly be improved? It’s like looking into a perfect rainbow.

Neilist December 17, 2009 at 4:09 pm

Monica is now working as a spokesperson for Big Pharma:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWXez9wSPQw

The problem is that:

1. Joe Lieberman is demanding that, under the new healthcare bill, this valuable medication/treatment will not be funded.

2. Also, you will not be able to order from Canada, at a much lower price.

3. Finally, under Lieberman’s bill, the U.S. government will not be able to get bulk discount.

:::Fookin’ Lieberman. The John Birch Society guys were RIGHT!:::

trondant December 17, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=480872]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: And Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

Gopherit December 17, 2009 at 4:14 pm

[re=480899]Neilist[/re]: As a friend of mind once pointed out……he had the nuclear launch codes. Let the guy have some oral.

chaste everywhere December 17, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Monica’s rack says Clinton lied? Think maybe we’re granting that particular pair of papayas just a tad more power than they, in fact, possessed?

Anyway:
1) “The check is on your dress.”
2) “I won’t come in your mailbox.”
3) “Hilary doesn’t understand me.” (alt version: “Hilary and I have an understanding.”)
4) “I’me afraide I mighte be, you knowe . . . gaye.”

chaste everywhere December 17, 2009 at 4:40 pm

“the tumultuous criminal investigation that explored Clinton’s affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky, nearly ended his presidency and ultimately boomeranged on Starr, staining the professional reputation of one of America’s foremost constitutional scholars.”
Ha ha. They (the dipshits at Politico) said “staining.”

“Through 769 pages, Gormley, a Duquesne University law professor, offers a detailed, even scholarly retelling of an epic saga of grand jury depositions, fevered partisans, and a single stained blue dress that once transfixed a nation — but which many Americans are surely eager to leave in the past.”
Which is why we’re reviewing the book, two months ahead of publication: ’cause we’re also eager to leave it in the past.

But hey, maybe come February America will be too busy rereading Sarah’s 432-page b.m. to read this 769-page b.m. And we won’t have to hear the “couldn’t make the evidence stand up in court” joke again, not even once.

Humpback December 17, 2009 at 4:50 pm

[re=480873]PrairiePossum[/re]: Peace and prosperity. What’s not to like?

Guppy06 December 17, 2009 at 5:06 pm

Please let the headline be talking about Hillary!

Extemporanus December 17, 2009 at 6:14 pm

[re=480871]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Yurt very welcome!

(Seriously, though, the link’s totally safe, albeit rather tragic, in a shoulder-padded perp walk kinda way. I promise you that I would’ve branded it with the scarlet “NSFW” had it not been, though I don’t fault you in the slightest for feeling a bit trepidatious. More often then not, I surf with my eyes closed out of fear of my own clicky.)

rocktonsammy December 17, 2009 at 6:40 pm

BEING A SKANK NEVER GOES OUT OF FASHION, ASK TIGER.

WELCOME BACK MONICA!

Dolmance December 17, 2009 at 7:30 pm

She really wanted to blow a President. Terrific. I can’t believe she doesn’t have a reality show.

hotdog December 17, 2009 at 10:03 pm

So you think Clinton-Lewinsky is old news? There’s also a new book out about one of Warren G. Harding’s affairs. I’m not making this up. He was fucking the wife of one of his friends. For about 15 years.

Jukesgrrl December 18, 2009 at 12:55 am

Author Ken Gormley must have had a team of grad assistants locked in his basement working on the 700+ pages of The Death of American Virtue, Bubba-style. During the writing of his book Gormley’s been ass-deep in a wild administrative controversy at Duquesne University AND he got himself elected president of the Allegheny County Bar Association. He was appointed interim dean of the law school a year ago when the previous dean was unexpectedly ousted.

Charles Guter, a retired rear admiral and former chief of the Navy JAG Corps, was told by Duquesne’s president that he was being fired because of his “failure to meet expectations.” Among those horrid failures was improving Duquesne’s bar-exam pass rates from 68% when he took over in ’05 to 97% when he was fired last year. Gormley was called in to stop the progress.

The provost said Guter also failed to demonstrate “absolute obedience” and loyalty to the administration. The Duquesne president reportedly had his scepter in meltdown over Guter’s stated desire to invite Barack Obama to the Catholic campus. Apparently it was bad enough the Abortion President showed up at Notre Dame.

Don’t cry for Guter, though. He’s been made president and dean of South Texas College of Law, where you’ll probably find no Catholics within cow-pie-throwing distance and Texas presidential virtue pretends to be intact. And since Barnes & Noble claims Gormley’s book is “insightful, balanced, and revealing,” he’s probably in clover, too. Monica, sadly, remains stained.

villageatrois December 18, 2009 at 1:46 am

[re=480866]coolcatdaddy[/re]: Ooooh, Reagan back. Retro Atari games with ASCII graphics. Bellowing at Gorbachev: “Shred this wall, commie, and usher in the Era of Pornostroika.” Single news cycle wars, like Grenada, The Hundred Minute War on the Libyan Radar Station. The Falkland Sniff (our guys went home when they found out it wasn’t the Balkans). The Klingon Encounters.

LowerdPeninsula December 18, 2009 at 3:37 am

[re=480844]Terry[/re]: “Really? The hot gossip I’m hearing is about the teapot dome.”

Yeah, someone get Perez Hilton on Teapot Dome, stat!

graceless December 18, 2009 at 11:16 am

Of course Bill Clinton lied. He even pled guilty to lying under oath. He paid a fine, and his law license was suspended. Monica is just trying to get herself a life, stop attacking her, and she won’t have to defend herself. She won’t have to keep stating what has already been proven, that’s the best way to keep Bill Clinton as precious as some seem to think he is. (Insert preferred definition of the word “is” here.)

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