About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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63 comments

  1. Fox News Light

    I saw this and was going to send to tips. But then realized it was Politico. 5 PAGES spent on that article right there!

  2. Doglessliberal

    Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Really? We are doing this? I am still trying to get past Ken’s posting on the N Carolina ass who should be summarily executed in public by hanging him from his balls, and now this important story? This is what “news” has become? How about we go report some breaking news that Saint Ronnie was checked out mentally for much of his second term? At least that had some actual news value at the time it was happening. Bill’s blow jobs were irrelevant in 1993, and they still are.

    I am tired.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    And no one died…

    Well duh, Politico. I’m shocked that Politico hasn’t explained to it’s readers about what a blow job is.

    Being the GOPer asslicks they are, they also failed to mention in the headline that Ken Starr was a tiny dicked asshole whose grasp of the law and competence made the OJ prosecutors look good.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    Put a dollar bill on a fishing line and drag it through Duquesne Law School and look what comes up.

  5. Extemporanus

    [re=480780]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: It takes a hell of a lot more to get me off than the mere sight of Monica Lewinsky, and I’m actually in to hoo-haws & casabas.

  6. monkeyglands

    “He told me he was the president of the United State- I can’t believe I fell for _that_ old line”

  7. AnnieGetYourFun

    Huh, this might be the first time where I say “too soon” and mean it. Because I figure I’ll be dead in 2050 or so, and even then… much too soon for the nation to have to think about this. At all.

  8. Franklin Pierce & Pierce

    The biggest indicator that an Empire is in decline is its inability to address or even acknowledge their most serious problems. FINALLY holding Bill Clinton accountable for his blowjob is a step in the right direction.

  9. JMP

    [re=480783]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “And no one died…”

    Now, don’t you remember back when Clinton tried to go after some guy he said was terrorist all because of some little thing at an embassy, I think his name was Ussama Laden or something like that? Luckily, the Republicans knew what he was up to, screamed “No blood for Monica!” and forced Bill to back off before he did too much damage.

  10. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=480793]Extemporanus[/re]: We all know how murderous the Clintons are, and they know how to fix an airplane – I don’t think they’ll care about Roscoe becoming part of the collateral damage is all.

  11. Suds McKenzie

    It took me fifteen years to figure out what the meaning of “is” is, and now this. Will Monica scream “Liar” at the hearings?

  12. Franklin Pierce & Pierce

    @ManchuCandidate: After saving America from the Clintons, Starr has served as chief legal council in defense of California’s prop 8 AND has provided council for Blackwater. America, FUCK YEAH!

  13. Ducksworthy

    [re=480782]Doglessliberal[/re]: I remember Ronnie promising to resign if he ever noticed he was getting senile. Ha Ha. He fooled us. The great thing about being brain dead before you’re all dead is that you don’t notice it when you’re dead. Think about it. Ronnie doesn’t know he’s dead. Neither do his brain dead followers.

  14. Roger3815

    What year is again? I can’t believe the dateline.

    There really should be some sort of treatment for the mental illness (Clinton Derangement Syndrome?) these people suffer from.

  15. Extemporanus

    [re=480803]RoscoePColtraine[/re], if you wanna stay alive, I’d recommend that you take a page out of
    Suzie Q’s book and bust out the JC Penny pleats, plumps, and chains.

    According to the book’s author, Clenis eats that sexy felon shit eat right up!

  16. SayItWithWookies

    [re=480817]Ducksworthy[/re]: Why are you dredging up the past? We should be looking to the future instead. Oh, and I heard something interesting about Chappaquiddick…

  17. Terry

    [re=480802]JMP[/re]:

    Yeah, I remember that one, too. The GOP chicken hawks were yelling “wag the dog” back then, weren’t they?

  18. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Seriously? Monica Cumstain Lewinsky? Are you sure this isn’t Joe the Plumber gone tranny?

  19. bitchincamaro

    It’s back because it’s time for the next generation to learn about stogie-banging and how beejays don’t qualify as sex in DC.

  20. Extemporanus

    [re=480832]AxmxZ[/re]: Another day or two of lotion-saturated starvation, and it should be ready to go!

  21. JMP

    [re=480842]Terry[/re]: Yeah, they were. Good thing; otherwise Clinton could have succeeded in distracting the nation by hyping this alleged “Al Quaeda” threat.

    And 9/11 was Clinton’s fault, because he let bin Laden get away. Yes, the exact same people made these two claims.

  22. coolcatdaddy

    Why don’t the Republicans just get it over with and dig up Ronnie “Where’s the rest of me?” Reagan and try reanimating his corpse?

    Or are they waiting until 2012 so he can anoint Palin at the convention?

  23. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    You bastards! Here I am, thinking Wonkette just got a little cute with some Politico-esque fonts and stuff in order to make a point, and ten minutes later I go on Memeorandum and THIS IS ACTUALLY A FUCKING HEADLINE ARE YOU KIDDING ME OMGWTFBBQ!!!!

    Damn it, it’s the nineties again. If this means I have to redo high school, someone is getting their ass beat.

  24. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=480838]Extemporanus[/re]: I soooo don’t trust you anymore. Your links would make Attila the Hun crawl under his bed. But, I reckon I will, in a minute………

    here’s a pre-emptive “i hate you for that”

  25. Advocatus_Diaboli

    In other breaking news, it’s been alleged that Marine Colonel Oliver North may have done something kinda illegal-like.

  26. PrairiePossum

    Given our current downward spiral, I suspect 93.2% of the American public would vote to put that horny toad back in the White House and provide him with taxpayer funded blowjobs as a bonus.

  27. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Does this mean it’s time to bring up Newt “John Edwards” Gingrich’s personal life as well?

  28. Gopherit

    “The Death of American Virtue” is the same of her book? How can the snark possibly be improved? It’s like looking into a perfect rainbow.

  29. Neilist

    Monica is now working as a spokesperson for Big Pharma:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWXez9wSPQw

    The problem is that:

    1. Joe Lieberman is demanding that, under the new healthcare bill, this valuable medication/treatment will not be funded.

    2. Also, you will not be able to order from Canada, at a much lower price.

    3. Finally, under Lieberman’s bill, the U.S. government will not be able to get bulk discount.

    :::Fookin’ Lieberman. The John Birch Society guys were RIGHT!:::

  30. Gopherit

    [re=480899]Neilist[/re]: As a friend of mind once pointed out……he had the nuclear launch codes. Let the guy have some oral.

  31. chaste everywhere

    Monica’s rack says Clinton lied? Think maybe we’re granting that particular pair of papayas just a tad more power than they, in fact, possessed?

    Anyway:
    1) “The check is on your dress.”
    2) “I won’t come in your mailbox.”
    3) “Hilary doesn’t understand me.” (alt version: “Hilary and I have an understanding.”)
    4) “I’me afraide I mighte be, you knowe . . . gaye.”

  32. chaste everywhere

    “the tumultuous criminal investigation that explored Clinton’s affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky, nearly ended his presidency and ultimately boomeranged on Starr, staining the professional reputation of one of America’s foremost constitutional scholars.”
    Ha ha. They (the dipshits at Politico) said “staining.”

    “Through 769 pages, Gormley, a Duquesne University law professor, offers a detailed, even scholarly retelling of an epic saga of grand jury depositions, fevered partisans, and a single stained blue dress that once transfixed a nation — but which many Americans are surely eager to leave in the past.”
    Which is why we’re reviewing the book, two months ahead of publication: ’cause we’re also eager to leave it in the past.

    But hey, maybe come February America will be too busy rereading Sarah’s 432-page b.m. to read this 769-page b.m. And we won’t have to hear the “couldn’t make the evidence stand up in court” joke again, not even once.

  33. Extemporanus

    [re=480871]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Yurt very welcome!

    (Seriously, though, the link’s totally safe, albeit rather tragic, in a shoulder-padded perp walk kinda way. I promise you that I would’ve branded it with the scarlet “NSFW” had it not been, though I don’t fault you in the slightest for feeling a bit trepidatious. More often then not, I surf with my eyes closed out of fear of my own clicky.)

  34. Dolmance

    She really wanted to blow a President. Terrific. I can’t believe she doesn’t have a reality show.

  35. hotdog

    So you think Clinton-Lewinsky is old news? There’s also a new book out about one of Warren G. Harding’s affairs. I’m not making this up. He was fucking the wife of one of his friends. For about 15 years.

  36. Jukesgrrl

    Author Ken Gormley must have had a team of grad assistants locked in his basement working on the 700+ pages of The Death of American Virtue, Bubba-style. During the writing of his book Gormley’s been ass-deep in a wild administrative controversy at Duquesne University AND he got himself elected president of the Allegheny County Bar Association. He was appointed interim dean of the law school a year ago when the previous dean was unexpectedly ousted.

    Charles Guter, a retired rear admiral and former chief of the Navy JAG Corps, was told by Duquesne’s president that he was being fired because of his “failure to meet expectations.” Among those horrid failures was improving Duquesne’s bar-exam pass rates from 68% when he took over in ’05 to 97% when he was fired last year. Gormley was called in to stop the progress.

    The provost said Guter also failed to demonstrate “absolute obedience” and loyalty to the administration. The Duquesne president reportedly had his scepter in meltdown over Guter’s stated desire to invite Barack Obama to the Catholic campus. Apparently it was bad enough the Abortion President showed up at Notre Dame.

    Don’t cry for Guter, though. He’s been made president and dean of South Texas College of Law, where you’ll probably find no Catholics within cow-pie-throwing distance and Texas presidential virtue pretends to be intact. And since Barnes & Noble claims Gormley’s book is “insightful, balanced, and revealing,” he’s probably in clover, too. Monica, sadly, remains stained.

  37. villageatrois

    [re=480866]coolcatdaddy[/re]: Ooooh, Reagan back. Retro Atari games with ASCII graphics. Bellowing at Gorbachev: “Shred this wall, commie, and usher in the Era of Pornostroika.” Single news cycle wars, like Grenada, The Hundred Minute War on the Libyan Radar Station. The Falkland Sniff (our guys went home when they found out it wasn’t the Balkans). The Klingon Encounters.

  38. LowerdPeninsula

    [re=480844]Terry[/re]: “Really? The hot gossip I’m hearing is about the teapot dome.”

    Yeah, someone get Perez Hilton on Teapot Dome, stat!

  39. graceless

    Of course Bill Clinton lied. He even pled guilty to lying under oath. He paid a fine, and his law license was suspended. Monica is just trying to get herself a life, stop attacking her, and she won’t have to defend herself. She won’t have to keep stating what has already been proven, that’s the best way to keep Bill Clinton as precious as some seem to think he is. (Insert preferred definition of the word “is” here.)

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