art history dept.

A Decade of Blingees: 2007-2009

Muslim v. JewKen Layne: Hello former colleague, may I briefly interview you in Real Time about the most significant political development of the decade, the Blingee?
Alex Pareene: YES of course.
KL: Hooray! Okay now I will make up these questions. Umm … let’s see, you first discovered the Blingee, is that right? And when was that, maybe ’07?
The Passion of St. Andrew at the Subway, James Newell, 2008
Pareene: I am going back into my extensive GChat archives and it looks like I first began annoying all of my friends with Blingees back in June of 2007
KL: hahahah, “the summer of love”
One of about a thousand Wonkette Reader Entries for this particular Blingee contest ....
KL: Before this discovery, it seems the Blingee was pretty much limited to fat single teen moms putting hip-hop regalia on their bastard infants, is that about right?
Pareene: yes it was basically giving baby maddysynne a cartoon glock, and maybe adding some glitter hearts to your 3/4 profile myspace picture
The Devil will see you now.
KL: and we ruined it all, for politics
Pareene: hah, yes
Pareene: it was a fine example of found internet art and now it is whatever it is, i guess peggy noonan’s official portrait, forever
KL: it seems like something we shouldn’t talk about too much, to avoid some kind of “douglas rushkoff bemoaning the commercialization of lolcats” or some such horseshit, but is there a kind of magical story that just NEEDS the blingee?
(and yes, Peggy Noonan doesn’t even EXIST anymore, outside of that blingee)
KL: also as a last question before i try to toast up some soggy deli-tray leftover xmas party sandwiches for lunch, WHAT IS YR FAVORITE/THE GREATEST BLINGEE (of the decade)
KL: and this is, really, the only appropriate answer: total silence
Pareene: haa
sorry i was trying to find the actual blingees i invented, in 2007, and honestly who can actually navigate blog archives they are basically useless
KL: yeah the whole Information Architecture leaves a little to be desired, esp. when you have editors who aggressively “tag” things in useless fucking ways
i bet gawker.com does not let you do THAT anymore
KL: (you probably also still get paid regularly)
Peggy's World.Pareene: those were the days when we were making everything a Mad Magazine style “dept.,” because who would ever need to actually try to find something mean written about drunk prep school retards on a message board posted on an ostensible Political Blog, ever again? but yes — the peggy noonan blingee is our generation’s finest achievement, basically.
KL: it’s so sincere! i cannot remember which one of us made that one
KL: basically wonkette was exactly like Andy Warhol’s “Factory” then, in 2007
Goodbye Tony Blair, no one ever, liked you at all ....Pareene: Ah, look, I found one, and so this is my favorite. http://wonkette.com/272751/farewell-tony-blair
KL: oh jesus that is horrifying, i had forgotten it. what a scouch
Pareene: Blingee.com is a hundred percent more revolutionary and important than Twitter, basically. Decade internet things wise, i would rank it number two, between Google Wave and racism.
KL: you can expect a reasoned rebuttal from anil dash, for that!
ok i am going to post this, and some blingees. it’s my “year ender” decade post, for today
The next president of the United States of America ...
KL: i am kind of sad about still writing for an (ex)Gawker blog as the new decade begins. fucking blogs are so 2004
Pareene: Hah. I should probably write some lists for my Gawker blog, too.
KL: yr supposed to do one for The Awl, too (for free). i did one and it is kind of an unintentional ripoff of yr true/slant gimmick, which i guess you’ve abandoned?
allright i’m going to eat, happy xmas!
Pareene: Merry Christmas, i think i shall compose a list called DECADE OF FURRIES http://wonkette.com/241563/cpac-in-review

Diggity
The Tiger Woods of his time.

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ShiningMathPath

    speechless, we are

  • Gopherit

    The penis-bananas still kill me.

  • jagorev

    I’ve been reading Ken and Pareene and Choire for most of the last decade. Christ I feel old now.

  • JMP

    I need to reset my eyes after that.

  • jagorev
  • Buzz Feedback

    That almost made me cry. Almost.

  • Crosseyed and Painless

    Do you guys take requests? Can we get a decade of Peggy?

  • CrunchyKnee

    Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Blingee.

  • chaste everywhere

    In the Happy July 4th one, Oba-Wam Kenyobi looks like the guy whose French sissy great-cubed grandfather Baracques Offenbach invented the Yes We Can-Can.

  • WarAndG

    Don’t forget Siemens.

  • PrairiePossum

    The chorus line of dancing Obamas had me singing Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)”

    The Sarah Palin book blingee with the bananas holding the Penis! signs gets my vote for best blingee of the decade.

  • you cannot be serious

    Is McCain Head real or a side effect of my meds? I was warned of possible nightmares.

  • ella

    I love Blingees. The Blair’s a work of art. Kinda.

  • Dave J.

    I think the animated gifs of politicians or world leaders (I forget who it was) morphing into NWA was the best.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Why do I feel like singing Auld Lang Sine?
    Excuse me while I seizure.

  • Chickensmack

    [re=480961]Gopherit[/re]: I hated all Blingees until PenisPenisPenisPenisPenis

  • snideinplainsight

    Can I get these all digiziz’ed up to be blue cat people in 3D? Because that will save America!

  • rocktonsammy

    Good Times.

    Thank God for weed.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The penis one was awesome. Here’s my contribution — remember Dick Cheney’s closet?
    http://blingee.com/blingee/view/97699819-Dick-Cheney-s-Repository-of-Souls?offset=2&owner=SayItWithWookies

  • SmutBoffin

    Just you wait. This dialogue will surface as a primary source in some future history of the intarwebs “Blingee: The Most Important Technology Since the Scented FleshLight”.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=480988]ella[/re]: I agree. It’s downright Warhol-ish.

  • Dumptruck

    Dancing bananas with signs saying “Penis” makes any image. No really!

  • user-of-owls

    [re=481003]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=481031]Dumptruck[/re]: [re=480998]Chickensmack[/re]: I’ve always had difficulty deconstructing the bananas. Are they protesting penises? Professing solidarity with penises? Standing in front of “Joe’s Penises” shop distracting passing drivers?

  • magic titty

    That John McCain Blingee is illegal in Mississippi.

  • Aflac Shrugged

    I think an honorable mention should be made for the Blingee that Annie made to commemorate the dumb white chick’s claim that she had a B carved on her face by a black assailant in Pittsburgh.

  • Atheist Nun

    Fuckin’ Aye: 2 of my blingees?!? I feel like a little pink princess right now!

    Thanks, Ken + The Wonkettes, you have truly launched my career as a part-time Crude Political Blingee “Artist.” This glorious moment is now enshrined in a place of honor among my numerous Wonkette memories, right above my “iPod” and the double rubber wetsuit with dildoes.

    Viva Blingpolitik! Viva Wonkette!

  • baron von angryton

    my all time favorite involved 3 mccain heads with tongues out, all licking eachother in a grotesque swirling motion. i created an account just for the chance to see that again.
    also, this is good news for john mccain.

  • the problem child

    Speaking of works of art, I do love the Obama stealth golfing one in a sort of an “it might be art” kind of way.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=481048]user-of-owls[/re]: I’ve never really tried to deconstruct it — just enjoyed the profane absurdity of the image.

  • Sharkey

    Be sure to think of me and you
    He’ll think about paint
    And he’ll think about glue
    What a jolly boring thing to do

  • user-of-owls

    [re=481110]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Ahhh, so much zennier. Thank you…ommm, ommm, penises, ommmm.

  • teratologram

    I maded my own one, for the very first time!
    http://bit.ly/6GAYT5

  • the problem child

    [re=481152]teratologram[/re]: Popped another blingee cherry!

  • Libbygirl

    [re=480961]Gopherit[/re]:
    I couldn’t agree more–they once again made me start crying from laughter. TOTAL WIN

  • Cranky Old Batt

    I’ve only been round for bout 5 yrs blurking then snarking and this really touched a place deep in my

    soul. Yeah, my soul. I think I still have one of those.

    The blingeeness of this is just spectacularly awesome. The Mcsame head is way, way scarier than the grazer head ever was but the penis penis penis on palin
    (oh EWWWW!!!! that just sounds wrong. I will just stop here. And go bathe. In battery acid.)

  • sezme

    Ha ha, remember when we could post pictures in the comments, and Serolf Divad would have a brilliant incisive bit of lol-cattish genius about 3 minutes after every post when up? That was great. Can we have that again, please, Ken? It’ll fix teh economies, or your money back!

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=480969]jagorev[/re]: Your Nancy portrait deserves to be on every Best Of List for the decade.

  • ellie

    That was the best thing ever on the Internet! It’s almost like you won the Internet or something!

  • Paul Tardy

    Wow I actually donated money to get Obama elected. I can’t believe it. I look at the silly invitation I got and ask myself, did I really do that.

  • Ken Layne

    [re=481073]Atheist Nun[/re]: Yes! We’ve all lost track of who made what Blingees, so thank you for claiming your ART WORK.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    That McCain blingee will give me goddamn nightmares for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS.

    Penispenispenispenispenis, also.

  • greywindz

    [re=480969]jagorev[/re]: Exactly…

  • The King of Spoons

    I will never not laugh at seeing “hobbit” written in flaming letters below Larry King. Never not.

  • claytor

    MY BLINGEES ARE SOOOO MUCH BETTER!!!! WHERE IS MY RON PAUL BLINGEE???

    But these are the next best. GG Blingee!!

  • katrina

    [re=481048]user-of-owls[/re]: The olds answer is the dancing penis bananas are the child yelling “The Emperor Has No Clothes”.
    The modern day answer is Today, We Are All Dancing Penis Bananas notifying all as to who the dicks are in a-10-year-old-kids-on-the-playground style.

    Wonkette(er) personified.
    And I love them (and Wonkette) with the white hot passion of a thousand suns.

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=480961]Gopherit[/re]: The best. Ever. Also.

  • pglass

    fucking McCain, put a warning label on that. I thought I was having an acid flashback. Jesus.

  • anildash

    Layne is right – my counterargument is that Google Wave sux!

  • lkfuie

    lkafuwioeufo

  • lkfuie

    @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
    Christmas gifts come in to pick:
    ====== http://w w w.b hs hoe.com =====
    fr ee sh i pp ing

    (jordan shoes) $32

    (air max) $34

    +++

    wow

  • lkfuie

    Christmas gifts come in to pick:
    ====== http://www.bhshoe.com =====
    fr ee sh i pp ing

    (jo rdan shoes) $32

    (air max) $34

    +++

    wow

  • undermedicated

    [re=482431]lkfuie[/re]: And I was just wondering if we would be allowed to start advertising products here, now that the editors are too drunk on holiday punch to notice. I also have shoes to sell. They are nice shoes. I will sell whatever shoes you sell, lkfuie, but for one dollar cheaper. And better than free shipping, I will take one dollar off all orders that need to be shipped. So don’t delay — buy stuff now at http://www.achewoodshop.com/

  • Bruno

    [re=484409]undermedicated[/re]: Hey I also sell shoes. And I can beat all your prices. And no tax. Plus I will give you extra free shoe polish. Special discount just for you! Why don’t you buy from me and we do big business?