Costco Removes Tomatoes In Anticipation Of Palin Visit

  good thing they don't sell eggs or pies

Sarah Palin's War on XMas includes denying the little childrens their vegetablesOnce upon a time a very long time ago (last week), a man attempted to throw a tomato at Sarah Palin and missed. The Salt Lake City Costco, determined not to allow the greatest possible attempted horror in world history to repeat itself on Costco premises, reportedly took all of its tomatoes of its shelves during Sarah Palin’s recent book-signing visit. And thank goodness the brave management of this Costco ordered this smart and prescient action, because everybody knows that tomatoes are the only food item ever to be used as a projectile. [Salt Lake Tribune]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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83 comments

  1. ChernobylSoup v2

    Are Cosco and Sam’s Club members still allowed to vote in national elections? Where’s that Change I used to believe in?

  2. bureaucrap

    IMHO opinion, the first part of the column’s even better than the tomato bit:

    “Sarah Palin not only annoyed leaders of the Utah Republican Party when she didn’t have time for them during her book signing stop in Salt Lake City last week. She also took off from her hotel after arranging for a last-minute hair appointment without paying the hairdresser and leaving her to cover her own valet parking.”

    Sarah knows that one of the many benefits of fame is that the little people have the privilege of picking up all her tabs and generally cleaning up her messes. She has the game down, fer shure.

  3. Nappied Hypotenuse

    First they came for the Tomatoes, but I said nothing because my mouth was crammed full of one of those ginormous cheesecakes.

    Then they came for the cheesecakes, but I said nothing because I was waiting in line to have that purty governor lady sign my book.

    Then they came for the governor lady, but I said nothing because there was a sweet deal on snowtires around the back..

  4. Sparky McGruff

    How about throwing one of those 10 pound Costco Pies? That would be awesome. You could see Russia from that pie. Also.

  5. BigDupa

    If you are going to protest Costco-style, you’d have to heave a 32-pack of Kirkland toilet paper (60 grit variety.)

  6. JMP

    Sarah was denying the children their fruits, not their vegetables, Sara; the alt-text should be scientifically correct.

  7. ChernobylSoup v2

    [re=479426]Nappied Hypotenuse[/re]: Just when I think that bit has been done to death you come along and resurrect it in striking glory. Nicely done.

  8. V572625694

    Costco: home of American consumption run amok — “I’ll never use six bottles of aftershave, but lookit this price!” — loves Sarah. She’s their kinda girl!

    [re=479415]rocktonsammy[/re]: That guy who winged his Florsheims at Dubya: I love him forever. If only our “journalists” had had the guts to express themselves so eloquently. And something useful to express.

  9. Monsieur Grumpe

    I shop at Costco and I happen to know that pineapples are in season. They’re very tasty and are very accurate with a good spiral.

  10. Hamster

    [re=479434]BigDupa[/re]: I was thinking an 80 pound bag of Fresh Step would be appropriate, it would help with the shit smell.

  11. DirtyHarriett

    How about any canned vegetable? Especially if you use the smaller cans, you can throw them in rapid-fire succession….something’s bound to hit! Also.

  12. ManchuCandidate

    [re=479440]V572625694[/re]:
    Seriously, who the fuck needs a gallon (A fucking gallon of mayo) and 10 pounds of Hershey Kisses?

    Here’s another question, are there any skinny people who shop at Costco? Didn’t see any when I went shopping there.

  13. Hart88

    [re=479448]ManchuCandidate[/re]: no, skinny people don’t buy gallon jugs of mayo and 10-pound bags of Hershey Kisses.

  14. Chickensmack

    [re=479446]DirtyHarriett[/re]: Why not anything? It’s a goddamned store with lots of things in it! Bookstores are crammed-together little places, but Costco… sheesh. That’s like playing on a Canadian football field, big as those things are.

  15. depraved indifference engine

    Tires, axes, sewing machines: c’mon people, get creative. There’s more than just food there. In fact, the produce aisle might be the safest place for her to be.

  16. Chickensmack

    [re=479453]depraved indifference engine[/re]: Sewing machines are available at Costco? I’ll take two!

  17. PsycGirl

    Does Costco know that vegetable-hurling purists can probably buy tomatoes elsewhere? Or do Costco tomatoes somehow carry a special hurling prestige?

  18. Sparky McGruff

    [re=479440]V572625694[/re]: Costco: home of American consumption run amok — “I’ll never use six bottles of aftershave, but lookit this price!” — loves Sarah. She’s their kinda girl!

    Actually, the ‘publicans aren’t too fond of Costco; they tend to support Dems. They also pay their workers too much (wall street hates that); the CEO of Costco seems to value having employees that stay for more than a few months and have health coverage so they aren’t walking around with tuberculosis. The ‘publicans LOVE Wal-Mart — they’re partners in the “race to the bottom of the barrel” full steam ahead.

  19. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=479453]depraved indifference engine[/re]: I’m thinking a rogue forklift operator toting about 20 pallets of leaky Liquid Plumr bottles.

  20. Gopherit

    [re=479448]ManchuCandidate[/re]: You need at least a gallon of mayo to dip all those hershey’s kisses.

    Sure, put the tomatoes away. I’d prefer the canned ones to throw anyway. They’ll leave a mark.

  21. Cape Clod

    [re=479450]freakishlystrong[/re]: Do they have ten gallon jars of puttanesca sauce? That would be appropriate.

  22. earnestcivilservant

    [re=479448]ManchuCandidate[/re]: When you put it that way it sounds so…dirty. Come on, use your imagination. A gallon of mayonaise and 10 pounds of Hershey’s kisses? Yes…Yes…YES!

  23. TGY

    [re=479459]Sparky McGruff[/re]: Seconded. Costco is a fantastic place for produce, most of which is wonderfully hurlable, viz. mangos. Also, you can do more damage in bulk.

    [re=479448]ManchuCandidate[/re]: are there any skinny people who shop at Costco Yes, me.

  24. betterDeadThanRed

    Damn! I’ve been practicing for a week with tomatoes. Now I have to practice with eggs, and cast iron skillets.

  25. Texan Bulldoggette

    Sounds like the mgmt of Costco is as bright as most of it’s shoppers. ‘Better hide the tomatoes so no one throws them at the princess. I know no one could possibly think to throw something else.’ Duhhh….

  26. Oldskool

    [re=479454]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: She’s so elitist, pandering to fancy-shmancy Costco types and ignoring HD people. Why does she hate real Merkuns?

  27. GeneralLerong

    Remember, this was in Salt Lake City, where the religious part of the population is Very Earnest. Especially about sex, where they them become Very Enthusiastic.

  28. SayItWithWookies

    [re=479414]bureaucrap[/re]: She’s got one up on Tiger — as far as I know, he hasn’t screwed a hairdresser yet.

  29. Activist Judicial Nominee

    Since this is in Utah, one million whore diamonds for anyone who throws their “sacred undergarment” at her.

  30. WhatTheHeck

    There’s irony in this here Costco visit as they are going to price down the sale price of her book by 1/2.
    Thought she needed the monies.

    They need to remove the Alaskan king crabs as a gesture to the Alaskan queen crab..

  31. Gun-toting Progressive

    [re=479459]Sparky McGruff[/re]: Yep, and they request that you not carry your gun in their stores. This is likely a very big deal in Utah.

  32. Native of SL UT

    The funniest part of Sarah’s visit here to Utah was the campers. About 60 idiots camped out overnight in 3 degree weather to make sure they got one of the 1,000 wristbands to see her. Only about 800 people showed up.

  33. BlueStateLibtard

    [re=479513]bidenluvr6969[/re]: Yeah, sure of like a cartoon. I’ll never forget being grilled over whether I was packing any safety pins when I was trying to board at Dallas.

  34. WadISay

    I am still curious about how a tomato–or any fresh object–ended up in the Mall of America. There is nothing in that place that wasn’t shrinkwrapped in a big cardboard box in China 8 months ago.

  35. CycloneArmageddon

    [re=479527]CycloneArmageddon[/re]:

    oops… meant to post

    INSERT 0.75 SECONDS OF CANNED 70s SITCOM LAUGHTER HERE

  36. personman

    I think you buried the lead. Sarah Palin is doing book signings at CostCo?! That’s hilariously pathetic.

  37. What Fresh Hell is This?

    Quarts of 10W40 and cases of condoms!

    Anyone who stiffs her beautician and signs books at COSTCO deserves symbolism she can use.

  38. Barrelhse

    These Utah rubes seem like easy pickin’s for anyone who likes to con fools. (PS- to the manager: I think there’s an opening in Hardin, MT.)

  39. Joshua Norton

    Blah. They should have done what any true Capitalist would have done. Set up a tomato table near the books and sold them for $5 each. How could the repiggies not approve of one of the tenets of their religion at work?

  40. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=479448]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Seriously, who the fuck needs a gallon (A fucking gallon of mayo) and 10 pounds of Hershey Kisses?

    I used to wonder about that too, until I was at the Costco in town and ran into a couple people who run a nice restaurant down the street from my hotel. They had four of those gallon jugs on their cart.

  41. WesternCorrespondent

    Palin’s favorite color is red. WHY would someone egregiously just BAN a fruit of her favorite color? Ban avocadoes!!

  42. Neilist

    This just proves what I have always warned you LYEburals about:

    “When TOMATOES are OUTLAWED, only OUTLAWS will have TOMATOES!”

    (Dan Quayle had a similar saying about potatoe . . . potateu . . . :::F*&^lk::: . . .TUBERS, but he had trouble writing it down.)

Comments are closed.