GOOD THING THEY DON'T SELL EGGS OR PIES  10:22 am December 16, 2009

Costco Removes Tomatoes In Anticipation Of Palin Visit

by Sara K. Smith

Sarah Palin's War on XMas includes denying the little childrens their vegetablesOnce upon a time a very long time ago (last week), a man attempted to throw a tomato at Sarah Palin and missed. The Salt Lake City Costco, determined not to allow the greatest possible attempted horror in world history to repeat itself on Costco premises, reportedly took all of its tomatoes of its shelves during Sarah Palin’s recent book-signing visit. And thank goodness the brave management of this Costco ordered this smart and prescient action, because everybody knows that tomatoes are the only food item ever to be used as a projectile. [Salt Lake Tribune]

 

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{ 83 comments }

memzilla December 16, 2009 at 10:26 am

Keep the tomatoes, remove the books.

Come here a minute December 16, 2009 at 10:26 am

Throw a real vegetable at her, like ketchup.

Larry McAwful December 16, 2009 at 10:27 am

Apples, man. Same color, same size, and easier to throw. Use apples.

AngryBlakGuy December 16, 2009 at 10:28 am

…personally, I prefer coconuts!

bago December 16, 2009 at 10:28 am

The league of zucchinis for justice and sexytime respectfully disagrees.

ChernobylSoup v2 December 16, 2009 at 10:29 am

Are Cosco and Sam’s Club members still allowed to vote in national elections? Where’s that Change I used to believe in?

bureaucrap December 16, 2009 at 10:29 am

IMHO opinion, the first part of the column’s even better than the tomato bit:

“Sarah Palin not only annoyed leaders of the Utah Republican Party when she didn’t have time for them during her book signing stop in Salt Lake City last week. She also took off from her hotel after arranging for a last-minute hair appointment without paying the hairdresser and leaving her to cover her own valet parking.”

Sarah knows that one of the many benefits of fame is that the little people have the privilege of picking up all her tabs and generally cleaning up her messes. She has the game down, fer shure.

rocktonsammy December 16, 2009 at 10:30 am

I hope to God they remove the shoes from the store.

Gun-toting Progressive December 16, 2009 at 10:30 am

Does CostCo sell coconuts? I’d vote coconuts.

red sky December 16, 2009 at 10:30 am

How about Cans of tomatoes, I hear COSTCO got some real bigs one too. Sorry meant, Also. Also.

Gun-toting Progressive December 16, 2009 at 10:31 am

[re=479411]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Damn, you’re quick!

bureaucrap December 16, 2009 at 10:32 am

[re=479414]bureaucrap[/re]: oops, the word “opinion” in my first post is redundant. My bad.

AngryBlakGuy December 16, 2009 at 10:32 am

…did they have any statuette of the Italian Duomo?

Capitol Hillbilly December 16, 2009 at 10:32 am

Costo has gallon jars of mayonaisse.

Nappied Hypotenuse December 16, 2009 at 10:36 am

First they came for the Tomatoes, but I said nothing because my mouth was crammed full of one of those ginormous cheesecakes.

Then they came for the cheesecakes, but I said nothing because I was waiting in line to have that purty governor lady sign my book.

Then they came for the governor lady, but I said nothing because there was a sweet deal on snowtires around the back..

x111e7thst December 16, 2009 at 10:36 am

[re=479422]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Are you implying that Sarah Palin has sex with underage hookers?

Holy Cow!! December 16, 2009 at 10:37 am

Perhaps a fruit would be more appropriate.

Skwerl Nutz December 16, 2009 at 10:37 am

watermelons

AngryBlakGuy December 16, 2009 at 10:37 am

[re=479423]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: …flash backs of scenes from “Nailin’ Palin”!

Sparky McGruff December 16, 2009 at 10:37 am

How about throwing one of those 10 pound Costco Pies? That would be awesome. You could see Russia from that pie. Also.

Hart88 December 16, 2009 at 10:38 am

Frozen jumbo shrimp will do nicely, maybe some microwaved egg rolls.

BigDupa December 16, 2009 at 10:38 am

If you are going to protest Costco-style, you’d have to heave a 32-pack of Kirkland toilet paper (60 grit variety.)

TGY December 16, 2009 at 10:38 am

How typical of Republicans, forcing people to bring their own goddamned tomatoes.

glamourdammerung December 16, 2009 at 10:40 am

Good. Shoes work better.

JMP December 16, 2009 at 10:41 am

Sarah was denying the children their fruits, not their vegetables, Sara; the alt-text should be scientifically correct.

ChernobylSoup v2 December 16, 2009 at 10:42 am

[re=479426]Nappied Hypotenuse[/re]: Just when I think that bit has been done to death you come along and resurrect it in striking glory. Nicely done.

V572625694 December 16, 2009 at 10:44 am

Costco: home of American consumption run amok — “I’ll never use six bottles of aftershave, but lookit this price!” — loves Sarah. She’s their kinda girl!

[re=479415]rocktonsammy[/re]: That guy who winged his Florsheims at Dubya: I love him forever. If only our “journalists” had had the guts to express themselves so eloquently. And something useful to express.

Monsieur Grumpe December 16, 2009 at 10:44 am

I shop at Costco and I happen to know that pineapples are in season. They’re very tasty and are very accurate with a good spiral.

AngryBlakGuy December 16, 2009 at 10:44 am

[re=479422]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: …sorry, that was a Berlusconi joke!

Hamster December 16, 2009 at 10:45 am

[re=479434]BigDupa[/re]: I was thinking an 80 pound bag of Fresh Step would be appropriate, it would help with the shit smell.

Chickensmack December 16, 2009 at 10:47 am

I’d rather hit her with a 110v connection, so she could sign my e-book.

DirtyHarriett December 16, 2009 at 10:47 am

How about any canned vegetable? Especially if you use the smaller cans, you can throw them in rapid-fire succession….something’s bound to hit! Also.

Diana Davies December 16, 2009 at 10:49 am

Please don’t take away my cucumbers. I need them.

ManchuCandidate December 16, 2009 at 10:50 am

[re=479440]V572625694[/re]:
Seriously, who the fuck needs a gallon (A fucking gallon of mayo) and 10 pounds of Hershey Kisses?

Here’s another question, are there any skinny people who shop at Costco? Didn’t see any when I went shopping there.

freakishlystrong December 16, 2009 at 10:52 am

Fertilizer. Big bag. Preferably human. Fling shit, like she always does.

Hart88 December 16, 2009 at 10:54 am

[re=479448]ManchuCandidate[/re]: no, skinny people don’t buy gallon jugs of mayo and 10-pound bags of Hershey Kisses.

Chickensmack December 16, 2009 at 10:55 am

[re=479446]DirtyHarriett[/re]: Why not anything? It’s a goddamned store with lots of things in it! Bookstores are crammed-together little places, but Costco… sheesh. That’s like playing on a Canadian football field, big as those things are.

depraved indifference engine December 16, 2009 at 10:56 am

Tires, axes, sewing machines: c’mon people, get creative. There’s more than just food there. In fact, the produce aisle might be the safest place for her to be.

AngryBlakGuy December 16, 2009 at 10:58 am

…why won’t she do a book signing at a Home Depot?

BeWoot December 16, 2009 at 10:59 am

Eggs. Eggs, people.

Chickensmack December 16, 2009 at 10:59 am

[re=479453]depraved indifference engine[/re]: Sewing machines are available at Costco? I’ll take two!

PsycGirl December 16, 2009 at 11:00 am

Does Costco know that vegetable-hurling purists can probably buy tomatoes elsewhere? Or do Costco tomatoes somehow carry a special hurling prestige?

Sparky McGruff December 16, 2009 at 11:00 am

[re=479440]V572625694[/re]: Costco: home of American consumption run amok — “I’ll never use six bottles of aftershave, but lookit this price!” — loves Sarah. She’s their kinda girl!

Actually, the ‘publicans aren’t too fond of Costco; they tend to support Dems. They also pay their workers too much (wall street hates that); the CEO of Costco seems to value having employees that stay for more than a few months and have health coverage so they aren’t walking around with tuberculosis. The ‘publicans LOVE Wal-Mart — they’re partners in the “race to the bottom of the barrel” full steam ahead.

queeraselvis v 2.0 December 16, 2009 at 11:02 am

[re=479453]depraved indifference engine[/re]: I’m thinking a rogue forklift operator toting about 20 pallets of leaky Liquid Plumr bottles.

Gopherit December 16, 2009 at 11:04 am

[re=479448]ManchuCandidate[/re]: You need at least a gallon of mayo to dip all those hershey’s kisses.

Sure, put the tomatoes away. I’d prefer the canned ones to throw anyway. They’ll leave a mark.

Cape Clod December 16, 2009 at 11:09 am

[re=479450]freakishlystrong[/re]: Do they have ten gallon jars of puttanesca sauce? That would be appropriate.

Diana Davies December 16, 2009 at 11:09 am

What would be wrong with just flinging dog doo?

Suds McKenzie December 16, 2009 at 11:13 am

Trig will Gom Jabbar anyone who tries.

hockeymom December 16, 2009 at 11:15 am

[re=479468]Cape Clod[/re]: sounds too foriegn. Probably geh, too. Not allowed in Utah.

earnestcivilservant December 16, 2009 at 11:17 am

[re=479448]ManchuCandidate[/re]: When you put it that way it sounds so…dirty. Come on, use your imagination. A gallon of mayonaise and 10 pounds of Hershey’s kisses? Yes…Yes…YES!

TGY December 16, 2009 at 11:23 am

[re=479459]Sparky McGruff[/re]: Seconded. Costco is a fantastic place for produce, most of which is wonderfully hurlable, viz. mangos. Also, you can do more damage in bulk.

[re=479448]ManchuCandidate[/re]: are there any skinny people who shop at Costco Yes, me.

betterDeadThanRed December 16, 2009 at 11:25 am

Damn! I’ve been practicing for a week with tomatoes. Now I have to practice with eggs, and cast iron skillets.

Flanders December 16, 2009 at 11:33 am

How about a Costco-sized bucket of Siemens?

Texan Bulldoggette December 16, 2009 at 11:36 am

Sounds like the mgmt of Costco is as bright as most of it’s shoppers. ‘Better hide the tomatoes so no one throws them at the princess. I know no one could possibly think to throw something else.’ Duhhh….

Oldskool December 16, 2009 at 11:38 am

[re=479454]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: She’s so elitist, pandering to fancy-shmancy Costco types and ignoring HD people. Why does she hate real Merkuns?

GeneralLerong December 16, 2009 at 11:44 am

Remember, this was in Salt Lake City, where the religious part of the population is Very Earnest. Especially about sex, where they them become Very Enthusiastic.

SayItWithWookies December 16, 2009 at 11:46 am

[re=479414]bureaucrap[/re]: She’s got one up on Tiger — as far as I know, he hasn’t screwed a hairdresser yet.

S.Luggo December 16, 2009 at 11:50 am

[re=479405]Come here a minute[/re]: or Mike Enzi.

Activist Judicial Nominee December 16, 2009 at 11:50 am

Since this is in Utah, one million whore diamonds for anyone who throws their “sacred undergarment” at her.

Capitol Hillbilly December 16, 2009 at 11:51 am

I just hope this guy is there to greet her:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8zNsUTWsOc

vladster December 16, 2009 at 11:52 am

[re=479414]bureaucrap[/re]: So that’s why she quit as Gov of Alaska

vladster December 16, 2009 at 11:56 am

Costco in Utah: I’m sure they have hunting hardware.

depraved indifference engine December 16, 2009 at 11:59 am

[re=479456]Chickensmack[/re]: Knock yourself out.

WhatTheHeck December 16, 2009 at 12:00 pm

There’s irony in this here Costco visit as they are going to price down the sale price of her book by 1/2.
Thought she needed the monies.

They need to remove the Alaskan king crabs as a gesture to the Alaskan queen crab..

Gun-toting Progressive December 16, 2009 at 12:01 pm

[re=479459]Sparky McGruff[/re]: Yep, and they request that you not carry your gun in their stores. This is likely a very big deal in Utah.

bidenluvr6969 December 16, 2009 at 12:03 pm

This is exactly how our air travel security works.

Native of SL UT December 16, 2009 at 12:05 pm

The funniest part of Sarah’s visit here to Utah was the campers. About 60 idiots camped out overnight in 3 degree weather to make sure they got one of the 1,000 wristbands to see her. Only about 800 people showed up.

BlueStateLibtard December 16, 2009 at 12:13 pm

[re=479513]bidenluvr6969[/re]: Yeah, sure of like a cartoon. I’ll never forget being grilled over whether I was packing any safety pins when I was trying to board at Dallas.

WadISay December 16, 2009 at 12:17 pm

I am still curious about how a tomato–or any fresh object–ended up in the Mall of America. There is nothing in that place that wasn’t shrinkwrapped in a big cardboard box in China 8 months ago.

CycloneArmageddon December 16, 2009 at 12:25 pm

[re=479499]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

CycloneArmageddon December 16, 2009 at 12:27 pm

[re=479527]CycloneArmageddon[/re]:

oops… meant to post

INSERT 0.75 SECONDS OF CANNED 70s SITCOM LAUGHTER HERE

personman December 16, 2009 at 12:29 pm

I think you buried the lead. Sarah Palin is doing book signings at CostCo?! That’s hilariously pathetic.

What Fresh Hell is This? December 16, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Quarts of 10W40 and cases of condoms!

Anyone who stiffs her beautician and signs books at COSTCO deserves symbolism she can use.

Barrelhse December 16, 2009 at 1:05 pm

These Utah rubes seem like easy pickin’s for anyone who likes to con fools. (PS- to the manager: I think there’s an opening in Hardin, MT.)

Georgia Burning December 16, 2009 at 1:23 pm

[re=479492]Oldskool[/re]: Home Depot sells bricks

Extemporanus December 16, 2009 at 1:25 pm

[re=479480]TGY[/re]: Exactly, and a point everyone seems to be overlooking:

These are bulk tomatoes that are the size of Hippity Hops.

They will fucking kill you!

Joshua Norton December 16, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Blah. They should have done what any true Capitalist would have done. Set up a tomato table near the books and sold them for $5 each. How could the repiggies not approve of one of the tenets of their religion at work?

iwillsavethispatient December 16, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Out of respect, they also removed all the thoughts from their minds too.

Lascauxcaveman December 16, 2009 at 2:04 pm

[re=479448]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Seriously, who the fuck needs a gallon (A fucking gallon of mayo) and 10 pounds of Hershey Kisses?

I used to wonder about that too, until I was at the Costco in town and ran into a couple people who run a nice restaurant down the street from my hotel. They had four of those gallon jugs on their cart.

LuxMentis December 16, 2009 at 2:15 pm

I hope the left the canned tomatoes….less mess, greater structural integrity.

WesternCorrespondent December 16, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Palin’s favorite color is red. WHY would someone egregiously just BAN a fruit of her favorite color? Ban avocadoes!!

Neilist December 16, 2009 at 4:07 pm

This just proves what I have always warned you LYEburals about:

“When TOMATOES are OUTLAWED, only OUTLAWS will have TOMATOES!”

(Dan Quayle had a similar saying about potatoe . . . potateu . . . :::F*&^lk::: . . .TUBERS, but he had trouble writing it down.)

Radiotherapy December 16, 2009 at 4:56 pm

[re=479537]personman[/re]: I’m with you on that one. I guess they can’t remove the cheesy.

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