Everybody thought Eliot Spitzer triumphed over Scandal when he quit the New York governorship to write an occasional column for Slate, but his victory was nothing compared to that of his onetime paramour, “Kristen” Ashley Dupre. The former New Jersey hooker and MySpace songstress now writes an advice column for the New York Post, which is basically like Slate, only interesting. [New York Post]
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Authors
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (802)
Jim Newell (5435)
Liz Colville (97)
Ken Layne (6696)
Wonkette Jr. (628)
Kaia Mursi (45)
Blair Burke (171)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 80 comments }
Column 1: No BLACK Socks
Column 2: No one likes a hypocrite
Column 3: Why didn’t Tiger Bang Me?
She can write?
Look out Sarah Palin!!!
Oh man… Seimens.
Geez if she worked at the Washington Post, she wouldn’t even have to change her job description -
Those are some of the most generic, boring questions I’ve seen. The answers aren’t very interesting either, except for the one about the vibrator.
Are “Meredith, 40″ and “Brian, 39″ just Post staffers who knocked out questions in about 10 seconds each? Or are the sex lives of Post readers, being Republicans, just that dull?
This is awesome on a god damned stick.
Maybe she could share a desk with say Michael Gerson or Robert J. Samuelson!
Meghan McCain’s literary efforts are more interesting, especially because of the occasional booby photos.
B-but Slate is the authoritative source on which binky to buy for your baby!
[re=477417]snideinplainsight[/re]: Hahahahahahaha….Who would she rather blow — Eliot Spitzer or Paul Wolfowitz?
Chaunteuse, courtesan, and now author and sage. The lady Ashley is certainly a renaissance woman!
Dear Ashley,
I hope you can help me with a particular problem I’ve having. My question is: Do you accept personal checks? How about Visa?
Sincerely,
Eliot
Would you take relationship advice from this woman? Really?
She wrote: There’s no such thing as a “no-fail” gift to make a women feel special and loved.
I guess nobody ever gave her a vacuum cleaner for Christmas.
Dear Ashley,
How do you get Siemens out of your Wonkette.
Sincerely,
Covered with Seimens
[re=477428]earnestcivilservant[/re]: Does the fact that the women in my life are oh so happy to get cash mean that I’ve been hanging out with the wrong sorts of women?
Dear Ashley:
Did Elliot really want BBFS from you?
Somewhere in America, you’ll find Ashley’s answers as work!
[re=477428]earnestcivilservant[/re]: Yes, what *does* qualify a hooker to give relationship advice? Her advanced knowledge of ‘love’? Es stupide.
I would kind of like to know if she had to refer to Elliot as Bernie Madoff during intimate moments.
A girl who changes her name from Ashley to Kristen is not serious about her hooker career.
Hey, and she can double as the new Page Five Girl.
[re=477428]earnestcivilservant[/re]:
Ooh, or bulk paper goods from Costco.
[re=477436]TGY[/re]: I would give her cred for “advanced knowledge of men”. At her per hour price level, that’s what she was paid for.
[re=477436]TGY[/re]:
Maybe because she has listened to a lot of married men complain about their wives.
Is she going to rap in her columns? That’s the real question.
This isn’t about Ashley, it’s about Rupert keeping Eliot’s bete noir out there in plain sight. There’s nobody that old Australian fears more in a prosecutorial role than I-don’t-owe-anybody-anything Spitzer, so he is trying to keep a foot on his neck, image-wise. Beware octogenarian Aliens…
She should get an extra whore diamond for the glasses.
Siemens? Seriously? Did you guys beg them for that ad?
This means more homelesss jacking off in the subways doesn’t it.
And those Siemens fans are out in Kansas, where they have plenty of wind already. Why, I say!
Also.
That pic though… man. Just something about it. When I first saw it, I said, “Oh, yeah. I see why he was was, um, stupid.”
[re=477448]auduboner[/re]: You might have a point. Keeping her in the public eye makes it very difficult for Spitzer to become fully rehabilitated.
But I still think she’s kinda cute.
[re=477449]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Isn’t that pictures of her on the front of one of those Halloween costumes you buy year-round at the porn/stripper shop and in the month before Halloween at the Halloween shop, where your booty hangs out a little (if you’re 5′, and isn’t covered at all if you’re 5’10), and every costume name begins with “sexy” or “naughty”?
[re=477416]rmontcal[/re]: Siemens all over my screen. This big screen may have been a mistake.
I love how she writes this:
“What’s the no-fail Christmas gift I can get my wife that will make her feel special and loved? — Brian N., 39, Lower E. Side”
“Women are really not as complicated as men think. If we love you, it doesn’t take much.” OK, Ashely, for you, it takes $500 an hour, but for the rest of us, “it doesn’t take much.”
Who the hell does she think she is? Xaviera Hollander?
From four-diamond hooker to newspaper columnist. What a tumble.
[re=477454]proudgrampa[/re]: Oh, I’d hit it! Especially in that Post video, with the porn-music soundtrack, and the obviously unneeded glasses, which she’s about to toss aside as she rips open her blouse… Wait, I think I’ve seen that movie!
Ashley those smart-girl glasses look ridiculous on you. Minus 1 whore diamond.
Seriously. I was hoping for things more along the lines of”How do you deal with a John who gets violent/doesn’t pay?” “What lube would you recommend?” “Is Eliot the ugliest dude you fucked?”
C’mon, Post, not like you have standards to uphold.
-V
[re=477459]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: “Women are really not as complicated as men think.” Bullshit. They never forget, they never forgive.
Solution to gift problem:
1. Ask her what she wants.
2. Tell her to please write it down (brand, size, color, blah, blah, blah), preferably phoenetically.
3. Ask her where it can be found (mall, store, aisle, counter) and ask her to print out a map.
4. Give her the money to get it.
5. Profit.
Oh, hallelujah — I love to start my day with an abomination from the past somehow thriving in a field without any discernible qualifications. It makes me feel like I’ve earned this forged pilot’s license, even if the passengers might see it differently.
What’s the no-fail Christmas gift I can get my wife that will make her feel special and loved? — Brian N., 39, Lower E. Side
I must say, I was buying the Liberator [sex aid] and I was watching the demonstration video for all the different positions and I was thinking about my boyfriend at the time, and it got me super turned on . . . just thinking about him and us, and exploring all the different positions on this thing.
/fixed
Wasn’t this the alternative ending to “Gigi”?
[re=477450]slavojzizek[/re]: I, for one, welcome our new Wonkukakke overlords. And since I always support our sponsors, my kids are all getting Siemens for Christmas.
[re=477442]Terry[/re]: So I’m the only one who doesn’t mind receiving 42 rolls of toilet paper for Christmas? Huh.
[re=477448]auduboner[/re]: ah ha.
[re=477428]earnestcivilservant[/re]: That’s more of a “no-fail” present for men.
The vacuum, I mean.
You know, suck.
I pulled a muscle overreaching for that one.
ANALOGY:
Ashley Dupre is to columnist, as
Peggy Noonington is to ___________
The print media can be saved!!!!
Sarah Palin could write a parenting column.
Mark Sanford could write an ethics and morality column.
The Salahis could write an etiquette column.
The comics could all feature Tiger Woods ads:
- TAG Heuer: “What are YOU made of?” (Semen and Skank)
- Gatorade: “Being a winner takes hard work and sweat” (and Semen)
- Accenture: “It’s not a setback. It’s a test.” (for Syphillis)
- Nike: “Just Do It! (And you’ll eventually get caught!)
[re=477468]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: Speak for yourself; a decent pair of glasses will always make an attractive woman look more attractive, whether or not she really needs them or is actually an intellectual.
[re=477471]Vermonster[/re]: So far, except for the porn/vibrator question and answer, she’s making the late Ann Landers look like Dan Savage.
[re=477479]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: The last time I gave that as a Christmas present was in high school — and it took them a week to get it out of the trees.
Siemens is so messy!
[re=477487]facehead[/re]: Nancy Reagan’s clandestine lesbian love interest? Wait…
[re=477492]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]:
TAG Heuer: “What are YOU made of?” (Siemen and Skank)
- Gatorade: “Being a winner takes hard work and sweat” (and Siemen)
/fixed
Whores n semen, all day, all the time…Wonkette is the new Cumdumpster
So Ken….WHERE THE FUCK ARE OUR WHORE DIAMONDS??!
Also, Ashley will in all likelihood be covering the Siemens in her new column, so nice double entendre with the ad and this article. Very narky.
Seeeeee, that service really did deliver quality. Those that doubted it should have to print retractions.
[re=477504]El Pinche[/re]: Whores n Siemen – it’s the new wonkett.
[re=477487]facehead[/re]: Too easy!
ANALOGY:
Ashley Dupre is to columnist, as
Peggy Noonington is to Dog the Bounty Hunter
Just goes to show, whore diamonds ARE a girl’s best friend.
“How do I know if my daughter may be getting into trouble?”
She accidentally calls your husband “Governor” instead of Dad.
“Are there telltale signs a man isn’t happy in his marriage?”
Working late, drinking more, and asking your daughter go call him “Gov”.
Canadians can so much more open minded (not the bus company though)
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/toronto/story/2009/12/11/toronto-ttc-ashley-madison-cheating.html
I also like this:
My girlfriend says she doesn’t like porn. Is she lying? — David K, 36, TriBeCa
Answer: Try sending her an e-mail of a soft-porn clip and say ‘I can’t wait to do this to you tonight.’ And see what she says.”
Yes, men, the perfect way to endear yourself to your woman, ignore what she says, and just do it anyway, the womans are not that complicated!!
Hey Sara, Edith Wharton wrote a sex-advice column? I must not have read enough into Ethan Frome.
I,m COVERED IN SIEMENS
From a recent column by Ashley:
Dear Ashley:
I’m currently having an affair with a married politician who used to be an attorney general and governor. What should I do?!?!?!
–Jenna Jameson
Dear Jenna:
Thanks for writing! Please don’t ever write to me again!
[re=477472]S.Luggo[/re]:
I never would have pegged you for the romantic type. Go figure.
i need to buy all of the siemens i can, does anyone have a BUNCH OF SIEMENS? Please, give me all of your Siemens.
“Things really changed for me when my brother ran away when he was 15 and my parents were terrified that the same thing would happen to me…”
And as we can see, everything turned out just fine. Great advice Ashley! Parents everywhere should listen to you. P.S. Call me “gov”
[re=477431]x111e7thst[/re]: Not at all. I hear Ashley is oh so happy to get cash as well.
I’ll take Ashley’s advice because I suck.
[re=477487]facehead[/re]: columnist
[re=477492]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Luv this.
George Bush could write a political column.
Dear Ashley,
Not so hard.
Sincerly,
America
[re=477456]Redhead[/re]: You mean THIS Halloween store?
Will she write about what it’s like to have Eliot Spitzer’s Siemens all over her?
[re=477429]spencer[/re]: “Why is Ashley Dupree like Wonkette?”
Today we are all out of work call girls, slimed in Siemens.
The before and after photos make it clear Ms. Dupree got her airbags inflated.
Did she do this for “professional reasons?” Or did her happy career come about from this dramatic alteration in her typography?
So this makes the New York Post a madame? Quite a promotion – it’s only been Murdoch’s whore for, what, 30 years now?
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