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The mayoral motorcadeHave you heard? Gays are, apparently, allowed to run for political office in Texas! One such gay actually won the mayoralty of Houston this weekend. Let’s learn a little bit more about Mayor-elect Annise Parker, who offers a winning combination of fiscal management skills and lesbianism.

Parker is a Democrat, NO SURPRISE THERE. The mayoral campaign was apparently pretty blah until the end, due to Parker and her opponent having virtually no differences on the “issues.” But all that changed when a group of black pastors and a couple of anti-gay advocates came forward and boldly announced, “Look at this gay lady and all the gay things she wants to do to Houston, in the butt.”

In the end Parker prevailed, which suggests that at long last the residents of a large Texas city are finally ready to have things done to them, in the butt, by a lesbian. Mazel tov, Mayor Parker!

Houston Is Largest City to Elect Openly Gay Mayor [New York Times]

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80 COMMENTS

  1. Houston is actually one giant butt of a town, so she’ll be fine. But, I didn’t know lesbians liked to do things in the butt…I’m confused.

  2. Mayor Parker’s first official act should be to use agent orange on all the greenery on the bottom third of the page, so that Wonkette is readable. Then she should thank our brave troops.

  3. Could we really say we were surprised if she was a Republican and turned out to be gay?
    Also, -10 internets for the background ad. I have to scroll into the sky to read anything. I hope Siemens is paying cocaine in the Bahamasmoney for this.

  4. According to the picture, she’s got a large dog; how typical for a big-city lesbian. But what else do you expect from the liberal coastal elitists of Texas than to support the flannel agenda?

  5. Jesus fuck, somewhere in the world you’ll find Siemens making our Wonkette entirely unreadable.

    Also, since when is Wonkette’s readership the target market for—well, whatever the fuck Siemens does?

    Fuck Siemens, and yes, test servers FTW.

  6. [re=477345]lalalala[/re]: It’s the new Bukake version of Wonkette – it’s all covered in Siemens!

    I thought it might be my browser but it is doing it in FireFox, Internet Explorer, and Chrome.

    PLEASE FIX!

  7. [re=477352]Fox News Light[/re]: Siemens, calling Lieberman the nasoLABIAL tyrant in the briefing, the “In the butt” comments here – with just two post, Wonkette seems even more sex-obsessed than usual today.

    Oh and yay it’s readable again! Hope this lasts.

  8. [re=477378]DC Hates Me[/re]: “Who are the closeted gay mayors?”

    Have you ever heard Bloomberg speak?

    [re=477381]V572625694[/re]: Nah; someone fixed it to get to the margins only; you must have been lucky enough to miss the worst of it.

  9. I’m pleased that Annise Parker won in Houston. I’m also delighted that Wonkette is getting ad money from Siemens. In fact, I’m going to go buy some Siemens right now!

    Seriously, if I can’t make any money in this economy, I’m at least glad that some of my friends are picking up a few bucks.

  10. [re=477340]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I believe someone has confused her with Larry Craig. They’re very similar except for the gender, the party affiliation, the “out-ness”, the state, their personal attractiveness….

  11. I must protest! While I think lesbians in public office are a wonderful idea, I was hoping more for the Porn Star variety of lipstick lesbian…not this flannel shirt wearing, suburu driving, mini-lumberjack they got going in Houston. What the hell is wrong with those people in Texas? You elected a lesbian that isn’t hawt at all, is it so difficult? There are literally hundreds of thousands of instructional videos on the internet about how you pick a lesbian, do some goddamn research people!
    Texas needs to change it’s motto:
    ” We’re so stupid, we could fuck up a wet dream”

  12. [re=477368]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Ewww.

    I don’t know why, but I honestly thought there would still be some Siemen jokes left to make by the time I posted. At least I’m in time for the mass banhammer of everyone who whines about the ad. You’ll get several minutes of unreadable Wonkett and LIKE it!

  13. [re=477392]WarAndG[/re]: I live in the state that’s home to the towns of Intercourse and Blue Ball; Siemens is still funny.

    What I don’t get is what they’re trying to sell; unless they think all of Wonkette’s readers are mayors or CEOs

  14. [re=477367]JMP[/re]: Wonkette is and never has been merely “sex-obsessed,” Wonkette has a long, proud tradition of being butt-sex-obsessed, though the practice is more commonly termed “ass-fucking” in Wonkette-land.

  15. [re=477378]DC Hates Me[/re]:

    Andrian Fenty sets off the gaydar with his fierce grooming and well tailored suits, but he’s married with three kids. You can imagine a beard wife having one kid with a closeted husband, but three kids implies a certain enthusiasm in creating them.

    There used to be rumors about Kathy Whitmire, a previous mayor of Houston, who was/is a widow. I suspect that rumor was just a combination of her support from the gay community and the tendency of fundimentalist Texans to spend way too much time imagining other people’s sex lives.

  16. [re=477387]McDuff[/re]: Is there a ‘gay’ way to pick up trash and pave the streets?

    Yes, yes there is. Unfortunately it involves a great deal of mincing, which tends to drive up costs.

  17. Love the photo! Nothing sez “lesbian” more than a single kayak on a car. Unless, of course, a guy is driving the car. This means “lonely guy who can’t fish.”

  18. Its like a letter to Penthouse from Houston: “I never thought I would be writing to Penthouse but I came home from work early one day and found this lesbian running for mayor on the couch….

  19. If our crazy billionaire mayor in NYC hadn’t gone to his friend the crazy NY billionaire term limits activist to flout the law “just this once, please” than NYC would have beaten Texas on the lesbian mayor thingy. Unfortunately, the state lost to Connecticut in the regional marriage equality race. NYC, it just ain’t the gay it used to be.

  20. [re=477376]gjdodger[/re]: You are brilliant.

    [re=477409]JMP[/re]: “What I don’t get is what they’re trying to sell; unless they think all of Wonkette’s readers are mayors or CEOs.” — We’ve been revealed. Who else would have the time to sit around all day to read and write Wonkette?

  21. New Houston ordinance: “if teh gays are on the ballot you have to write the word “GAY” in 32-point font next to their name because what the fuck we didn’t know.”

  22. [re=477340]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: My guess is that the people of Houston heard the butt warnings, but figured that if a dyke really wanted to do anything to them, it’d involve cuddling and perhaps some very tender junk-licking.

  23. Meanwhile, right now there are the ad wars on our gay ass teevees between Perry and bufon (or buffoon) debutante Hutchinson. Who is the most Republican? Little do they know that we mexicans are awaiting the signal from the mexican branch of ACORN to attack.

  24. All you folks baffled by Siemens advertising their hellaciously groovy windmills here; it’s a “feel good” ad. They know all you libtards just love windmills to pieces, because of your precious environments and stuff, and they want you to associate those feel-good windmills with the corporate giant logo Siemens.

    So the next time you’re buying an electric toothbrush, coffee maker or waffle iron, and you see that Siemens logo, you’ll feel all warm and fuzzy and windmill-y, and buy, buy, buy.

  25. [re=477495]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: No no — that’s just their cover. The real reason is that as liberal fascists, we appreciate a judiciously applied policy of death camps and slave labor. Don’t tell Glenn Beck.

  26. Dallas County has its first and only openly gay SHERIFF. So suck it, Houston. Sheriff, y’all. Not only that, but she’s Latina, too. Big huge honking liberal Latina lesbian alliterative LADY sheriff.

  27. Honestly, I’m not sure why this is supposed to be surprising. As they say, there are two things that come out of Texas. Though, if I had to bet on which one would be made mayor first, I’d probably have put money on the steer.

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