Senate Approves Chri$tma$ $1.1 Trillion Spending Bill, Hooray!

The Senate went to work on a Sunday --HanukkahSunday, we bet! -- and desecrated the grave of the Stillborn Jesus to give hundreds of billions of dollars to themselves and their favorite government programs. The bill okays $447 billion for whatever federal agencies plus $650 billion to keep funding teabagger welfare programs such as Medicare, which pointlessly extends the miserable lives of old white people with no money.(The House approved this same trainload of money last week.)

Now Congress just needs to "solve health care" and approve another $600 billion for whatever the Pentagon does with $600 billion (victory?) and then just a few more "remaining items" need to be figured out, and everybody in Washington can go home to bang constituent hookers and glug whiskey-ambien cocktails until it's time to come back next year and impeach Obama.

The remaining items include an increase in the national debt limit, a jobs measure being drafted by House Democratic leaders, an extension of unemployment and health benefits for out-of-work Americans, the renewal of a handful of other expiring programs and an extension of the federal estate tax.

Easy! Mitch McConnell, however, said he was anxious to get back to Kentucky and start sucking holiday restroom dicknow, so he has complained about everything. [ NYT / Marketwatch ]