Whoa hey this is totally expected and yet still sort of sad! Jenny Sanford has filed for divorce from her dumb husband, the famous Appalachian Trail solo “hiker” and South Carolina governor (still!) Mark Sanford. How long before Jenny Sanford runs for the governorship of a smarter, classier state?
Here is the statement she released today:
Columbia, S.C. – December 11, 2009 – As so many of us know, the dissolution of any marriage is a sad and painful process. It is also a very personal and private one. Because Mark and I are public figures, we have naturally had less privacy with which to deal with our difficulties than do other couples. Indeed, I know it will soon become known so I choose to release this brief notice that I am now filing for divorce. This came after many unsuccessful efforts at reconciliation, yet I am still dedicated to keeping the process that lies ahead peaceful for our family.
I remain thankful to so many across this state and nation for their words of encouragement and prayers during this difficult time. Please know the boys and I are doing well and are blessed with the incredible support of friends and family and bolstered by our faith and the unfailing love of our God above.
Now Mark Sanford is free to celebrate Christmas in Argentina which, due to to the Equator and such, is not observed until mid-August.
Jenny Sanford files for divorce [CNN]
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Wow, Wonkette, you guys got me my first Chanukah wish! Can you now get me an invite to the White House party because I see now how all-powerful you are.
Head out on the Trail,
Mark’s Epic Fail.
Sanford’s a dud
Now that Jenny’s bailed.
On the fifth month of scandal, my wife gave to me… Five divorce papers!
Four pairs of hiking boots
Three smacks to the head
Two black eyes
And a Skil Saw to the old nutsack!
I remain thankful to God so many across this state God and nation, under God, for their words of God’s encouragement and prayers to God during this difficult time. Please God know the boys and I are doing well and are blessed by God with the incredible support of friends, God, and family and bolstered by our faith and the unfailing love of our God above.
Jenny, honey, I hear Tiger Woods will be available soon.
Chin up! There’s $150 million in it for you! (Plus whatever you get from that douchebag, Mark!)
Hugs,
-LM
Think they have a prenup? Wonder if he will go for alimony. She’s the one with the money. That will look just great, won’t it, conservative manly man self-reliant free marketer seeking alimony from his chick, what done left him. he he.
Jesus freaks like the sanfords should never be allowed to divorce. Just saying.
What do you get Sanford for Christmas? A good lawyer, perhaps. Both the Democrats and Republicans in South Carolina are looking to put his poor romantic self in jail, or at least out of office.
[re=476299]snideinplainsight[/re]: should be more “baby Jesus” this time of year. she must hate christmas or something.
[re=476299]snideinplainsight[/re]: That sound you just heard was you jumping to the top of the Republicans’ 2012 field of candidates.
Stunning. What kinda cunt would divorce that sensitive man after all the pain he’s been through trying to erase the memories of that hot, hot Argentinian firecracker that have been etched on his very soul?
the name Jenny on a middle-aged adultery victim divorcee makes me sad…
Mark Sanford’s to-do list for this week is pretty non-boring:
*Didn’t get impeached, check.
*Getting rid of the old ball-and-chain, check.
*Figure out how to rat-f*ck goddam homo Lt. Gov., in progress.
*Call Corozon, “hike Appalachin Trail”, next week.
*Blame gays for the whole thing, next week.
[re=476305]Gopherit[/re]: I guess they didn’t get the ‘covenant marriage’ upgrade.
Today we are all Pussy Hounds.
Oh, I hope he spends Christmas Day alone on a couch in a cold basement on C Street.
Somehow, however, I don’t think there’s that much justice in the universe.
So, even though Mark was making such an effort to fall in love with her again, she couldn’t do the same? She’s so heartless.
I heard she’s spending Christmas in the Phillipines with the rest of the MILFs.
Go, Jenny, go!!
“we have naturally had less privacy with which to deal with our difficulties than do other couples”
Well, yeah. If you announce something in a press release, I guess there is a bit less privacy.
Crap.
Sorry, Wonketeers. Everything just looks like crap to me today. Also.
Wow, how weird is it that some gently-bred Southern flower from SC had the balls to do something that some hard-nose lawyer type (Mrs. Spitzer) from NY wouldn’t do? Eliot must have a very large cock; and, yes, I imagine Mark has a very small one.
[re=476319]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: If he’s on C street, he won’t be alone. The cold basement is where they store the scandals-in-waiting, to be forgiven later.
[re=476318]Mr Blifil[/re]: Rowr; Cougar Alert!
Jenny’s back on the market!
Good news, he’s free to pursue Sarah Palin. They’d make the perfect political power couple.
In related news, I have filed for divorce from Jim Newell. I suspect this will come as a shock to him, and the custody battle over the intern will doubtless be fierce. Please keep us in your prayers, and know that we still love you all — which is why we’re getting divorced.
Yes, it is your fault.
[re=476319]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: You mean you don’t believe in true love?
What a horrible Christian.
[re=476320]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I know, Annie. It was so principled of him to try and fall back in love with the woman he made a solem vow to honor and cherish for the rest of his life.
You know, the problem with those humorless Germans is that they don’t even have a word for schadenfruede.
Found a perfect new song called “This Christmas” for all the jilted lovers out there! http://www.tinyurl.com/smf2009 — says “punch ‘em in the face on New Year’s Eve!”
true love = free love
Over the river
And through the woods
to Argentina we go!
I hope Wendy Vitter is taking notes. THIS is how it’s done, b*****.
Good for you Jenny! And, uh, you might want to get yourself checked for STDs. Just sayin.
[re=476309]dum librul[/re]: Lots of good stuff there, but no mention of baby-killin’ or immigrants/Mexicans or terrorists, the pillars of the GOP.
[re=476326]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: That’s Hawt.
And they’re also doing well because of the shit-load of money they have. Also.
These assholes drag “the lord” even into their divorces.
[re=476315]WadISay[/re]: Gays…I knew it was them! Even when it was the bears, I knew it was them.
[re=476320]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: My thoughts exactly. What a dried up emotionally empty bitch.
Now if only Suzanne Thompson Craig would get wise too. I’d stand in line to buy THAT book.
[re=476350]Jerk Cade[/re]: Statement was probably written by her lawyer, which makes it that much creepier.
[re=476299]snideinplainsight[/re]: … plus a whole load of treasury bills and other assets, which will not be going to Buenos Aires no more, thank god.
[re=476304]Prommie[/re]: He’s Sanfordized, which is an old dry cleaning term for, never needs irony.
You’ll always be married in the eyes of God, Jen-jen. Always.
[re=476312]Way Cool Larry[/re]:
Life is like a box of chocolates, you know.
[re=476327]Gopherit[/re]: Aw, MAAAN! You take that back! Right now!
[re=476341]ALIVE![/re]: “Because David and I are public figures, we have naturally had less privacy with which to deal with our difficulties than do other couples. Well, that and the fact that David likes to pack a diaper full of shit while fucking a hooker. But I digress.”
[re=476320]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Hows about we get her the Obama Dildo, for X-mas??
Stocking stuffer.
By the way, what are the grounds? Irreconcilable douchbaggery?
[re=476305]Gopherit[/re]: The only way that would work is if they were forced to keep living and sleeping together too. I’d buy cable just to check in on them every once in a while.
[re=476369]magic titty[/re]: Oh, it’ll stuff more than her stocking, I’m sure.
Jenny, if you are reading this, call me. On the hotline. The dirty love hotline.
I think Jenny should have a Janaury get together for the wives of Vitter, Spitzer, Craig, and all the C-street wives.
The price of those bodacious Argentinian cans just gets higher and higher.
Denial is something other than a river in Egypt:
http://www2.wspa.com/
Friday, December 11, 2009
South Carolina Governor Sanford Wants to Reconcile with First Lady
[re=476299]snideinplainsight[/re]: God where did I put that bottle of gin?
“This came after many unsuccessful efforts at reconciliation,…”
Translation — “This came after he tip-toed into my bedroom late at night a couple of times to whine about trying to “reconcile,” so while I tried to lay there and look at the ceiling I’d end up pushing him off because I found I just couln’t stand the bastard touching me at all, ever again, amen.”
Dear Jenny,
Welcome to the Cougar Club.
Sincerely,
Sharkey
Jenny being back on the market will not be very exciting. Her fetishes are propriety and rectitude. And no, rectitude is not another word for buttsecks.
At least Charlie Crist is still married.
[re=476405]TubeCity[/re]: LOL. I was curious about the word’s etymology: “early 15c., “quality of being straight,” from M.Fr. rectitude (14c.), from L.L. rectitudinem (nom. rectitudo) “straightness, uprightness,” from L. rectus “straight” (see right). Sense of “upright in conduct or character” is from 1530s.”"
Interesting, no?
Argentina is about to get basted in Southern-fried baby batter. You have been warned.
Would the equivalent “War on Chanukah” be Hadassah divorcing Joe?
[re=476324]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Wow, how weird is it that some gently-bred Southern flower from SC had the balls to do something that some hard-nose lawyer type (Mrs. Spitzer) from NY wouldn’t do?
Southern flower? Jenny Sanford is from Chicago, went to college at Georgetown, and was a Wall Street broker until they married. She’s as much of a southern flower as my rectum… Wanna smell the magnolias?
Seriously, though… He’s going to try to hit her up for cash, just watch. Her grandpappy founded the Skil company (as in power tools). He needs her cash to pay for a new backhoe, so he can keep up with his “hole digging” hobby. As he described in an email to his Argentinian soul-mate, he likes nothing more than digging holes with a backhoe: “To me, and I suspect no one else on earth, there is something wonderful about listening to country music playing in the cab, air conditioner running, the hum of a huge diesel engine in the background, the tranquility that comes with being in a virtual wilderness of trees and marsh, the day breaking and vibrant pink coming alive in the morning clouds – and getting to build something with each scoop of dirt”
Of course, he’s not really “building” anything. Just digging holes that 8 year old girls occasionally fall in and die. You know, pointless.
4 kids=dealbreaker. Sorry Jenny, not interested. I guess the Obama dildo is looking better all the time.
Jenny, I hate to be the one to tell you, but God’s got a little hottie down in Argentina, on the side….
[re=476312]Way Cool Larry[/re]: You’re not from the South are you?
Maybe Rush can still save their marriage with some emergency counseling.
must suck to have to issue a press release as part of your divorce proceedings.
Maybe it’s what Mark wanted for Christmas?
[re=476305]Gopherit[/re]: [re=476363]S.Luggo[/re]: How about spreading the “Outlaw Divorce campaign to S. Carolina?
[re=476319]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: “Oh, I hope he spends Christmas Day face-down in an pathogen & sewage-filled gutter on the cold street outside of C Street. </fixed>
[re=476327]Gopherit[/re]: Sanford/Palin 2012? I can see their campaign poster already…
[re=476352]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Just don’t blame me – I wouldn’t shag ‘im with your dick!
[re=476369]magic titty[/re]: What’s the most embarrassingly public way to deliver Mrs. Sanford’s brand-new Obama dildo? If you come up with something really good, I’ll chip in…
[re=476373]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m sure they could balance their state budget with that – “Tonight, only on the Schadenfruede Channel”…
Forrest can now have his Jenny.
[re=476704]Bearbloke[/re]:
What Fresh Hell is This?: “Oh, I hope he spends Christmas Day face-down in an pathogen & sewage-filled gutter on the cold street outside of C Street.
Nah, that’s the kind of Christian guilt/punishment he would relish.
I’m thinking greater misery would come with a “separation from God — and whores.”
O, how he has longed to head south of that border!
As much as they tried to save the marrige Jenny never felt she looked good in bukkake.
Mark finally got so tired of getting all excited and anticipatory whenever Jenny got down on her knees — only to discover once again that she was going to open her bible instead of his zipper — that when she said “Take a hike” one time too many, he did. Being from S.C. and therefore not all that well educated in geography, he confused Appalachian Trail with Argentinian Tail. And now that Jenny is divorcing him, he can live happily ever after, because when his Argentinian Tail gets on HER knees, it doesn’t end up like Lucy pulling the football out from under him yet again. Mark Sanford has just gotten the best Christmas present evah.
I always thought Mark shoulda stayed in Argentina. But now, he’s probably pissed the Other Woman, too, so joy there, either.
Meh. It’s not fun when these couples actually divorce. The long-term funniness rating for such a scandal drops exponentially when the couples seperate. Fortunately, seeing the inevitable since Jenny is no fool, I pulled out my investments in the Sanford’s months ago and reinvested them in the Clinton’s, so I’m safe…for now.
It would have been great to see her go medieval on his ass!!
Stay in Argentina, Mark.
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