Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire! Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
There’s always that one self-righteous nerd-ass kid. Instead of wanting a Wii or those Chinese-robot hamsters or a new bong, he just wants a contribution sent to the Free Tibet fund or whatever. And that’s exactly the audience for today’s holiday propaganda from Barack Obama’s MySpace account.

You know what, “Mitch Stewart” of “”? THERE IS NOBODY WHO WISHES FOR “HEALTH REFORM” FOR FUCKING CHRISTMAS. Surely there are people who would like maybe a life-saving operation or something, maybe even something as tangible as “health insurance for my sick children,” etc., but this virtual holiday eCard is just pissing everybody off, so stop it. Stop sending these obnoxious things in the Email. [We are not linking to this because, if you “send it to your senators,” it just bounces you to a give-money-to-Obama’s campaign site. Fuck off.]

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  1. i just want a lump of coal. and a match. and some lighter fluid. and a pot to piss in. and a window to throw it out of. and a passing wingnut for the load to land on. that’s all.

  2. Dear Barack:

    My elves and I have received your Christmas request for HealthCare reform. Unfortunately, we are unable to supply it at this time. However, in keeping with the spirit of the season, Mrs. Claus suggested that we substitute items from Lindsey Graham’s list (he asked for 10 sheets of 40 grit sandpaper, a box of Kleenex, a case of Crisco, and a 16-inch dildo embossed with John McCain’s name in 14-karat gold plate). The elves figured that while you yourself probably couldn’t use these, you had your own list of naughty Congressfolk who would be more than happy to receive these as gifts.

    Again, sorry for the inconvenience. Maybe next year.

    Yours truly,

  3. You know what will be way more fun and infinitely more significant than whatever bullshit health care reform they won’t even actually pass? A remote control car. Barack Obama owes every American a remote controlled car for Christmas, or whatever the muslim equivalent of christmas is.

  4. The health care bells go chingalingaling for you, but not for me…

    I wish you all a socialized medical system for x-mas. Stat. Seriously.

  5. What bullshit. What do you think Obama wants for Christmas (or whatever Al Eid Hannukabar thing he does)? Seriously, what do you think he really, truly wants? I think he wants to be remembered as this inspirational Jesus type of deal for 2010. I am so mad at him right now that wild teabagger fantasies are running through my head, like, someone goes and smashes his tELePr0mTer$ while he’s up there talking some bullshit. Then what do ya do baby? Then you come home crying to mama (he calls me mama in the fantasy).

  6. [re=476118]x111e7thst[/re]: I was promised a flying car, too, in the early 1960s at Logan Elementary School in Industry, Pennsylvania. In fact, I was shown pictures. By the same teacher told the class President Kennedy’s father was nothing but a filthy Irish bootlegger who was in league with Hitler — and THAT turned out to be true.

  7. Alls I wants for my Christmakwanzakah (say it slowly, and in five syllables) is a new digicam, y nada mas. Tambien.

    As for your wish, Mr. Obama, Robo/MechaSanta says: Does not compute.

  8. [re=476683]JSparks[/re]: Right, because every other holiday wasn’t made-up, right? Jesus shat out Christmas from his ass In the Beginning, and it always was and will alwayts be, right? Fuck you, too.

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