sure why not

Teabaggers To Feign Death In Senate Offices, Because Of Whatever

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It has been over a month since Teabaggers from across the nation visited Capitol Hill to tear up physical copies of legislation and sit around Nancy Pelosi’s office like schmucks, because of her plans to create another Dachau. But next Tuesday it will be the Senate’s turn! Folks’ll walk into Senate office buildings and pretend to die, because they’re pussies, and won’t die for real.

From the Teabagger website, sponsored by Dick Armey:

So here’s the plan. On Tuesday, December 15 at 8:45 AM thousands of us will meet in Washington, DC at the fountain in Upper Senate Park. From there we will march to the Senate offices, go inside, and demonstrate our opposition to the government takeover of health care. We call this plan “Government Waiting Rooms”. The intention is to go inside the Senate offices and hallways, and play out the role of patients waiting for treatment in government controlled medical facilities. As the day goes on some of us will pretend to die from our untreated illnesses and collapse on the floor. Many of us plan to stay there until they force us to leave. A backup location for this demonstration will be announced if they block us from entering the offices.

This should be pretty funny. Probably a good 75% of Senators will see presumably dead bodies on the ground and do what they usually do, which is try to fuck them before they go cold. Try keeping your death gag up during that, lie-mongers.

Tea Party Patriots to Storm Senate Offices [Tax Day Tea Party]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Dean Booth

    Not a good time to have a real heart attack.

  • magic titty

    These teabaggers need their own personal Jim Jones, to make sure things go right.

  • JMP

    Yes, because nobody ever dies while having to wait forever for medical care under our current, private system. In fact, that certainly isn’t one of the very problems health care reform is attempting to solve.

    They truly are an army of dicks.

  • boy_howdy

    Who gets dibs on wallets, purses, jewelry and gold teeth?

  • chascates

    Just try coughing in the face of one of the Capitol Police officers and see what happens. You’ll find out about the fine health care available at the local emergency rooms.

  • Come here a minute

    If the teabaggers just wait in the senators’ lobbies for a personal visit with a senator, they will have the opportunity to die there, because it will never fucking happen.

  • Pop Socket

    I’d be glad to come over with a garrote and add some verisimilitude to the histrionics.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    That Dick Armey is a regular Stanislavski.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Ah, that Dick Armey is a regular Stanislavski.

  • bored with gravity

    We will need liveblogging and constant photo updates of this monumental event.

  • NoWireHangers

    Who knew all those uninsured homeless people in the emergency waiting room were teabaggers!

  • mercure

    It’s so nice to see this change in attitudes by the Republicans, and to see them trying to bring more attention to the existing problems with the patchwork of care in the current US health care system. Kudos to them for being part of the solution, for once.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    [re=475917]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: oops

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=475909]JMP[/re]: If they were going to protest that, they’d all have to stay at home and pretend to die waiting next to the phone for a CSR to call them back and recommend they take two aspirin. Which doesn’t quite have the same visual impact.

  • grevillea

    Because they oppose the Gummint-run clinics that are NOT proposed by any of the legislation? The ones that will just be waiting rooms with no medical facilities? Makes sense.

  • chascates

    [re=475920]bored with gravity[/re]: Yes! A Riley special! Top hat with tea bags.

  • Gopherit

    I call bullshit. None of them can shut up long enough to effectively play dead.

  • Extemporanus

    Play dead? Big deal.

    Unless they know how to shake, bow, or roll over, they will not be getting any Snausages from this cat-owning constituent!

  • SmutBoffin

    “On Tuesday, December 15 at 8:45 AM thousands of us will meet…”

    That’s a bit optimistic. And didn’t antiwar groups wear out the whole “die-in” thing back when there were people actually dying in the Wars of Freedom that Continue for Freedom’s Sake? Why must the ‘baggers be so unoriginal to boot?

  • Tommmcatt

    It would be better if they were dressed up as zombies while they disrupted things.

    Because shut up, that’s why.

  • weejee

    Newell, they won’t fuck them before they get cold they’ll teabag them.

  • Extemporanus

    Jim, I want to death gag and donkey punch your last paragraph so badly right now!

    Do you remember our safe word?

  • JMP

    [re=475925]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I was thinking more of the folks who die in ER waiting rooms, overcrowded because it’s the only option for folks without insurance (who also wait until things get really bad).

    Like this guy, died and robbed while waiting for attention:

  • Extemporanus


  • S.Luggo
  • Suds McKenzie

    [re=475908]magic titty[/re]: Fox will run footage of Jamestown.

  • Suds McKenzie

    um… Jonestown.

  • Doris Ziffel

    The Capitol Police will not be amused. With any luck some of the teabaggers will get roughed up, tear-gassed, whatever. And then they can do a real live test of the existing health care system. That should be interesting, since I imagine few teabaggers have good jobs that provide health insurance–otherwise how could they have time for this nonsense?

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Bless their moronic little hearts, but after listening to NPR’s interview last night with some Teabaggers from Dallas, I kinda sorta really truly wish the whole lot of them would just curl up and die.

  • petehammer

    [re=475932]Tommmcatt[/re]: Holy Crap. I so wish I was in DC these days. I would so love to dress up as a zombie. Even better, dress as Ken Foree (minus the gun) and run around them, stealing their things and putting the loot in a wheelbarrow.

  • Berkeley Bear

    Die-ins worked so well in making Reagan care about AIDS, after all. That must be why the Army of Dicks thinks its such a good idea.

  • Come here a minute

    [re=475945]S.Luggo[/re]: Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    But my comment was intentionally devoid of moderation!

  • betterDeadThanRed

    Dick Armey got this idea after seeing how many of them were on the verge of collapse from the exertion of walking from the bus to the office building.

  • Cicada

    So the Senate offices will look like any big city ER in a privately owned and run hospital? Kewl!

  • germansteel

    Why don’t they pretend to get a fucking job, and quit making asses out of themselves while the rest of us are earning a living and paying taxes on what we earn?

  • El Pinche

    Storm the Senate offices = Stand in line, give up, then storm Pizza Hut.

    My bet is that they’ll have half the folks this. Most of them realized how much walking and standing is actually involved in protesting.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=475967]Come here a minute[/re]: They’re trying to figure if a black pill is covered by Medicare Part D.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=475937]JMP[/re]: Well there are also plenty of stories about people with insurance who are denied claims as well — because, you know, everything works better when it’s for profit.

  • Mr Blifil

    Civil Disobedience Astroturf Style!

  • bago

    Any DC operatives want to go teabag the dead teabaggers? I’ll need someone to hold the camera.

  • Ducksworthy

    They still haven’t slit their wrists like St. Michelle of Bachmann asked them to do.

  • Mrs Bitch

    Has anybody seen an extended weather forecast for the area when they do this? You’d think they’d lay around outside for the best photo-op, but apparently the delicate little hot-house flowers (closeted, Beckerhead/Hindenbaugh adoring pansies) don’t believe in the cause quite THAT much.

    I say, toe tag the whole damn bunch of tea bag morons, ship them to the nearest morgue, and let their insurance pay for it.

  • Cheney Guevara


  • Barrelhse

    [re=475908]magic titty[/re]: Yes!!

  • Extemporanus

    [re=476008]Mr Blifil[/re]: aka “wall-to-wall carping”.

  • boxo pandoras

    kool aid for all! I left a message for them to look for the guy with the grape koolaid, but sadly, I too will be moderated out, I suppose

  • imissopus

    Many years ago I was part of a TV show shoot at Dodger Stadium that involved about forty of us pretending to be exposed to laughing gas, going into peals of laughter, and dying. Every time we did this the lovely Dodger fans pelted us with peanuts and M&Ms and whatnot. I mention this in case any Senate aides read teh Wonkett and want to buy a shitload of ballpark-type snacks on their way to work next Tuesday.

  • NiceButStupid

    Let’s dress up as doctors and nurses and run in there and revive the ones who are “dead.” You know, just for fun.

  • Whatever Blows Your Skirt

    [re=476010]bago[/re]: Well, I guess I could show up. Don’t know if it’s worth a camera though.

  • bago

    It would be totally easy. Usually teabagging is done to the unconscious, so it should be even easier to teabag the dead. The pictures would be epic!

  • Whatever Blows Your Skirt

    OK, now I’m really confuzzed.

    I went to the site for details (some idiot has got to try to get some pics) and they have several things they want you to do, you know a form to get your private info etc., BUT! no links, you have to cut and paste to get to the form and NONE of their “DONATE so we can keep being assholes” links work.

    Knowing your average Teabagger is still using AOHell dial-up, and barely understand the concept of links then how are they supposed to fill out forms and stuff?

    Though I do think I will sign up for the text updates just to keep an eye on them.

  • tootsieroll

    [re=475959]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I was screaming in my car. I really wanted to send feedback. That young black woman who grew up on welfare and ended up going to college, who now rails against the nanny state, and is now a teabagger… I felt like saying, “You stupid cunt, why don’t you help how other young women how to do what YOU did… much better way to end welfare maybe? And the head Dallas teabag bitch… she couldn’t even NAME ONE REASON she hated Obama. I was like, “Because he’s a Ni-!!??”

    I hate them hatehatehatehates them.

  • Jim89048

    Crap. I just got home from a marathon waiting-room session trying to get in to see a specialist. At one point I was flanked by one guy who had just come inside after sucking down a few ciggies and a guy whose colostomy bag must’ve ruptured. I about died, waiting, and I have insurance!

  • Jukesgrrl

    >>We call this plan “Government Waiting Rooms”. <<

    See there, kids: THAT is why you are supposed to put the period INSIDE the quotation mark. So no one will think you are as dumb as Dick Armey.

    [re=475930]SmutBoffin[/re]: Dick Armey only needs to call for thousands since he can be sure FOX News will turn them into millions with their magic video equipment.

  • Just Plain

    Hmm, it would appear that this formula, i(n-1) describes the collective IQ on this site.

  • bago

    [re=476163]Just Plain[/re]: integration of a n* -1 is our IQ?

  • desertwind

    Just so long as Dick Armey hisself will be floppin’ on the floor.

  • Unlearned Hand

    I think the Senate should start a contest to see how many of these fuckers they can actually send to the hospital before the day is through. The winner gets naming rights to National Airport.

  • finallyhappy

    let’s face it, how long can any of those losers hold out before they need a cigarette or KFC break?

  • fork-wielding maniac

    [re=476010]bago[/re]: careful. you don’t want to get your bago bitten off while teabagging a teabagger.

    those wooden teeth can leave splinters.

  • PursuitofHappyness

    LOL!!! You are all hilarious!!!! The biggest laugh is that I can’t wait to see you all cry like babies when you realize our current health care system is gone the way of the dodo bird!!!

    LOVE THE NAME CALLING, but honestly, is that the best you can do?????

    Reading your comments only confirms what I have been saying for years about our educational system dumbing down of America!!! Thanks for the reassurance!!!


  • Tea Party Patriot

    Ripples ripples ripples.. they keep going don’t they, and they get bigger the further they go.

  • Mrs Bitch


    Oh NOES!!! Our current lack of affordable health care is going to change?!? Call an ambulance – I’m hyperventilating.

    Reading your comment only confirms what we’ve known all along – when a right-wing conservatard can’t think of anything to counter an argument, they act smugly superior and change the subject(act being the operative in that sentence). I’m just surprised you didn’t toss in the gem about us all being afraid of you. Snicker.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=476298]PursuitofHappyness[/re]: Heh. I’d ask you to name one (actual, factual, real) thing about any of the proposed health insurance reform legislation that you find objectionable. (Hint: “Death Panels” are fictional).

    But I won’t, because you probably can’t, and it would be boring anyway. We try to keep it funny around here, sometimes by making a clever joke or associational gag with a juxtaposition of two or more current events or “memes.” Or sometimes by inserting a completely random, naughty word.


  • reagan_conservative

    I found your referral to Senators having sex with dead bodies pretty humerous. Sen. Dodd comes to my immediate mind and so would Uncle Teddy Kennedy if he were living. Hmm, wonder if anybody had sex with his dead body?

    The thought of citizens exercising their Constitutional right to protest and freedom of speech never bothered you left wing wussies before when it was you that was doing the protesting. Is it the fact that you wussies completely misread the election results. Did you REALLY think American voters would embrace your extreme left wing socialist agenda? Oh, I am so sorry you actually thought that. Must be hard to face the fact that is not true…

    You can’t handle the fact the tea party movement is actually making a difference and changing opinions of voters. Just look at the poll numbers. You can not deal with reality so you resort to insults because you can not debate facts. Lay off drugs so you can recover from your drug induced comas before your brains are completely destroyed…

  • tootsieroll

    You can not deal with reality so you resort to insults because you can not debate facts.

    Give us some facts to debate princess.

    We make fun of you because of all stupid bullshit rhetoric that gets exaggerated and reported as fact by Hannity and Beck until the morans of America believe it. Things like:

    Exercise your constitutional rights all you want, but protest something that makes sense or is actually WRONG.

  • tootsieroll

    Oh, and it’s “cannot” one word.

    Speaking of wussies, it’s really brave to come and talk shit in yesterday’s story when most Wonkette readers are posting in newer stories.

    Come post your crap there, and see how well Wonketteers can debate facts.

  • binarian

    [re=476591]reagan_conservative[/re]: Ronald Reagan would repudiate you immediately if he were alive.

  • evaloco



  • zhubajie

    [re=475909]JMP[/re]:That actually happened to one of my brothers-in-law: he died in the examining room, while the doc was doing a blood test.

  • zhubajie

    [re=476591]reagan_conservative[/re]: There is no left wing in the USA. There’s right of center, there farther right and then there batshit “reagan proved deficits don’t matter” madmen.

  • zhubajie

    [re=476051]Ducksworthy[/re]: St. Paul urged people to circumcize their hearts, but you rarely hear of Born-agains dying of amateur heart surgery.

  • zhubajie

    Does Dick Armey have a job these days? I thought he was voted out. Do ‘teabaggers’ pay him to suggest nonsense like this?

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