EVERYONE LIKES A SPEECH  11:55 am December 10, 2009

Obama Delivers Anticipated War Speech Before Norwegian Royal Family

by Jim Newell

Did you hear that Obama’s Nobel Prize acceptance speech was his clearest formulation of the “Obama Doctrine” to date? Because that’s what every pundit is saying! Every president needs his own Military Doctrine, and sure, this’ll do.

The Obama Doctrine appears to be “War is bad, but also good when there’s a really really tough enemy like Hitler, but make no mistake war is tragic, but again, sometimes necessary, but still, so much blood, and yet that blood is important…” etc. Here’s a clip with the gist of it.

It would be nice if one of these military doctrines helped explain the biggest formally unanswered question since 9/11: how does “war” change when it’s between a nation and a stateless enemy? We’re not at war with Afghanistan or Iraq — we’re at war inside of these countries. Militarized foreign police work requiring diplomatic solutions with enemies with whom there can be no negotiations, and where Victory is subjectively defined by generals. It is what it is. But let’s stop comparing it to a head-to-head battle with the rogue German state sixty years ago.

[The Guardian, YouTube]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 61 comments }

Gopherit December 10, 2009 at 11:59 am

There is nothing like giving a speech on asskicking an enemy when receiving the Nobel Peace Prize.

Electric Zen December 10, 2009 at 11:59 am

“How does war change when it’s between a nation and a stateless enemy?”

An important question, Jim. When you engage…

Oh, fuck! They just found Tiger’s Woman #12! Check it out on TMZ, everybody!

vladster December 10, 2009 at 12:01 pm

I dunno. Seems strange that Hopey is going to pick up his peace prize a week after sending 30,000 troops to Afganistan.

thefrontpage December 10, 2009 at 12:02 pm

Obama failed to mention that the Iraq non-war “war” is illegal, and corrupt, and that all of the morons in the Bush administration who pushed for this–there’s about 500 of them–all need to be in jail. Maybe when the current residents of that prison in Cuba are shipped out to your local state jail, the Bush 500 can then be all shipped to Cuba to simmer in that jail for about three years. First on the list is Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Powell, Rice, Rove, Card, Fleischer, Hughes, Gonzales, Miers, and dozens of wayward military officials.

SayItWithWookies December 10, 2009 at 12:02 pm

But let’s stop comparing it to a head-to-head battle with the rogue German state sixty years ago.

Just the sort of thing Neville Chamberlain would say if he were alive today and had a hankering to give away the Sudetenland.

proudgrampa December 10, 2009 at 12:03 pm

“But let’s stop comparing it to a head-to-head battle with the rogue German state sixty years ago.”

Well said, Jim.

Aurelio December 10, 2009 at 12:04 pm

WAR IS PEACE.

– Big Brother.

Monsieur Grumpe December 10, 2009 at 12:06 pm

[re=475530]thefrontpage[/re]:
Don’t forget John (What Constitution?) Yoo.

Aurelio December 10, 2009 at 12:06 pm

[re=475530]thefrontpage[/re]: “The Bush 500 can then be all shipped to Cuba to simmer in that jail for about three years. First on the list is Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Powell, Rice, Rove, Card, Fleischer, Hughes, Gonzales, Miers, and dozens of wayward military officials.”

Stop. I don’t want to cum yet.

Mr Blifil December 10, 2009 at 12:07 pm

Oh yeah we’re inside those countries, deep inside those big fucking countries…oh…ah…oooh…

See, turns out this has all been a mistake. He’s actually getting the Nobel Penis Prize, for reasons that are obvious.

sezme December 10, 2009 at 12:08 pm

I don’t know. I think the Monroe Doctrine overrides every other presidential war doctrine. In short, US America reserves the right to pop a cap in anyone else’s ass whenever it feels like it because whatever. The war on “terror” is just an extension of a policy that makes no objective sense at the best of times anyway.

DickTaterPeeNoShay December 10, 2009 at 12:09 pm

babe alert at 3:28

snideinplainsight December 10, 2009 at 12:11 pm

Can I just report that little Richie Cohen farted out a blog, or something, that is absolutely priceless in the history of presidential blog-commentary? It’s under the link “Not Yet a Great Man”, and culminates in this epic sentence, whose unrelenting logic is the most sublime balance of zen koan, realpolitik imperative and jungian mantic divination;

“But neither was this a man who could point to his own life as an example of almost anything.”

There is no spoon -

Aflac Shrugged December 10, 2009 at 12:12 pm

[re=475532]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Oh hell YES. Get your Beck on, Wookies!

snideinplainsight December 10, 2009 at 12:15 pm

“Friends, Danes, and countrymen, lend me your ears! No really, here, take one of these knives and hack both your ears off, put them in one of these unprecedented baskets, and we’ll return them to you when the speech is over, I give you my word.”

Aurelio December 10, 2009 at 12:16 pm

This is a pro-war speech at a Peace Prize ceremony. It’s the worst irony since Henry Kissinger got the Nobel Peace Prize for ending a bombing campaign that he himself started.

snideinplainsight December 10, 2009 at 12:17 pm

They never let me write these things.

V572625694 December 10, 2009 at 12:17 pm

[re=475530]thefrontpage[/re]: Dana Perino should go to Gitmo too. And Scott McClellan. And Ari Fleischer. Why?

Why not?

Jaco Gregorius December 10, 2009 at 12:17 pm

[re=475545]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: Obama says: My beat-down is correct.

anonymousryan December 10, 2009 at 12:18 pm

I bet the Norweigan king was all “BØRK! BØRK! BØRK!”

WadISay December 10, 2009 at 12:18 pm

[re=475541]DickTaterPeeNoShay[/re]: She’s thinking, Ich habe, mit Tiger Woods, sehr viel hump-hump gemacht.

magic titty December 10, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Jim, the war is over, and won, the day we pullout. Just like sex. The only tangible end is when we stop doing it. Then we can boast to our friends how tore that ass up.

[re=475530]thefrontpage[/re]: That speech probably wouldn’t go over in anywhere that wasn’t a libtard commune or my apartment.

Terry December 10, 2009 at 12:26 pm

“We’re not at war with Afghanistan or Iraq — we’re at war inside of these countries.”

In the case of Iraq, I thought that we were there gaining control of oil fields for the benefit of supporters of the last President. My bad.

Aurelio December 10, 2009 at 12:28 pm

[re=475553]V572625694[/re]: Let’s not forget Wolfie, Rummy, Bill Kristol and Tom Friedman, to name a few.

Terry December 10, 2009 at 12:28 pm

[re=475540]sezme[/re]:

Bush’s twist on the Monroe Doctrine was to expand it beyond the Western Hemisphere.

Prommie December 10, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Newell, holy shit, serious, and, well, serious, and right, and shit, just cut it out.

[re=475539]Mr Blifil[/re]: “Surging” deep inside these countries, surging.

Aflac Shrugged December 10, 2009 at 12:31 pm

Snark, powering down.

The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan didn’t begin as true responses to al-Qa’eda, and they won’t end as them either. In Iraq, we are worried about a central government so weak that it won’t fight a proxy war between Saudi Arabia and Iran the way we want it to, which will be reflected worldwide in energy costs and currency inflation. The apple cart we took so much trouble to assemble from the First World War onwards might be upset. If Afghanistan, we’re worried about a central government that can’t present a distraction to ethnically affiliated Afghans, who otherwise might help their cousins usurp the slightly-less-untrustworthy secular Pakistani government’s nuclear capability.

That said, I think we’re working both of the aforementioned problems from the wrong angles, and Obama probably knows it. But what can he do, except to persuade the public that we’ve done all that we possibly can for these countries over as short a timeline as he can manage?

Snark up.

freakishlystrong December 10, 2009 at 12:31 pm

What year is it? Cuz it feels like 1984.

Prommie December 10, 2009 at 12:32 pm

[re=475525]Electric Zen[/re]: Soon Tiger is gonna get to 18 holes.

AnnieGetYourFun December 10, 2009 at 12:37 pm

You say “rogue” like it’s a bad thing, Jim.

Mr Blifil December 10, 2009 at 12:37 pm

[re=475571]Prommie[/re]: He may already be there, assuming he played the back nine.

4tehlulz December 10, 2009 at 12:37 pm

[re=475571]Prommie[/re]: I heard he really knows how to take charge on the back 9.

Paul Tardy December 10, 2009 at 12:39 pm

[re=475530]thefrontpage[/re]: “all of the morons in the Bush administration” Temper temper, those morons are all now wealthy, have nice families, and will get early retirements. Be nice to them and maybe they will leave something in your tip cup.

[re=475551]Aurelio[/re]: Kissinger did in fact stop the war with a negotiated cease fire. And got the prize after that accomplishment.

V572625694 December 10, 2009 at 12:42 pm

[re=475566]Aurelio[/re]: Doug Feith! I’d waterboard that neococksucker myself! And David Addington!

Vulpes82 December 10, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Do I have to turn in my Wonkette card (laminated, of course) if I say I think I agree with his overall sentiments (even if the whole “Nazis 60 years ago” thing is a bit old)? And also say that this “Obama Doctrine” is utterly predictable, because it’s pretty much what you’d expect from him from his previous words and actions?

Nigel December 10, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Note to Obama: You didn’t swear to protect and defend the nation, just its constitution.

Accordion-o-rama December 10, 2009 at 1:03 pm

[re=475571]Prommie[/re]: Based on what we know now, I suspect he’s already up to 36 holes.

Cicada December 10, 2009 at 1:04 pm

[re=475598]Nigel[/re]: He’s the commander-in-chief of our armed forces, so it’s sort of implied that protecting and defending the nation comes with being POTUS.

lawrenceofthedesert December 10, 2009 at 1:06 pm

The royalty has been snorting dynamite for decades when not marrying cousins; I’m sure the President could have read the dollar menu from McDonald’s without upsetting anybody there. Did you catch the king’s elbowing the guy next to him and whispering, “Is that Michael Jackson? I thought he died.”

JamesMichaelCurley December 10, 2009 at 1:08 pm

[re=475525]Electric Zen[/re]: “I don’t understand why my wife is so upset. I told her I was going out to do 18 ho’s.” Tiger Woods

TGY December 10, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Did he thank Junior Bush for his gift of two, slightly-used, hand-me-down wars? No he did not! Gratitude fail!

twowheeljunkie December 10, 2009 at 1:26 pm

[re=475541]DickTaterPeeNoShay[/re]:
Okay. I wasn’t going to watch until I saw your tip.

And WTF. Obama quotes MLK on non-violence and then segued right into why we need to fight this war.

BlueStateLibtard December 10, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Best Jim Newell commentary ever. I’m so sick of that damn Hitler crap.

kapish December 10, 2009 at 1:55 pm

War is the product of excess testosterone combined with lack of imagination.
However, all the estrogen-releasing plastics in your kitchen will soon change all that.

jetjaguar December 10, 2009 at 2:09 pm

My cat’s breath smells like cat food!

Elephants Gerald December 10, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Jim Newell. Still my hero.

schvitzatura December 10, 2009 at 2:16 pm

The Dano-Norwegians were game for fighting wars in the early 19th Century, having sided with Napoleon, along with Russia, to enforce the Continental System.

Peace, schmeace, when it comes to territorial integrity of the Baltic…Scandos will fight like tigers!

Aurelio December 10, 2009 at 2:33 pm

[re=475581]Paul Tardy[/re]: “Kissinger did in fact stop the war with a negotiated cease fire. And got the prize after that accomplishment.”

The negotiated settlement happened AFTER Kissinger initiated the carpet bombing of North Vietnam as a part of his efforts to achieve a ceasefire. What a man of peace!

UnattendedConsequence December 10, 2009 at 2:47 pm

The Prez has asserted what has oft been asserted. Namely, that more or less indiscriminate mass slaughter is justified when it is done in the public interest. That’s the cover story. In reality wars are waged for the private interests of the powerful. The widespread delusion that war can be moral guarantees that we will have more wars. Hopey isn’t living up to my expectations. Crikey. The man argues for the necessity of war in his Peace Prize acceptance speech! “Yeah, I hate to do it but gotta drone-bomb a little peace on those pricks. Too bad a bunch of civvies are gonna eat it, but hey! A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”

No matter how cynical I get, I can’t seem to keep up. – Lilly Tomlin

Aurelio December 10, 2009 at 2:56 pm

[re=475826]UnattendedConsequence[/re]: Did you notice the expressions on the faces of the people in the audience? They all look like they’re in pain–as if they’ve just swallowed some cosmic irony and are having trouble digesting it. Time for some philosophical Maalox!

UnattendedConsequence December 10, 2009 at 3:24 pm

I think we all just want to move on.

Guppy06 December 10, 2009 at 3:32 pm

It’s simple: he’s trying to avoid being the focus of another “Mission Accomplished!” moment. Thanks, Norway!

sezme December 10, 2009 at 4:19 pm

[re=475567]Terry[/re]: Well yes, but only because we (almost) have the capability. Basically it’s (from the rest of the word’s point of view) like the neighbourhood thugs gradually expanding their turf as they consolidate power.

Neilist December 10, 2009 at 4:31 pm

Well said, Jim! After all, sixty years ago, that “rogue German state” didn’t kill over 3,000 unarmed American civilians in a surprise attack!

“Germany: The Peaceful Volk!”

On a slightly more serious note: It’s much easier to “make peace” with opponents who are “Resting in Peace.”

Just sayin’.

Neilist December 10, 2009 at 4:33 pm

Although, since Germany declared war on us, rather than the other way around, the analogy doesn’t make a whole lot of sense anyway.

(DAMN! There’s that bloody “historical fact” problem AGAIN!)

TheJerkStoreCalled December 10, 2009 at 4:57 pm

[re=475968]Neilist[/re]: You know who accurately assessed this situation? Dick fucking Cheney, in 2004. Said, “Kerry sees terrorism as a law and order problem. We see it as a military problem.” Right assessment, wrong decision – it IS a law and order problem. We’re dealing with criminals, not the army of the sovereign nation of Alquedaland. When there’s trouble with the mob, you send in the FBI, you don’t just start shelling little Italy.

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 10, 2009 at 6:23 pm

But everyone knows that Norway is the home of the blackest metal!

And, Jim, don’t think I didn’t notice what you did there: But let’s stop comparing it to a head-to-head battle with the rogue German state sixty years ago.

Good way to guarantee at least three segments on O’Reilly about why Wonkette hates Sarah Palin for being beautiful and called her a 60 year-old Nazi.

hotdog December 10, 2009 at 9:20 pm

Now here’s a depressing thought: 90 years after America wins Woodrow Wilson’s “war to end all wars,” a young American president declares that we’ll never end war in our lifetime, and everyone knows he’s right.

LowerdPeninsula December 10, 2009 at 11:51 pm

War is Peace and Freedom is Slavery, so says the new overlord.

What an incredibly schizo, and quite frankly, insulting and inappropriate speech to give at the award ceremony. Really. This is being praised by the likes of Palin and Gingrich. Excuse me for not gushing or finding some way to explain it away. I’m not even all that much a pacifist and this was just stupid. If he had any decency, he’d have either declined the award, altogether, or accepted it but turned down the offer to speak.

Fuck.

BiancaBlack December 11, 2009 at 3:53 am

The way you know it’s a great speech is Sarah Palin liked it.
http://blogs.usatoday.com/onpolitics/2009/12/surprise-palin-likes-obamas-nobel-speech.html

Bearbloke December 11, 2009 at 6:27 am

[re=475553]V572625694[/re]: Don’t forget Dragon-lady Barbara Bush (once portrayed on film by Angela Lansbury) – she’s the one who guided the Bush men down the path of evil (some much more willingly than others), all in the service of her Father’s Satanic Agenda against America and the world…

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: