MANY GOOD MEN DIED FOR THIS TREE  5:25 pm December 9, 2009

A Brutal, Bloody Image From The War On Christmas

by Jim Newell

Fast-track that resolution, Boner! A Hill operative sends us this photo and writes, “The War on Christmas is alive and well in the House of Representatives. This Christmas tree was seen discarded on the 2nd floor of the Longworth House Office Building.” Oh that’s no Christmas tree, just an aborted tree fetus. But why is abortion taking place in Congress? (Maybe because it’s awesome?)

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RoscoePColtraine December 9, 2009 at 5:30 pm

Well, as long as they don’t decorate the thing, just call it a potted plant, and leave it.

bent1985 December 9, 2009 at 5:31 pm

Please tell me that’s outside Cantor’s office.

Extemporanus December 9, 2009 at 5:35 pm

…just an aborted tree fetus…

We in the anti-arbortionist movement prefer the term “treetus”.

Suds McKenzie December 9, 2009 at 5:35 pm

The horror, .. the horror

Texan Bulldoggette December 9, 2009 at 5:36 pm

What’s the deal with the blue balls on the bottom left side? Did they clash with Boehner’s Tang skin color?

Suds McKenzie December 9, 2009 at 5:36 pm

oh, and how many Bothan spies died to …

RoscoePColtraine December 9, 2009 at 5:40 pm

Why didn’t the person who posted the sign “Please Remove” go ahead and “Remove”? That’s not efficient use of my tax dollars dammit.

progressiveinga December 9, 2009 at 5:40 pm

Today we are all discarded Xmas trees…..

SayItWithWookies December 9, 2009 at 5:40 pm

[re=475113]Extemporanus[/re]: Isn’t a tree fetus an acorn? Though I guess in this case it would be pinenuts. Not quite as sinister.

Sharkey December 9, 2009 at 5:41 pm

[re=475115]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: TreeNutz!

FlownOver December 9, 2009 at 5:43 pm

[re=475115]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Publicans go right ahead and act out in any sexual manner they choose, whenever they aren’t being watched (unless being watched is, in fact, their thing.) Ergo, no blue balls.

grevillea December 9, 2009 at 5:45 pm

Calm down, I’m sure it’s just an old Eid al-Adha tree…

FlownOver December 9, 2009 at 5:45 pm

I, for one, welcome our new coniferous overlords.

shadowMark December 9, 2009 at 5:49 pm

There is unrest in the forest
There is trouble with the trees…

Extemporanus December 9, 2009 at 5:49 pm

[re=475107]bent1985[/re]: Going just by the picture, it’s difficult to definitively ascertain Cantor’s level of involvement:

Evidence against: The sign says “PLEASE REMOVE”, not “PLEASE BUY”.

Evidence for: The pair of blue and white TreeNutz®.

[re=475125]SayItWithWookies[/re]: All acorns are treetuses, but not all treetuses are acorns.

One more thing: Holiday tradition or not, this barbaric secular practice of roasting treetuses over an open fire must stop! Think of the treetuses!

Darkness December 9, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Really, that’s a tree only Charlie Brown could love.

Extemporanus December 9, 2009 at 5:51 pm

[re=475126]Sharkey[/re]: [re=475141]Extemporanus[/re]: Treetus Christ! When did that get there?!

dustyrebel December 9, 2009 at 5:51 pm

This photo, along with the acorn cookie, is going set off a massive Caligula style orgy at Fox.

Skwerl Nutz December 9, 2009 at 5:55 pm

It must be a Hanukkah Bush, all I see is two blue balls.

shortsshortsshorts December 9, 2009 at 5:58 pm

I was fully expecting bloody fetus’ all over the floor and was taken back when I saw a single tree.

Sharkey December 9, 2009 at 6:00 pm

I came, I seed, I concorned.

WadISay December 9, 2009 at 6:17 pm

[re=475133]grevillea[/re]: That would put it outside Kieth “Teh Moselem” Ellison’s office.

Sharkey December 9, 2009 at 6:19 pm

…this barbaric secular practice of roasting treetuses over an open fire must stop!

But roasted ChestNutz® are so yummy!

Serolf Divad December 9, 2009 at 6:22 pm

WTF… for the previous 8 years that same sign hung on the U.S. Constitution and no one gave a shit.

Johnny Zhivago December 9, 2009 at 6:32 pm

No, the sign refers to the sign itself – I do this all the time, putting signs that say “PLEASE REMOVE” and then screaming at the person who removed the object the sign was attached to.

bfstevie December 9, 2009 at 6:35 pm

[re=475115]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: It deeply saddens me that I can come up with no snarky comment to link to your mention of “blue balls”.

combatwombat December 9, 2009 at 6:37 pm

YSL is advertising here?

chascates December 9, 2009 at 6:38 pm

So is it better to display a Santa Claus with a crown of thorns or a baby nailed to a cross? I need to get my decorations together.

shadowMark December 9, 2009 at 6:40 pm

[re=475191]bfstevie[/re]: “Blue balls” is how Christmas trees say “green balloons.” This tree said the safe words too often and now they don’t want to fuck with it any more.

grevillea December 9, 2009 at 6:45 pm

[re=475188]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Yeah, I hate that. People are always misinterpreting the ‘Kick me’ sign taped to my ass. Jesus, people, does ‘autoreferential res-intextual Urkritik’ mean nothing to you?

BeWoot December 9, 2009 at 6:46 pm

So … some Congressional office didn’t get the War on Christmas memo until after they bought and schlepped a tree, then started decorating it (from the bottom up?) and then put it out in the hall for removal? And all by Decmber 9? it’s If this is a 2009 photo I call fake. Unless, that is, they decided to turn this tree in for a larger, less pitiful one and figured to lose the balls while they had the chance.

BeWoot December 9, 2009 at 6:56 pm

By the way. What happened to my favorite steaming pile of rarely-right, Neilist? Is his typewriter broke?

Neilist December 9, 2009 at 7:02 pm

They came for Butterstick. And I said nothing, because I am not a panda.

They came for Meghan McCain’s brain. And I said nothing, because I am not a useless, fat, spoiled bitch who should be anally raped by the front line of the Green Bay Packers and left tried to a tree beside a lonely country road.

They came for the treetuses. And I said nothing, because I don’t drink Pinesol and live in a cardboard box.

Then they came for me. And I gave them a pair of Trucknutz, and they left.

Country Club Jihadi December 9, 2009 at 7:05 pm

Just saw a giant Jesus Cross attached to Michelle Bachman’s tree. I’m horrified.

Neilist December 9, 2009 at 7:05 pm

[re=475205]BeWoot[/re]: “Rarely”? You’re slipping, Dear Heart. It should be “never,” shouldn’t it?

(You realize, of course, that if that poor little tree had a gun to DEFEND itself, it would never have been BRUTALLY CUT DOWN and then ABANDONED in some hallway?

“When guns are outlawed, only outlaw pine trees will have guns!”)

Sharkey December 9, 2009 at 7:07 pm

This War will not end until everyone comes to the table and signs the treety.

[re=475199]BeWoot[/re]: You actually have a point there. Or maybe somebody’s secretary did not know that the Congressperson was jewish.

the problem child December 9, 2009 at 7:13 pm

[re=475205]BeWoot[/re]: There’s your answer.

Funny thing, in Maine some people keep the x-mas decorations up all year long,because they love them so. Perhaps Olympia Snowe is just clearing out space for this year’s edition.

Long Form Def Certificate December 9, 2009 at 7:14 pm

The Christmas Tree is German, though. No? In the event, if so, it’s clearly fascist, like health-care refore. Remove posthaste, then.

RoscoePColtraine December 9, 2009 at 7:15 pm

[re=475199]BeWoot[/re]: Very astute. This photo is a plant, meant to stir up the war on CHRISTmas. The person responsible could be from either side of the battle, and, when revealed, will leave the audience gasping audibly.

The plot thickens.

RoscoePColtraine December 9, 2009 at 7:24 pm

[re=475212]Neilist[/re]: Your posts are least enjoyable when they’re mundane and predictable. It’s so not like you to “phone it in” like that.

GeneralLerong December 9, 2009 at 7:33 pm

[re=475212]Neilist[/re]: It’s a fake tree. So much for the brutal chopping of the weapon-less tree. [And dude, you really do have a peculiar fantasy life, doncha? At least, I'm hoping it's all daydream and no action...]

Texan Bulldoggette December 9, 2009 at 7:34 pm

[re=475217]the problem child[/re]: “Funny thing, in Maine some people keep the x-mas decorations up all year long,because they love them so.”

Ummm….no, that’s not the reason. It’s because they have been up there for the past 7 years & now the homeowners/trailer park denizens are too damn fat and lazy to get up on a ladder & take them down. It would cut down on their Marlborough smoking time & watching & thinking they are “Smarter than a 5th Grader.” Down here they call that being poor white trash…hate to burst your bubble about that!

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 9, 2009 at 7:35 pm

Dearest Martha,

Once again, General O’Reilly has forced us forward into battle. The secular heathen are well dug in, and so General O’Reilly has told us to shoot on site any one who says “Happy Holidays.” While I miss you loving arms, I know that we fight for what it is right, and it is only once everyone accepts Christmas as the wonderful commercial season that it was to our elders, that this country will finally be everything it was meant to be, and we can turn out intention to all ridding this country of people without birth certificates.

Work in Progress December 9, 2009 at 7:35 pm

I signed up to say this. Picture of the Year nominee: That picture right there.

shadowMark December 9, 2009 at 7:48 pm

Dearest Martha, Startdate Supplemental:

As I mentioned earlier, I really miss your loving arms. And, you know, other things. If I promise not to fall in love with anyone, is it okay with you if I get blowjobs from the local girls?

AutomaticPilot December 9, 2009 at 7:58 pm

And of course this was done in the least efficient manner possible. Why take two seconds to scibble the sign on a piece of scrap paper, when you can take five minutes to open a new document, type Please Remove, increase the font size to 40 and then print it out?

BarackMyWorld December 9, 2009 at 8:01 pm

[re=475199]BeWoot[/re]: Pfft. Logic.

Jim89048 December 9, 2009 at 8:02 pm

[re=475235]AutomaticPilot[/re]: That’s what interns are for.

Jim89048 December 9, 2009 at 8:05 pm

[re=475238]Jim89048[/re]: And blowjobs…

Radiotherapy December 9, 2009 at 8:05 pm

What about that flag. It could be like the Crucifix/Xmas tree, maybe it’s connected. Please tell me that flag isn’t included with the imperative. OMG, maybe this is a set-up. Don’t you have like have to have a military burial for a flag? This is a War on Christmas and our precious flag too?

Flanders December 9, 2009 at 9:14 pm

What’s with the low view/comment count all day long. Don’t tell me the recession is finally over and everyone has elitist JOBS now!

MGBYG December 9, 2009 at 9:16 pm

C’mon Cantor, ya still can make a little camphor, some breathe-mints, a good stew…you just can’t throw out good wood, either, ya know. When I was young….

plowman December 9, 2009 at 9:18 pm

There’s nothing quite as sad as a discarded and scorned Festivus tree…

thursday December 9, 2009 at 9:18 pm

You know, I’m surprised some Republican member hasn’t put up a life-sized Obama cutout with the same sign on it in front of their office.

Rush December 9, 2009 at 9:31 pm

That photo was taken outside Joe Lieberman’s office.

zhubajie December 9, 2009 at 9:32 pm

[re=475115]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: It needs more tree secks.

zhubajie December 9, 2009 at 9:41 pm

All REAL Christians know that Xmas is HEATHEN!! Worshipping a tree has nothing to do with Jeebus! Instead you should be giving presents (of cash!!) to your preacher! And all the health&wealth preachers on TV, too!

Seriously, Oliver Cromwell, the Baptist dictator, abolished Christmas in the 1640s.

shadowMark December 9, 2009 at 9:49 pm

[re=475258]Flanders[/re]: There’s almost nobody left to comment:

41% of Wonketeers off having Ambien sex with Tiger Woods.

30% of Wonketeers sucked up by weird blue light in Norway.

28% of Wonketeers taken to FEMA re-education camps.

12% of Wonketeers off having Red Bull sex with Levi Johnston.

8% of Wonketeers stalking outside Juli’s house without wi-fi.

3% of Wonketeers stalking outside Meghan’s apartment without wi-fi.

The rest of us are trying to pick up the slack but there’s only so much typing sixteen people can do.

Beef Supreme December 9, 2009 at 9:50 pm

Git dat fucken krizmaz tree outta mah fucken gubmint!!!!

predilectrix December 9, 2009 at 10:04 pm

[re=475266]Rush[/re]: I don’t care about that; I’m just happy to see the Rush puppy again.

clownshoez December 9, 2009 at 10:28 pm

Isn’t it fair to say plastic Christmas trees are an affront to Jesus?

Sharkey December 9, 2009 at 10:28 pm

[re=475275]shadowMark[/re]: Roger that, I’m outside Sara’s house. Wifi is working.

Sharkey December 9, 2009 at 10:36 pm

[re=475289]clownshoez[/re]: They are an affront to Treetus, that’s for sure.

Smoke Filled Roommate December 9, 2009 at 10:48 pm

[re=475293]Sharkey[/re]: [re=475289]clownshoez[/re]: But definitely not an affront to Cletus.

Aflac Shrugged December 9, 2009 at 11:02 pm

How else will our youth remember all those presents the Apostles bought on Black Friday, to stack at the foot of the Norway spruce on which Christ was crucified?

S.Luggo December 9, 2009 at 11:12 pm

Difficult decision for John Boehner’s staff about which Christian symbol cluttering Orange Face’s office to toss out, the flag or the plastic pine? The artificial conifer weighs less.

the problem child December 9, 2009 at 11:14 pm

[re=475226]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Whachu got against the fat Mainas? They at least have the snowbanks to wade thru, both ways. Which would be work, sorta.

assistant/atlas December 9, 2009 at 11:22 pm

Well they’ve certainly already defeated science, so I suppose it’s the next logical thing–logical things of course having been destroyed during the Bush years without anything noticing…

assistant/atlas December 9, 2009 at 11:25 pm

[re=475308]assistant/atlas[/re]: Oh I’m drunk and meant to post this on another thread….hooray!

[re=475275]shadowMark[/re]: Drunk, also, too!

S.Luggo December 9, 2009 at 11:47 pm

[re=475205]BeWoot[/re]: Don’t poke the bloated hamster.
[re=475210]Neilist[/re]: Neilist, you’re no Ken Layne.

And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe and saw

Libertarian Rush, I mean mush.

Tundra Grifter December 9, 2009 at 11:53 pm

It’s a sad, sad day in the history of our Republic when there is no room in the halls of Congress for a Druid fertility symbol. They couldn’t wait another couple of weeeks until the Winter Solstice and then throw it out?

bago December 10, 2009 at 12:21 am

So it seems that I will have to start santarchy at an S&M club? I’ll bring my green balloons.

schvitzatura December 10, 2009 at 12:31 am

O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum,
Wie chinesischgemacht sind deine Blätter!

S.Luggo December 10, 2009 at 12:40 am

[re=475317]Tundra Grifter[/re]:
Koch (pronounced “coke”) Industries, Inc., a privately held corporate conglomerate (petroleum, plastics, chemicals, minerals, fertilizers, pulp and paper, etc.) and major conservative and libertarian cause contributor not likey druid symbols unless they enhance the bottom line.
That’s the American way, you hippie.

glamourdammerung December 10, 2009 at 1:43 am

[re=475322]S.Luggo[/re]: Their dad was one of the nutjobs that started the Birchers.

shortsshortsshorts December 10, 2009 at 1:45 am

WARE ES YER DIGNITARY? Oh and tomorrow is map day (sshhhh)

ElRat December 10, 2009 at 2:13 am

Its an “undocumented” plastic Yule tree, made in China, & slipped over the border by mules & jackals. Here to take some ‘Murkin plastic tree’s job – but aha! – it was weeded out of Congress by La Migra.

LowerdPeninsula December 10, 2009 at 2:53 am

They can take our lives, but they’ll never take our TREETUS! Spruce up that bitch and send it to Cantor, post-haste and forthwith.

Thank you, Extemporanus.

rottenart December 10, 2009 at 3:01 am


Deine Blaue Eier sind so wirklich schön…
Besser als den Grünen Luftballoon…

Bearbloke December 10, 2009 at 6:48 am

Is it possible that this ‘tree’ was ‘planted’ in the WH by Norski spies in the never-ending war between Norway and the US?! SECURITY!!!!11!!

Bearbloke December 10, 2009 at 7:12 am

[re=475358]Bearbloke[/re]: Congress, not the White House, ya silly bastard…

Apologoies to all – this is what happens when I interrupt my 7-course dinner (four pints of Bitter, 2 pork-pies and a big slice of Christmas Pavlova) to wonkabout…

x111e7thst December 10, 2009 at 7:46 am


Du grünst nicht nur zur Sommerzeit
nein auch auf dem Müllhaufen
Es tut mir leid

The Nazis promoted O Tannenbaum as part of their Weinachts Krieg.

Gopherit December 10, 2009 at 10:51 am

That’s nothing compared to the little baby jesus fetus being aborted from Pelosi’s Nativity Scene.

matineeidol December 10, 2009 at 11:40 am

Has anyone considered that maybe the tree is just damn ugly?

Perhaps it is not that it is an xmas tree, but that it is THAT xmas tree, wot has caused call for its removal.

Rosie Scenario December 10, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Just had a flashback to the noblest warrior in the war against the “War on Christmas.” What ever happened to John Gibson of Fox Noise?

rottenart December 10, 2009 at 9:43 pm

[re=475366]x111e7thst[/re]: Krieg gegen Weinacht! Wunderbar. the teabaggers should love it!

dkissam December 11, 2009 at 5:35 am

[re=475317]Tundra Grifter[/re]: I, for one, appreciate these efforts to keep the Old Ways alive. Without Santa Claus and his elves and reindeer, for example, Sinterklaas, Black Pete, and Cernunnos might have been forgotten entirely.

Bearbloke December 11, 2009 at 5:56 am

[re=476211]dkissam[/re]: Sinterklaas, Black Pete, and Cernunnos are my 3 uncles – why on earth would you worry about forgetting them?

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