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Buy John Edwards’ Slave’s Book!

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Look what’s up for pre-sale, everybody: the memoir from John Edwards’ famous ex-slave, Andrew Young, about how he would blow and grundle-pump ol’ Haircut every morning for years, only to be rewarded with an order to claim the fatherhood of John Edwards’ bastard child. Hey, publisher’s website? We think you have the wrong Andrew Young here, in your bio. If you thought you were getting that Andrew Young to write a book, well then, ha ha ha, oh man… don’t shoot the messenger! [Macmillan]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


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  • RoscoePColtraine

    I wonder if they have the same problem with the credit bureaus?

  • Buzz Feedback

    fukking interns

  • V572625694

    I thought Andrew Young was the father on “Father’s Knows Best.” You know, along with Bud and the Princess and Kitten…

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    Must be a former Fox News employee.

  • Jukesgrrl

    That book you describe would be a best-seller. The author would get on Larry King, The View, every morning show there is, Joy Behar, Jane Velez-Mitchell, Show Biz Tonight, maybe even ET. With the real one, Andrew Young will be Jon Stewart’s guest, if he’s lucky. Oh, and maybe Charlie Rose.

  • vladster

    [re=474929]V572625694[/re]: No, I think that’s Gig Young. Gig? Sounds like one of Sarah’s kids.

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    Wow, it’s still up there.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Ironically, the politician Andrew Young is actually writing a book about the host of the psychic tv-show “Crossing Over”.

  • JMP

    Hee; the publisher’s bio is the first paragraph of the wiki entry, word for word. Talk about laziness (and inability to check the “disambiguation” link at the top).

    Still, isn’t this how Sen. Paul Simon got most of his 92 primary support, despite his incredible dullness and bow ties?

  • Extemporanus

    After decades working alongside some of the Civil Rights Movement’s most inspirational figures, he’s still a wealthy white Southerner’s slave?!


  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=474949]JMP[/re]: Those were the days of miracle and wonder.

  • marioninnyc

    [re=474944]BarackMyWorld[/re]: best post EVEH

  • Extemporanus

    [re=474949]JMP[/re]: I think he really scored big with the bow tie.

  • Jim89048

    Well, to be fair to McMillan, the “correct” Andrew Young is a disambiguation according to the wiki and we all know we can’t trust those.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Like many bloggers, Macmillon is forgetting what it publishes hours after editing it.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    the memoir from John Edwards’ famous ex-slave, Andrew Young, about how he would blow and grundle-pump ol’ Haircut every morning for years, only to be rewarded with an order to claim the fatherhood of John Edwards’ bastard child.

    Congratulations, Newell. This is the single greatest sentence in the English language since James Joyce drank a case of Guinness and fapped out Finnegan’s Wake.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=474956]Jim89048[/re]: It’s an ambiguous diss of disambiguous shits.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=474952]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: As in whip and bread.

  • JMP

    [re=474944]BarackMyWorld[/re]: And even all the sordid details of the whole scandal couldn’t make the politician the bigger douchebag of the two.

  • thesheriffisnear

    [re=474939]vladster[/re]: You are both wrong, he’s the quarterback for the Titans. No, wait that’s Vince Edwards. No,wait. Vince Evans was a Black quarterback but not THE Black quarterback insulted by that dick Rush Limbaugh. There is an actor named Andrew “Andy” Dick. And Vince Edwards was an actor not a doctor but he played one on TV, also.

  • HuddledMass

    [re=474974]thesheriffisnear[/re]: Good god, pull yourself together, man.

  • thesheriffisnear

    [re=475033]HuddledMass[/re]: Its the f’ing Red Bulls,DAMMIT!!!

  • bureaucrap

    Here’s a bit from the correct andrew young’s wikipedia bio, even better than Amb. Andrew Young fapping haircut boy:

    “MSNBC reports that Young was charged with passing bad checks, possession of marijuana, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest when in his 20’s. MSNBC reports that in 2006, he was cited for having open beer containers at a park and charged with driving while impaired. A substance abuse counselor stated that there was evidence of alcohol abuse.[5]”

  • dr.giraud

    Grundle-pump??? That’s so fucking elegant I’ll bet it turns up in Peggington’s Friday column.

  • Lladros

    Wow bureaucrap – stuff he did 20 years ago in college?? Uhh – he wasn’t running for president. Who wouldn’t have a dwi working for assholes like them. I wanna see the sex tape!

  • proudgrampa

    [re=474963]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: You are right. That sentence is downright Pynchon-esque.

  • sezme

    Ha ha, Pwned!

  • LowerdPeninsula

    My funometer must be broken, because I can’t even wrap my mind around even jokingly refering to someone like Andrew Young as a slave. Meh.

  • Bruno

    Today we are all Georgians