Congressman Joe Baca loves golf! So much so that earlier this year, he decided to use his Powers to arrange a fancy meeting with Tiger Woods (and possible autograph session??): by awarding him the Congressional Gold Medal, Congress’ top civilian honor. Baca’s legislation was never moved on in Committee, and now Baca has officially killed it, due to recent revelations that Tiger Woods has had sex with most porn stars and cocktail waitresses in America. Poor Joe Baca! Another innocent childhood, destroyed. [The Hill]
Congress Falls Out Of Love With Tiger Woods
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No one should get paid to play golf. Joe should do something really constructive and ban golf from being called a “sport.”
I’ll bet Clinton would still give him a gold medal. Who sez Amurica has moved to the left?
It’s not wise to upset a Wookiee.
Tiger is one finger short of The Shocker there.
Ah! Forever priggish America. In Italy, Woods could be prime minister.
It’s interesting that all the black women Tiger had sex with are staying silent and keeping his confidence.
Banging porn stars is not CGM worthy? Damn. I wish someone had told me before I invested years of hard effort in that paricular enterprise.
I, for one, am still shocked and horrified that a professional athlete cheated on his wife. What’s next, a rock star or politician cheating?
More seriously, it is fairly sad that the media seems to have decided that Woods’ affairs somehow make his wife committing domestic violence perfectly OK, and his fault.
Having had sex with most porn stars and cocktail waitresses in America may disqualify you from Congress’ top civilian honor, but fortunately it does not disqualify you from Congress.
The bill states, “To provide for the award of a gold medal on behalf of the Congress to Tiger Woods, in recognition of his service to the Nation in promoting excellence and good sportsmanship, and in breaking barriers with grace and dignity by showing that golf is a sport for all people.”
Can’t top that.
[re=474751]x111e7thst[/re]: particular (idiot)
[re=474756]V572625694[/re]: Especially the cocktail waitresses.
Joe’s brother Chew, on the other hand, loooooves Tiger.
Tiger isn’t doing himself any favors by refusing to talk about these rumors. This story isn’t going away until Tiger shows his birth certificate.
We’re just doing the Spike Jones thing. “I am Tiger Woods’ girlfriend.” All together now!
[re=474736]Holy Cow!![/re]: Yes, golf is a good walk spoiled.
Perhaps they should make up a new award for him: the Congressional Woody.
If it makes Tiger feel any better, he now qualifies for Newt Gingrich’s Entrepreneur of the Year award.
Getting a little stank on your hang-down shouldn’t disqualify you from ANYTHING in this country.
One thing in Tiger’s favor, which is not always the case when politicians go a roving, is that all of the women he is accused of having sex with, including his wife, are smoking hot.
My favorite is Jamie Jungers.
I heard several members of C Street are still working on getting him that congressional award. John Ensign is particularly excited about it
That’s T – I – Double Guh – Er! Tigger is a very bouncy fella. Tigger is amongst the most exuberant creatures in the 100 Acre Wood, and his most stand out and well-known feature is his very springy tail. When Tigger is in a bouncing mood he is actually expressing his zest for life and is a form which he often uses as a technique to share his eagerness and happiness or even fondness amongst his dear friends. He shall act on impulse and will make a dash on being jubilant but that impulsive dash more often than not is jumping around without taking measure of the surroundings. This at times leads to mishaps and causes utter mayhem.
It’s like A. A. Milne had a Nostradamus moment or something.
[re=474750]shadowMark[/re]: This was so great.
[re=474775]TGY[/re]: And, of course, the trophy for the Congressional Woody would have to be very distinctive.
[re=474780]gurukalehuru[/re]: Meh. If you like ‘em blondie and ditzy maybe. Show me the thoughtful one in that bunch.
This news is going to send his mother in law to the hospital. … again
[re=474793]TGY[/re]: It would have to have a huge name plate, like the Stanley Cup.
[re=474780]gurukalehuru[/re]: Only if you like the plastic fantastic surgically augmented type. Which I don’t particularly favor, but I’m a gay girl who favors the Rachel Maddow butchy smart tall girl type.
From recently-uncovered text messages:
Orly Taintz: Tiger, where are you going, hon?
Wood: I’m getting my “special” clubs from the bedroom closet, Orly baby!
Orly: Uh….
Wood: Now we can play some golf as it’s really meant to be played, Orly baby honey!
Orly: GREEN BALLOONS! GREEN BALLOONS!
[re=474819]progressiveinga[/re]: Mi Tambien! Like the bob haircuts on svelte women, and Rachel fulfills some sort of “Chasing Amy” fantasy when I am watching cable. At least she would have some better pillow talk than all the bimbos on FNC would.
[re=474922]bynrdskynrd[/re]: Rachel seems not only smart, etc, but also authentic and warm. Easy to like and admire.
And Joe says the Sanchez sisters are putas? Look in the mirror, hombre.
[re=474750]shadowMark[/re]:
“It’s interesting that all the black women Tiger had sex with are staying silent and keeping his confidence.”
Ha Ha, yes where the heck are they already?????? Mr. Perfect is buying a private island right about now.
http://bln.gs/b/1phbb0
To be able to fuck any cocktail waitress you want!The man’s a God.It’s not christian to give mortal awards to Gods’.
So he had sex with every hot woman he met. He has enough money to pay his smokin’ hot wife to stay home and raise the kids, enough money to pay every woman he had sex with to keep quiet and hundreds of millions left over. Enough money to pay a reliable high quality doctor to prescribe and monitor an optimum level of legal drugs. Let this be a lesson to all of you out there, don’t become successful or this could happen to you. (replace woman with man, wife with husband where applicable)
“…due to recent revelations that Tiger Woods has had sex with most porn stars and cocktail waitresses in America.”
But, only the white ones; the trashy blonde white ones to be more specific. Tiger don’t do no pigeons or chickheads or Shaniquas. Tiger don’t like no dark meat; only brest and wings, no legs or thighs.
*I am a black American, and I approve this message.
[re=474750]shadowMark[/re]: “It’s interesting that all the black women Tiger had sex with are staying silent and keeping his confidence.”
WIN. Epically. Also. Too. Tambien.
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