Orrin Hatch Has A Song About The Famous Mormon Holiday, Hanukkah

  holiday songs

Sweet Senatorial songbird Orrin Hatch has written the lyrics to another song! This time it is not about the Mormon God or even the Liberal God (Ted Kennedy) but rather the Jewish God, who locked His people in a dark barn for eight days in celebration of the very first Fake Christmas. The point is, Orrin Hatch is basically Mozart, but a Mozart who writes lyrics and cares about Jews. [Tablet Magazine]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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62 comments

  1. red sky

    It’s the magic underpants, they make them sing so special. How do think the Tabernacle Choir does it?

  2. bureaucrap

    The title suggests a vehicle for unrepentant anti-Semitism. But I just can’t bring myself to listen. could someone else listen and get back to me?

  3. Little Miss Baltimore

    If they make my daughter sing this as the “Jew Song” at the school “Holiday Celebration” I will write a strongly worded letter about diversity.

    I don’t know about these Tablet people, but the rest of us Jews don’t want him. Thanks for ruining my festival of lights.

  4. steverino247

    Since the Mormons believe they’re the lost tribe of Israel, it makes perfect sense for Mr. Hatch to sing Jewish songs. However, since that’s complete bullshit as genetic testing has shown, WTF?

  5. mumblyjoe

    I humbly request a War on Christmas tag, because, well, any recognition of any one else’s religion from november through january is quite clearly an act of war. Why does Orrin Hatch want to destroy Christmas so much?

  6. Larry McAwful

    If you’re strong enough to make it to the end (and I realize most people aren’t,) the producer-looking guy in the blue shirt says, “All it is is a hip-hop Hannukah song written by the senior senator from Utah.” In most states this is probably a funny comment, but this is really what Utah hip-hop sounds like.

  7. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=474550]Larry McAwful[/re]:
    The song also ends with a “Hey!” so that makes really, really ethnicky.

  8. Larry McAwful

    [re=474554]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: That’s true! I learned that from listening to my mom’s old New Christy Minstrels records.

  9. binarian

    [re=474550]Larry McAwful[/re]: Sounds like something done for a Disney movie to me. Pop generica about those curly headed people for us whitebreads. The lead singer is quite attractive I think, in sort of Sandra Bullock-y way. Other than that…..just silly forgettable quasi-political propaganda.

  10. JadedDIssonance

    As an agnostic with Jewish-y heritage, I know nothing about anything about this, but can someone tell me what that philtre-esque thing he pulls from his shirt is at about 48″?

  11. Potater

    [re=474561]binarian[/re]: By lead singer I assume you mean the Senator himself. Oh God, I just envisioned Orrin Hatch in a romantic comedy with Ryan Reynolds’ pecs. Boner ruined FOREVER.

  12. bureaucrap

    [re=474569]JadedDIssonance[/re]: He had a mezuzah necklace (same as on the doors), which has to be political pandering of the most obscene sort. How many jews are there in utah — twelve?

    In any case, I listened to the song just to see what jaded was talking about. All I can say is, thank G-d it’s beethoven month on WETA. I need to wash my ears out with a nice piano conerto.

  13. JadedDIssonance

    [re=474580]bureaucrap[/re]: Ah yes the classic “wear it on your forehead” bit.

    Sekrit Formula for Jewish-Sounding-Song:

    Harmonic-minor scale
    Organ
    Children-as-backup-vocals
    Lots of HEY!
    Badly eliding consonants….

  14. Mr Blifil

    All I heard was something about a candle in a hole. Then it just reverted to prose like he gave up trying to write lyrics and was just cold free associating while his man servant wrote down the results. Which is when I had to give up listening. He does get points for the child rape segment. That ought to burnish his Mormon bona fides real good.

  15. Einstein'

    The dude really says at the end, ““All it is is a hip-hop Hannukah song written by the senior senator from Utah.” Wow. Is that white or what?

  16. finallyhappy

    [re=474596]Gopherit[/re]: Who the hell is Jeffrey Goldberg? He thinks there aren’t enough Chanukah songs so he asked Hatch to write one? There are actually many, many old and new English, Yiddish and Hebrew Chanukah songs(How about Ladina- Ocho Candelikas)so who “needs” this piece of badly written crap??

    And Hatch wears a mezuzah- I wanted to spit at the screen.

  17. Clean For Gene

    Oy vey, I wonder what South Carolina Repub County Chairman Edwin Merwin Jr. and Jim Ulmer have to say about this.

  18. Mr Blifil

    [re=474612]finallyhappy[/re]: That’s not a mezuzah, it’s just an ornate amulet containing his mercy suicide dose, for when he finally “gets the news.”

  19. DemmeFatale

    I hope the mezuzah (which Jews don’t wear, BTW) burns a hole in his chest.
    Condescending, baptizing and pandering asshat!

  20. V572625694

    This would’ve been a lot better if they could’ve gotten Jon Aschkrofft to be the lead singer. And he would have done it except he didn’t want to go to Hell.

  21. SayItWithWookies

    This goes out to all the Chosen People out there:

    Chanukah
    Oh Chanukah
    It’s our damn holiday
    But the Christians will
    Fuck it up anyway
    It’s not even a big deal
    Not Christmas for the Jews
    But now it’s a white thing
    Like sweat lodges and the blues

    8 days of Chanukah
    That’s all you need to know
    Now go play with your dreidl
    Dashing through the snow

    A small band of people
    Pulled a tiny sleigh
    Through the darkest night
    And Rudolph led the way

    Hiding from the Romans
    In a fortress by the sea
    They opened their presents
    Underneath the tree

    8 days of Chanukah
    That’s all you need to know
    Now go play with your dreidl
    Dashing through the snow

  22. shadowMark

    Now all day I’m going to be thinking about that great Badfinger song about Jews:

    I can’t live
    If living is without Jews
    I can’t live
    I can’t give any more…

  23. finallyhappy

    [re=474647]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I will be singing your song at our synagogue Chanukah party or do you have a CD or MP3 of someone famous doing it so I can just play it?

  24. CycloneArmageddon

    [re=474668]shadowMark[/re]: Badfinger? What do kids learn about modern music in school these days?

  25. Lazy Media

    Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay.
    Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, with dreidel I will play.

    As minor Jewish holidays go, Hanukkah is particularly lame. Hey, the lamp oil lasted unusually long, so we don’t have to go to bed as early! Huzzah! Now, we’re free of the Seleucids, so to celebrate, let’s wait 200 years, rise up against the Romans and commit suicide at Masadah!

    Fortunately, in America we have a secular gift-giving holiday around the same time called “Xmas.” (The meaning of X is a secret (Santa)).

  26. SayItWithWookies

    [re=474670]finallyhappy[/re]: Since I just made up the lyrics about 45 minutes ago (to the tune of Hatch’s song) I haven’t had a chance to record it, alas. Maybe if I wrote a nice letter to the senator he’d do a version?

  27. The Other Sarah T

    Re, betterDeadThanRed – “Orrin Hatch, Vahksin zuls du vi a tsibeleh, mitten kup in drerd” – Yeah you right ! Like there’s not already enough anti-semitism in the world ? So many many reasons why Orrin Hatch needs to be anally baptized with a huge (kosher) salami…

  28. RoscoePColtraine

    Now I’m completely confused. (It doesn’t take much, actually.) I thought we were fighting a war on Christmas. Does Orrin know that Ccchhhanukah presents a reason we wish anonymous customers and people on the street the dreadful ‘Happy Holidays’? — that demonic catch-all phrase which makes baby Jesus cry in his crib of straw.

    Orrin is a traitor. “Treat him for insomnia” until he is dead.

  29. Extemporanus

    The point is, Orrin Hatch is basically Mozart, but a Mozart who writes lyrics and cares about Jews.

    Orinn Hatch is Matzart.

    HEY!

  30. Mike Steele

    That song made me feel like maybe hate crimes aren’t necessarily a bad thing after all. Heck, I’m Jewish and that made me hate Jews. Like everyone else, I already hated the Mormons (MORMANS!) already. Hey!

  31. Japster

    Mr Blifil- I think he’s using that mezzuzah to store his weed in. Well that is what any self-respecting Modern- Heeb would do anyway.

    My husband lived in Utah for 20 years as a Jew. He used to remark that it was the only time in his life where he was actually the gentile.

  32. Godot

    [re=474612]finallyhappy[/re]: I don’t think a mezuzah is something you wear. Mine at least is on the door frame of my apartment. Then again what do I know, I’m not even Jewish. My wife is, and she doesn’t really know what the deal with them is either. She just let her orthodox cousin put it up so he’d leave her alone.

  33. schvitzatura

    I (heart) Mithridates Antiochus IV Epiphanes…and the Menelausian Gymnasium must be reconstructed on the Temple Mount!

    Για την Ελλάδα, ρε γαμώτο!!1!

  34. JohnD

    The commandment is to put the specific verses on your forehead, on your arm, and on the doorposts (mezuzot) of your home. Tefillin cases and mezuzot covers contain the section of the Bible that commands this.

    The Torah is silent on wearing this stuff around your neck. On the other hand, my local Judaica store does carry “mezuzah necklaces,” though they are careful to point out that these are not real mezuzot, as they don’t have a scroll inside. (They also sell “car mezuzot,” which do have a scroll, although not a kosher one (it’s printed, not hand-written on parchment). Despite the economic crisis, the doorframe of my car is not the “doorposts of my house.”)

  35. Kokapelye

    “…The song canon for Hanukkah, a particularly interesting historical holiday, is sparse and uninspiring…. The songs I liked best were the ones uninfected by self-distancing Jewish irony….” [Quotes from Tablet article, but repeated in other interviews/stories]

    Wow Goldberg, where were you last Kislev? 2008 —or 5769 if you prefer— brought out a lot of good Khanuka CDs, including one track with Y-Love rapping _oyf yidish_. Oh wait, a black Jew rapping in Yiddish is postmodern and ironic.

    If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna listen to _Christmas in the Heart_ and de-bap Senator Hatch at the International Jew Conspiracy website.

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