Robert Gibbs Launches ‘War On Fox News’ On Gallup

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ROBERT GIBBS IS SO FUCKING MEAN: “‘If I was a heart patient and Gallup was my EKG, I’d visit my doctor,’ Gibbs told reporters in his morning gaggle. Gibbs said the swing in the poll could be duplicated by a ‘six-year-old with a crayon’ and said he doesn’t put a lot of stake in the daily poll and ‘never have.’” Heh… heh? Way to make a six-year-old cry, asshole. Gallup’s furious mother has written a letter to the principal, which is boring. [TPM, Gallup]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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65 comments

  1. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    It amazes me how much glee Conservatives take from Obama being at 50%, when they never mentioned when Bush was at 22%. Maybe they don’t understand that it is a good thing if the majority support the President?

  2. ChernobylSoup v2

    Why would Gallup be your EKG? Is this what liberal health care reform is going to bring us or is this what reform will prevent? I’m so confused.

  3. WadISay

    Users are, of course, free to make whatever use they would like of the daily tracking information.

    Thanks a million for giving Redstate the OK to start the revolution, assholes.

  4. betterDeadThanRed

    There must be some leaked emails or software out there somewhere that showed these “pollsters” cooked the data. Wasn’t that just on Red State?

  5. Hooray For Anything

    I can’t believe they have Gibbs out there as he appears not to understand that daily polls come straight from little Baby Jesus and thus should be treated with utmost importance befitting the most important issue facing the country. The fact that they are low could only mean that Obama is a failure and thus stop doing everything he’s doing and hand over the position of top political aide to David Broder

  6. SayItWithWookies

    [re=474336]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: If a Democratic president hits 50% approval, it’s a sign of failure. If a Republican one hits 22%, it’s leadership.

  7. give us a bob

    I would actually expect a crayon-wielding 6year-old to provide a sufficient quantity of randomness to ensure a reasonable, stochastic approximation of public opinion. Gibbs needs to apologize to the nearest kindergarten for his remark.

  8. V572625694

    Why would someone want to be the preznident’s press secretary? It’s gotta be the shittiest job in the world, and that would be true even if you didn’t have to face Ed Henry, Chip Reed and David “Douche-dancer” Gregory’s gotcha questions every day. Your only job is to make sure not to say anything newsworthy, and in Gibbsie’s case, to give the impression of wry amusement at your own idiocy. A sharp little weasel like Stephanopolous quit after what — six weeks?

  9. plowman

    “Blah, blah, blah, the poll sucks when it looks bad for us…” Let’s get a cute press secretary back in there, I hereby nominate Hannah ‘Maple Blondie’ Teter. I wonder if that nickname is a reference to the rug maybe not matching the drapes?

  10. Mr Blifil

    [re=474329]Sharkey[/re]: No, no he puts a stake through his pole. Daily.

    Robert Gibbs is hardcore. He should be coaching the Men’s Naked Wrassling team at the Brazilian Olympiad.

  11. Mr Blifil

    [re=474357]plowman[/re]: It would be unfair to put “Hannah ‘Maple Blondie’ Teter” in front of the press corps. In the harsh glare of the spotlight she’d simply melt.

    Damn. Now all I can think of are pint containers of Ben and Jerry’s and eating them out until not a drip remains.

  12. problemwithcaring

    [re=474328]Pilate[/re]: For shear bat-shit crazy, partisan, don’t-give-a-good-got-damn-what-reality-is-just-what-W-and-Magogs-think — Tony Snow, R.I.P., gets the win.

  13. Seanyboy

    If you were getting an EKG wouldn’t you already be at some sort of doctor’s office or have already been in some sort of interaction with your doctor? Do people have home-EKG machines?

  14. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=474381]Seanyboy[/re]: Iffen they have heart troubles, something like it, yeah.

    I have nothing to say, other than that I quit drinking coffee today, which I’m pretty sure entitles me to extra alcohol.

  15. nappyduggs

    My Etch O’ Sketch has been unemployed for quite some time and would be more than willing to put these Gallup doodles on the dole. If you don’t like what the fucker says, you just shake the crap out of it. Everyone’s happy and occupied.

  16. MGBYG

    Man, I have had three kids all go through the six-year-old-with-a-crayon phase where they sat there at Chi-Chis and played the games on the place-mat.

    Now, take a two year old, a crayon, and some caffeinated soda pop and ya gotz a fucking par-dee…even tweekers ain’t got nuthin’ on that.

  17. Sharkey

    [re=474367]Mr Blifil[/re]: Oh, ouch! There was a reason I didn’t go there, and you have twisted my words in a most unfortunate manner. In summary, please don’t ever stop posting comments here ;)

  18. hoosiermama

    The Gallop EKG looks like a Xmas tree — Obama should be thanking the American public for shaping their opinion of him to look like a Xmas tree.

  19. Sharkey

    [re=474387]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Funny you should mention that. True story: This morning the power went out while I was in the shower and could not grind coffee. DC Metro trains suck even when you have a good (caffeine or otherwise) buzz on, gah! Got to work and got my federally-subsidized Starbucks and drank it record time, do you see where this is going? No? That’s because it’s going nowhere. But Seriously, you ARE entitled to more alcohol, and your withdrawal symptoms will be gone in a day or two – coffee’s easy to quit, except when you don’t want to because the fuckin’ power grid decided to poop-start your day.

  20. BeWoot

    [re=474350]V572625694[/re]: Which one’s the thick beardy guy that uses his glasses to see through his forehead?

  21. Sparky McGruff

    [re=474390]MGBYG[/re]: take a two year old, a crayon, and some caffeinated soda pop and ya gotz a fucking par-dee…even tweekers ain’t got nuthin’ on that.

    I’m there. The world is their canvas. Literally. Walls, floors, furniture, the cat. And they’re not just drawing, they’re trying to grind the crayon/marker down to a nub. Good fun, good times.

  22. Sparky McGruff

    [re=474375]problemwithcaring[/re]: For shear bat-shit crazy, partisan, don’t-give-a-good-got-damn-what-reality-is-just-what-W-and-Magogs-think — Tony Snow, R.I.P., gets the win.

    Sure, Tony Snow didn’t care how deep the BS was, or how far away from the truth he was. But Dana… Dana was a true believer. She had that… Psycho-chick/cult-member “I made this wallet from a baby’s spleen, just for you! thing going. And, she was cute, but in a sort of psycho, scary, cult zombie sort of way.

    Tony snow knew where reality stopped, and his shit began, but he didn’t care. Dana… well, Dana believed every damn word she said.

  23. BMK

    Gibbs said the swing in the poll could be duplicated by a ’six-year-old with a crayon’. Crayon, ha!
    Why does Gibbs hate 1991?

  24. chascates

    ‘Broad agreement’ on public option compromise, Senate leaders say (from WashPost)

    Guess we’re really screwed now.

  25. chascates

    From the MY Times:
    But Democratic aides said that the group had tentatively agreed on a proposal that would replace a government-run health care plan with a menu of new national, privately-run insurance plans modeled after the Federal Employee Health Benefits Program, which covers more than eight million federal workers, including members of Congress, and their dependents.

    A government-run plan would be retained as a fall-back option, the aides said, and would be triggered only if the new proposal failed to meet targets for providing affordable insurance coverage to a specified number of people.

    The agreement would also allow Americans between age 55 and 64 to buy coverage through Medicare, beginning in 2011.

  26. chascates

    Wiat, Lieberman will screw this up (CNN):

    However, both Lieberman and Snowe expressed concern over the idea of allowing Americans age 55 and older to buy into Medicare.

    “I want to make sure we’re not adding a big additional burden to the Medicare program which we need to figure out how to save because it’s going bankrupt,” Lieberman said.

  27. Sparky McGruff

    [re=474424]chascates[/re]: ‘Broad agreement’?? Huh? We’re talking about Sarah Palin again?

  28. shortsshortsshorts

    You know, if Bush “didn’t care about polls,” the best thing for Barry to do would be to isolate them, bomb and interrogate them, and send them to Gitmo— just to prove he’s a war time President. That may be the only way to make _______ (insert fucker here) believe that if you pressure a doood into sending more troops and call him a failure if he doesn’t and then criticize him for falling for the idea because of “the hate of war” that your failing party now embraces, that you are a shit and nothing more. An awful dangler, if nothing else. We must sodomize the Democrats and throw the GOP into the gauntlet, just to make a point.

    TEA PARTEEEE 2012!11! http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/

  29. fatherfigure

    It’s like that Rorschach thing where you’re supposed to see a weiner if you want to be healthy but it just looks like a Coke bottle no matter how you try, so you just end up being told something about your repressions when all you want is a nice sip of soda.

  30. Sparky McGruff

    [re=474455]SayItWithWookies[/re]: triggered national plan if something something that’s not really defined. Again, we’re talking about Sarah Palin? Is she writing the Senate plan?

    It’s about the health care, because the energy policy demands that we let the people keep their money! It’s not the government’s money! Obama is pallin’ around with terrorists, in the government takeover of the marketplace. We don’t do that on main street, you betcha [wink]. In my plan, we will help Americans, also. Not a Hitler death panel, like Obama. Also.

  31. SayItWithWookies

    [re=474459]Sparky McGruff[/re]: To be fair, the reporter said it was if coverage didn’t extend to enough people — but then left it no more clear than that. Whether it’s skewed or fair or even impossible isn’t divulged. I mean, my interpretation of a reasonable trigger would be “if shit’s as bad as it is now” — becuase why else would we even be debating a bill?

    So it’s not Palinesquely vague — in fact it’s a little Byzantine, what with its expansion of three different programs that already exist (which I guess is what made it palatable). But then if Palin is to be believed, she actually resigned because of the ethics law that she passed and touted as her greatest success as governor. So maybe she’s got a Byzantine streak of her own.

  32. obfuscator

    [re=474465]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “So maybe she’s got a Byzantine streak of her own.”

    or maybe she’s a low-functioning solipsistic shit-spigot with the memory of a fruit fly.

  33. Radiotherapy

    [re=474451]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Damn, is that why he keeps cupping his hand over his ear?

  34. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=474473]obfuscator[/re]: [re=474465]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Oh be fair to the Byzantine, you meanies.

  35. obfuscator

    [re=474484]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: give no quarter to byzantinians or daniel-san. strike first strike hard, no mercy, shorts.

    why is the public option “dead in the water” when the happy fun times compromise seem to hinge itself upon planning for a scenario that would trigger a public option?

  36. LowerdPeninsula

    [re=474369]Mr Blifil[/re]: [re=474357]plowman[/re]: Have either of you ever heard Teter talk? She sounds like she’s straight out of male California surferdom. When I saw her interviewed on the Tonight Show a few years back it absolutely blew my mind. She’d make an EPIC press secretary.

  37. zhubajie

    Polls = augurs and haruspices. Can rival pollsters pass each other in the street without laughing?

  38. Escape Goat Nation

    Was Hannah Teter the one who decided to hot dog it off her last jump and fell down and lost the Gold?

  39. zhubajie

    [re=474459]Sparky McGruff[/re]: If it were Sarah Palin’s plan, it would mean faith healing all the way. “Put your hands on the radio and when I shout HEAL, you’ll be healed! (If you have enough faith and give me 1/10th your income for life.)”

    From Sarah Palin’s, et al.’s, point of view, poverty and illness are are Divine Punishment. If G-d loved us, we’d’ve been born rich. :-(

  40. zhubajie

    [re=474484]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: The Byzantine Empire was actually good at diplomacy! And they had colorful punishments for f*ck-*p emperors, too. Don’t you wish GWB’s eyes, ears, nose, had been sliced off? To be followed by imprisonment at an isolated monastery? Or maybe even dragged to death by a camel with diarrhea? (That should be Cheney’s retirement pension, don’t you think?)

  41. zhubajie

    “why is the public option “dead in the water” when the happy fun times compromise seem to hinge itself upon planning for a scenario that would trigger a public option?”

    Because our Congresscrooks are all millionaires, and not far down in their hard little hearts, they believe that they are better than the rest of us because they are richer! G-d has elected them to be rich and powerful, elected the rest of us to be poor and sick and to fight over their garbage. Or so they think. Half the fun of being rich is degrading the poor.

    Zhu Bajie

  42. Bearbloke

    The hourly evening news-blip (international run-down) just reported that 1) your Demon-ratz leaders just killed “the public option” and 2) some all-American gun-nut walked into a college classroom in Virgina, fired a gun, and hunkered down for a few hours… USA! USA! USA!

  43. x111e7thst

    [re=474505]zhubajie[/re]: And if god wanted the little people to have good health insurance he would have elected them to Congress or made them Fortune 500 company executives. Wake up Sheeple. THERE IS NOTHING DIFFICULT ABOUT THIS CONCEPT.

  44. dijetlo

    Oh Boo, we lead the world in hostage stand-offs (both tragic and non) as well as “clock tower snipers”. Take it from a Yank, this guy was not notable.
    What everybody needs to remember here is if we’d let everybody carry a gun, there would have been some respectable carnage to ogle. But nooo, our repressive libtard gun laws (the ones that block me from carrying my HP MP-5K sub machine gun with with targeting laser, organic silencer and pearl handled grips) to the post office just in case there’s, you know, trouble, probably deprived us of some seriously gory first hand accounts as well as the obligatory after action photos of the dead and mutilated. There wont even be any follow up interviews with the seriously wounded or those hapless souls who now wet themselves every time a car backfires, since it all ended nice and peaceable like.
    Now if they’d all been packing some serious firepower…well, different story. They’d have painted the walls of that place in a good ol’ fashioned American shoot ‘em up

  45. 102415

    [re=474513]x111e7thst[/re]: Yes, yes, let’s expand Congress too. That will give more people health insurance.How different this would all look if we had 500,000 more Senators.

  46. Tundra Grifter

    This week Sheer “Am i An Idiot?” InSannity compared President Obama’s polls numbers with President Bush’s (43) ten months into office.

    So – all President Obama needs is a major attack on America and we will unite behind him?

  47. Tundra Grifter

    [re=474518]dijetlo[/re]: Ivory grips! Only a pimp in a New Orleans whorehouse carries a gun with a pearl-handle grip.

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