West Coast Xmas warrior operative “Katrina” sends this photo from a fancy dollar store in Portland, Oregon, which just so happens to be the epicenter of the entire War on Christmas. Here we have all the greatest gifts for children and adults and robots alike, and all for one dollar: stacks of Lou Dobbs’ book, 48 crayons, and the Bible on CD. (The Bible on CD is just code for “Porn on Blu Ray,” is the key!)

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  1. The Bible on CD is just a buck? They really are a bunch of heathens in the Pacific NW. Here in TX, that sucker would cost $24.95 or more. Guess which state is going to get raptured first!

  2. From the first page:

    I cannot imagine what the men who wrote these words would think of America today:

    We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.

    I don’t know about you, but I haven’t consented to much of what government has done in the past twenty years.

    Well Lou, the next sentence of that great document (the Gettysburg Constitution) says, “That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it,” so grab your musket or STFU.

    I don’t know about Lou, but I have voted and abided by the results for the last twenty years.

  3. epicenter of the entire War on Christmas

    Somehow I imagined the epicenter would be nearer the Republican National Headquarters on the North Pole, right next to Santa’s workshop and “Chewies Pullo Ranchero and Fapatorium” where the RNC leadership and all the geh elves meet to plot their counter offensive.

  4. I was assigned to bring the gag gift to the local Democratic Club’s War-on-Christmas party last year. I spent $6 at the Dollar Store and made a fancy gift basket out of this stuff. Everyone thought it was hilarious, but not-so-surprisingly, no one would take it home. I got stuck with it, but it’s all good since Granny and I burned it for heat when we couldn’t pay the electric bill in January. That Bible CD sure did smell funny in the fire, though, and now we think we have some kind of lung disease that will make us prime candidates for the Death Panel.

  5. [re=474151]Jukesgrrl[/re]:

    DO SuM REAL RESEARCH!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!111111111111
    I pREY 4 U!!!!!!!111111!!!!!23456…


  6. Shit, I moved here to Portland just three months ago. NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A WAR GOING ON. (Huddles in corner with dollar-store scissors held menacingly, giving wary glances at any passers-by.)

  7. [re=474180]SmutBoffin[/re]: And the only jobs left are at the Acropolis, and everyone hates you on account of your California plates, but they’ll rarely tell you to your face because Portland’s cool like that.

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