Everyone in Rio very kindly say “Olá” to Rudy Giuliani, who is now working for sports as the 2016 Olympics’ “security consultant.” This is like winning a gold medal in synchronized 9/11. The governor of Rio is so stoked on Giuliani for some reason, and Giuliani is very excited to be America’s South American mayor. “‘You have to pay attention to big and small things,’ Giuliani told reporters after visiting a local shantytown.” Commercial airliners and skyscrapers presumably counting as “medium-sized things,” is the implication here. [NY Daily News]
SPORTS NEWS!
December 7, 2009
{ 57 comments }
Juli! We knew you wouldn’t abandon us.
Does Giuliani have a South American mistress?
Do I really even need to ask?
It bears repeating: That asshole put the emergency response command center in the basement of the likeliest terrorist target.
Hey Olympic committee; make sure you get a lot of radios that don’t communicate with one another, too!
I’m fine as long as the whole thing is topless.
You can’t fool me Wonkette. I know an Onion article when I see one.
The thought of Rudy spending more time in Rio than the U.S.of A. makes me feel alot more secure.
So now Rudy is going all Br9zi11ian. When he flies down there, I hope he sticks his landing. Up his nose.
Thufferin’ thuccotath! Its gonna be Giuliani-time in Rio! Too bad the Brazillians don’t understand, Giuliani’s powers don’t work outside the US. He was able to fight crime in NY because he let the police loose to rape, shoot, and run rampant on anyone who was brown. But in Rio, everyone is brown! How is Rudy gonna profile?
It’s Giuliani Time, Brazil. I’m so happy for Rudy, just think of all the brown children there are to shoot in Rio!
[re=473024]samsuncle[/re]: The thought of Rudy spending more time in Rio than I do makes me feel angry and jealous.
[re=473019]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Get your priorities straight – he needed to keep the command center close to the apartment he used to bang his skank of the week.
What he doesn’t realize is that in the fine print of his contract is a clause where he has to act as a sort of ‘human’ shield in the event of an attack.
Juli’s first post back is about Juli-ani. Girls. Everthing’s about them.
And ferrets, never forget, first thing you do, is round up all the ferrets.
Is he wearing his Carmen Miranda hat on his tour?
I hope Rudy is studying hard in his one-on-one Advanced Trannie lessons and will be showing his stuff this Mardi Gras in Rio. I, for one, look forward to it.
He is an expert at avoiding falling debris. This is indisputable.
Out of curiosity, is he planning to round up all the shantytown residents and send them to Riker’s Island?
Rudi G es un tumor en los testÃculos de destino.
“This is like winning a gold medal in synchronized 9/11.” Haha, we have a fucking winner.
Well, I hope he gets a brazilian and a maple blondie while he’s down there.
All this helps is his long held fantasy to be the new “Girl” From Ipanema.
[re=473032]Prommie[/re]: You think he tried gerbiling with a ferret and got bit or something?
Ferrets are cute, fun, personable little animals. It’s hard to imagine what else one could have done to warrant the mighty wrath of our cross-dressing Fascist ex-mayor
Damn, now I know he is running for Senator/Governor because this must be the thing he will quit to do that thing. I was hoping his candidacy would be the thing he quits.
[re=473043]x111e7thst[/re]: Weasels, apparently, hate ferrets.
Tall and tan and young and lovely
the girl named Rudy G goes walking
and when she passes
each one she passes
goes “meh”
We missed you, Juli! Welcome back! Hey – rehab is for quitters!
Alt-text: “But I never made the first team, I just made the first team laugh”
[re=473043]x111e7thst[/re]: If all ferret-owners are hippies, and fascists hate hippies, then fascists hate ferrets by proxy.
Rudy’s motivation for taking this job had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Brazil is the number one country in the world in the production and exportation of hardcore she-male pornography.
I repeat: “Absolutely.” “Nothing”.
If you liked the Da Vinci Code, Wonkette will take you to a new level of mystery, wonder, adventure and excitement, enthrall you, and connect you in a very intimate way with the mystery of your sacred existence.
I’m not sure hiring Rudy to do security at a big event is a wise idea considering his biggest claim to fame was caused by a massive security failure. Since Rudy’s beaten 9/11 to death, giving him an opportunity to be “heroic” could finally give him a chance to win an election. I guess what I’m saying is never forget 8/11/16!
Also, will he put the security forces under the command of a guy who’s taking bribes from the Rio mafia?
[re=473019]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: I never tire of reminding people that America’s Mayor is a fraud. Not only does this weasel take credit away from the job that Bill Bratton did to bring down the crime numbers, but he refuses to take any of the blame for two major terrorist attacks occurring on his watch and under his own nose. Wake up Rio sheeple!
[re=473026]Prommie[/re]: I’m figuring that he’s probably just going to advise police to shoot anyone who is black and reaching for their wallets to provide identification.
Hiring the mayor of 9/11 as a security consultant is the same thing as hiring Cookie Monster as a diabetes consultant.
[re=473037]Mr Blifil[/re]: WIN !!!
tchau giuliani! va caga no mar viadhino!
So would it be his crowning achievement if a terrorist attack happens on his watch there?
[re=473019]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Basement? He put it on the 23rd Fucking Floor. Well, it was 7 WTC, not the twin towers, so it didn’t collapse right away–just about eight hours later, and just flaming debris. Rudy 9iu11ini=total dumbass.
“Synchronized 9/11″ heh heh heh. For the win.
As much as I hate Giuliani, it’s really not fair to keep razzing him for 9/11. WTF could he do? The hijacked planes originated from Boston, Newark, and DC, all of which are well outside the jurisdiction of the Mayor of New York City, so you can’t blame him for letting the planes get hijacked. And once they were in the air, what could he do about it? It’s not like the NYPD has an air force he could have scrambled to shoot the errant planes down. There was literally nothing in his power to prevent it from happening.
[re=473096]Godot[/re]:
It’s not what he couldn’t do. It’s what he did afterwards when he wrapped himself up in the tattered 9/11 flag and rode it to losing big in the GOP preznit primary and his shitty consultant firm.
He made himself out to be the ONLY hero of 9/11 when it was really everyone but him.
[re=473096]Godot[/re]: OK, but he is a monomaniacal, lisping, cross-dressing, cousin-marrying, philandering, corrupt fascist bully, a small man in search of a balcony. A Douche-Bag deluxe.
How many is a brazilian, again?
He better start learning their national stinkin’ anthem, pronto. (Does he know they don’t speak Spanish?)
Ouviram do Ipiranga as margens plácidas From the Ipiranga, the placid banks heard
De um povo heróico o brado retumbante, the resounding cry of a heroic people
E o sol da Liberdade, em raios fúlgidos, and in shining the sun of liberty
Brilhou no céu da Pátria nesse instante. shone in our homeland’s skies at that very moment.
And so forth.
So let me get this straight… a “security consultant” is somebody whose job is to go around saying how great he is after being blindsided by a completely random epic disaster and doing barely anything about it?
Yeah, the Olympics always needs one of those.
[re=473096]Godot[/re]: True, but what did he do about it after the fact? Order a bunch of police and firefighters to run in there with radios that didn’t work? Say to everybody, “Well, that sucked. Now pick some shit up.”? Was there anything else? I’m pretty sure I coulda done that. Or if not me, because honestly there’s certain to be some detail crap I know naught about, then any mayor of any town ever.
“Hero of 9/11″ = “I Was Near a Big Thing That Blew Up, Yay Me.” So far as I can tell.
[re=473017]rmontcal[/re]: Given Rudy’s propensity for cross-dressing, I suspect the only thing he’s stoked for is the cavalcade of hott and sexxxy shemales to be found in any sizeable Brazilian city.
A noun, and a verb, and female hormones.
“Hiking the Appalachian Trail” is to “2016 Olympics security consultant” as flying to Argentina for sexytime with your mistress is to trolling for trannies in Rio.
ol’ 9/11′s not going to quit an entire sexy country to run for governor of/senator from a bankrupt, corrupt disaster like The Empire State.
So We Are Spared.
But if, god forbid, something terroristy DID happen in Rio, then he could be Rudi-on-the-spot with excuses and double-talk to make the Olympic people look like heroes. So maybe Brazil knows what it’s doing.
How do you do “broken windows policing” in a shantytown? Maybe its “missing section of corrugated metal/cardboard” policing instead?
Paul Blart would have been a better choice.
[re=473096]Godot[/re]: Well, other than putting the emergency response command center in or near any of the Top Five of terrorism targets in the city, much less the one that already got hit that one time. He probably could have not done that.
Also, the interoperability thing. It was honestly a travesty that nobody thought interoperability might be a good idea, in 2001. Though, that’s a fairly technical thing, and the public understanding is a bit off- you don’t actually want all the radios to talk to each other, just for the incident commanders to be able to communicate betwixt themselves.
Also, his profile-tastic crime policy, and his blame-the-victims attitude when it came to the many, many bad shoots that came out of it. Though, that’s not really 9/11.
Also, the thing where he wrapped himself in 9/11 afterwards, and tried to use it as a pretext for suspending elections.
But, yeah, besides all those things, there was nothing he could have actually have done better, 9/11 and/or crime-wise.
They wanted Kerik but had to settle for 9u11iani.
So what does he have planned?
“America’s South American mayor”
He should really get that registered, preferably in Portuguese. Damn, what a beautiful language for a beautiful people.
[re=473096]Godot[/re]: Maybe the NYPD and FDNY could have had radios that communicated with each other? It didn’t help that Rudi tried to change the law and run for a third term because New York needed him so much – yet has managed to get along pretty good without him as mayor. And perhaps Rudi didn’t have to be a worldclass jerk and run for president of these United States on the 9/11 platform.
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