- Sarah Palin is now a birther! Her make-believe campaign against Barack Obama will now focus on his Kenyan-Communist Birth Certificate, because Andrew Sullivan wants to see Trig’s paperwork. [Ben Smith]
- White House dinner crasher/perpetual bore Michaele Salahi also pretended to be a … hang on, looking it up again … yes, a retired Washington Redskins cheerleader. [Washington Post]
- And three Secret Service agents are “on leave” for letting these people almost potentially kill the president. [USA Today]
- The government could launch a massive federal jobs program, just like FDR did during that other Great Depression, but instead Barack Obama had some kind of “jobs summit.” [New York Times]
- Congratulations, America, on your 23rd consecutive month of job losses. [Marketwatch]
- Authorities poisoned a river in Chicago, hoping an invasive-species Asian Carp would be killed off along with everything else. [Reuters]
DAILY BRIEFING 7:38 am December 4, 2009
Christmas Card From a Hooker In Minneapolis
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 35 comments }
Those three Secret Service fellas can hang out with those two pilots “on leave” for having sexy time instead of landing the plane in Minneapolis. Five guys = Rec league basketball team!
Busting out the Tom Waits! Awesome.
Larry King had his own Jobs Summit; Majic Johnson, Tony Robbins, and Google guy. Everything will be fine now.
Fuck Yeah America!!
Levi I’m pregnant, livin’ on 9th Street…
Palin suggested that the questions were fair play because of “the weird conspiracy theory freaky thing that people talk about that Trig isn’t my real son — ‘You need to produce his birth certificate, you need to prove that he’s your kid,’ which we have done.”
“Maybe we can reverse that,” she said, returning to Obama’s birth certificate, describing the type of thinking involved with a word that isn’t clear in the audio.
Now I get why Ben Smith gets excluded from the Politico excommunication. That is top notch recapping right there. I can’t stop giggling into my latte.
Is the “invasive species asian carp” Sarah Palin? ‘Cuz I think she came over the land-bridge from Russia, which is, y’know, right there — next to Putin’s head.
It’s a weird-conspiracy-theory-freaky thing, but it’s a fair question.
Palin did “Rusty Humphries ” ?
Then put the whole INS on leave for letting ten million illegals AND their Asian Carp crash our country. Better yet, have some Illinois ‘authorities’ poison the Rio Grande and the parking lot down at Home Depot. Or maybe I better make some coffee, it’ll all be OK then…
i saw the Tom Waits reference. Then i needed new pants.
See…I read the whole thing wrong. I thought the story was about Asian Crap. I assumed that the politicians in Chicago were letting Chinatown send untreated sewage into the river again. As Emily Litella says, “…never mind”
Poisoning rivers in Chicago sounds slightly redundant. I’m guessing any species coming from China can live with a high degree of pollution/poisoning. It’ll probably just make them stronger. I for one bow down to our Asian Carp overlords, I think they hold all our treasury bonds as it is.
If the authorities were to poison a large number of employed people there would be more jobs for the unemployed. Hell someone would have to be hired just to spread enough poison around.
I think I pulled a “Rusty Humphries” with my trick a week ago. Now I have to use a special shampoo.
Bring back the National Recovery Act, Obama!
I want to see little eagle logos on the end credits of our movies again!
NRA – We do our part!
Cheerleaders retire? I thought they just…you know…put them down once nobody wanted to look at them bounce anymore, like racehorses. Not that I thought they got turned into glue or anything… I thought probably spandex or maybe nylon…but they retire huh? That’s not dedication to your chosen calling, now I’ve lost all respect for them.
Thanks for nothin’ Wonkette.
Two years of job losses, yet the cocksuckers who set off this nuclear winter of pain continue to draw obscene bonuses. A triumph of the human spirit!
Tom Waits for the win.
Can’t we just give the war money to the poors? Fuck even making us work for it. I guarantee it would stimulate the economy more than anything we could possibly be messing around with in Afghanistan.
Maybe just getting everybody caught up on rent would be good…
Cheerleaders are athletes, plus the bitch can’t dance!
Thanks Walnuts! Your legacy will now be bringing forth Sarah Palin to systematically lower the collective I.Q. of the American public (which was already approaching Gumpian levels).
I assumed that ex-professional cheerleaders just whored for their remaining good years then hired out to a Chinese or Arab millionaire. Where is this Salahi guy from? (And don’t say Jerkistan)
Christmas card from a hooker in Minneapolis?
So, Merry Christmas, then, and ya shid come on over if ya want yer ashes hauled, doncha know.
Jesus, that Asian carp story makes me sad. Here you’ve got a hundred pound fish and they just up and kill 2,000 of them, throw their bodies into a landfill. And this at a time of economic crisis. That’s edible food, dammit! Just declare open season and lend rowboats and big nets to all the hoboes, problem’s solved and everybody has a big fish fry. And I’m not buying this about their not being good eating. They are fish. So, carp are really bony fish, and they eat garbage, but what the hell…if you can eat catfish, you can eat freaking carp, for fuck’s sake.
r.e. jobs creation, I have the solution to that problem. 100% recycling.
1. A lot of the basic infrastructure is already there. The bins, the trucks and the landfills, dumps and incinerators where the rubbish is currently taken already exist. The key is to convert those facilities into high-tech recycling centers.
Oh, and that was probably the easiest column Ben Smith ever wrote. No original content whatsoever.
2.The jobs created, both in the conversion of those facilities and in subsequent employment at those facilities, are not particularly high-tech, nor do they require a great deal of training. Basically, it’s sorting out the organic stuff to be turned into compost, picking out any still valid products that can go back to Good Will or one of those places, seperating 2 or 3 different kinds of glass,3 or 4 different kinds of paper and 6 or 7 different kinds of plastic, tin, copper, steel, brass and aluminum.
3. It would not only create jobs, it would create a lot of new raw materials (perhaps even biofuels) to power the economy. The fact that it would improve the environment is a side bonus.
4. Once it gets rolling, it could even be privatized, so that any public (governmental) expenditures could be recouped in the short term. Probably not in time for the 2012 elections, but maybe by 2016.
Ok, Palin’s an idiot. But she’s also a liar. She has never produced Trig’s birth certificate.
Hmmm. Judging from the Redskins/Salahi puff piece, it sounds like dear Michaele has found her niche as a professional venue crasher.
Gov’nor Palin seems to have an anachronistic and/or transformative understanding of the performative or declarative “speech act”–certain statements that become true the moment they’re said aloud, or actions that are taken by virtue of being spoken. Some modern examples include sentences like “I now pronounce you man and wife” when spoken by a minister at a wedding, “I sentence you to ninety days’ imprisonment” when spoken by a judge, or “I declare a thumb war” when spoken by any natural-born citizen. In the past, there was an even greater range of actions people could take or states they could legally enter into simply by making a statement, such as saying “I marry you” to a betrothed in the presence of witnesses during the middle ages.
So this impression she seems to be under that anything she says to have happened or claims to have done will literally have happened and/or been done, the moment she finishes saying it has, is not without precedent. Even now, she could be pioneering an exciting new branch of analytic linguistics that will radically transform our understanding of what the definition of “is” is.
Jobs Data Triggers Twin Dollar, Stocks Rally — So now Glenn, Rush, Sean et. al. will have to denounce unemployment statistics as a pack of lies. Or just ignore them like they did with the stock market since last March, which was about the last time they argued that the declining Dow numbers meant that whatever the president was doing wasn’t working.
…describing the type of thinking involved with a word that isn’t clear in the audio.
Sarah’s just come up with her own version of onomatopoeia.
“For her [Michaele Salahi] to get out there and think she can just shake her pompoms is upsetting.”
Not to get all Friday morning here, but her lack of pompoms was the dead giveway she was never a ‘Skins cheerleader.
Lotta vowels – pompoms not so much.
[re=471726]jennx[/re]: Ok, Palin’s an idiot. But she’s also a liar. She has never produced Trig’s birth certificate.
Holyshit! I just knew that little retard was a Kenyan Muslin!
[re=471644]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Jerkist… d’oh!
Can someone produce Sarah Palin’s high school and/or college transcripts (yeah, all 5,000 of them), so we can finally see once and for all what a college graduate with a D- GPA looks like?
Sorry, but this Minneapolitan hooker can afford no such frivolities this year. I could arrange to send you a nice dead Asian carp, however–a favorite staple in the Hmong and other borderline-starving communities around here.
Those “Asian Carp” are part of a select team of underwater gung-fu trained ASSASSINS that are going to KIDNAP Butterstick!!! They’re swimming up the Potomac, toward the National Zoo, RIGHT NOW!
(At least, I think that’s what the Fox News coverage said.)
Happy St. Rice Paddy’s Day, Chicago!
If anyone was surprised by this latest revelation about Michaele Salahi, they are stupid. This is going to become a game of “Where’s Waldo?” with Michaele, now. Like Mosh Girl, she’s going to be photoshopped into every famous picture. She’ll be atop the Berlin Wall, standing next to Abraham Lincoln at a Union camp, storming the beaches of Normandy, running naked, on fire –naked– in Vietnam…
BTW, if some weren’t convinced that Sarah Palin had jumped the shark, already, this latest tidbit is indisputable proof of her having jumped the goddamned moon.
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