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Right? We’d just assumed she was crushed in an avalanche, too.

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114 COMMENTS

  1. News summary for last three months:

    Balloon boy shot down by the other Sarah as a book tour publicity stunt. This was discussed at length during a hearing on health care, which was attended by two fame whores, who were on their way to a Larry King interview when they were run over by Tiger Woods, who is being sent to Afghanistan.

  2. [re=471235]magic titty[/re]: I think Juli and Riley are off ghosting Meghan’s book, the deadline is looming so Cindy spent the big bucks and got both Juli and Riley.

  3. [re=471235]magic titty[/re]: With Sara’s return, is there some sort of “deathmatch for your job” between Juli and Riley? If so, how far in advance do we need to get the tickets? …and can we just crash the deathmatch on the chance that we will be invited by the time we reach the door?

  4. [re=471249]GayInMaine[/re]: Now that Sara’s an M there’s gonna be awkward typing when we get one of those stories about Philippine MILFs.

  5. I suppose that discovering all those diaper surprises is a little less worse than digging into what the politicians are doing and saying these days. I predict Sara’s transition back will be a smooth as prune poop.

  6. “I have not read the news in three months.” Sara, hun, Dana Perino’s gonna be mad that you’re stealing her bestest excuse. Without credit, even. Also.

  7. Sara:

    All you really need to know about the past three months is that Meghan McCain showed off her barely covered boobies and then got all “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot” when people accused her of being a famewhore. Oh, and all the Republicans reinforced the notion that they’re all a bunch of constipated, hypocritical fucksticks who think that Sarah Palin is the reincarnation of Ronald Reagan, only Ronnie in bad trailer trash drag. Also.

    Welcome back!

  8. [re=471262]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: “I suppose that discovering all those diaper surprises is a little less worse than digging into what the politicians are doing.”

    In the case of Vitter, it is exactly the same.

  9. Here in socialist Europe, maternity leave is a bit more generous. My wife is heading back to work next week. Our daughter turns 3 on Saturday. Just thought I’d share.
    Welcome back, Sara!

  10. The whole family will be together for Christmas! And Liz too if she gets laid off from the Moonie Times before then.

    God bless us, every one!

  11. [re=471272]El Pinche[/re]: pageviews — If that’s true expect a lot of Sara-and-Juli catfights with sleeveless blouses getting a little ripped and hair in disarray and faces getting all flushed from the struggles. Pageviews. Oh and we’ll need that Wonkett TV thing installed again. Thanks.

  12. We couldn’t be mean to Sara. That would be like being mean to the Wonkette holy mother or something like that…(it sounded funnier in my mind). BTW–how’s breastfeeding going?! If you can’t nurse, type & talk on the phone at the same time, you are a BAD mom! ;-) Welcome back!

  13. Thank you saints and apostles! I thought SKS had gone on welfare just to see if there was a viable alternative to being an editor up in this piece. You’ll have to forgo the bi-weekly check, SKS, but I think you still maybe can get a little somethin’ on your EBT card.

    Welcome the fuck back, yo.

  14. Welcome back!

    [re=471234]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I’m increasing convinced Sarah Palin kept using that line about Obama “palin’ around with terrorists” primarily because she liked hearing her own name.

  15. [re=471293]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Politics, politics, politics! MILF stands for Moro Islamic Liberation Front. That’s all. Breastfeed all you want. It won’t distract me. You can even put up pics. Or video links. Won’t distract me at all. Moro Islamic Liberation Front.

  16. The War on Christmas continues! The littlest Wonkette will still be pretty oblivious for the festivities, though, assuming you are using rum-dipped pacifiers, as Jebus intended.

  17. [re=471238]Sharkey[/re]: I can’t believe you left out the 3 most important stories in your summary: balloon boy, the state dinner crashers, and the philandering golfer.

  18. [re=471289]Gopherit[/re]: Speaking of which, the only reason SKS is returning is because her baby feeders are now as flat as a silver dollar. Pity. I was hoping for some jpegs of nutrional process.

  19. [re=471236]el_chupacabra[/re]: Although on their behalf, they do make it more fun to give Head and Shoulders.

    Sara S: hope you’re now in a state of sympathisery with Sen. Vitter.

  20. Do not worry, Sara. If you post something that has already been covered, we will cut and paste our previous comments on to that page as well. We all think that we are so funny that it will be a pleasure to repeat ourselves. We will then be twice as funny.

  21. Hurray! Sara, if you’re reading this, you can post whatever you like and everyone will love you!

    … until the novelty of having you back wears off and we’re back to trying to make you cry in the broom closet all day. But still, yay!

  22. [re=471270]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Don’t forget that Meghan also saved someone by calling her publicist and then her mommy got so mad she couldn’t even spell Wonkett right! Don’t forget to tell SKS that! Oh, how we laughed!

  23. …although, reading and writing the foul spew that makes up our Daily Wonkett is bound to make a mother’s milk go sour. But if li’l Junior K Smith hast to suffer for our chuckles, So Be It!

  24. Let’s all chip in and get Sara a Steering Wheel Computer Desk as a welcome back gift. Also good for holding pumps and bottles and stuff.

  25. Not to worry, SKS, Wonkette covers politics (mostly. sort of.) so it’s always something you wrote about ages ago. The only “new” news is that just this once it’s kind of depressing and venal.

  26. Oh man, I am so much already “excited!” I can’t even remember if the punctuation goes inside or outside the quote! In that context!

  27. Sara claims not to have read the news for three months. Is this an official denial of her being ‘Mizz Wonkette’, or a case of protesting too much?

  28. She was crushed in an avalanche. Of meconium. It’s a bit sad to think of Sara trolling the AP and Politico to see who WON THE MORNING while baby languishes in the bouncy seat attempting to independently formulate some kind of feral linguistic equivalent of “Ma-Ma.” Unless Newell has agreed to take on some of the burping chores, which would be the stand up thing to do honestly, considering he’s probably the biological father through cloning.

  29. [re=471692]Valentin1982[/re]: I visited your site but could not find a tracksuit. I need something that I can use for jogging, performing hits for the russian mob, and porn shoots. Preferably bright color, with linear white arm stripes, zipper front, and very shiny. Thank you.

  30. [re=471255]V572625694[/re]: Actually it was an international nightmare.So many comings and goings. Did Ken ever find the west coast (passage to China)? Is Juli going to finally get to have a vacation? Anyway, good to see you coming back, Sara! Parenthood tip: leave the tyke in a hamster cage so you can concentrate on your blogging during daylight hours. You’re welcome.

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