Gayest Website Ever

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Now that this important bit of polling news has been released on the TRUTH (’bout queers) website — that people who love Gary Bauer also love Sarah Palin — “Peter LaBarbara” can return to gluing clumps of pubes over his bald spot and sniffing his sons’ dirty underwear. [Americans For Truth About Homosexuality]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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113 comments

  1. user-of-owls

    So now, when I talk to myself in the mirror, I’m no longer exhibiting signs of mental instability. I’m conducting an ‘informal poll.’ Huzzah!

  2. AggieDemocrat

    “Caution: This Web site contains information not suitable for children.”

    So, there’s pictures of buttsecks, right?

  3. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Funny that the website prominently mocks an email missive from “Theresa” who rightly excoriates these nimrods for lacking tolerance. Pot, kettle?

  4. The Church of Realism

    [re=470950]AggieDemocrat[/re]: I think that warning applies to the whole concept of the website due to it’s mavricky stance, also

  5. Mild Midwesterner

    The site claims to provide truth about homosexuality, but I couldn’t find a “how to” lesson on there anywhere. The site’s not helpful in the least.

  6. JMP

    LaBarbara? Sounds suspiciously womanish, and French. According to the fundies, you can’t get much gayer than that.

  7. iwillsavethispatient

    The truth about homosexuality is that Gary Bauer is not turned on by it, he just finds it “confusing”. That also explains the contents of his browser cache.

  8. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=470972]bitchincamaro[/re]: Saturday night. Kids asleep. Lights off. Missionary position.

  9. Cicada

    The president of Americans for Truth About Homosexuality, Peter LaBarbera, really wants to get all the facts about homosexuality. He really wants to know every detail about the icky, nasty things those godless sodomites get up to. In fact, he’s willing to work long and hard to dig deep into the seamy underbelly of gay perversion.

    Also “Peter LaBarbera” is the gayest name ever.

  10. AggieDemocrat

    [re=470985]Humpback[/re]: Totes. She and Meredith Baxter-Birney are lovers.

    WHAT WOULD WE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BABY ….

    (sha na na na)

  11. Gopherit

    [re=470988]Cicada[/re]: Mark my worlds: He will be found in a double-layer of neoprene with a dildo up his ass.

  12. iwillsavethispatient

    [re=470982]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Oh, apparently I meant Peter LaBarbera, not Gary Bauer. Who knows, maybe both.

    Also, is Peter LaBarbera known as Barbera LaPeters at the weekend?

  13. SayItWithWookies

    Interestingly enough, if you remove the “truth about” from their organization’s name, you get Americans for Homosexuality. And an anagram of truth about is “oh, a butt rut.” Coincidence?

  14. One Yield Regular

    You know, a hit or two of Levitra oughta take the “informal” right out of Gary Bauer’s Informal Presidential Poll.

  15. Scarab

    Their acronym is AFTAH.
    From what I understand, AFTAH usually involves ordering in from the Thai place around the corner and then watching a little Bravo. That’s the real truth about homosexuality.

  16. glamourdammerung

    [re=470957]Spike[/re]: Because the conservatards have tried to distance themselves from Ted.

  17. thefrontpage

    Why does this web site have the following links:

    –Larry Craig

    –Residences on C Street in Washington, D.C.

    –Smith Point

    –LNS

    –John Edwards

    –Hot New Jersey Politicians

    –Meredith Baxter-Birney

    –Chastity Bono

    –David Bowie.

  18. glamourdammerung

    The truth about homosexuality is that conservatives dig it and removing any stigma would take all their fun out of it. Non-christians tend to not appreciate how hard it is to find hair shirts and flails in this day and age.

  19. Wugou

    [re=470969]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: Actually on the “about us” page they discuss fisting a little bit, which they describe as a “perverse gay sex act.” They don’t really go into details though, so the whole thing remains a mystery to me. I just can’t imagine what they would do with a fist, I guess I’ll have to google image search that one…OH MY GOD THEY PUT A HAND UP YOUR BUTT!

    Just kidding, I learned about fisting, snowballing and glory holes in Kindergarten. Thanks Gay Agenda!

    Fisting should be renamed “muppeting” for hilarity purposes. Also.

  20. ph7

    Who doesn’t boast about a three way? C’mon!!!

    “Queer” parenting and “gay” adoption are a part of radical social experiment in progress — and innocent children are the guinea pigs. Who can know the effect on a young child being raised by two homosexual men like Gay Adoption Poster Boy Dan Savage — who boasts of the “three-way” sex he and “husband” Terry engaged in while parents of an adopted boy. (News flash for the naive: “gay monogamy,” at least for men, is largely a farce.)

  21. DC Hates Me

    Has anyone ever noticed that the Statue of Liberty has a very pointy hat? Pointy hats are kinda gay.

  22. coolcatdaddy

    [re=470971]Gopherit[/re]: Love the Folsom Street pics, but what’s the deal with blotting out of the penis? I has a sad.

  23. El Pinche

    [re=470995]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: That’s racist. Not all conservatives are perverts, but all perverts are conservatives.

  24. Cicada

    [re=471027]ph7[/re]: I can hear him panting and drooling in that quote. I’m sure he gets himself quite worked up. It probably doesn’t hurt that Dan Savage and his husband Terry are pretty damn good looking.

    These “Christian” perverts. They’re so depraved!

  25. AggieDemocrat

    [re=470999]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Nope, it’s part of teh gay conspiracy! Them and their queer language, English.

  26. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    I just don’t get how these men can be so afraid of a little penis. I’m serious, it’s just a few inches of flesh that gets squirty once in a while, we’re not talking about an organ that will necessarily usher in the apocalypse.

    In fact, if I have any understanding of Christianity at all, I’m pretty sure the one thing gay buttsecks won’t do is bring about the end of days.

  27. Doris Ziffel

    I’m all mixed up, I thought “La Barbara” was that gal who sings People Who Need People, and don’t the gays love her?

  28. JSDC007

    This old bitter queen has been trolling every gay bar on P Street for years. Its no wonder he knows the truth about homosexuality.

  29. petehammer

    As someone named Peter I take offense to the name being called “gay” here. Euphemism for penis? Yes. Biblical? Yes. Gay? Only kinda and only if the name is Peter Sucher.

  30. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    [re=471044]JSDC007[/re]: Nah. Take one look at that smile and comb-over and you KNOW that anyone that can legally get into a bar is a little too old for him.

  31. betterDeadThanRed

    Ok, I checked “Not in My Backyard – District of Columbia” and NOTHING was listed! Where am I suppose to go?

    The only place I’ve heard about is Union Station Men’s Rooms because that’s where Larry Craig use to hang out. Ewwwww. Creepy old conservative Congressmen. Ewwwwww.

    And WHAT ABOUT with gay mammography? Gay people have health insurance and if they’re over 40 then….. never mind.

  32. One Yield Regular

    Honestly, if “Peter LaBarbara” is a drag name, she really needs to drop the third “a.”

  33. assistant/atlas

    [re=471017]Wugou[/re]: Fisting should be renamed “muppeting” for hilarity purposes What a wonderfully depraved thing to say…see also, “I will tear you a new puppethole, bitch!”

  34. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=471046]petehammer[/re]: “petehammer” sounds sort of S&M, but not necessarily gay. My moniker on the other hand, is oddly queer. Now that I think about it.

  35. V572625694

    I clicked on “Public Sex in Your Neighborhood,” followed the link expecting to find a Google Maps image I could click on. Instead, it just said, “Coming soon.” Ha ha!

    Bait-and-switch bastards…

  36. Cicada

    [re=471046]petehammer[/re]: Pete Hammer? Totally a gay porn name. I admire your subtle use of irony, sir.

  37. loquaciousmusic

    I tried to visit this website to learn the truth about gays and terrorists and screaming eagles and FREEDOM, but, unfortunately, it’s blocked by Barracuda.

  38. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=471042]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: It doesn’t seem all that scary, I’ll admit, but neither does that attractively arranged platter of shrimp cocktail, which you ordered from room service yesterday. All of this hoopla about homersexuality traces back to the thou shall not’s in the Torah. Yahweh just hates when we eat shrimp, pick an apple on the sabbath, or put cocks up our butts.

  39. El Pinche

    Peter LaBarbera used to work at the Washington Times as a “reporter”, until they caught him masturbating into warm poultry while spying on young male interns in 1990. It’s just a rumor.

  40. JMP

    [re=471017]Wugou[/re]: Conservative gay-haters always seem rather obsessed with the sex habits of gay people, and are unable to comprehend that many straight people actually enjoy the very same acts, so they are not exactly just “gay sex acts”.

  41. RoscoePColtraine

    These people think God designed the universe to perfection (except for mosquitos, not sure how those got here,) and when he gave males and females their respective naughty parts, it never crossed his mind that the stupid fuckers would figure out that dicks will fit in butts, too. This is why it sends him into a blind rage. Design FAIL.

  42. Escape Goat Nation

    LISTUN UP YOUSE LIBRULS!
    Hot Man on Man buttseks is only thrilling, exciting and dirty if it’s considered shameful.
    If Gay Homosekual dirty dirty naughty seks becomes socially acceptable, it won’t be no more fun anymore and we will have no other recourse than to declare Animal/Human hybrid as the new disgusting and shameful filthy seks!

  43. Mr Blifil

    Yet nowhere on the Truth About Homosexuality is there a single resource to find out adoption services for discarded gerbils.

  44. Snarkalicious

    [re=470972]bitchincamaro[/re]: Blow your minister sometime. I’m sure you’ll figure it out from there.

  45. Alaska Girl

    “LaBarbera and Americans For Truth are often accused by homosexual militants with being “obsessed” about homosexuality (and LaBarbera has been falsely accused of being a repressed homosexual more times than he can remember)”

    After looking at his web site, I can’t imagine why one might think he was obsessed… other than the page after page of references to gay sex, gay meeting places, gay “meccas”, gay vocabulary terms, gay marriage, and in depth explanation of “fisting”. The only thing missing was links to gay porn sites and they might have been there too. Nope, no obsession there.

  46. SkoalRebel

    “LaBarbera’s 22 years of professional and media experience… from Washington Times reporter to conservative critic…”

    This is fitting.

  47. grevillea

    I have monitored this website for quite a while and find it endlessly entertaining. Seems to have become increasingly shrieky, desperate and unhinged in the past year, kinda like a tranny hooker when you refuse to pay for services rendered, then steal her meth. Apparently.

  48. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Gary has been wanting to Sarah Palin his informal Presidential Poll ever since he first met her.

  49. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    [re=471068]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Wait wait wait. So the Judeo-Christian God doesn’t allow for the eating of shrimp? Seriously? We need to get rid of THAT guy, who’s with me?

    They may take our ghey buttseks, but they shall never take our cocktail shrimp!

  50. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    [re=471131]grevillea[/re]: It was the meth stealing that was the problem. Defaulting on your tranny hooker bills is okay, but come on, meth addicts produce hockey moms that can field dress a moose. You just don’t wanna get tangled up in that .

  51. Escape Goat Nation

    For those that had, “Public Sex in your Backyard?” come up empty, I suggest looking out the window into your backyard to double check.
    You can’t be too safe.

  52. Escape Goat Nation

    Correction:
    I just looked out the window and there were 3, maybe 4 Homos having sex in my backyard.
    I shall report this event to them.
    It seems this is a bigger problem than I ever imagined.
    I’m now going to go out there and shoo them away.

  53. grevillea

    [re=471159]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: If you report it, you’ll have Babs lurking in your backyard for months. But hey, some people are into that.

  54. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    [re=471159]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Remember, it’s still gay if you are shooing them away with your penis.

  55. snideinplainsight

    Hey, does this informative website mention that we wouldn’t kill you for being a homo here in USA, like they would in Uganda? “Give us your huddled masses…” etc. This website could be a great tool for getting all the gay immigrants to come right here! Where we could wish them all a great big patriotic “elcome!”

  56. Mr Blifil

    [re=471175]Flanders[/re]: Floating around on a speeding rock until the universe runs out of heat and existence ends is also kind of a farce.

  57. stew

    The good news is these morons will do everything they can to get Sarah Palin elected president even if it means armed revolution (which I think they prefer to sissy voting).

  58. snideinplainsight

    [re=471175]Flanders[/re]: “monogamy” at least for men world-class athletes with a metric buttload of cash from endorsements, is largely a farce.

    /fixed again

  59. blueharv

    And here’s the gayest part of the article…

    “Mike Huckabee edging Mitt Romney”

    Oooh, I’d love to see that.

  60. President Beeblebrox

    Ah. So I figured I’d look to see if AFTAH had a fixation on the mythical “Gay Bowel Syndrome”.

    I was right. They really, really like to talk about teh gheys and their bowels.

    They cite Conservapedia as their source, FTW! Fuck all y’all Queerz – we’re writing a new Conservative Bible free of librul bias, like feeding the hungry and shit like that. In the new Conservative Bible, instead of multiplying loaves and fishes, Jesus mows everyone down with an AK-47.

  61. grevillea

    Oh, by the way, Wonkette, you should probably expect a call from the Feds. Last month, one commenter on a ‘librul homosexualist” website mused that some frustrated gay and lesbian activists could in future resort to violence against anti-gay marriage figureheads like Babs. Some other anonymous commenter said basically, what’s wrong with that? Babs and his boyfriend, Matt Barber of the Lionel Hutz Law Offices, sorry I mean ‘Liberty Counsel’, then reported these suspected domestic terrorists to the FBI. Seriously unhinged.
    http://americansfortruth.com/news/wnd-gay-blogger-calls-church-bomb-threat-a-joke.html

  62. steverino247

    [re=470971]Gopherit[/re]: All I got was “Listings coming for San Diego…” This Listings fella must really be something!

  63. drrty martini

    [re=471216]blueharv[/re]: “…Newt Gingrich finished fourth” I suppose he’ll have to eat the biscuit?

  64. NYNYNY

    [re=471071]El Pinche[/re]: That in itself won’t get you fired from the Times. It was only when Labarbara refused to give a private performance for publisher Jun Duck “Ralph” Moon that he was canned.

  65. coolforsale144

    Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,Here are the most popular, most stylish and avant-garde shoes,handbags,Tshirts, jacket,Tracksuit w ect… For details, please consult http://www.coolforsale.com Christmas sale, free shipping discounts are beautifully gift.

  66. new complexnegro

    I am sure this group has many conservatives who would love to lick the problem so to speak.

  67. Unlearned Hand

    From a “pro-family” organization quoted on this website: ““Harvey Milk* was a sexual predator of teens, an advocate of polygamous relationships, a public liar, and is in no way a good role model for impressionable schoolchildren,” said Randy Thomasson, president of SaveCalifornia.com.”

    He would, however, make a perfect Republican senator.

  68. james_cambridge

    AggieDemocrat says at 1:43 pm, December 3rd, 2009 – Reply
    “Caution: This Web site contains information not suitable for children.”
    So, there’s pictures of buttsecks, right?

    *****************

    Seriously? I’m heading right on over…I’ve exhausted Xtube and Itsallgay.com and need some diverting perverted gay porn and I hear Repubs provide the dirties(read:hottest)kind. I hope my penis doesn’t catch fire. Again.

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