The world’s most crime-ridden capitol city, dirty old rat-filth Washington DC, won another hospitality award last night when the 22-year-old daughter of Senator Bob Corker (R-TN) got carjacked and thrown to the street by a couple of thugs. She’s okay, and police found both her Chevy Tahoe and “two suspects” in Maryland, but jesus. Last we heard from Julia Corker, she was making out with some other hot gal on the Facebook! Such innocent times, and now they are all gone, because of the Crime. [Washington Times/AP]
POLICE BLOTTER
December 3, 2009
{ 39 comments }
How nostalgic of you to link to the Washington Times.
I blame it on the gay marriage.
Isn’t “corker” an Irish term for someone who engages in unprotected anal sex?
[re=470855]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Why Irish? Why not “Wonkettish”?
She rolled down her window? SHE ROLLED DOWN HER WINDOW????!!!11? See, this is what makes Chattanoogans look like backwoods blumpkins who’ve never been to a city with more than one traffic light. Mind you, if Julia were from Memphis, she would’ve blown away the motherfucker before he got in a second knock, then backed up and rolled over his body to make sure the bullets stayed lodged in place.
Oh, look — a Senator is suddenly concerned about crime in DC. Muggings for every congressmember’s daughter are now in order.
Speaking of new spellings, this ad here for The Atlantis Code says the book will “entrall” me, which is nice.
Oh! That link I clicked on in there — making out with some other hot gal — made me forget I was inside a link from another story. That’s a good link.
Where was she trying to buy meth?
[re=470868]shadowMark[/re]: That ma be the BEST link ever
[re=470868]shadowMark[/re]: Agreed. So why were people stealing her car? They should have been giving her more cameras?
Rolled down her window? noob.
“Julia Corker” is a porn actress stage name, no?
She’s a real estate agent in Bethesda. He must be so proud.
Further tagged: hot, rats
Sigh… (Thomasin Franken) …sigh… I’m sorry, what was the question?
This woman thinks she needs to drive Chevy Tahoe in the city. She was asking for it.
[re=470865]Prommie[/re]: It’s not nice at all. I spent alot of good money getting de-tralled, so step back Atlantis Code.
Just what does Miss Corker think she is doing to that other poor girl anyway?
I want to marry Julia Corker!
Just for a year.
I thought the police were one of those unnecessary Socialist organizations that the taxpayers are always being robbed to fund. Why can’t Sen. Corker’s daughter be a strong, independent woman like Dagny Taggart? She would have found the car herself, beat the perpetrators (who are no doubt employees of ACORN) into submission, and demanded the end of public libraries and funding for homeless shelters while she had the attention of the press.
In Obama’s America, cute little white girls get carjacked while Wonkette readers cheer “right on, right on, right on!”
[re=470859]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Hell yes, Memphis pride. And if you’re rolling through Orange Mound late at night and a guy somehow manages to steal your car, you better believe we run home, grab our AK-47 and assorted handguns (they come in housewarming packages when you move into city limits, natch), and make a raid on the perpetrator’s neighborhood. None of this pussy “calling the police” shit.
Sorry, Bob Corker, but I can tell by the way you raised your daughter that you don’t represent real Memphian values.
Oh, yeah, I’d probably hit that.
[re=471028]Zadig[/re]: But I still want your daughter’s number, plz.
So THAT’S what they teach ‘em at the College of the Ozarks. Fambly value Republicans!
It would have been a lot classier to take the daughter and the car. Some people just have no ambition.
[re=470859]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: [re=470885]bago[/re]: Seriously.
If National Lampoon’s Vacation has taught us anything about “rolling in the hood”, it’s that one should always “roll ‘em up”.
[re=470855]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]:
corker i hardly know her.
whew, glad to get that out of my system.
[re=471163]Extemporanus[/re]: “DAMMIT RUSTY! Close your tags!”
Stupid beeatch. She wuz asking for it.
I knew Princess Corker in middle/high school when her dad was Mayor of Chattanooga. She was always fascinated whenever I’d get an A in ‘History for English Majors’: “Are you like a genius or something?” Quite stupid, the poor dear.
A few other Julia gems:
-8th grade: Julia is responsible for blankets being banned on the spring bus trip to D.C. Turns out that during the Christmas(!) bus trip to Disney World(!), Princess Corker had quite a lucrative business going on in the back seats giving handjobs to boys under their mommies’ quilts.
-High school (forget year): Julia is about to be kicked out of school for being a skank (natch) and for getting caught one too many times for drinking, I believe. Fast forward about a week and SUDDENLY the school not only has the zoning permit to build the addition to our athletic center, BUT ALSO enough money to build the damn thing AND enough left over to tack on an Olympic-size swimming pool. Ironically by the next year Julia had transfered to a boarding school.
For the record my graduating class was notorious for being rowdy and devil-may-care with the rules, so for Julia to distinguish herself among our ranks is an accomplishment. When she left there was a skank void that needed to be filled, and many eager young women stepped up to fill that hole. For the record, Corker’s younger daughter Emily is totally smart and cool and not a slut.
[re=471387]Potater[/re]: Thanks! The things we do for love…
[re=471387]Potater[/re]: Wow. I’m not the most street-wise guy in the world. I thought girls/women like that only existed in movies and TV shows where (bad) writers made-up impossible people.
[re=471387]Potater[/re]: Hmmm. I’m not the most street-wise guy in the world but as soon as I hit the enter key before it occurred to me that YOU must either be Julia herself or Emily. The Julia option would be the more interesting one, but since you pointed out that Emily is totally smart and Julia used to be impressed when _you_ would get an A, I’m going to believe from now on that you are Emily. Cool family. You turned out okay.
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In a little charter bus in a North Georgia border town,
Sat a girl and her right hand, and the boys came without a sound.
And all the boys from there to Disney,
Were slippin’ away from Mom and getting harder than a rock.
To take the trip, to go get fisted,
By the little blond haired girl who loved to masturbate their cocks.
She was probably in a foreign-made car, and if so, well, karma and all that shit. I despise Bob.
[re=471434]shadowMark[/re]: I just had an existential moment and actually heard my brain ask “Maybe I *am* Emily?” Perhaps I could make some dough out of this. Start a career as EmCorker@TheDailyBeast.com, HMMMMMMM?
[re=471531]Outstando[/re]: “to go get fisted”
She did that too! We renamed the Shocker the Corker in freshman year.
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