JESUS CAMP  12:42 pm December 3, 2009

That Weird Jeebus-Marketing College Gives Palin Some Dealy-Doo

by Jim Newell

Sarah Palin spoke yesterday at that off-the-grid Missouri vacation Bible school we spent a few hours laughing at a month or two ago, the college that goes by the trademarked tacky marketing slogan “Hard Work U.” They work so hard at this potentially unaccredited propaganda enclave that they’ve even discovered a new spelling for “inagural.”

Sarah Palin won this first “Great American Award” for loving war so much, the press release says. “Patriotism is one of the important goals of the College.” Ah, the Academy. At least the award came with a prize: this bland pink/green sweatshirt from the clearance rack at the school bookstore, which can only be returned for a store credit.

[College of the Ozarks]

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queeraselvis v 2.0 December 3, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Speling iz hard, doncha know?

slappypaddy December 3, 2009 at 12:49 pm

it’s an “aguralcultural” college, doncha know.

Jim Demintia December 3, 2009 at 12:50 pm

School of Hard Knockers?

memzilla December 3, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Good job! You can hardly see the “Paris 2012″ logo that they overprinted on the sweatshirt.

SayItWithWookies December 3, 2009 at 12:51 pm

What, the bookstore was all out of Hard Work U mugs?
And as to the unorthodox spelling, that just illustrates their point that there’s no I in inaugural. Oh, wait — there’s no U in inagura — crap.

engulfedinflames December 3, 2009 at 12:51 pm

Has she been wearing the same red jacket for the entire book tour?

stew December 3, 2009 at 12:52 pm

College Of The Ozarks…how appropriate!!! Ya know, hillbilies, inbreading, possible canibalism, whiskey made from animal carcases…

shadowMark December 3, 2009 at 12:54 pm

[re=470867]engulfedinflames[/re]: Leave Trig alone!!1!

god.was.stingy December 3, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Why is she always wearing corsages? It’s like she thinks every day is fucking prom.

rottenart December 3, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Point Lookout, indeed.

Suds McKenzie December 3, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Lets just call this early; “Paris Palin”.

stew December 3, 2009 at 12:58 pm

College of the Ozarks–only here can you pursue advanced studies in sexually coercing your sister.

4tehlulz December 3, 2009 at 12:58 pm

Is this one of the schools Sarah Palin didn’t graduate from?

Flanders December 3, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Don’t forget the coverage in the local newspaper. (Yeah, I know, linky-link fail, but ya’ll know how to cut and paste)

freakishlystrong December 3, 2009 at 12:59 pm

I’m guessin’ she left Bristol home for this visit as well?

progressiveinga December 3, 2009 at 1:00 pm

[re=470874]god.was.stingy[/re]: That’s not a corsage, it’s vomit from the infant she’s always toting around. She’s very busy. And hard-working also!

DickRod December 3, 2009 at 1:01 pm

Shouldn’t that be Hard Work Y’all?

trondant December 3, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Civic engagement? From the dingus who quit as govenour of Alaska? That’s rich.

bago December 3, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Oldskool December 3, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Wonder if they coerce patriotism or use good ol’ merikun torture. Prolly keep their tvs turned to Fox… which would be both.

ivenson December 3, 2009 at 1:02 pm

[re=470871]stew[/re]: Mmmm, possum likker.

queeraselvis v 2.0 December 3, 2009 at 1:03 pm

[re=470874]god.was.stingy[/re]: Good lord, and the sheer size of that thing. It’s either Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors or this guy.

Lilybart December 3, 2009 at 1:04 pm

I think the changes in her face need some attention by this blog, some before and after photos and video.

Her face is different, very different

maximumneanderthal December 3, 2009 at 1:04 pm

Is it just me, or is the guy behind the lectern at right not ex-UK prime minister John Major? A man so forgettable the UK cartoonists had him printed as grey in otherwise coloured comic strips. Figures. I often, -er, OK, sometimes, -er, OK never, wondered where the hell he’d buggered off to……..?

DickRod December 3, 2009 at 1:04 pm

Slipping the book under your pillow (or using AS a pillow) sure is easier than actually reading it:

Flanders December 3, 2009 at 1:05 pm

I’ve been wondering about the red-all-the-time outfits. Someone must have told her “red is your color” or she thinks it makes her vibrant-looking. It seems vaguely communist to me.

slappypaddy December 3, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=470861]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: no one was home when i “doncha’d”, but i see you was there all along.

SmutBoffin December 3, 2009 at 1:05 pm

1,000,000 internets for the operative who posts pictures of her pounding shots at some dorm/fraternity/random-undergrad-basement party after the award ceremony.

What Fresh Hell is This? December 3, 2009 at 1:06 pm

My parents give some money to this place. They won’t any more.

Flanders December 3, 2009 at 1:07 pm

[re=470891]bago[/re]: I strongly believe that picure should be Jim’s new hobo-beans emblem. The alt-text is calling….

ivenson December 3, 2009 at 1:07 pm

[re=470874]god.was.stingy[/re]: The corsages are probably presented to her by young christian men at all of her stops. Good opportunity to slightly invade her personal space, get a good double lungful of her scent, then penetrate that sensible red lapel.

Jeebus, I’m spent just writing about it.

Johnny Zhivago December 3, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Jeebus, it looks one of those Alien mouth suckers crawling up her arm!

progressiveinga December 3, 2009 at 1:14 pm

[re=470897]DickRod[/re]: I wonder if the used hanky between his greasy head and that slimey tome hinders or help with the osmosis process?

Hooray For Anything December 3, 2009 at 1:17 pm

Did she give the kids a “Stay cool, stay in school!” speech?

vladster December 3, 2009 at 1:17 pm

Is this here thing a War College?

Palin/Putin in 2012

snideinplainsight December 3, 2009 at 1:19 pm

“We’re with you 100 percent,” Presley told Palin after she signed his book. “You ain’t nothin’ but a hounddog. Thank you very much.”

snideinplainsight December 3, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Sarah has left the building.

Ducksworthy December 3, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=470883]Flanders[/re]: I wont one of them “Army veteran” hats. Where can I get me one a them?

bitchincamaro December 3, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=470889]DickRod[/re]: More like, F. U.

CycloneArmageddon December 3, 2009 at 1:22 pm

“they’ve even discovered a new spelling for “inagural.” ”

Looks like Jim went to Hard Work U. “inagural” is the new spelling for “inaugural.” IDIOT

Holy Cow!! December 3, 2009 at 1:23 pm

This can only come from using the default options in MS Word. Clear the check box from the “Ignore words in UPPER case” option in the “Spelling & Grammar” tab now.

Servo December 3, 2009 at 1:23 pm

It’s lack Haverd widdat shooz or Jooz.

x111e7thst December 3, 2009 at 1:26 pm

[re=470914]vladster[/re]: US Army War College.( )
Actually a pretty serious place. Can’t see them having much to do with Jeebus Spice.

snideinplainsight December 3, 2009 at 1:36 pm

The press release says “for immediate release”. Haw!

god.was.stingy December 3, 2009 at 1:38 pm

[re=470883]Flanders[/re]: Ha! I’m assuming you saw the photo of sleeping hobo using a copy of Going Rogue for it’s intended purpose: A pillow. We are all Bob Rutz.

god.was.stingy December 3, 2009 at 1:41 pm

[re=470894]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I’m keeping my fingers crossed it’s a triffid.

Gorillionaire December 3, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Can’t be much to look forward to after this stop on the tour. I guess this was her “Royal Albert Hall” gig, but with “Jesus!” instead of “Judas!”.

JMP December 3, 2009 at 1:44 pm

[re=470900]SmutBoffin[/re]: Someone has forgotten the College of the Hillbillies’ alcohol policy. It would have to be somewhere far off-campus without likelihood of getting caught.

SayItWithWookies December 3, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Stories like that of Veteran John Cipolla and Veteran Alvin Henderson flavored the evening with true patriotism, not found in a bottle, but present in the perseverance and sacrifice of those who fought for the American way.

And the winner of the SayItWithWookies inagural Incongruous Usage Award goes to the College of the Ozarks for randomly dropping “not found in a bottle” into that sentence. Only thing I can figure is they really like their Pabst in cans.

TGY December 3, 2009 at 1:51 pm

I was Given a “Great American” Award by the College of the Ozarks and All I Got was This Stupid T-shirt

Flanders December 3, 2009 at 1:52 pm

[re=470955]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Expect to see that duly recognized in future Wonkett comments.

BerkeleyFarm December 3, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=470874]god.was.stingy[/re]: Yep. If I could tweak the wayback machine, one of the things I’d do is get her elected homecoming queen so she could get it out of her system.

BerkeleyFarm December 3, 2009 at 1:55 pm

[re=470895]Lilybart[/re]: Yep. She has really obviously had a lot of work done.

Flanders December 3, 2009 at 2:06 pm

[re=470993]BerkeleyFarm[/re]: Must have been done those four months when she was sequestered “writing her book”.

thefrontpage December 3, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Hayy, I done kraduatted frum they Coollege of the Ozarcs, and now’s I is a Legislative Aides fer a Republican Kongrissman on Kapital Hill in Wershingtonn, d.C.

thehelveticascenario December 3, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Do you really get to use the Governor title if you give up halfway through?

Ducksworthy December 3, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=470955]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Given that these veterans have been sleeping under a bridge for the last 6 months, it was important to point out that their flavored (and no doubt fragrant) patriotism was “not found in a bottle.”

Flanders December 3, 2009 at 2:35 pm

“In her 50-minute address to about 4,000 people at Keeter Gymnasium, Palin blasted the mainstream media at least five different times for spinning her story; defended her decision to step down last summer as Alaska’s governor, saying it “has worked for her state;” and blamed government for the economic crisis, slamming the economic stimulus package.

Palin, wearing red, served up the red meat and the crowd ate it up.”

Courtesy of Mudflats

Gorillionaire December 3, 2009 at 2:43 pm

[re=471052]Flanders[/re]: Whoa, only a 50 minute set? And the whole thing is just the greatest hits from her former band. That’s no way to start a solo career.

Jim89048 December 3, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Does this mean we’ll be visited by “Steve” and “cjsweet” again? Because that would be awesome!

jumblebunny December 3, 2009 at 2:47 pm

that look on her face is priceless, i can totally read her mind:

“dear jeebus, i pray that these hill-folk don’t actually expect me to wear this hideous thing. yay america!”

June Cleaver 2.0 December 3, 2009 at 2:52 pm

It’s so obvious she’s only making rounds to the dumb stops.

shadowMark December 3, 2009 at 3:01 pm

[re=471063]Gorillionaire[/re]: Yeah, it was only a 50 minute set, and 20 minutes of that was an endless extended version of “The Low Spark of High-Heeled Boys.”

Jukesgrrl December 3, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Jim, millions of young people have dedicated their lives to simplifying the English language, sometimes successfully reducing entire words to a single letter or even number! Losing the “u” from inaugural is only the beginning of their effort. I understand many have decided that word is simply too complex and should be eliminated altogether in favor of the simpler “cermony.” In case you’re wondering where all those extra letters have gone, many have migrated to seldom-used words such as “preventive,” which has been changed to the much more interesting “preventative.”

Gregoire December 3, 2009 at 3:21 pm

I’m actually from a town several miles from this fine educational institution. Did you know that every harvest time, they sacrifice a student to ensure a bountiful crop? It’s true. To my dear brother RIP, the corn that year was delicious.

S.Luggo December 3, 2009 at 3:38 pm

“…the Governor spoke at College of the Ozarks to a crowd of more than 4,000 that consisted of College of the Ozarks students, faculty and staff and critters.”

[re=470928]x111e7thst[/re]: You betcha it’s serious place. They have yet to release the bodies of the Hessians who were captured during the Revolutionary War. Plus there’s no TV during school days.

problemwithcaring December 3, 2009 at 3:51 pm

“She…defended her decision to step down last summer as Alaska’s governor, saying it “has worked for her state.”

Hey, you gotta give credit where credit is due.

BlueStateLibtard December 3, 2009 at 4:09 pm

“I feel like they’re really intimidated by her,” said Debbie Bridges, 57, who left West Plains at midnight Tuesday to arrive at Borders in the middle of the night. Why are they so obsessed with this idea that libruls are scared of her??? Is she Hitler or Joseph Goebels re-incarnated, and somehow no one’s told me?

gurukalehuru December 3, 2009 at 4:38 pm

They call it an inagural because they don’t want no nagurs. Duh.

comicbookguy December 3, 2009 at 4:49 pm

I’m really intimidated by her. If anyone asks where I got this black eye, I fell down some stairs. That’s all.

steverino247 December 3, 2009 at 5:13 pm

Important safety tip to Debbie Bridges, 57:

We’re not afraid of Sarah Palin. We’re afraid of Sarah Palin having any actual political power because we know she will fuck up. She used what limited political power she had in Alaska to go after her former brother-in-law hammer and tong. If elected Vice President in 2008, she would already be making us sorry Nixon resigned. We’re telling you to run for your political life and you’re standing in line to see the worse possible candidate in history. All of history.

True story. When McCain selected Palin, all my Republican friends called me to ask me questions about Obama. Must have liked my answers…

chaste everywhere December 3, 2009 at 5:47 pm

Let’s have a bowl game where Hard Work U goes up against Wassamatta U.

bitchincamaro December 3, 2009 at 6:50 pm

[re=471161]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: Yes.

SmutBoffin December 3, 2009 at 7:08 pm

[re=470953]JMP[/re]: Haha, noted. CotO is not even fun enough to have a lame party scene.

Paco December 3, 2009 at 8:08 pm

Sadly, they fixed “inagural” in the release. Happily, nothing could fix the rest of the press release, which appears to have been written by someone in third grade.

There must be some interesting essay out there analyzing the connection between functional illiteracy and deranged political views.

Toomush Infermashun December 3, 2009 at 8:15 pm

I believe that’s “in agoric”, as in “dipped in aspic”….

coolforsale144 December 3, 2009 at 10:52 pm

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Socialist hip replacement December 4, 2009 at 12:07 am

U Work Hard at Hard Work U.

Imoen December 13, 2009 at 4:29 am

Actually we work very hard at this college. We’re not ‘hicks’ or ‘bubbas’, we are the children of the working generations that got ripped-off by greedy corporate leaders. Since, unlike many of you, mommy and daddy couldn’t pay our way through school we decided to WORK for our education. I’m just sorry that none of you are brave enough to come and actually meet the students here on our campus,I think you’d change your mind about us.

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