That Weird Jeebus-Marketing College Gives Palin Some Dealy-Doo

Sarah Palin spoke yesterday at that off-the-grid Missouri vacation Bible school we spent a few hours laughing at a month or two ago, the college that goes by the trademarked tacky marketing slogan “Hard Work U.” They work so hard at this potentially unaccredited propaganda enclave that they’ve even discovered a new spelling for “inagural.”

Sarah Palin won this first “Great American Award” for loving war so much, the press release says. “Patriotism is one of the important goals of the College.” Ah, the Academy. At least the award came with a prize: this bland pink/green sweatshirt from the clearance rack at the school bookstore, which can only be returned for a store credit.

[College of the Ozarks]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Speling iz hard, doncha know?

  • slappypaddy

    it’s an “aguralcultural” college, doncha know.

  • Jim Demintia

    School of Hard Knockers?

  • memzilla

    Good job! You can hardly see the “Paris 2012″ logo that they overprinted on the sweatshirt.

  • SayItWithWookies

    What, the bookstore was all out of Hard Work U mugs?
    And as to the unorthodox spelling, that just illustrates their point that there’s no I in inaugural. Oh, wait — there’s no U in inagura — crap.

  • engulfedinflames

    Has she been wearing the same red jacket for the entire book tour?

  • stew

    College Of The Ozarks…how appropriate!!! Ya know, hillbilies, inbreading, possible canibalism, whiskey made from animal carcases…

  • shadowMark

    [re=470867]engulfedinflames[/re]: Leave Trig alone!!1!

  • god.was.stingy

    Why is she always wearing corsages? It’s like she thinks every day is fucking prom.

  • rottenart

    Point Lookout, indeed.

  • Suds McKenzie

    Lets just call this early; “Paris Palin”.

  • stew

    College of the Ozarks–only here can you pursue advanced studies in sexually coercing your sister.

  • 4tehlulz

    Is this one of the schools Sarah Palin didn’t graduate from?

  • Flanders

    Don’t forget the coverage in the local newspaper. (Yeah, I know, linky-link fail, but ya’ll know how to cut and paste)

    http://www.news-leader.com/article/2009912030366

  • freakishlystrong

    I’m guessin’ she left Bristol home for this visit as well?

  • progressiveinga

    [re=470874]god.was.stingy[/re]: That’s not a corsage, it’s vomit from the infant she’s always toting around. She’s very busy. And hard-working also!

  • DickRod

    Shouldn’t that be Hard Work Y’all?

  • trondant

    Civic engagement? From the dingus who quit as govenour of Alaska? That’s rich.

  • bago
  • Oldskool

    Wonder if they coerce patriotism or use good ol’ merikun torture. Prolly keep their tvs turned to Fox… which would be both.

  • ivenson

    [re=470871]stew[/re]: Mmmm, possum likker.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=470874]god.was.stingy[/re]: Good lord, and the sheer size of that thing. It’s either Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors or this guy.

  • Lilybart

    I think the changes in her face need some attention by this blog, some before and after photos and video.

    Her face is different, very different

  • maximumneanderthal

    Is it just me, or is the guy behind the lectern at right not ex-UK prime minister John Major? A man so forgettable the UK cartoonists had him printed as grey in otherwise coloured comic strips. Figures. I often, -er, OK, sometimes, -er, OK never, wondered where the hell he’d buggered off to……..?

  • DickRod

    Slipping the book under your pillow (or using AS a pillow) sure is easier than actually reading it:

    http://www.news-leader.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?template=zoom&Site=DO&Date=20091203&Category=NEWS01&ArtNo=912030366&Ref=V2

  • Flanders

    I’ve been wondering about the red-all-the-time outfits. Someone must have told her “red is your color” or she thinks it makes her vibrant-looking. It seems vaguely communist to me.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=470861]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: no one was home when i “doncha’d”, but i see you was there all along.

  • SmutBoffin

    1,000,000 internets for the operative who posts pictures of her pounding shots at some dorm/fraternity/random-undergrad-basement party after the award ceremony.

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    My parents give some money to this place. They won’t any more.

  • Flanders

    [re=470891]bago[/re]: I strongly believe that picure should be Jim’s new hobo-beans emblem. The alt-text is calling….

  • ivenson

    [re=470874]god.was.stingy[/re]: The corsages are probably presented to her by young christian men at all of her stops. Good opportunity to slightly invade her personal space, get a good double lungful of her scent, then penetrate that sensible red lapel.

    Jeebus, I’m spent just writing about it.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Jeebus, it looks one of those Alien mouth suckers crawling up her arm!

    http://www.ugo.com/movies/scariest-hospital-scenes/images/alien.jpg

  • progressiveinga

    [re=470897]DickRod[/re]: I wonder if the used hanky between his greasy head and that slimey tome hinders or help with the osmosis process?

  • Hooray For Anything

    Did she give the kids a “Stay cool, stay in school!” speech?

  • vladster

    Is this here thing a War College?

    Palin/Putin in 2012

  • snideinplainsight

    “We’re with you 100 percent,” Presley told Palin after she signed his book. “You ain’t nothin’ but a hounddog. Thank you very much.”

  • snideinplainsight

    Sarah has left the building.

  • Ducksworthy

    [re=470883]Flanders[/re]: I wont one of them “Army veteran” hats. Where can I get me one a them?

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=470889]DickRod[/re]: More like, F. U.

  • CycloneArmageddon

    “they’ve even discovered a new spelling for “inagural.” ”

    Looks like Jim went to Hard Work U. “inagural” is the new spelling for “inaugural.” IDIOT

  • Holy Cow!!

    This can only come from using the default options in MS Word. Clear the check box from the “Ignore words in UPPER case” option in the “Spelling & Grammar” tab now.

  • Servo

    It’s lack Haverd widdat shooz or Jooz.

  • x111e7thst

    [re=470914]vladster[/re]: US Army War College.( http://www.carlisle.army.mil/ )
    Actually a pretty serious place. Can’t see them having much to do with Jeebus Spice.

  • snideinplainsight

    The press release says “for immediate release”. Haw!

  • god.was.stingy

    [re=470883]Flanders[/re]: Ha! I’m assuming you saw the photo of sleeping hobo using a copy of Going Rogue for it’s intended purpose: A pillow. We are all Bob Rutz.

  • god.was.stingy

    [re=470894]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I’m keeping my fingers crossed it’s a triffid.

  • Gorillionaire

    Can’t be much to look forward to after this stop on the tour. I guess this was her “Royal Albert Hall” gig, but with “Jesus!” instead of “Judas!”.

  • JMP

    [re=470900]SmutBoffin[/re]: Someone has forgotten the College of the Hillbillies’ alcohol policy. It would have to be somewhere far off-campus without likelihood of getting caught.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Stories like that of Veteran John Cipolla and Veteran Alvin Henderson flavored the evening with true patriotism, not found in a bottle, but present in the perseverance and sacrifice of those who fought for the American way.

    And the winner of the SayItWithWookies inagural Incongruous Usage Award goes to the College of the Ozarks for randomly dropping “not found in a bottle” into that sentence. Only thing I can figure is they really like their Pabst in cans.

  • TGY

    I was Given a “Great American” Award by the College of the Ozarks and All I Got was This Stupid T-shirt

  • Flanders

    [re=470955]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Expect to see that duly recognized in future Wonkett comments.

  • BerkeleyFarm

    [re=470874]god.was.stingy[/re]: Yep. If I could tweak the wayback machine, one of the things I’d do is get her elected homecoming queen so she could get it out of her system.

  • BerkeleyFarm

    [re=470895]Lilybart[/re]: Yep. She has really obviously had a lot of work done.

  • Flanders

    [re=470993]BerkeleyFarm[/re]: Must have been done those four months when she was sequestered “writing her book”.

  • thefrontpage

    Hayy, I done kraduatted frum they Coollege of the Ozarcs, and now’s I is a Legislative Aides fer a Republican Kongrissman on Kapital Hill in Wershingtonn, d.C.

  • thehelveticascenario

    Do you really get to use the Governor title if you give up halfway through?

  • Ducksworthy

    [re=470955]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Given that these veterans have been sleeping under a bridge for the last 6 months, it was important to point out that their flavored (and no doubt fragrant) patriotism was “not found in a bottle.”

  • Flanders

    “In her 50-minute address to about 4,000 people at Keeter Gymnasium, Palin blasted the mainstream media at least five different times for spinning her story; defended her decision to step down last summer as Alaska’s governor, saying it “has worked for her state;” and blamed government for the economic crisis, slamming the economic stimulus package.

    Palin, wearing red, served up the red meat and the crowd ate it up.”

    Courtesy of Mudflats

  • Gorillionaire

    [re=471052]Flanders[/re]: Whoa, only a 50 minute set? And the whole thing is just the greatest hits from her former band. That’s no way to start a solo career.

  • Jim89048

    Does this mean we’ll be visited by “Steve” and “cjsweet” again? Because that would be awesome!

  • jumblebunny

    that look on her face is priceless, i can totally read her mind:

    “dear jeebus, i pray that these hill-folk don’t actually expect me to wear this hideous thing. yay america!”

  • June Cleaver 2.0

    It’s so obvious she’s only making rounds to the dumb stops.

  • shadowMark

    [re=471063]Gorillionaire[/re]: Yeah, it was only a 50 minute set, and 20 minutes of that was an endless extended version of “The Low Spark of High-Heeled Boys.”

  • Jukesgrrl

    Jim, millions of young people have dedicated their lives to simplifying the English language, sometimes successfully reducing entire words to a single letter or even number! Losing the “u” from inaugural is only the beginning of their effort. I understand many have decided that word is simply too complex and should be eliminated altogether in favor of the simpler “cermony.” In case you’re wondering where all those extra letters have gone, many have migrated to seldom-used words such as “preventive,” which has been changed to the much more interesting “preventative.”

  • Gregoire

    I’m actually from a town several miles from this fine educational institution. Did you know that every harvest time, they sacrifice a student to ensure a bountiful crop? It’s true. To my dear brother RIP, the corn that year was delicious.

  • S.Luggo

    “…the Governor spoke at College of the Ozarks to a crowd of more than 4,000 that consisted of College of the Ozarks students, faculty and staff and critters.”
    *****

    [re=470928]x111e7thst[/re]: You betcha it’s serious place. They have yet to release the bodies of the Hessians who were captured during the Revolutionary War. Plus there’s no TV during school days.

  • problemwithcaring

    “She…defended her decision to step down last summer as Alaska’s governor, saying it “has worked for her state.”

    Hey, you gotta give credit where credit is due.

  • BlueStateLibtard

    “I feel like they’re really intimidated by her,” said Debbie Bridges, 57, who left West Plains at midnight Tuesday to arrive at Borders in the middle of the night. Why are they so obsessed with this idea that libruls are scared of her??? Is she Hitler or Joseph Goebels re-incarnated, and somehow no one’s told me?

  • gurukalehuru

    They call it an inagural because they don’t want no nagurs. Duh.

  • comicbookguy

    I’m really intimidated by her. If anyone asks where I got this black eye, I fell down some stairs. That’s all.

  • steverino247

    Important safety tip to Debbie Bridges, 57:

    We’re not afraid of Sarah Palin. We’re afraid of Sarah Palin having any actual political power because we know she will fuck up. She used what limited political power she had in Alaska to go after her former brother-in-law hammer and tong. If elected Vice President in 2008, she would already be making us sorry Nixon resigned. We’re telling you to run for your political life and you’re standing in line to see the worse possible candidate in history. All of history.

    True story. When McCain selected Palin, all my Republican friends called me to ask me questions about Obama. Must have liked my answers…

  • chaste everywhere

    Let’s have a bowl game where Hard Work U goes up against Wassamatta U.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=471161]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: Yes.

  • SmutBoffin

    [re=470953]JMP[/re]: Haha, noted. CotO is not even fun enough to have a lame party scene.

  • Paco

    Sadly, they fixed “inagural” in the release. Happily, nothing could fix the rest of the press release, which appears to have been written by someone in third grade.

    There must be some interesting essay out there analyzing the connection between functional illiteracy and deranged political views.

  • Toomush Infermashun

    I believe that’s “in agoric”, as in “dipped in aspic”….

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  • Socialist hip replacement

    U Work Hard at Hard Work U.

  • Imoen

    Actually we work very hard at this college. We’re not ‘hicks’ or ‘bubbas’, we are the children of the working generations that got ripped-off by greedy corporate leaders. Since, unlike many of you, mommy and daddy couldn’t pay our way through school we decided to WORK for our education. I’m just sorry that none of you are brave enough to come and actually meet the students here on our campus,I think you’d change your mind about us.