'Jobs Summit' Expected To Somehow Raise Unemployment Another 89.8 Percent
Bank of America is rushing to pay back its outstanding TARP loans so it can free itself of executive compensation restrictions and pay a new crop of monstrous assholes comical sums of cash to ruin the world again. Something needs tweaking? [ NYT ]
Basically we have to nuke India a few times to get the Pakistanis to trust us and kill Al Qaeda for us. [ Washington Post ]
A golf player from Florida cheats on his wife all the time and must apologize to all the people who enjoy watching him play golf on teevee. [ ESPN ]
A midsize cumrag in Washington D.C. sympathizes with beleaguered Republican senators, who are very mad at Al Franken for trying to be "comedic" by making them vote against a ladies' rape protection thing which made the public dislike them and mock them on the Internet. [ Media Matters ]
Barack Obama will not have any of those wretched F-22s he hates so much in any of his background shots, goddamnit. [ Foreign Policy ]
Barack Obama's uncared-about Job Summit is today! "Jobs Summit." It won't be quite as effective as announcing, say, a Provisional Preliminary Research Task Force On Maybe Getting People Jobs At Some Point In The Next Century, but we can't afford one of those right now. [ Washington Post ]