GREAT LEGISLATORS OF OUR TIME  1:45 pm December 2, 2009

David Vitter Will Protect Ladies From Medical Recommendations

by Jim Newell

David Vitter may or may not have ever introduced a legitimate piece of legislation into Congress, but he sure knows how to skim the top during the amendment process, for demagogic things to exploit! His press release is like… Barbara Mikulski already introduced an amendment for this, but what does that skank know about jug cancer? David Vitter respects the dickens out of women.

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raysmuckles December 2, 2009 at 1:50 pm

I shat my giant diaper when I heard this news.

queeraselvis v 2.0 December 2, 2009 at 1:52 pm

This will hereafter be known as the “Bitter Shitter Vitter Protects Access to Titters” amendment.

Decker December 2, 2009 at 1:53 pm

I thought Vitter’s pet cause was colon cancer?

freakishlystrong December 2, 2009 at 1:53 pm

Ok, “Jug Cancer” is right up there with “guano faucet”.
Poor Diaper Dave. Fuck you. We don’t need your protection.

memzilla December 2, 2009 at 1:54 pm

He invents this amendment and yet did nothing to stop Charity Hospital in New Orleans from being closed. Oh right, that was the hospital that The Poors used to go to. Wouldn’t be much mileage in doing anything about that, I guess.

What a colossal dickwad. With diapers. Also.

SayItWithWookies December 2, 2009 at 1:55 pm

Your Incontinental Congress at work.

Chickensmack December 2, 2009 at 1:55 pm

I’d like to think that he’s so detestable, that he “represents the fuck out of women.”

petehammer December 2, 2009 at 1:55 pm

Who introduced the amendment first really DEPENDS on your understanding of the process.

SmutBoffin December 2, 2009 at 1:56 pm

“David Vitter Introduces Amendment to Provide Strippers with Amateur Mammograms”


JMP December 2, 2009 at 1:57 pm

[re=470126]freakishlystrong[/re]: “We don’t need your protection.” Speak for yourself; I’m sure his hookers always need to make sure to use protection with him.

facehead December 2, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Just another politician living off the public’s jugs.

pampl December 2, 2009 at 1:59 pm

Vitter Introduces Amendment to Protect Access to Women’s mammo glands

proudgrampa December 2, 2009 at 1:59 pm

The Planned Parenthood ad is starting to make my eyes bleed…

And Vitter IS a guano faucet. Also.

TGY December 2, 2009 at 2:03 pm

What’s black and white and ..uh.. pink all over?

AnnieGetYourFun December 2, 2009 at 2:04 pm

[re=470120]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: You, my dear… I am buying you a very expensive cocktail in a parallel universe.

V572625694 December 2, 2009 at 2:04 pm

This is a shameless appeal to the Stormy Daniels electorate. “I may not have big fake boobs, but I’m willing to write unfunded mandates to get ‘em x-rayed!”

Monsieur Grumpe December 2, 2009 at 2:06 pm

Dear Senator Vitter,
Squeezing a tit and yelling “Honk Honk” is not a mammogram.
Mr. Grumpy

NJB December 2, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Does this make ol’ diaper boy a femminazi?

the problem child December 2, 2009 at 2:09 pm

I bet he’s in favor of changing tables in restrooms, too. What a pud.

freakishlystrong December 2, 2009 at 2:09 pm

[re=470135]JMP[/re]: I am speaking for myself. I don’t want his, or any wingnuts, “protection” regarding my health. The only time they care about my health is if there’s a fetus involved. I repeat; fuck you Diaper Dave.

doxastic December 2, 2009 at 2:10 pm

I thought Vitter respected the dickens into women.

S.Luggo December 2, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Vitter thinks that a mammogram is a wire that you send on Mother’s Day.

Mr Blifil December 2, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Vitter is a shitter.

Gopherit December 2, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Vitter’s already implementing his proposed amendment:

Not_So_Much December 2, 2009 at 2:33 pm

I thought his only experience with women was those that powdered and diped his speckled, old ass. But I guess the whole nursing thing plays a part for him as well…

Aflac Shrugged December 2, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Don’t get too upset, folks. He meant to protect access only for the women who are already insured.

Well, and if you have a job where Louisiana politicians straddle you whilst they pinch a loaf, you might be able to pay cash for a mammogram. I guess that’s still Constitutional.

Mad Brahms December 2, 2009 at 3:15 pm

This is like ACORN, only with boobs.

Step one: Invent a threat
Step two: Condemn it
Step three: Profit?

Everyone knows Obama hates boobs, though, because he is a gay muslin.

TGY December 2, 2009 at 3:18 pm

I fervently await the day that Vitter goes tits-up.

assistant/atlas December 2, 2009 at 3:40 pm

[re=470120]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Are other members of Congress allowed to rename other people’s amendments? Because every Democrat should pledge to rename everything Vitter does as this….and put him on the Itty-Bitty Titty Committee for good measure.

Extemporanus December 2, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Why is the bald eagle on Vitter’s letterhead fucking the letter ‘e’ in his last name?

Look at the way it’s holding on to the ‘t’ and the ‘r’. Serously, just look at it. Motherfuckin’ American mascot is cold pounding the ever-loving shit out of that sexy vowels tight little aperture.


you cannot be serious December 2, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Hey y’all! Have you seen the pink gloves breast cancer dance yet? Awesome.

Unlearned Hand December 3, 2009 at 8:54 am

I think he wants to make sure he lives in a future where he can shit in women’s bras.

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