great legislators of our time

David Vitter Will Protect Ladies From Medical Recommendations

David Vitter may or may not have ever introduced a legitimate piece of legislation into Congress, but he sure knows how to skim the top during the amendment process, for demagogic things to exploit! His press release is like… Barbara Mikulski already introduced an amendment for this, but what does that skank know about jug cancer? David Vitter respects the dickens out of women.

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  1. queeraselvis v 2.0

    This will hereafter be known as the “Bitter Shitter Vitter Protects Access to Titters” amendment.

  2. freakishlystrong

    Ok, “Jug Cancer” is right up there with “guano faucet”.
    Poor Diaper Dave. Fuck you. We don’t need your protection.

  3. Chickensmack

    I’d like to think that he’s so detestable, that he “represents the fuck out of women.”

  4. JMP

    [re=470126]freakishlystrong[/re]: “We don’t need your protection.” Speak for yourself; I’m sure his hookers always need to make sure to use protection with him.

  5. proudgrampa

    The Planned Parenthood ad is starting to make my eyes bleed…

    And Vitter IS a guano faucet. Also.

  6. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=470120]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: You, my dear… I am buying you a very expensive cocktail in a parallel universe.

  7. V572625694

    This is a shameless appeal to the Stormy Daniels electorate. “I may not have big fake boobs, but I’m willing to write unfunded mandates to get ‘em x-rayed!”

  8. Monsieur Grumpe

    Dear Senator Vitter,
    Squeezing a tit and yelling “Honk Honk” is not a mammogram.
    Mr. Grumpy

  9. freakishlystrong

    [re=470135]JMP[/re]: I am speaking for myself. I don’t want his, or any wingnuts, “protection” regarding my health. The only time they care about my health is if there’s a fetus involved. I repeat; fuck you Diaper Dave.

  10. Not_So_Much

    I thought his only experience with women was those that powdered and diped his speckled, old ass. But I guess the whole nursing thing plays a part for him as well…

  11. Aflac Shrugged

    Don’t get too upset, folks. He meant to protect access only for the women who are already insured.

    Well, and if you have a job where Louisiana politicians straddle you whilst they pinch a loaf, you might be able to pay cash for a mammogram. I guess that’s still Constitutional.

  12. Mad Brahms

    This is like ACORN, only with boobs.

    Step one: Invent a threat
    Step two: Condemn it
    Step three: Profit?

    Everyone knows Obama hates boobs, though, because he is a gay muslin.

  13. assistant/atlas

    [re=470120]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Are other members of Congress allowed to rename other people’s amendments? Because every Democrat should pledge to rename everything Vitter does as this….and put him on the Itty-Bitty Titty Committee for good measure.

  14. Extemporanus

    Why is the bald eagle on Vitter’s letterhead fucking the letter ‘e’ in his last name?

    Look at the way it’s holding on to the ‘t’ and the ‘r’. Serously, just look at it. Motherfuckin’ American mascot is cold pounding the ever-loving shit out of that sexy vowels tight little aperture.


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