great legislators of our time

David Vitter Will Protect Ladies From Medical Recommendations

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David Vitter may or may not have ever introduced a legitimate piece of legislation into Congress, but he sure knows how to skim the top during the amendment process, for demagogic things to exploit! His press release is like… Barbara Mikulski already introduced an amendment for this, but what does that skank know about jug cancer? David Vitter respects the dickens out of women.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • raysmuckles

    I shat my giant diaper when I heard this news.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    This will hereafter be known as the “Bitter Shitter Vitter Protects Access to Titters” amendment.

  • Decker

    I thought Vitter’s pet cause was colon cancer?

  • freakishlystrong

    Ok, “Jug Cancer” is right up there with “guano faucet”.
    Poor Diaper Dave. Fuck you. We don’t need your protection.

  • memzilla

    He invents this amendment and yet did nothing to stop Charity Hospital in New Orleans from being closed. Oh right, that was the hospital that The Poors used to go to. Wouldn’t be much mileage in doing anything about that, I guess.

    What a colossal dickwad. With diapers. Also.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Your Incontinental Congress at work.

  • Chickensmack

    I’d like to think that he’s so detestable, that he “represents the fuck out of women.”

  • petehammer

    Who introduced the amendment first really DEPENDS on your understanding of the process.

  • SmutBoffin

    “David Vitter Introduces Amendment to Provide Strippers with Amateur Mammograms”


  • JMP

    [re=470126]freakishlystrong[/re]: “We don’t need your protection.” Speak for yourself; I’m sure his hookers always need to make sure to use protection with him.

  • facehead

    Just another politician living off the public’s jugs.

  • pampl

    Vitter Introduces Amendment to Protect Access to Women’s mammo glands

  • proudgrampa

    The Planned Parenthood ad is starting to make my eyes bleed…

    And Vitter IS a guano faucet. Also.

  • TGY

    What’s black and white and ..uh.. pink all over?

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=470120]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: You, my dear… I am buying you a very expensive cocktail in a parallel universe.

  • V572625694

    This is a shameless appeal to the Stormy Daniels electorate. “I may not have big fake boobs, but I’m willing to write unfunded mandates to get ’em x-rayed!”

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Dear Senator Vitter,
    Squeezing a tit and yelling “Honk Honk” is not a mammogram.
    Mr. Grumpy

  • NJB

    Does this make ol’ diaper boy a femminazi?

  • the problem child

    I bet he’s in favor of changing tables in restrooms, too. What a pud.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=470135]JMP[/re]: I am speaking for myself. I don’t want his, or any wingnuts, “protection” regarding my health. The only time they care about my health is if there’s a fetus involved. I repeat; fuck you Diaper Dave.

  • doxastic

    I thought Vitter respected the dickens into women.

  • S.Luggo

    Vitter thinks that a mammogram is a wire that you send on Mother’s Day.

  • Mr Blifil

    Vitter is a shitter.

  • Gopherit

    Vitter’s already implementing his proposed amendment:

  • Not_So_Much

    I thought his only experience with women was those that powdered and diped his speckled, old ass. But I guess the whole nursing thing plays a part for him as well…

  • Aflac Shrugged

    Don’t get too upset, folks. He meant to protect access only for the women who are already insured.

    Well, and if you have a job where Louisiana politicians straddle you whilst they pinch a loaf, you might be able to pay cash for a mammogram. I guess that’s still Constitutional.

  • Mad Brahms

    This is like ACORN, only with boobs.

    Step one: Invent a threat
    Step two: Condemn it
    Step three: Profit?

    Everyone knows Obama hates boobs, though, because he is a gay muslin.

  • TGY

    I fervently await the day that Vitter goes tits-up.

  • assistant/atlas

    [re=470120]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Are other members of Congress allowed to rename other people’s amendments? Because every Democrat should pledge to rename everything Vitter does as this….and put him on the Itty-Bitty Titty Committee for good measure.

  • Extemporanus

    Why is the bald eagle on Vitter’s letterhead fucking the letter ‘e’ in his last name?

    Look at the way it’s holding on to the ‘t’ and the ‘r’. Serously, just look at it. Motherfuckin’ American mascot is cold pounding the ever-loving shit out of that sexy vowels tight little aperture.


  • you cannot be serious

    Hey y’all! Have you seen the pink gloves breast cancer dance yet? Awesome.

  • Unlearned Hand

    I think he wants to make sure he lives in a future where he can shit in women’s bras.