Wonkette
- Obama announced the new U.S. plan for Afghanistan — a 30,000-troop surge on the, er, way out of the country — and 30,000 little Thomas Friedmans itchily critiqued the plan, on the Internet. [CNN/Washington Post/BBC/Tom Friedman]
- Nothing else happened on the entire planet. Just kidding! Tiger Woods got a $164 traffic ticket for having an affair with his car, in the night. [LA Times]
- Gold is up to $1,200 an ounce, pending U.S. home sales are at the highest level since early 2006, and nearly-nekkid models in frilly underwear finally got a chance to appear on the teevee last night. [Marketwatch/Marketwatch/Marketwatch]
- Fancy private schools in New York State are growing an army of forest hobbits. [NYT]
- Internet searches reveal nobody’s much interested in Sarah Palin, for real, but they’re all crazy interested in Twitter. And here we thought Palin and Twitter were the same vapid empty thing. [Gawker]
- Kasim Reed has declared victory! But Mary Norwood has yet to concede. One of them will be mayor of Atlanta! [Atlanta Journal Constitution]
Ken, when do you sleep? If I recall correctly, you live as an ascetic monk in a cave full of slimy moss on a small island just north of Easter Island, so it’s the middle of the night for you. Shouldn’t you be praying to the Snail God or something?
What! I’m coming back after my coffee enema.
With gold at $1200 an ounce, it makes sense for us to go back on the gold standard. Because that would make our money worth lots, and the price of gold will never go down. Also there’s little doubt in anyone’s mind that we’re going to find enough gold, somewhere, to ensure there’s enough cash out there for all of us to be prosperous without going into debt. There’s lots of gold in space, for example, and we can get it if we go there.
Ad astra per aurum!
The first paragraph of the forest hobbit story is: “Fat, cold droplets splashed from the sky as the students struggled into their uniforms: rain pants, boots, mittens and hats. Once buttoned and bundled, they scattered toward favorite spaces: a crab apple tree made for climbing, a cluster of bushes forming a secret nook under a willow tree, a sandbox growing muddier by the minute.”
The last four paragraphs of the forest hobbit story are: “Piper Whalen, 5, turned toward her own treasure: an enormous fallen tree. She climbed on and lifted her arms. “I’m riding a roller coaster,” she said. “Come on and ride with me.” / The raindrops continued to fall until, finally, it poured, hard enough to splash though the canopy of trees. The children were delighted. / “It’s wet!” exclaimed one. / “My hair is getting a drink of water!” another said. / Piper began to laugh. She stuck out her tongue and turned her face toward the sky.”
“Willow” and “Piper.” It’s all about Sarah Palin isn’t it, sticking her tongue out, even when she’s not here?!
When Tiger hits on women in bars, are there a bunch of guys standing around yelling, “GET IN THE HOLE”?
Must resist urge to see what Friedman has to say about Afghanistan…Losing will…OK, I’ll skim it…
Excuse me, I have to go poke knitting needles through my frontal lobes now…
shadowMark: Needs more ticks.
Tiger, blame Ambien. It is an all-purpose excuse.
I married Isis on the 5th day of May, but I could not hold on to her very long…
Nice one, Wonkers.
In excellent Afghanistan-related news, NATO is sending 5000-10000 more people to get shot at by everybody, and the Togolese government is sending crates full of Key Lome Pies, the national delicacy made from minced gazelle anuses.
in a few years, there will be a last american soldier to die in afghanistan. god knows who this soldier is.
god, tell us this soldier’s name. tell us this soldier’s death will be more than meaningless.
The “Mustache of Understanding” needs to be shaved from the NYT payroll. This I believe.
Friedman has stumbled into the truth!
Canmon (the Inadequate): You are officially the champion of confusing/lame-Tiger-Woods-scandal jokes.
18 months is plenty of time for us to summon a dipshit reason to invade somewhere else nearby.
Palin is so naming her next kid Twitter.
Aflac Shrugged: I vote for Kyrgyzystan. They have a vowel shortage, I hear. Not as bad as Bltfksztstan, but it’s still pretty desperate. We must bring relief to these poor people.
slappypaddy: What death is meaningful, really? 1500 soldiers in the coalition have died there since 2001. 34,000 people died on the roads of the US in 2008 alone. Were their deaths meaningful? You pays your money and you takes your chance.
The mayor of Baltimore was convicted of theft. She had developers buy her a couple of $500 gift cards from Best Buy and Target, supposedly to use for poor people, then she used the cards herself. Honestly, when Democrats take bribes and such, they don’t aim very high. I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing.
From the Friedman column:
“Many big bad things happen in the world without America, but not a lot of big good things.”
The Europeans just love it when we point stuff like this out.
Judging from that excerpt, Friedman’s end-stage Dissipating Brain Syndrome has finally run its course. What a colossal fuckstain.
Larry McAwful: With only consonants to choose from, people grow desperate, and it is in such soil that terror takes root.
$164 is to Tiger Woods as 30,000 more troops is to Afghani History.
This is all well and good, but who will Pass Healthcare Reform? Who will Stop the Abortion Coverage Ban? Who will review and improve our co-dependent relationship with the color pink?
At least this is librul vomit all over my Wonkettes this morning.
At least they rejected the “Mr. Pickles Fun-Time Abortion Clinics: We’ll bring out the kid in you!” ad.
DemmeFatale:
The farms of teh Wonkett
Had been replaced by shopping malls
And Muzak filled the air
From Seneca to Cuyahoga Falls
A, O, way to go, my Wonkette
Terry: I never knew history started 233 years ago. Hot damn!
From the fashion model video, “It’s about respecting the dollar.” Obviously, it’s not about respecting yourself.
Larry McAwful: Dr. Paul, is that you?
I was thinking about Isis.
shadowMark: “Willow” and “Piper?” If Sarah Palin is such a Christian, why’d she name her kids after witches from late 90s WB shows? She should have named them after 7th Heaven characters.
Okay, I’m still trying to parse Tom Friedman’s “Happy Happy Joy Joy” piece, which is exceedingly hard to do without trying to put my fist through the computer monitor.
From listening to the media today, it’s starting to sound like the Republicans love war more than they hate the big O! With the provision that there’s no withdrawal date so that everyone who wants to die gets a fair chance.
Also, those rich New Yorkers should move to Montana. We have those forest schools for free and we call it “life.” Actually, they shouldn’t move here.
I, for one, welcome our new Hobbit forest masters.
Mustang: Here in Illinois we call it “deer hunting” and I’ll be doing it Saturday. Fuckwits…
To me, the most important reason for the Iraq war was never W.M.D. It was to see if we could partner with Iraqis to help them build something that does not exist in the modern Arab world…
Well, Mr. Friedman, insofar as a liberal democratic Iraq doesn’t exist, I’d have to call the project a huge success.
Terry: Why you bally-achin’? They were GIFT cards and Mayor Dixon is a gift to the people of Ballmer.
Besides poor people need a mayor who’s on time and not ’stuff’ from Target.
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/media/ALeqM5jshldLdl1JAtyvxslih7Q6rlSnTg?size=l
“The context in which people live their lives shapes everything…” Mr. Friedman will receive a check for writing this drivel.
JGB: I listened to some clips from Bob’s new Xmas album and blood started running from my ears.
I was hopin’ that it wasn’t contagious.
Shouldn’t the hobbits be wearing blaze orange in the woods this time of year?
S.Luggo: beauty
woo ATL! I voted for Reed. I think he got in on the sounds-like-a-muslin-first-name coattails.
I’m curious though - what’s the wonkette connection?
S.Luggo: Why are so many people down on the Bob xmas album? It’s funny as hell. I fucking hate xmas music and I’m playing this record all the time.
As for Friedman, I’ll be doing leg lifts with my Doc Martens on in preparation for the chance that I ever meet you and immediately kick you in the balls.
This is very difficult… But I’d like to announce publicly that I have personal failings and that I am a human. I’m sorry if anyone has taken offense.
Gorillionaire: I do mean kicking Friedman in the balls, of course. Wordlessly. just staring at him, John Cleese style.
Gorillionaire: Friedman is such a dick. Please, kick him in the ass, too. From me.
UnattendedConsequence: Thanks for stopping in Tiger but I’ve seen the girls you’ve been hanging with and no, I don’t want to go back to your tent with you.
“With their wins, Simone Bell becomes first black lesbian elected to a state Legislature in the United States. Alex Wan becomes first gay man and Asian American man elected to Atlanta City Council.”
If a black Lesbian is just a black Lesbian, whi is a gay Asian American sound like two guys, a gay man and an Asian American man? Does he represent two districts?
Mr. Layne, you are far, far too young to know that reference. You have obv. been toking with Dirty Fucking Hippies.
You have won permanent cookie-jar privileges.
pondscum: Illinois kindergarteners can get a deer tag? I’m movin’ in! Or wait, do you have to bribe the Governor?