Wonkette
Oh joy, it’s the Night of Our New Afghanistan Policy. Watch it if you want, live on the Wonkette, and comment if you feel like it. Hooray?
We don’t see a whole lot of comedy potential here, so we’re going to head to Happy Hour and maybe have some shrimp-based appetizers, and a gallon of bourbon.
Cut and Run
Hookahs and Freedom Trays for everyone except the gay elves. (Machine elves are fine, regardless of orientation.)
Oh well, there goes the Great Society and Camelot, too.
I’m hoping he tries to make it up to all the people who are disappointed Charlie Brown’s not on by doing the Snoopy Dance after the speech. Or, come to think of it, considering the nature of speech, it would probably be more appropriate if he left the speech to the sound of “Christmas Time is Here.”
I think I see a light at the end of that tunnel.
Wow, he doesn’t even start speaking for another two hours, right? So this is like a window into teh futurs?
I feel like Desmond Hume, although I’m not banging anyone nearly as hot as Penny.
Sigh. I think I’ll go lie down for a while.
TITS OR GTFO.
We’re already waste deep in the Big Muddy.
I’ve drawn a complete blank.
Hooray For Anything: Nooos, have the sads because you’ll miss Charlie Brown it with Snoop Dawg.
I eagerly await Bible Spice’s Facebook rebuttal. Also, too.
Now I’ve got a taste for cherry Kool-Aid. And wow I’ve got to say Meghan doesn’t look so hot when the glare from her breasts isn’t shining on her face.
Is Track Palin on the frontline yet.
We need a hero.
Quitting isn’t passed through the jeans like drunkenness.
When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains
And the women come out to cut up what remains
Just roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
And go to your God like a soldier.
(This war is deader than a Washington State patrol cop stopping for the WRONG cup of coffee.)
No, you don’t understand, he iz a warrior saint (see halo) and that other man is a legit hierophant who can totally do holy magic… http://wwwimage.cbsnews.com/images/2009/12/01/image5846024g.jpg
Neilist: Poetry is for fags.
When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains
And the women come out to cut up what remains
Just roll on your couch, with your Freedom Tray[tm]
And eat your damn pie like a Murkin.
/fixed
queeraselvis v 2.0: Ah the woman in the picture can keep her tits to herself. Probably have to pull down her pants to find the nipples.
Neilist: You really ought to get some “epic inappropriateness” award for that post.
This is what I’ve stayed up all night for: to see Obama take his rightful place as America’s Perpetual War President for American’s Perpetual War… Hail Caesar!
Neilist: Didn’t you miss an opportunity there? Wouldn’t it have pressed one more button if you had said: “This war is deader than a Washington State patrol cop who had bareback sex with a gay prostitute the night before the morning he stopped for the wrong cup of coffee.”
Bearbloke: I keep forgetting, are we fighting Eurasia or Eastasia? I can never keep it straight.
“We did debate the possibility that these people might just resent American soldiers walking around their country with guns, as much as we’d resent it if Afghan soldiers were walking around ours with guns. But then we said, no, that’s too obvious.”
shadowMark: Snarkalicious: That’s what I was trying to tell him.
brogonzo: Just make sure any award is gold plated. You know, that cheap, insincere gold plating that flakes off if you looked at it cross-eyed?
The kind that they painted onto The Great Mulatto Hope’s “Nobel Peace Prize”?
But speaking of Epic Inappropriateness:
If your officer’s dead and the sergeants look white,
Remember it’s ruin to run from a fight:
So take open order, lie down, and sit tight,
And wait for supports like a soldier.
Wait, wait, wait like a soldier . . . .
Boy, I can’t wait to enlist all of YOU in “The Great War To Bring Pure & Uncorrupt Government To The Savage Pathians!”
[I'm sure glad I voted for Obama. Rather than someone who would have followed the bankrupt and ineffective policies of the Johnson :::whoops::: Nixon :::whoops::: BUSH Administration!]
shadowMark: I like the way you think, Mark. A disturbing level of detail, true. But overall, I can’t fault you.
Neilist: That one was pretty lame. You must be in a good mood today.
Aflac Shrugged: we’d resent it if Afghan soldiers were walking around
I don’t know, I’m kind of lonely. If the Afghan soldiers that looked like pretty elves gave me chocolate and coca-cola and sexy stockings I probably wouldn’t mind them walking around.
Suds McKenzie: Just call me “Little Friend to All The World.”
Or “Kim.”
Whatever.
That Kool-Aid harridan’s visage just never gets old, does it.
Neilist: Yeah! Hopey=Nixon. It’s damn well about time someone said it, other than Ralph Nader, right?
Eight years of Dubbya-retardation wasn’t nearly enough to teach me that there are varying levels of incompetence/evil in the world.
user-of-owls: It was
born old.
I have a beautiful dream about the end of war … in the future, Americans will be too fat to be soldiers, and there will be McDonalds on every street corner in every land, so all the foreigners will also be too fat to fight. There will be no armed combat; instead, we will have to wage war with war-blogging and creating imaginary videos toppling each other’s regimes. It will be a wonderful time…
rambone: What do you have against Marney Nixon? Just because that bitch Audrey Hepburn got credit for all Marney’s singing in “My Fair Lad . . . .”
Oh, wait a minute.
You thought I meant Tricky Dicky?
But he can’t sing a note.
[What is it about liberals that causes them to go nuts when someone points out that one of their "heros" is following nonsensical foreign policies -- just like the Republicans?
P.S. JFK says we're invading Cuba on Monday. Pass it on!]
Faux Nooz has a different feed than WH:
http://interactive.foxnews.com/livestream/live.html?chanId=4
The pre-speech jazz is so chill…AWW YEAHHHHHHH!
Wow. I’d go for 20 more years of AfPak war if we could only have this smooth jazz soundtrack piped into every Wonkette thread.
Is anyone else enjoying the flute-heavy ‘cool-jazz’ bkground music? Me neither…
Wonkette TeeVee? When was this invented? Will it be showing butt secks?
Please?
This is a real bad idea. I mean a REAL BAD IDEA.
US OUT OF AFGHANISTAN!!!
Wugou: D’oh!
First mention of 9/11! DRINK!
The crazee is building on Facebook - http://apps.facebook.com/whitehouselive/
9/11!!!!1!! - wow that was quick… 35 seconds, maybe?
Neilist: Not a “hero.” Just a HUGE improvement over his predecessor.
I’m of the “a half-sandwich is better than a whole shit-sandwich” school of thought.
So anyway, you let me know when the politician comes along who embodies all that you hold dear, and then you let me know when that person manages to get elected to something other than your BFF.
The rest of us live in the real world and understand that life requires compromises. At least, that’s what I tell myself as I cry myself to sleep every night.
At least when he calls Islam one of the world’s great religions, you know he means it.
WE DID NOT ASK but Bush took us there. Oh for the love of Allah, stop with the 9/11 emotional blackmail, already.
Islam…one of the great religions.
Cue the wingnut frenzy.
Thank you for being an asshole, Dick Cheney — now Obama doesn’t have to stop and hesitate before laying this huge steaming clusterfuck at your and Dubya’s feet.
My god, they are so young.
This is wrong.
Dreadful Gate: When the president’s done talking, ask him if he’ll join you in your tent. Apparently that’s how the kids handle it these days. If he says yes you’ll be in like Flint. Or he’ll be in like Flint. I don’t know how the kids sort out who gets to go in and who gets to lay back. I don’t play enough videogames.
Now who are the TOLLI-bahn again?
I thought the Taliban was trying to overthrow The Enlightenment, not just the Afghan ‘gouvernment’
hockeymom: Babies, my dear. Babies.
9/11 was, in part, an inside job by the Cheney-Bush-Rumsfeld junta, who later allowed bin Laden to slip through our nets. Why won’t Barry acknowledge and investigate these facts? Throwing more money and blood at al-Queda is not the answer!
hockeymom: Sufis are pretty chill…
Today, Barry owns this fucking war.
I’m sure he knew he would one day soon,I trust him, I believe in our soldiers.
CHANGE I VOTED for will have to wait until next term I guess.
I was really hoping for more dithering.
Fuck.
Nice “Fuck You” to Cheney.
What’s Afghan for “Tet Offensive”?
30,000…
Remember this number Yanks, since you’ll be hearing it daily for the next 11 years….
rocktonsammy: He will never own this war. Even if after he spends two terms in office, and the war continues the WHOLE time, it’ll still going to be only 50% him. That’s the extent to which it’s not his freaking war.
Bush in black face.
I did not type this post lightly because crud has collected under some of my keys.
rocktonsammy: A Left Christian site says the Joint Chiefs have such power over the White House that the president has little choice on this: THE GENERALS’ REVOLT
AGAINST THE OBAMA PRESIDENCY
None of these future “ring knockers” will ever get assigned to a unit in Crapistan.
Pakistan is the key here… getting US Army close enough to keep a lid on that timebomb…
He needs a bit more of a drawl, so he can sound more like LBJ.
I just got here. Has anyone determined the drinking rules? Oh, right. We just get drunk during the whole thing because it’s so depressing. Is it Freudian that I keep forgetting the country we’re fighting in and substituting Viet Nam?
And I don’t know about but you, but those fighting men and women who are the audience don’t look like they’re happy about this thing. I’m watching on TV, btw, because I used up today’s bandwidth downloading Turbo Tax.
30,000 troops at the fastest possible pace. I certainly hope this works.
Neilist: There will be no Tet Offensive as there really is no Taliban in the same way there was a Viet Cong and North Vietnamese Army. The Taliban are sort of like the Ho Chi Min trail, they are more of a concept than an actual place or in the case of the Taliban an organization, yet like the Ho Chi Min trail they do exist.
Hopey looks tired.
Paul Tardy: Bull. This is the war we should have been fighting for eight years. The fact that he’s trying to improve it rather than run away from it is commendable.
Can’t we just nuke the fuckers?
Hey, while we listen to the latest ramping up, repeating everything we’ve been told by the fundits that we’re going to hear, I’m going to float my Tora Bora theory: The Bushies let Osama slip through because with him in chains, there was no reason to invade Iraq, invented evidence of WMD or not.
Pretty realistic, huh?
Channeling John Dean?
Hot Pocketstan?
Diem had a better suit that the guy who currently hunkers down in the “Presidential Palace” in Kabul.
It was all nice and white. At least, until the CIA got blood all over it.
:::Good times:::
rocktonsammy: “Quitting isn’t passed through the jeans like drunkenness.”
There are those who will think this was a typo, or that you can’t spell. Some of us recognize it as primo snark.
DustBowlBlues: Not Freudian, but Jungian… the Collective Unconscious and all…
I like that he’s talking directly to the Afghan people….but who is going to listen? And why should they believe us?
Forty-three nations. Don’t forget Poland!
G**damn, he’s been listening to my conversations! I’ve been totally comparing this to Viet Nam. I KNEW he had psychic powers.
“Unlike Vietnam, the bar girls are about as attractive as camels wearing gunny sacks.”
:::Good times:::
They were all serving officers in the Viet Cong, those bar girls. But that just made it more EXCITING!
This is kind of a “10 a.m. on Wednesday” speech… oh look there’s Hillary.
I think we’re way, way past achieving anything “at a reasonable cost” in Afghanistan.
“Unlike Viet-nam, the American military is absurdly overstretched, dangerously under-supplied, and painfully reliant on the continued ‘patriotic’ and economic exploitation of tiny minority of our population”…
hockeymom: But not in that “sucks to be you” way his predecessor did when addressing the Iraqis.
Ah, here we go. Give ‘em hell, Hopey. “I didn’t start this shit. Don’t give me any fuckin’ lip! Lemme see you try my jugglin’ act, muthafucka!”
Jim Newell: Hi, Jim. are you here to give us the legitimacy that Karzai doesn’t provide his entire fucking country.
Hey, did he just skip the part about how we’re going to pay for this fucking war? Like I said on my facebook page tonight (Bible Spice isn’t the only one who can spread her politics via fb) a war worth fighting is worth paying for. If this is the most important issue for our national defense, why the fuck don’t the Republics want to tax a grateful nation?
Tools of mass destruction? TMD? C’mon Hopey. I see what you did there.
“I spent this year picking up the mess left behind by the Bush administration.”
“America will speak out for the human rights of all people… except in China, ‘cuz we can’t piss them off”…
Fuck. “Since the days of Franklin Roosevelt…” Blah, blah.
On the other hand, the DNC of 1968 rocked. Literally.
He said “others peoples.”
Eisenhower tried to fight WWII with his thumbs up his ass. Patton even acknowledged that. Then Ikey came home and ripped up our railroads. Cocksucker.
Here We Go Again: American Exceptionalism.
“The last helicopter off the roof of the Embassy is now boarding. Please have your tickets and/or gold bullion open and available for transfer . . . .”
Tepid applause.
I’m over this dude. Spill the wine.
The screen was blank when I arrived. Then, between Heatmiser songs, I heard the faint strains of Our Dear Leader speaking about war.
And there it was, like a twinkie with a halo-storm in it.
But he is a President, right? This is what presidents do, right? I feel reassured now.
wouldn’t it be great to hear him say, “we’re in deep shit, people. we are screwed six ways from sunday. i don’t know what the fuck we’re going to do, but we can’t just hunker down here. i guess we’ll just have to wing it. god bless you all, and good luck. we’re going to need it.”
wouldn’t that be great? then he could just say, “i have to get back to work,” and turn and walk off the stage.
Freedom! We can only truly be free when every man, woman and child owns a Freedom Tray.
DustBowlBlues: Tax schmax. We need a draft, period, with no deferments.
(But if I got picked it would be so scary!!)
Neilist: They were all serving officers in the Viet Cong, those bar girls — Yeah, all young woman and their mothers all over the globe work for the Viet Cong–or the Taliban!–so when they become hookers for us it’s not evil at all. Cue the Andrews Sisters:
Since the Yankee come to Trinidad
They got the young girls all going mad
Young girls say they treat them nice
Make Trinidad like paradise
Drinking rum and Coca-Cola
Go down Point Koomahnah
Both mother and daughter
Working for the Yankee dollar
big ears, he must hear real good.
BlueStateLibtard: You are much more delightful to read than the trolls.
Neilist: Yup. Here we go again.
Even Obama looks depressed about his message. As he should be.
I wanted to feel better after this speech. I feel much, much worse.
“Thank you and Allahu Akbar”
“I believe with every fiber of my being that we as Americans can still come together…”
ZOMGSOCIALISM!
Ha ha… no, I kid, I kid. I really don’t want to be cynical about this, because I want him to succeed because I like it when Glenn Beck cries, but… this is never ever going to work.
I knew I couldn’t listen to this. It’s too depressing to see such a good guy in such a bad position. But hey, he made his position clear in the campaign and I still voted for him “early and often”. If anyone can pull a wabbit out of a hat, I’ll put money on Barry.
What’s Afghani for “We’re DOOMEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!”?
In light of his last meet and greet, I hope all those cadets are on “the list”…
Jim Newell: It’s 10:00 a.m. on Wednesday somewhere.
Like Hiroshima, for example.
I turned on Fox News right after the speech ended, and the spin began precisely 3 seconds afterwards. “The President, after 9 national security meetings, insists he has NOT delayed in his decision.”
You know, when they put Walnuts on right after Hopey it makes it really hard for me dislike Obama because I am getting a glimpse of what could have been.
Schieffer just said this is the “defining moment” of Obama’s presidency. Where have we heard shit like that before?
Shoot me now…I’m listening to CBS, where Bob Schieffer is arguing for no timetable. Lovely.
hockeymom: Well, at least he and you seem to be on the same page. Everyone, including him, understands the depth of the shit we are in.
DustBowlBlues:
I highly recommend Ian W. Toll’s Six Frigates. The parallels of fighting and funding wars then and now are astounding. Nothing has changed.
hockeymom: Agreed. Even the band sounded depressed. I still want to know: What does “winning” in Afghanistan look like?
Jim Newell: See my reference to the ‘68 convention. A draft is a sure-fire way to set the younguns on fire. You wouldn’t believe how fast campus hawks turned to peace activists when they opened the “Greetings” letter that came from Uncle Sam.
shadowMark: The “Andrews Sisters” were ‘Cong. All three. Or may the one in the middle was a PAVN sapper.
Good harmonies, though. Particularly during an L ambush.
proudgrampa: Jesus H. Christ. DON’T agree with ME.
I liked the gay Elf sex better.
Well, on the plus side, he definitely came across as more statesman than showman this time. Sometimes there are affectations in his speeches that detract from his message. I really feel for the guy, it’s no wonder he’s growing more gray by the day. What a mess.
rhubarbpie2: shoot me now…i’m listening to Matthews.
Obama = just another lying sh*t hook polytishan, its his war now and it will be his undoing, where is the Hopey we thought we voted in, sold out so soon?
I just saw David Brooks way he is committed to this. So, now my mind is totally changed. What a great idea this is.
Jim Newell:
You should start banning more people, lurking the Wonkette comments sucks when you have to wade through a half dozen tirades and poetry posts by the same unfunny asshole.
ms_mcgee: “I still want to know: What does “winning” in Afghanistan look like?”
It looks like you destitute and impoverished serving retired government workers.
ms_mcgee: I think “winning” in Afghanistan looks like a place with no more American troops.
slappypaddy: I kinda feel like he did.
I guess I drink the Kool-Aid because I thought it was about as good a speech as we’re likely to hear. I kept reminiscing about the speeches given by W over the last decade and thinking, “people were buying this shit? Really? Axis of Evil? Did he just say that?” I feel like Obummer keeps talking to us like we’re adults, even though a large portion of us are obviously not. Of course, there’s the concurrent threat of the American Taliban complicating things too. In any event, we have a some tough work ahead of US and rainbows aren’t likely to come flying out of any unicorns’ asses any time soon.
He can’t do it alone.
Will Wonkett TV be playing the Victoria’s Secret fashion show later tonight?
Couric just got through with McCain. See previous thread for my thoughts.
Synopsis: McCain is a dipshit.
Karl Rove, “he needs a new teleprompter with energizer bunny batteries in it…”
ms_mcgee: “What does “winning” in Afghanistan look like?”
no one knows. it has never happened.
OffTheRecord: The subtle dig at “muddling through” Afghanistan was a nice one. Though I sincerely doubt whether McWalnuts even remembers he said that.
..Billo “Afganistan is as primitive as central Africa…” such insight.
engulfedinflames: Turn off the FOX. It will just enrage you.
Snarkalicious: “Poetry is for fags.”
The world demanded that we sing,
And cut away our tongue.
The world demanded that we flow,
And hammered in the bung.
The world demanded that we dance,
And jammed us into iron pants.
And in the end the world was handed
The sort of shit that it demanded.
– Ernie “Little Twinkie” Hemingway
engulfedinflames:
Billo is totally phoning it in now that Bleck is up his ass.
Neilist: Go bind your sons to exile
To serve your captives’ need;
To wait in heavy harness,
On fluttered folk and wild–
Your new-caught, sullen peoples,
Half-devil and half-child.
Though it does sound a little odd coming from the mouth of a Muslo/Kenyan Socialist.
Snarkalicious: Poetry is for fags with guns.
hockeymom: I think that the message was the correct one, and I don’t see a lot of other options thick on the ground. I’m actually kind of glad that everyone involved recognizes how crappy (nominated for understatement of the year) the situation is, and how depressing even the BEST option is.
slappypaddy: I know it doesn’t have the correct rhyme or meter, but I assume that the world demanded Hemingway think happy thoughts, and handed him the shotgun.
brogonzo: Eutanasia?
War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength
Bearbloke: getting close enough so that if we have to snatch the nukes, we might have more than half a chance.
slappypaddy: ms_mcgee: “What does “winning” in Afghanistan look like?”
no one knows. it has never happened.
With all sincerity: That’s the Comment of the Night. You win.
(I’ll just go back to reading my faggoty poetry. This Shakespeare guy: What a ponce.)
x111e7thst: “Fag.” (That wasn’t a comment. Just a quote from “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure . . . In Kabul.”)
DustBowlBlues: i’m on board. looks real enough to whack with a two-by-four.
Any comment yet from President-Elect Palin?
ketchomal: Hey. Not all poetry is bad. Here, just read one of my recent compositions …
Eh, maybe later.
By the way, I missed it–Did LB Obama lead off with “My fellow Americans …”?
Barry looked tired and depressed as all-fucking-get-out.
I’m going to go watch “Terminator Salvation” to cheer myself up.
I know Aristotle says we should all take the middle road, but there are some things you just can’t solve by dividing by two. So tonight we have something for hawks, something for doves, something for nation builders, something for non-nation builders–what does it mean to “push back” the Tallyrand? Tallyman? Tally ho!
The spoils of war, I tell you plain,
Is a one legged friend missing half a brain.
Ketchomal, I support you in this.
Jim, please help!
(Lurkers forced into the open to ask for the bringing of the Banhammer).
Jim Newell: I heartily support this draft thingie. As a 55-year-old who was 4-F when he tried to join up. No deferrments, no buyouts. If you’re a CO you can work in a health clinic.
How is this any kind of surprise? Hopemeister said he’d do something along these lines long ago. Afstuckistan is everybody’s fixer-upper fail. This is about keeping an eye on Packitstan. The Gen. says he has what he needs so that should keep the old Nixonites quiet for a while. My guess is he can now say no to any more requests. I should have said, my hope. Strike that, plea … er prayer.
This won’t work unless the US buys the poppies from the peasant farmer people.
Jim Newell: Jim, I NEVER know what people are talking about but if people are asking you to ban Neilist to my eyes he just seems like teh Wonkett’s version of Private Joker putting the full metal jacket around himself rather than in himself like Private Pyle so if we’re voting I say don’t send Martin Sheen up-river to terminate his command.
“In Pakistan, that nation’s army has gone on its largest offensive in years. In Afghanistan, we and our allies prevented the Taliban from stopping a presidential election, and although it was marred by fraud, that election produced a government that is consistent with Afghanistan’s laws and constitution.” POTUS Obama (hat tip antiwar.com)
Too perfect to snark, I cannot touch it. I would call it Bush like, but it transcends Bush. No malapropisms or mispronunciations, it is precisely what was meant. Like a perfect circle it’s trajectory travels far from it’s starting point in a circuitous manner only to come back and smack itself in the ass.
Don’t ban Neilist, ban bad poetry.
the problem child: Before the ban goes into effect I’ve just got this then I’ll shut up:
Close to Meghan I’d like to sit
And plant a kiss upon each tit
But I don’t think I’d want to Friar Tuck her
Because while I drove her like a trucker
While I made her scream and get batty
I’m afraid she’d be thinking of doing her daddy
Hmmmm. Lurkers call for the banhammer. Bring it (in this case, snark) or keep it to yourselves, chickenhawks!
DoctorCulturae: And Iraq was about keeping an eye on Iran. Rummy and Lon Cheney never admitted it, damn their souls.
Paul Tardy: Sigh. I had a craptastic day at work and Obama topped it off by giving a speech reminding me that I voted for change and got Bush instead.
Thanks for nothin’, Hopey.
engulfedinflames: Hey motherfucker, more iced tea. Or some such thing.
SayItWithWookies: Thanks for having the stones to say it, Wookies.
The fact is, Obama campaigned on the fact that it was a mistake to focus on bullshit reasons to be in Iraq when we were attacked out of a lawless Afghanistan.
Not funny, but it’s not really a funny subject.
THAT’S IT , I HAD IT SHEEPLE WITH BARRY.
ERIC CANTOR/LIZ CHENEY 2012 !!!!
shadowMark: Neilist is an asshole. But he’s our asshole. Logan, sheathe your banhammer.
ivenson: There may be a day, although I hope it never comes, when we need munitions advice. Don’t Scazzafavo Neilisto!
ivenson: Radiotherapy: Wonkett ain’t no stinkin’ democracy, but I’d vote for Neilist to stay if given the chance. For a guy who writes some abhorrent shit from time to time, he does at least write coherent sentences, knows how to spell, and makes me laugh (like a guilty pleasure.) And he comes in here and speaks his warped, sick mind, which takes balls.
Servo: As an older “Ringknocker” from a sister school, I can guarantee that almost all of the cadets in the audience will find themselves there sooner or later…
I had hoped, back in November of Aught-Eight, that electing Obama might mean that I’d feel less often that horrifying feeling that the country in which I was born, currently live, and still have quite a bit of affinity for might stop letting me down. Sadly, no.
The “Wonkets” have weighed in on Barry, but WHAT DOES BILL KRISTOL THINK?!
Franklin Pierce & Pierce: I think the Guardian UK got it exactly right this weekend when they wrote that FOX is not a wing of the Republican Party, but rather, the Republican Party is now a wing of FOX.
El Pinche: Indeed. As depressing as this is, just pause a moment and consider how Walnuts and Snowbilly would have handled it.
Man, iz it over?
Do we all get a free Afghan? It is gettin’ chilly.
BTW, who the fuck was that old black guy filling in for Obama?
If he is doing the faux-Saddam thing, that unit sucked. Zero rhyme or rhythm…
ivenson: I vote to BAN Neilist. He’s a complete asshole.
What?
Oh, wait a minute. I thought this was “The Dead (Because I Shot Them) Poets’ Society.”
My mistake.
Anyway, it might be a good idea to ban me regardless. After tonight’s speech, it might not be long before I move from Kipling to Siefried Sasson. Or maybe Wilfred Owen.
Radiotherapy: Munitions advice? This may be my swan song, but . . . : There is no such thing as “Too Much Ammunition.”
Sorry, Sieggy, I meant “Sass-double O-n.” (But I never liked you as much as Owen anyway, you Upper Class Landed Gentry Git You.)
Save Neilist! Firearms expertise and Gilbert & Sullivan in the defense of snark is no vice. (Apologies to Goldwater)
Every two weeks or so for the last two years there has been a thread with multiple commenters saying “BAN NEILIST.”
But I stay the course.
SayItWithWookies: I’m glad someone on this board is thinking like me. Barry is doing what he said during the campaign he would do. Maybe people thought he would change his mind or was just saying it to attract the more moderate and conservative Dems and independents. Turns out he meant what he said and so people are howling with outrage. Maybe they should have all voted for Kucinich.
But Obama’s right, we took our eye off the ball and let Afghanistan wither on the vine. I’m pessimistic about whether we can turn it around and give the Afghani people at least a fighting chance against having to go back to living under Taliban rule, but he’s going to try, which is more than you can say about the Bush/Cheney regime.
There weren’t any good options, but at least we’re going to stay and cuddle instead of shooting our wad and then hopping out of bed and claiming we’ve got an early meeting.
Neilist: Ha, ha, ha.
Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)
ketchomal: Fucking here here. Give this person an award.
Jim Newell: And thank you overlord for not banning the “Neilist.” He/She/Lizard Person is necessary for our Ginger/Jewish/Muslim/Messican takeover of this “Internet.”
Oldskool: exactly. the idealism of the campaign collides with the reality of governing. it’s fucking DEPRESSING. my libfag heart hates this, but my libfag brain sees the political reality. i also give credit to barry for talking to me as if i was a functional adult and spelling out his policy in rational terms.
AND SHOW YOUR SELF, MR. OR MS. NEILIST. The androids wish to defeat you— but they keep quiet after a few rounds of Jeopardy.
Jim Newell: Are you not paying attention to what just happened to Huckabee? When the day comes for Neilist to respond to his Manchurian directive, the grieving relatives will be looking to you for answers, and they will probably not find ironic distance all that amusing.
imissopus: you and wookies are right, and i’m sad/happy about it. campaign in poetry, govern in prose, etc. when i think about barry’s options in afghanistan, the overall situation is always “shit sandwich”. you gotta eat it, so there’s nothing else left to do but figure out the best way to choke it down.
imissopus: That’s all well and good, but a couple hundred maybe thousand guys effectively had their death warrants signed today, along with a bunch of brown folk. And for what really? There’s no military solution to the “problem.” And you can level the sands of Afghanistan down to glass, it won’t stop terrorists from attacking America’s cities again one day.
Mr Blifil: i agree that the solution to the “problem” is not a military solution. the absolute worst part of the afghan problem is the fact that the karzai government is 100% corrupt horseshit.
Neilist: I move from Kipling to Siefried Sasson. I don’t know, maybe Jim has Kipled before.
Digdig: Where were you during the campaign when Obama said, like, eight billion times that he wanted to focus MORE on Afghanistan? If he’s not what you expected, you weren’t paying attention.
Mr Blifil: But the military has to be there for any civilian solution. If we have civilians setting up the functions Afghanistan needs to be able to function on its own, we have to have forces in place to protect them. The repeated assaults on aid workers have made that pretty clear.
Neilist: What’s Trollish for “schadenfreude”?
glamourdammerung: This. The solution to Afghanistan’s problems (and in turn, our problems with Afghanistan) is obviously, undeniably civilian in nature. Economic reform, government reform, better schools and infrastructure, etc. Just generally making Afghanistan less of a shitty place to live (shitty environments being conducive to crazy-assed violent religion).
This civilian reform will be dead on arrival if we have suicide bombers and such attacking civilian workers every five seconds. Hence, the (insanely depressing) necessity of 30k more boots on the ground and another $30 billion lobbed in the general direction of the problem.
My strategy for winning the Afghan war:
1.Withdraw all troops to Kabul plus airport plus a small area around it. That should be possible to control.
2.Build the fuck out of it. Schools, especially schools for women, hospitals, parks, mosques, stadiums, swimming pools, cinemas, internet cafes up the wazoo. Employ locals and pump some money in there. Screw Halliburton.
3. Gradually extend access and make it easy for outlying Afghans to reach Kabul.
4. Forget trying to stop the opium trade. This isn’t part of the war on drugs. The war on drugs is over. Drugs won.
5. Tell Russia they can have the North. Tell Pakistan they can have the East. Tell Iran they can have the part adjacent to their border. Fuck it.
6. Officially declare the country dissolved.
I bet that old koolaid troll lady is dead by now.
El Pinche: Sorry, I’m a bit pissed right now. I just want to hold Dennis Kucinich in my arms right now and spoon him for a little while. ….while Liz K. watches…might as well kink it up.
El Pinche: Right now.
Mr Blifil: Hey, I’d have been happy as a clam if he’d gone all Eric Cartman on the Afghanis: Screw you guys, I’m going home. But the simple fact is we went into that country and overthrew its government and then turned our backs and focused resources elsewhere…ironically similar to how we supported the mujhadeen against the Soviets and then tossed ‘em aside. And we know where that got us.
In other words, we broke it, we bought it.
So now our military has to engage in some nation building that it should have engaged in six or seven years ago. It sucks and I don’t want our soldiers to have to do it and it might be a fool’s errand and I hope like hell that we really can start pulling the troops out in a year and a half. But if by some miracle the country does stabilize and it helps keep Pakistan relatively calm and buys Obama a little more time to keep convincing the rest of the world that we’re not the hegemonic oil-hogging imperialists our last administration was, then maybe it will have been a good thing.
My brother and brother-in-law are both in Afghan tonight. Their tours have been extended, of course. Over there, the consensus seems to be that BushCo neglected this fucking war (apparently they thought it was based on a John Milius screenplay) and now it’s clean up the defecated bed. “You libtards are always blaming everything on Bush” …. you betcha asshole imaginary voice in my head.
Quick scan of comments reveals two predominant subjects tonight:
1) Dismay over Barry keeping one of his campaign promises. (Shit. People? How did you think this was going to turn out? Were you even listening to Barry when he spoke on the campaign trail, or just admiring the whole milk-chocolate-brainiac-with-a-beautiful-family package, and engaging in wishful thinking?) Guess what? He’s also not going to come out for gay rights until after he’s elected to a second term. I think you should face this fact and get on with your lives.
2) Ban Neillist. (Not as important, to me, personally, but I’m against it in principle.)
Lascauxcaveman:
no kidding. He actually said that he was gonna do exactly what he just said he’s about to do. I wish he’d roll back the Ministry of Love a whole lot more, but he was talking about escalating afpak before the term existed.
Id the soft drink “Surge” failed in the late nineties— why do we abide by the surge now? READ THE BIBLE. AYN RAND!!1! PEACE FRUIT TEABAGGING REAGAN!!1!
Lascauxcaveman: I think sadly many commenters on here believe what they hear on Fox News. In other words, they REALLY TRULY THOUGHT Barry O was a secret socialist and peacenik!
Face facts - you libtards voted for a candidate who said straight out that he was getting out of Iraq to bomb Afghanistan some more, and somehow thought he didn’t mean it.
doloras: It’s not common that we get politicians to do what they say. But, I’d say a rule of thumb to remember in American politics is when an American politician tells you her or she is going to bomb the fuck out of something, it means that they are going to bomb the fuck out of something.
BTW, you can know he meant war and still be disappointed in him following through on his warring. Sorry, but the guy deserves all of the criticism on this issue that he gets. To know hundreds more folks are being sent to essentially die in IED explosions for an ambivalent country is appropriately distressful and angering. If the plan is to only be in there another 18 months, then sending these troops is nothing more than to save face and window dress. They are the very definition of cannon fodder. I wasn’t under any illusion (I didn’t even vote for the guy), and I don’t think most folks complaining about his descision were either.
The important thing is at least he’s not dithering anymore.
http://democralypsenow.com/
Why did we ever sign on to that damn Biological Weapons Convention, we could get our boys out and sent Captain Trips in… As an added benefit, Allah would nut-sack deep in martyrs in no time!
Jim Newell: Would never happen. Cheney, Limbaugh, chicken hawks, et al would never allow such a socialist piece of legislation to push through. Wars can only be fought by poor black / white trash youth, not hardworking, family-loving entrepreneurs (i.e. trustfund baby whites).
Can’t we just nuke Afghanistan and throw a big rug over the hole? A very nice Oriental rug with shiny happy people holding hands woven into the pattern. Sort of like a theme park for Walmart.
the evil powers that be are loving this– more killing, more drugs, more money to the MIC
But what does Dick Cheney think of the speech? I must know!
Jim Newell: ATTABOY, JIM! HOWBOUTCHA?!
Servo: Now with Porkfreesausageabad?
Carrabuda: Dick Cheney is suddenly anti-war and pro-leaving Al-Queda to their own devices.
Jim Newell: “Every two weeks or so for the last two years there has been a thread with multiple commenters saying “BAN NEILIST.” ”
Ever think there might be a reason for that?
Dreadful Gate: I fear it exists to show the butt secks in those forbidden torture videos.
Holding Out for a Hero: He’s been forced to realize that he too is a puppet for the military-industrial-congressional complex.
As long as we’re quoting Kipling on Afghanistan:
A scrimmage in a Border Station
A canter down some dark defile
Two thousand pounds of education
Drops to a ten-rupee jezail.
Jim Newell: Oooo, you’re such a maverick. But, seriously dude, ban him, already.
Jim Newell: Oh, and for the love of the FSM, could you please answer my emails? I’ve sent the same message to each of the editors multiple times for months, now, with no response. Do you guys not answer your email? In my case, it’s a service issue concerning my account.