LET FREEDOM REIGN  4:06 pm December 1, 2009

‘Freedom Tray’ Is Perfect Xmas Gift For Every Single Person In America

by Ken Layne

Fuck yeah.
Do you have a hard time balancing a lap-full of bacon burgers and grease tacos while you drive around slurping caramel-coffee ice cream shakes and 172-oz. buckets of Mr. Pibb? Did foreigners steal your job? Wondering why your teen-aged daughter has so many middle-aged male friends from the MySpace showing up at all hours? What you need is the Freedom Tray. Meet the Freedom Tray. Buy the Freedom Tray. Experience Freedom.

What is the Freedom Tray, you ask? Well put down your Koran and take your dick out of that guy’s mouth and we will tell you:

Is this a patriotic tray?

The Freedom Tray is a tribute to the world class manufacturing and dedication of the hard working people of this country. We are proud that the Freedom Tray is completely made and manufactured in the USA with US-made materials. Also, as the name implies, the tray provides you the freedom to live an organized, spill-free and uncluttered life without changing your day-to-day routine.

How much weight can the Freedom Tray hold?

Be assured that the Freedom Tray is designed to hold all you can load in it. The Freedom Tray can hold up to 75 lbs. of weight in the center of the tray, with the legs deployed. This is one tough tray!

Can I order accessories?

Currently accessories are not available for sale. Check back for future enhancements or follow the link on our website to sign-up to receive product updates and special promotions.

What are the three U shaped holes on the sidewalls?

These are for future accessories. Check back soon for details.

Yeah whatever, these are just holes for the rope so you can attach the Freedom Tray to your neck, for hands-free eating of 75 pounds of hamburgers. Merry Christmas, everybody! Enjoy your Freedom! (Tray.) [Freedom Tray, via Wonkette operative Garrett Quinn]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 126 comments }

AnnieGetYourFun December 1, 2009 at 4:10 pm

But will the legs fit on either side of the motorized scooters that morbidly obese Americans need to get around Wal-Mart? Actually, will the legs fit on either side of most Americans?

OpusOne December 1, 2009 at 4:10 pm

Sadly, the Freedom Tray isn’t Free. NEVAR FORGIT.

WarAndG December 1, 2009 at 4:10 pm

As seen on the Fox News. It comes with 50 American Flag napkins. While supplies last. No purchase necessary? Screw you, freedom isn’t free libtard.

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History December 1, 2009 at 4:10 pm

Needs more jeebus pictures.

iwillsavethispatient December 1, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Surely that’s just half a beer-pong table?

Also, only holds 75 pounds? That’s less than the weight of a Real American’s arm.

Mustang December 1, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Again with hating the freedom, Mr. Smarty Smart Wonkette.

coolcatdaddy December 1, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Now I’ll never have to touch my burger and fries again as I shove them into my mouth.

Thanks, Freedom Tray!

StoneAge December 1, 2009 at 4:14 pm

[re=469297]OpusOne[/re]: You’re right, it costs $19.95.

M.Yazz December 1, 2009 at 4:15 pm

What the hell ever happened to just eating at the dinner table?

SmutBoffin December 1, 2009 at 4:17 pm

Shit. Ken. Whenever you write about the mall-hopping and grease-guzzling habits that are components of the Modern American Condition, I get the impression that your pen (keyboard-blog-thing?) has been dipped in molten anger.

You scare me sometimes, is the point.

iwillsavethispatient December 1, 2009 at 4:17 pm

[re=469301]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Oh wait, I see, it’s small, for your lap, not for beer pong after all. Not to say we couldn’t try… Tell you what, lets just drink some cheap beer quickly and call it quits.

The customer quotes are great:
As “Sarah from Buffalo” says, “Before, the kids were always making a mess when we traveled with food. Now, I let the little bleeders starve instead.”

confederette libtard December 1, 2009 at 4:17 pm

Will my freedom fries fit up in thar?

iwillsavethispatient December 1, 2009 at 4:18 pm

[re=469307]M.Yazz[/re]: The 1950s just called, they’re missing a crotchety old man.

magic titty December 1, 2009 at 4:18 pm

Having your dick in a guy’s mouth while holding a Koran isn’t the Freedom Tray?

NopantsMcGee December 1, 2009 at 4:18 pm

75 lbs of food for a Bitter isn’t even enough to get them out of bed, much less sitting in an upright position.

Cicada December 1, 2009 at 4:19 pm

Wow, if I order now I get 4 “Freedom Huggers” free! I have no idea what a “Freedom Hugger” is. I think it might be Real American (TM) for a condom. You know, the special kind with the holes poked in them that Sarah Palin uses.

JMP December 1, 2009 at 4:19 pm

“We are proud that the Freedom Tray is completely made and manufactured in the USA with US-made materials.”

In other words, it’s made in the Northern Mariana Islands by virtual slave labor; either that, or like US cars it breaks down and needs to be returned for servicing every six months or so.

[re=469298]WarAndG[/re]: [re=469306]StoneAge[/re]: Are the flag napkins only included if you call within the next five minutes?

Bearbloke December 1, 2009 at 4:20 pm

FREEEEE-DUMMM!!!!1!!1!!

RoscoePColtraine December 1, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Move over, Snuggie! I know what everyone on my gift list is getting for CHRISTmas this year.

Doglessliberal December 1, 2009 at 4:21 pm

But wait! Are there special TrayNutz (TM) to go with it?

mumblyjoe December 1, 2009 at 4:22 pm

Ohmygodthisisarealthingwhy?

proudgrampa December 1, 2009 at 4:22 pm

COMING SOON! FLASHLIGHT ATTACHMENT FOR YOUR FREEDOM TRAY!

EAT AND DRINK IN THE DARK WITH YOUR FREEDOM TRAY!

Oh Philadelphia Freedom Tray shine on me, I love you
Shine a light through the eyes of the ones left behind
Shine a light shine a light
Shine a light won’t you shine a light
Philadelphia Freedom Tray I love you, yes I do!

madtowngooner December 1, 2009 at 4:22 pm

[re=469307]M.Yazz[/re]: What ever happened to just eating the dinner table? There, fixed.

Mad Brahms December 1, 2009 at 4:22 pm

[re=469307]M.Yazz[/re]: Why go to the dinner table when you can bring the dinner table to you? This article reminds me of the Onion video piece on Americans buying Feed Bags. I hate it when satire becomes reality.

[re=469306]StoneAge[/re]: If it doesn’t come in three easy payments, that’s going to be a tough sell for some folks. Though they could through in some sort of 80s compilation album to sweeten the deal, I guess.

OpusOne December 1, 2009 at 4:23 pm

[re=469306]StoneAge[/re]: Yes, but by acting now, you get twice as much freedom.

queeraselvis v 2.0 December 1, 2009 at 4:23 pm

I call bullshit. Ewa and Mitch aren’t nearly fat enough to have come up with that glorified pig trough.

Bearbloke December 1, 2009 at 4:23 pm

[re=469298]WarAndG[/re]: …and bumwipe to match, for those special occasions?

JMP December 1, 2009 at 4:23 pm

[re=469307]M.Yazz[/re]: Come on now, it’s the American way for proud patriotic families to eat slack-jawed in front of the TV (showing football, NASCAR or Fox News, of course), not talking to each other as they shove the Big Macs into their mouths.

Sweet Baby Cheeses December 1, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Needs more eagles.

Oldskool December 1, 2009 at 4:24 pm

So if I wanted to try out me some freedom, I couldn’t lay on the tray cause it only holds 75 lbs. I’d like to order one super-sized, please, with extry milkshake holes.

PrairiePossum December 1, 2009 at 4:24 pm

No Freedom Trays for Christmas – no baby Jesus depicted on the tray and the bastard didn’t wish me a Merry Christmas.

Doglessliberal December 1, 2009 at 4:24 pm

[re=469325]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: no, no, one needs to wear the Snuggie (TM), the perfect garment for Amurricans who now resemble amorphous blobs of suet, while inhaling the requisite 5000 calories per day off the Freedom Tray!

Senile Agitation December 1, 2009 at 4:24 pm

Turns out Kristofferson got it a little wrong, freedom is just another word for 120+ pounds left to lose. Thank goodness this Tray of Liberty can hold up to 75 pounds of fruits, nuts, grains and leafy green vegetables. Or a naked young boy.

Mad Brahms December 1, 2009 at 4:25 pm

Just noticed the “recycle” logo. Does this apply to the materials, or the 75 pounds of food? This is no less than the second time this month a Wonkette thread has evoked memories of Mr. Creosote.

gurukalehuru December 1, 2009 at 4:26 pm

A freedom tray for your freedom fries
your freedom cake and freedom pies
freedom beer and freedom chips
and onion flavored freedom dip
Carry freedom in your car
put it in your lap
it holds up to 75 pounds
of your favorite freedom crap

The Church of Realism December 1, 2009 at 4:28 pm

What do you accessorize a Freedom Tray with? My guess is bacon, but I could be wrong…

Mad Brahms December 1, 2009 at 4:28 pm

[re=469346]gurukalehuru[/re]: Excellent intro / first verse. I demand a chorus.

Jerri December 1, 2009 at 4:28 pm

At last! A trough that fits me and my family’s needs! To the top of the CHRISTmas wish list you go, USA America Freedom Trough!

Bearbloke December 1, 2009 at 4:28 pm

[re=469329]proudgrampa[/re]:
“COMING SOON! FLESHLIGHT ATTACHMENT FOR YOUR FREEDOM TRAY!”

/fixed

Zadig December 1, 2009 at 4:29 pm

[re=469331]Mad Brahms[/re]: At this point literally the only difference left between The Onion and Fox News is that one of them is completely sincere.

SayItWithWookies December 1, 2009 at 4:29 pm

Forget about the food aspect of this thing — what’s really great and freedom-loving and empowering is that you now have a place to set your laptop while you’re driving.

NopantsMcGee December 1, 2009 at 4:30 pm

I’m sorry “Freedom Tray” people, but I have been taught by the Shamwow guy that the best things are made by the Germans.

Mad Brahms December 1, 2009 at 4:30 pm

[re=469355]SayItWithWookies[/re]: One shouldn’t combine the too, though, lest you spill sausage gravy on your keyboard while in the midst of a particularly indignant WND post.

AggieDemocrat December 1, 2009 at 4:31 pm

[re=469344]Mad Brahms[/re]: How can they have a recycle logo? WHY DO THEY HATE AMERICA? /mind blowing

If you eat your dinner off any other surface (including and especially an Obama commemorative plate), you are a DEMON TERRIST!

slappypaddy December 1, 2009 at 4:31 pm

“The Freedom Tray can hold up to 75 lbs. of weight in the center of the tray, with the legs deployed. This is one tough tray!”

it’s going to need to hold more than that in the center, once its legs are deployed.

AggieDemocrat December 1, 2009 at 4:31 pm

Oh, and I love their tagline: “Made in America. Used Everywhere.”

Yes, I’m sure these are all the rage in the three-star Michelin restaurants of Paris.

Evil Dr. Puma December 1, 2009 at 4:31 pm

I just can’t bring myself to care. I must not be free enough.

Gopherit December 1, 2009 at 4:33 pm

Shit, 75 lbs isn’t even enough for a decent haunch of moose. This is not palin approved.

Bearbloke December 1, 2009 at 4:34 pm

[re=469359]AggieDemocrat[/re]: Yes, I much prefer the ObaMarx/ObamEngels dinnerware collection…

loudmouthredhead December 1, 2009 at 4:34 pm

So, if one accessory is, say, a fry-o-lator…and another is a porta-potty… and then we have a victory tater garden box off the front…THAT is the complete circle of life, and it all collapses down to less than 1 in thick!?

Say, is Mrs. Announcer lady foreign or what? Mail-order maybe?

give us a bob December 1, 2009 at 4:35 pm

[re=469329]proudgrampa[/re]: [re=469353]Bearbloke[/re]: But you can only have one fleshlight. The other attachment should be where the AR-15 clips on.

AggieDemocrat December 1, 2009 at 4:36 pm

[re=469367]Bearbloke[/re]: Hey, those are kinda cool…

RoscoePColtraine December 1, 2009 at 4:36 pm

This is some Homer Simpson shit right here.

Nigerian Business Executive December 1, 2009 at 4:36 pm

I hope someone buys me the Freedom Pubic Hair Clippers for Christmas!

loudmouthredhead December 1, 2009 at 4:37 pm

[re=469320]Cicada[/re]: You forgot the special alcohol/meth-based lubricant. “For everyone’s pleasure”

bureaucrap December 1, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Freedom Tray’s another word for “Nothin’ left to lose.”

NopantsMcGee December 1, 2009 at 4:38 pm

No holder for Skoal?

This is a Manchurian tray if I ever saw one.

Bearbloke December 1, 2009 at 4:38 pm

[re=469369]give us a bob[/re]: That’s the “Real Merikin” D-luxe model, which can be yours – with a paid subscription to Newsmax.com…

bitchincamaro December 1, 2009 at 4:38 pm

Hotdamm! My own personal Troff ‘n’ Brew!11!11!!!

snideinplainsight December 1, 2009 at 4:41 pm

[re=469337]Sweet Baby Cheeses[/re]: Needs more crying, flag-tatooed eagles.

loudmouthredhead December 1, 2009 at 4:41 pm

[re=469347]The Church of Realism[/re]: Nono, the TRAY makes the BACON, not the other way around. Much like wifebeater with pit stains makes the man.

loudmouthredhead December 1, 2009 at 4:42 pm

[re=469378]NopantsMcGee[/re]: It’s the perfect size for a case of Skoal…I reckon.

Crazybroad December 1, 2009 at 4:42 pm

Needs more 9/11.

Furthermore, I will not buy it unless/until it is given the official US-Americuns Christmas-time seal of approval. I just can’t have a freedom tray made by Muslims or Jews.

Ducksworthy December 1, 2009 at 4:43 pm

Look. You wonkers can make all the fun you want but these Real Merikan Entrepreneurs (wait is that french?) have figured out how to get the Bitters to send them their money and I’m proud of ‘em. I want to do the same thing. What’s a good scam we can slap a flag on and sell to the yokels? Besides televangelism. Too much competition there.

Something like this maybe http://tinyurl.com/yjmmn4y

RoscoePColtraine December 1, 2009 at 4:45 pm

[re=469333]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: It was designed for use by a family of four. If the customer chooses to use it for his or her own singular use, which is possible, that’s his or her business.

mumblyjoe December 1, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=469389]Ducksworthy[/re]: No, the French don’t have a word for entrepeneur.

Merkins, and therefore merkin entrepenuers, on the other hand, are very, very french. Or so I’m told.

magic titty December 1, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=469307]M.Yazz[/re]: What’s a ‘dinner table’?

M.Yazz December 1, 2009 at 4:49 pm

No doubt the Freedom Tray people run purity tests on their customers. The rest of you bastards get the Commie Traitor Librul Tray (made in China).

chascates December 1, 2009 at 4:49 pm

Now I’ve got a made-in-the-USA tray to hold my fast food burger (from Brazil, Australia, or Argentina) prepared by teh illegalz!

osama bin drinkin December 1, 2009 at 4:50 pm

I’m actually buying half a dozen of these as xmas gifts. Some for friends who will get the joke, the rest for family who won’t, but will really like it even more.

rachelv December 1, 2009 at 4:52 pm

I must say, the “future accessories” tempt me.

Nigerian Business Executive December 1, 2009 at 4:53 pm

[re=469403]M.Yazz[/re]: I’ll have the Gay Tray, thank you very much.

RoscoePColtraine December 1, 2009 at 4:54 pm

[re=469406]osama bin drinkin[/re]: You thought I was kiddin’? Man, I hope there’s enough real estate under my tree for all the Freedom Trays I plan to buy.[re=469325]RoscoePColtraine[/re]:

Cheney Guevara December 1, 2009 at 4:58 pm

75 pounds?!?! Wow, four freedom trays welded together can hold the average American ass!

assistant/atlas December 1, 2009 at 5:02 pm

[re=469354]Zadig[/re]: And only one of them secretly hates Glenn Beck.

ms_mcgee December 1, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Ewa Lawrence is Sweedish (Communist) and not made in America. I call bullshit.

Alexander the Large December 1, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Thank God for that helpful illustration. I was wondering whether my freedom fries and my… err… freedom fish and chips? would fit in my freedom white trash accessory.

Extemporanus December 1, 2009 at 5:03 pm

“Freedom Tray” really doesn’t sound very American to me.

Couldn’t they have called it the “Freedom Very”, or Freedom Three”, or something?

predilectrix December 1, 2009 at 5:03 pm

[re=469310]SmutBoffin[/re]: Yeah, and it does my heart good. Thanks, Ken!

the problem child December 1, 2009 at 5:07 pm

Does “*Used Everywhere” mean I can pick one up at a yard sale for a quarter? Because I might.

Extemporanus December 1, 2009 at 5:09 pm

I’m gonna install a fucking Freedom Tray on this here gas powered bad boy, and then I’ll never have to get off my fat fucking ass again!

AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

Spike December 1, 2009 at 5:12 pm

$20 for a tray? You could get like, 4 Made in China trays for that price. And they would throw in the lead paint for free!

Extemporanus December 1, 2009 at 5:12 pm

[re=469409]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: You mean this one with the crack in it?

Suds McKenzie December 1, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Bagram Air Base Sky Mall?

Sharkey December 1, 2009 at 5:17 pm

[re=469427]ms_mcgee[/re]: “Das Fweedom Tway is ve must haav…”

Also, do they ship to France? How about Iran? This is perfect for my gift-giving needs.

Don't Mess with Joe December 1, 2009 at 5:26 pm

Garrett you beat me to it! I saw this thing on TV over Thanksgiving and was just floored. This makes the Snuggie look high class.

EdFlinstone December 1, 2009 at 5:28 pm

Oh why must I wait for the Freedom Toilet? When Im done with my freedom fries and salad with freedom dressing, and breakfast with freedom toast, only then will my recently liberated turds get the dignified sendoff to the waste treatment plant they deserve.

happyrock December 1, 2009 at 5:31 pm

The attachments are for the toilet that you sit on before attaching the tray. It’s delayed because they’re test marketing various configurations of American flag decorations to see which one is most popular. Wrap-yourself-in-the-flag-diapers tested poorly.

Nigerian Business Executive December 1, 2009 at 5:39 pm

[re=469441]Extemporanus[/re]: That Gay Tray doesn’t look very gay to me. I suppose I should have asked for a Muscle Bear Tray because I guess I just can’t tell between a Really Fay Gay Tray and a woman’s back.

What a very bizarre sentence I just wrote.

Mr Blifil December 1, 2009 at 5:44 pm

I can’t wait for the class war when the people with food and shit all over their stupid oversize automotive vehicles turn on the Freedom Tray-having overlords. At that point, I’m doubting Freedom will reign.

I am hopeful one of those special holder thingees will be for my jetpack.

tiger December 1, 2009 at 5:45 pm

I prefer my Mao mug.

NiceButStupid December 1, 2009 at 5:49 pm

I’m holding out for the Freedom Tray Deluxe (pronounced DEEElux). I am hoping that it will come with arm rests along the side of the tray that wrap around me. Right now there is no place for me to put my elbows.

Extemporanus December 1, 2009 at 6:01 pm

[re=469482]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Hey, I think the tray’s a twink, or as they might say, a “tway”. OK?

Oh, and here’s a “Bear Tres” for you, mi amigo.

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History December 1, 2009 at 6:03 pm

Wait a minute, what the fuck is that commie green recycling arrow doing on the web site? The freedom tray isn’t made of recycled materials, is it?

Humpback December 1, 2009 at 6:04 pm

What if I have more than 75 pounds of Freedom? Where will I put it? Must I wait for the attachments?

Nigerian Business Executive December 1, 2009 at 6:10 pm

[re=469519]Extemporanus[/re]: Ugh. I just lost my appetite. You should sell your Bear Tres as a diet aid.

Bearbloke December 1, 2009 at 6:13 pm

[re=469519]Extemporanus[/re]: Bear Fail! – No Bear would go to an outdoor ‘shirtless-is-fine’ event with a woman, especially one with whom he could swap clothes… one saves the Divine-sized faghags like that one for a John Waters film-fest…

Flanders December 1, 2009 at 6:19 pm

[re=469349]Mad Brahms[/re]: A chorus now demands a chorus!

Native of SL UT December 1, 2009 at 6:26 pm

I’ll buy one if the first accessory is a Stamen BOS2000 Vacuum Therapy System.

comicbookguy December 1, 2009 at 6:37 pm

I don’t go sailing off the coast of Iran without my Freedom Tray! And the legs fold so you can take it hiking! Also!

Extemporanus December 1, 2009 at 6:43 pm

[re=469528]Bearbloke[/re]: It’s good to know that shaving a NASCAR driver’s number on one’s back meets with your approval.

Lemme guess: You’ve got “99″ on yours, right?

comicbookguy December 1, 2009 at 6:48 pm

You know who could use a Freedom Tray? Our troops. Send one in a care package to remind them what they’re fighting for.

Norbert December 1, 2009 at 6:54 pm

They hate us for our Freedom Trays.

undermedicated December 1, 2009 at 6:58 pm

The FAQ claims there are no BPAs in the FREEDOM TRAY. The fuck is going on? This is some sort of trick by dirty hippies from North Carolina. There’s nothing more patriotic than bisphenol A. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!11!!!;

SmutBoffin December 1, 2009 at 7:02 pm

[re=469431]predilectrix[/re]: Yeah, me too.

Bearbloke December 1, 2009 at 7:07 pm

[re=469554]Extemporanus[/re]: “51″ is more likely – that or maybe my mobile number…

a_pink_poodle December 1, 2009 at 7:56 pm

Real ‘mericans buy Freedom Trays, not French Trays.

…wait, there really are French Trays? God damn it, not again!

KingCoCrazy December 1, 2009 at 8:08 pm

Remember, usage is strictly limited to PBR and burgers. Don’t even think about rollin’ doobies or snortin’ blow on a Freedom Tray, or a righteous all-American ass whoopin’ is coming your way!

PsycGirl December 1, 2009 at 8:42 pm

I foresee receiving only Indentured Servitude Trays for Christmas.

skoal rebel December 1, 2009 at 9:39 pm

shit fuckin broke first time i used it piece of shit just ridin in my truck just had a dip reached for my mountin dew 2liter barely fit in the holder fell allover the fuckin place snapped the leg right off piece of shit

President Beeblebrox December 1, 2009 at 11:52 pm

That’s serious font abuse on the Freedom Tray logo. I would expect those letters to form the logo of a heavy metal band like, say, “TARANCHULA”, “LIMOZEEN”, or “BIGG NIFE”.

So this is what the New American Century is going to bring us – fast food served and eaten faster on yr. Red State-manufactured Freedom Trays. Who needs the auto and steel industries when fuckwits in the South are happy to make giant plastic trays to serve junk food on?

Somewhere, Andrew Carnegie is crying.

Smoke Filled Roommate December 2, 2009 at 12:00 am

Needs some TrayNutz™.

President Beeblebrox December 2, 2009 at 12:07 am

Freedom Tray Facebook fan page GO GO GO!

“My Freedom Tray doubles as a waterboard.”

Also, what makes a tray patriotic? Are Muslin trays unpatriotic? What about Jewish trays? Or gay French or gay Dutch trays? AMERIKA TRAY’S FUK YEAH!

Is this a patriotic tray?

The Freedom Tray is a tribute to the world class manufacturing and dedication of the hard working people of this country. We are proud that the Freedom Tray is completely made and manufactured in the USA with US-made materials. Also, as the name implies, the tray provides you the freedom to live an organized, spill-free and uncluttered life without changing your day-to-day routine.

Smoke Filled Roommate December 2, 2009 at 12:20 am

[re=469774]President Beeblebrox[/re]:

Carnegie? Ya mean that pickaninny that stoled mah vee-hickle?

LowerdPeninsula December 2, 2009 at 4:01 am

Victory, errmmm…Freedom Gin, anyone?

JDHART December 2, 2009 at 7:45 am

Hey, hey, hey. That’s enough of that. It’s a $120 value!

peggynoonansrickshaw December 2, 2009 at 8:08 am

“check back for future enhancements”.

Kinkster December 2, 2009 at 8:15 am

[re=469306]StoneAge[/re]: Jesus, I thought freedom was expensive at $1.05 in 2004, but now it’s $19.95?? I should have invested in freedom instead of all this purestrain gold.

Manos: Hands of Fate December 2, 2009 at 8:37 am

“The Freedom Tray can hold up to 75 lbs. of weight” Damn, that’s a lot of Cheezy Gordita Crunchs.

Anonymous Office Zombie December 2, 2009 at 11:32 am

Future accessories? Like what? Snap-on missile launcher, Palin book holster, and waterboard, each sold separately?

Accordion-o-rama December 2, 2009 at 1:10 pm

[re=469349]Mad Brahms[/re]:
Freedom tray
Freedom fap
Now it’s time for
Freedom nap

(repeat till fade out)

Magnus Maximus December 2, 2009 at 1:11 pm

Well, I have to buy one for ironic purposes. It’s just too cool to pass up.

If you eat sushi from Whole Foods off of it, it’s like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters…the universe will blow up.

raysmuckles December 2, 2009 at 1:41 pm

I’m still trying to find the asterisk, but I guarantee you any amount of money that this thing is actually made in Red China and covered in 100% lead paint.

fromhils December 2, 2009 at 1:52 pm

I detect an unusual accent on the lady in the commercial… thinking perhaps she may be a foreign…

ferner! ferner!1!!

THEY TUK OR JOBS!1!!!!

S0C7 December 2, 2009 at 9:01 pm

[re=469346]gurukalehuru[/re]: I am waiting for the Fanny J Crosby version!
Perfect submission, perfect delight,
visions of rapture now burst on my sight.
Angels descending bring from above,
echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.

Wish it had more Jeebus however.

eekahil December 3, 2009 at 1:27 pm

Anyone tries to Freedom Hug me I’m calling HR.
And just what part of America were you made in, Ms. Funny Accent EWA MATAWHATSIS? You and the Mister don’t even spell “Lawrence” the American right way.
Lou…oh, Lou…gotta little job for you.

And “America” can mean Mexico or Canadia, also. Or even that place South of Florida or wherever the heck Argentina is.
ZOIMG! Maybe it’s made on Muslin Obama Hawaii!!!!111!!!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: