'Freedom Tray' Is Perfect Xmas Gift For Every Single Person In America

Do you have a hard time balancing a lap-full of bacon burgers and grease tacos while you drive around slurping caramel-coffee ice cream shakes and 172-oz. buckets of Mr. Pibb? Did foreigners steal your job? Wondering why your teen-aged daughter has so many middle-aged male friends from the MySpace showing up at all hours? What you need is the Freedom Tray. Meet the Freedom Tray. Buy the Freedom Tray. Experience Freedom.

Whatisthe Freedom Tray, you ask? Well put down your Koran and take your dick out of that guy's mouth and we will tell you:  

Is this a patriotic tray?

The Freedom Tray is a tribute to the world class manufacturing and dedication of the hard working people of this country. We are proud that the Freedom Tray is completely made and manufactured in the USA with US-made materials. Also, as the name implies, the tray provides you the freedom to live an organized, spill-free and uncluttered life without changing your day-to-day routine.

How much weight can the Freedom Tray hold?

Be assured that the Freedom Tray is designed to hold all you can load in it. The Freedom Tray can hold up to 75 lbs. of weight in the center of the tray, with the legs deployed. This is one tough tray!

Can I order accessories?

Currently accessories are not available for sale. Check back for future enhancements or follow the link on our website to sign-up to receive product updates and special promotions.

What are the three U shaped holes on the sidewalls?

These are for future accessories. Check back soon for details.

Yeah whatever, these are just holes for the rope so you can attach the Freedom Tray to your neck, for hands-free eating of 75 pounds of hamburgers. Merry Christmas, everybody! Enjoy your Freedom! (Tray.) [ Freedom Tray, via Wonkette operative Garrett Quinn ]