Wingnut Christians have a powerful new ally in the War On Xmas: It’s a website full of retailer ratings to let you know if maybe Jews or Atheists or (God forbid!) Muslims are making the Xmas Season less Christ-y! StandForChristmas.com reports and decides on which chain stores (WalMart) know the “reason for the season,” and which homosexual shops (Best Buy, The Gap) are trying to make nice with anti-American forces such as Muslims, Jews and Atheists. Let’s review the reviewers!
One day, the Pagans will take back Christmas, because they invented it, but for now only Christians are unemployed in numbers large enough for a volunteer-force War on Xmas. And now that the season of Santa and Frosty is upon us, this is what’s on the collective mind of America’s disgruntled white Jeebus-followers (other than porn and extra-value meals, anyway):
- Macy’s:
- “Me and my family shop at Dadeland Macys in Miami Florida.The Salespersons are very friendly and Christmas Focus.I am a very Aggressive and Bold person for CHRIST any store that i spend my money in they better tell me Merry Christmas or a VOID will be following in seconds.”
- “I was looking for a Christmas Sweater and told by a clerk that they had not carried Christmas Sweaters for some time. I was disappointed. They used to have sweaters depicting the ‘Silent Night’, the Three Kings, etc. I find I frequent the store less and less frequently.” [The mythical Three Kings were Iranian Devil-Worshipers, did you know? -- Ed.]
- “I wish I knew about this store prior to my purchase. The service was good and they were friendly. No Happy Holidays, no Merry Cchristmas nothing. Now I know why. Last time I shop here.”
- “Just bought an ipod from Best Buy, but then learned of their anti-Christmas/pro -Eid al Adha actions. I so regret having purchased from them. Best Buy, give glory to the one who has allowed and attributed to your success…Jesus Christ, not Mohammed!”
- “Great holiday prices and friendly staff.” [Nice try, Mohammed Atta! -- Ed.]
- “In your flyer advertising Black Friday the weekend before Thanksgiving, you had nothing regarding Christmas..instead you had Happy Eid Al- Adha…a muslim religious Holiday. This is the United States of America, founded on Chrisitan principals, not Muslim. I am disgraced by this and will not shop your stores until you recognize the religious holiday that prevails in the U.S. – Christmas!”
- “It’s so rude that Best Buy has a Muslim Wish on the front of their WebFlyer. This is America! Wish us a Merry Christmas! I will not be shopping at Best Buy ever again!”
- “I was completely disgusted by the commercial on tv for the GAP. Not only was Christmas so casually mentioned, but to push the idea that it’s ok to do whatever feels right is so obviously against God and His Word. I for one will no longer shop at any company affiliated with the GAP. I pray that others choose to join as well. I also encourage others to pray for the people involved that God could reach them in some way and change their hearts and minds.”
- “You have offended the U.S. majority (Christians) by equating the birth of Christ with Wiccan soltice. I’m curious as to to buying power of Wiccans compared to the buying power of Christians? This Christian respectfully WANNUKAHS to cancel my GAP credit card in person in my local store. Other Christians – please let your local store manager know in person of your decision to no longer support their stores.”
- “Just heard about Gap deciding against Christmas. They are comparing Christmas to cults and witchcraft and encouraging folks to celebrate the ‘holiday’ in whatever manner they see fit. Come on, Gap, take a stand for what is RIGHT – you benefit from our Christmas dollars for Christmas gifts. Because of their stand on Christmas, I won’t be buying anything from Gap this year. Come on Gap! Celebrate Christmas! Jesus died for EVERYONE!” [Jesus *died* on Xmas? WTF? -- Ed.]
- “I was made to feel very uncomfortable by their employees who would only respond to my ‘Merry Christmas’ with a ‘Happy Holidays’. If they know I believe in Jesus, why can’t they just wish me a Merry Christmas???”
- “Shopping CHRISTmas friendly stores is very important to me. I do not believe that CHRISTmas advertising should begin until after Thanksgiving. The day to celebrate the birth of Jesus has become far more too materialistic, and seems to become that way more each. year. Loacally the CHRISTmas decorations, songs, etc. began before holloween. Absurd and disgusting. Thank God for Focus on the Family and all you do. God Bless each and everyone at Focus. Myrna”
Best Buy:
The Gap:
Eddie Bauer:
Uh yeah because the BIBLE clearly commands that you can’t have Xmas decorations before Halloween, jesus fucking christ, you people are all lunatics. [Stand For Christmas]
{ 188 comments }
Jeez, I understand the first commentators sense of outrage, but doesn’t he think crapping his pants is going a bit overboard?
Since Christmas trees are specifically prohibited in the Bible, I wonder when these clowns are going to take a bold stand against such decorations.
I am disgraced by this and will not shop your stores until you recognize the religious holiday that prevails in the U.S. – Christmas!”
Yes, yes you are disgraced by this. And I bet you don’t even know why.
Could those fuckers put their spare time to anything more useless?
Fuck the War on Chritsmas,(tm) — what about a war on strike through text?
They truly are the CHRISTian Taliban.
HAHAHAHA! According to these mouth-frothers, Bass Pro Shops and Cabela’s are far and away the most Christmas-centric. Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like guns, ammo, camo, and fishing tackle.
Imagine how much it would blow these people’s minds to learn that Jesus was a Jew
(his original name was Jesiah Christowitz he just changed it to break in to the entertainment biz)
Y’know – find out how many of these so-called Xtian churches are open on Xmas day. Most of the brain-dead, thumper mega-churches are locked up so the cult leader and family can ‘enjoy the holidays’. I kid you not.
Oh, and also, they HATE the Banana Republic. Because of the gays. Also.
I want a t-shirt from Best Buy depicting the three muslin kings slapping high-fives at how baby jeebus would be dead in 30 short years from sounding off like a weisenheimer to the frickin’ Roman protectorate. I would have probably voted for Barabus myself come to think of it, if I could have been guaranteed it meant pissing off these idiots 2000-some years later.
I think they aggressively promote sales people because they secretly are hoping they will touch dicks with somebody “accidentally.”
Damnit, I looked but I couldn’t see whether or not shopping at Raven Goldberg’s Solstice Emporium and Mother Goddess Crystal Shop is okay.
, anyone? Everything from Ken’s byline on down has strikethrough.
and WANNUKAHS, also. HA HA HA.
This makes it painfully clear that large numbers of Americans are completely bonkers and don’t have a life to speak of. What else is new?
[re=468905]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: That’s a shame because it’s the Gays who put the Banana in the Republic.
Deer All Storz,
Pleeze put a steeple on your building immediately or i will only shop at St. Vincent de Paul.
Yrs Trooly,
A Reel Conserned Chrischun
Oh the grammar. So many children left behind.
You know…as a Christian, I am terribly embarrassed by my fellow “Christians”. I get the distinct impression that if Christ came back he’d take a good, long look at this country, shake his head, and say “You’re doing it wrong.” Christianity is about loving others; not excluding them. Even if your beliefs don’t jibe with theirs, you’ve an obligation, as a Christian, to love them. Christian fundamentalists can be just as bad as those of any other religion.
Oh Jewhate bile, Oh Jewhate bile, hatred of the times most common
Oh Jewhate bile, Oh Jewhate bile, hatred of the times most common
This year you’re out in the light, wingnuts screaming about christmas night
Oh Jewhate bile, Oh Jewhate bile, hatred of the times most common
Jesus Christ.
How did you miss this one? You can pretty much skip down to the last sentence of the review:
Comment Date: Nov 30 2009 9:32 PM
Rating: Christmas-Friendly
Comment: I was so glad to see the ad on TV for Christmas at Walmart – the one with the extra check out lines for Christmas and the lights playing a traditional Christmas song. Loved it! Plus price matching toys is amazing this time of year. Now if they bring back Layaway they will be 100% Christmas supportive.
No reviews for Toys in Babeland? I need to know if my CHRISTmas dildos and Mary and Joseph butt plugs were purchased from a Christ-focused sex shop that isn’t gay for Muslims.
I guess you people never read the part of the Bible that says, “Be rude to non-believers, wear costumes that depicteth snowmen, reindeer, and other things that have nothing to do with Me, and run up your electric bill in My Name. And if you come across a retail establishment that celebrateth Me with incredible bargains, make sure to kill the greeter in your eagerness to honor My Name.”
The Inquistion (Lets Begin)
The Inquisition (Look out sin)
We have a mission
To convert the Jew (Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew)
Were gonna teach them (Wrong from right)
Were gonna help them (See the light)
And make an offer that they cant refuse.
(That the Jews just cant refuse)
Cause the inquisitions here and its here to say.
Jeebus was a homeless Jew who didn’t give a rat’s ass about shopping. He didn’t even own a shopping cart to drag his dumpster finds across the holyland. Jeebus didn’t invent Wal-mart or Best Buy and doesn’t give a flying fuck where these assclowns buy their bags of Cheetos or electric Christmas dildos. If the idiots want to wrap sticks around their heads and talk to Jeebus, they should go to church and stay away from Kmart.
Sorry. Should have read Jesus CHRIST.
So, Jesus invented the iPod? Is that what I’m hearing?
Nothing is as Jesus-y as fleecewear on sale at Walmart.
Unless the bored Somali clerk doesn’t say merry Xmas when she hands you the change from your $5.00 purchase.
[re=468912]Mr Blifil[/re]: They also put the “Ho” in “Ho Ho Ho.” NEVAR FORGIT!
“Shopping CHRISTmas friendly stores is very important to me… The day to celebrate the birth of Jesus has become far more too materialistic, and seems to become that way more each.”
Damn you stores for making me buy all these materialistic things that aren’t about Jezus birth.
They had me at “Me and my family”.
So many people on that site are outraged that things are not called stocking-stuffers or the prices are too high. I guess that’s the x-mas spirit.
[re=468927]Hedley Lamar[/re]: It was in the alpha stage back then.
You’ve got a point, first Gap commenter. If it feels right, chances are it’s against God’s word.
I love it when these biblical literalists refer to the un-numbered “wise men from the East” as The Three Kings.
With all this talk of Santa and Christ, who will remember Krampus and keep him in their hearts?
If you go to the home page of that site, in the upper right corner is a link where you can post your very own rating.
Meanwhile, the Merry XXXmas adult store emporium got bad reviews from both sides by making a dildo in the shape of Mohammed.
Little did the money lenders know, if they had only wished Jesus a Merry Christmas, he would have been more than happy to let them continue to hand out sub-prime loans in the temple.
“Just heard about Gap deciding against Christmas. They are comparing Christmas to cults and witchcraft and encouraging folks to celebrate the “holiday” in whatever manner they see fit.”
Okay — all other religions, please get this through your thick skulls: The entire period from the day after Thanksgiving until New Year’s Eve belongs to Christians. Nobody else ever had a holiday at that time of year — Christians discovered it first, just like Columbus was the first person ever to discover the New World. So keep your copycat holidays and solstices and other shit out of the way — for Jesus. Astronomers, that means you too — if the solstice was really divinely inspired, it’d be happening on December 25th. If you want to have the solstice on January 2nd, that’s fine — just get it the hell out of the way.
If I don’t hear a hearty “Io Saturnalia!” the next time I head down to Ponderosa I will be hopping mad. When do these jumped up idiots think that the tradition of exchanging gifts, feasts, and being kind to slaves was invented? It’s about time that the church started putting some “roman” back into the “catholic.”
Other Christians – please let your local store manager know in person of your decision to no longer support their stores.” Amerikaner, kauf nicht bei Juden!
Fixed.
[re=468890]Red Zeppelin[/re]: You are a great American!
Love that some of the highest marks for disapproval go to book stores (who needs learnin?) and the least-offensive store on the page is Bass Pro Shops. It’s like they’re trying to perpetuate the stereotype of overweight, illiterate hillbillies.
I think we all know where this is heading:
http://www.rcenedellagallery.com/images/photos/images-lg/santa-claus-lg.jpg
From Me:
——–
Greetings,
I’ve heard that some outspoken Christians are upset about The Gap’s inclusive holiday messaging that goes beyond “Merry Christmas.”
I for one am pleased to see inclusive messaging coming from large retailers.
Thank you for casting a wide net and acknowledging that people of various religions and the non-religious also celebrate holidays this time of year.
Sincerely,
Giussi
—–
Wanted to counter the wingnuts, even though I’m not the most obedient of consumers.
Just set up a living nativity creche and you can bilk the ‘fish folk’ for all they’re worth. And they’ll praise you for it.
[re=468944]SmutBoffin[/re]: OMG, those are so cute! I want my very own vengeful demon for x-mas. Can I get one at BestBuy?
Where would Jesus shop?
Probably wherever Riley got that ugly-ass sweater that he was wearing in the photo with Boehner.
[re=468944]SmutBoffin[/re]: As long as we can bring back birching as well.
I want a Lupercalia, with pasta, red wine, and olive oil. And orgies, don’t forget orgies.
“Loacally the CHRISTmas decorations, songs, etc. began before holloween.”
Great sentence, or Greatest Sentence Ever?
[re=468921]MMS[/re]: No layaway makes the Baby Jesus cry.
Those gap commercials are kinda dumb tho. Does anybody actually celebrate Kwanzaa? Hmm well, they must because my commie mac knew I spelled it wrong when I typed it…
[re=468901]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]:
I have to admit that I like Bass Pro Shops. Great place for outdoor gear at a reasonable price. I will also admit that they have a sofa and chair there that are ugly as original sin (camo and leaping deer on the upholstry) but that are the most comfortable things EVER. I stare at them in the store and debate whether I could stand the ridicule for having deer themed living room furniture in order to have that level of comfort in my home.
When I used to work retail, anytime a customer wished me Merry Christmas, I would give them a long, hard look and say: “Happy Hanukkah” No, I am not Jewish, and neither were 95% of the customers. Good times.
This is clearly a mutually beneficial arrangement. They get a dim feeling of self-satisfaction and I get an infinitely less aggravating shopping experience with fewer CHRISTmas SweaTers.
Those fucking fuckers are fucked. It’s time to ratchet the War on Christmas up a notch.
What do Jews really do on Christmas?
Stand around the cash register singing What friend we have in Jesus, of course.
Long ago I came to the conclusion that many of these right wing christian morons projected on God what they believe. And now science has caught up with my view.
http://www.physorg.com/news178819089.html
“If you want to have the solstice on January 2nd, that’s fine — just get it the hell out of the way.”
HEATHEN!!! Heeeeeeethen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Xmas is holy until January 6. Where do you think the 12 days of Xmas come from?
[re=468902]pampl[/re]: I had a Christian friend who was shocked – and appalled when I told her Jesus, Mary, et al, were Jewish. She did not believe me.
I am just so awed by these people’s tremendous religious faith, their faith which is so strong that if some underpaid clerk doesn’t say “Merry Christmas” to them, their entire celebration of the birth of Christ is completely ruined.
This world would be a much better place if these “Christians” stopped whining about commercials on the teevee and went out and, like, helped to feed and clothe the homeless. Then again, only commie pinko faggots advocate that kind of thing.
Warblog! Let’s see if my critique of the Lands End bathing suits (oh dear, too revealing) gets through.
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for your typical churchgoer to wedge himself into hipster jeans.
[re=468890]Red Zeppelin[/re]: You are, indeed, as gertrudis notes, a great American. But how do you know the VOID threatener is a he?
Meanwhile, Swiss Colony tried to put minarets on their store but Swiss Family Robinson threatened to boycott so they replaced ‘em with those giant blow-up Santas that tip over if you fart in their general direction.
[re=468890]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Beat me to it. By about a half hour, but still.
What an interesting group of comments – half of them are angry that Christmas decorations are up early, and the other half are mad that they can’t find ugly Christmas sweaters at Macy’s? Ever heard of Goodwill or Salvation Army or any other number of Christian charity thrift stores, you fat fucktards? FILLED WITH THAT SHIT. And St. Vincent de Paul won’t hire homos, so you should feel super safe shopping there.
I was made to feel very uncomfortable by their employees who would only respond to my ‘Merry Christmas’ with a ‘Happy Holidays’. If they know I believe in Jesus, why can’t they just wish me a Merry Christmas???”
Maybe these sales minions under compulsion by their corporate overlords to mutter empty sentiments at random idiots all day don’t really give a fuck about you or your theological obessions. Just a thought.
It’s good to have you back Ken.
I got nothing against Jesus. He seemed like a righteous white guy. didn’t own no slaves, didn’t hate on everyone else, made sandals all hip and sh*t. but if these crackers are his posse, I hope if he comes back the jews kill his ass again.
Why do Christians go batshit over things like this but turn the other cheek at the entire notion of Santa, a pagan creation that with slight alteration becomes SATAN?
[re=468967]assistant/atlas[/re]: As a Jew, I always get annoyed when somebody wishes me a Merry Christmas. What the fuck do I care if I have one or not? All that day means to me is a time when Chinese restaurants and movie theaters are less crowded. Granted, I don’t look too Jewish but the horns in my head should be a dead giveaway.
All the dude with the Jesus costume needs is an “I’m with Stupid ———->” T-Shirt.
why are those guys in that screenshot wearing birds’ nests on their heads?
What cracks me up is that they were heading to Best Buy to look at big-screen TV’s made by Chinese communists!
>I was made to feel very uncomfortable by their employees who would only respond to my ‘Merry Christmas’ with a ‘Happy Holidays’. If they know I believe in Jesus, why can’t they just wish me a Merry Christmas???”
Because maybe they wanted you to have a Happy New Year, too, you stupid ignorant fuckbot.
“I am a very Aggressive and Bold person for CHRIST any store that i spend my money in they better tell me Merry Christmas or a VOID will be following in seconds.”
A void will be following? Does that mean he’s going to poop himself?
[re=468963]magic titty[/re]: I am SO going to next year’s Holloween party as Myrna.
[re=468944]SmutBoffin[/re]: Huh. That really creeped my shit out for the day, thanks.
I just gave the Gap a thousand dollars. Didn’t buy anything. Just wrote a check and put “hating Jesus” in the “For” space.
There’s a war on Christmas and by gum, I support the troops.
[re=468917]Citizen Kang[/re]: Amen? Likewise, I thought my Christian faith meant striving for unconditional love and forgiveness, not how Jesus-y my capitalist pursuits are. Makes me want to keep the X in Xmas, just to fuel their rage.
[re=468999]Hooray For Anything[/re]: As a recovering Catholic, I recall envying my Jewish friends on Xmas Day ’cause y’all got to go to those less-crowded movies while we were stuck sucking up to our rich relations who allowed us into their mansion as their annual act of charity.
Hmm. Bitter much?
It’s so hard for the Christies to get their minds around the fact that both their major holidays, Christmas and Easter, are uninvited party crashers at the big religion holiday fest. Christmas was placed where it was specifically to coincide with Roman and other pagan winter solstice celebrations (HINT: Does it say ANYWHERE in the Bible that Christ was born on December 25th?)and Easter? Oh my God, hold on to your hats Christies, but EASTER is where it is to coincide with PASSOVER…The Jews are the reason for that season!
[re=468901]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: What night crawlers would Jesus use?
I’ll spend my shekels where I damn well please you pinko commie Christmunchers.
In all fairness to these idiot fucks, those Gap ads are really fucking grating.
All this has inspired me to update my avatar, seasonally.
That sound you hear is baby Jesus actually crying.
Umm, but wait, weren’t we calling them “holidays” even before we started caring about the Jews? The last time I checked, there were *several* christian holidays between 11/27 and 1/6. Specifically, *all* of the days between those two are supposed to be holy days: advent, then christmas, then the “twelve days” of christmas, then the feast of Epiphany. Right? Why are these people declaring war on Advent and/or Epiphany?
OTOH, only thems Messkins celebrate Epiphany, so maybe it really just doesn’t count at all.
Has anyone ever attempted to buy TruckNutz at Bass Pro Shops” or Cabelas? I would love to find out if their experience was “Christmas-friendly!”
I really want to create a Nativity scene that looks like one of those “we’ve got your infidel” videos sent to Al-Jazeera.
[re=469012]Annie[/re]: “That really creeped my shit out for the day…”
Was it the fact that insane Teutons came up with a gnarly evil Santa monster in the first place or the fact that he roams the countryside cold spankin’ ladies with a stick?
[re=468913]Joshua Norton[/re]: Pleeze put a steeple on your building immediately or i will only shop at St. Vincent de Paul.
Lucky bastard. I can’t even afford St. Vincent de Paul these days.
Hey, I agree with the first Gap commenter; I’m disgusted by that commercial, too, because the song is very annoying and it’s on all the time.
As for Macy’s, you do realize they no longer carry Xmas sweaters because no one wants those ugly, tacky things, and almost all of them were probably being returned on the 26th. Really, they were doing you a favor, because you don’t want the recipient to hate you for giving them such a horrible gift.
[re=469005]slappypaddy[/re]: Old pic. Since then they’ve traded in their crowns of thorns for jocks of thorns.
[re=468967]assistant/atlas[/re]: Incidentally, when I worked in retail I wanted to kill myself.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. Sam’s Club shall give everyone 15% off tube socks and Wiis.
“encouraging folks to celebrate the ‘holiday’ in whatever manner they see fit”
Almost like they thought this is a free country or something, huh?
But what about Hammacher Schlemmer?
[re=469023]populucious[/re]: Another hint: The Bible specifically says the shepherds were tending their flocks in the fields. In frickinnn December???? Do those sheep eat snow?
[re=469050]SmutBoffin[/re]: Actually, the spanking was the part I liked.
wow. look how easy it is to insert your own reviews… my day has just been improved by a factor of jesus.
[re=469023]populucious[/re]: Remember, the tilt in the Earth’s axis and resultant change in daylight hours is the reason for the season!
So if I’m reading this correctly, Jeebus clearly demanded that we go out and buy iPods and Christmas sweaters with reindeer and a bunch of old guys who couldn’t wait to visit a baby and give him special presents (obviously a Republican, grooming his future diaper-wearing-page) and make store owners that profit off the third-world, 27-hours-a-day sweat-shop labor of the three-year-old workers rich between Thanksgiving and CHRISTmas (the day when Jeebus died), but not Halloween (the day when that Mulin Allah guy died), because if we don’t make those sweat-shop store owners rich then Jeebus will die again and burn down all the pretty Christmas trees and then the pagans win, since pagans just hate the idea of decorating trees with candles and ornaments during winter.
But it only extends through CHRISTmas because after Dec. 25, Jeebus is dead so the pagans and the muslins and the solsticers can do whatever they want, whatever feels good, like Gap told us to. By Jan. 1, all good Christians will be too hungover and too broke to notice anyway.
Happy Holidays, Everybody!!!!!
There’s more bad news for the second Gap commenter. Not only is Christmas associated with the Wiccan solstice, but it didn’t officially become a holiday for the U.S. majority (Christians) until the late date of 1870. Sorry, just the facts, Ma’am (or Sir). Those first real ‘murkin colonists weren’t too fond either, since they outlawed it once or twice. But be blessed in your ignorance, Gap hater. Happy Holidays!
[re=468966]Terry[/re]: *Sigh.* I too must admit that I used to purchase our dog beds at Bass Pro (until I discovered that papasan cushions on the clearance rack at Pier One were cheaper and better made). But yea, those cushy couches WOULD NOT DO in my decor scheme, unless of course one of our neighbors gives us a taxidermied deer head as a housewarming gift. Which they just might.
As someone who worked in a “high end” evironment for 5 years in NYC it was SO VERBOTEN to say anything other than “happy holidays”. I added my own gig, and just started saying, “have a good vacation!”. At least it was honest.
Oh, and everyone in NYC thought i was a jew but wasn’t POSITIVE so there was always this hesitancy in holiday greetings. Hilarious. I alwsys said “hi” and “goodbye” and left it at that.
Shit! my gayness just kicked in-thank GOD Macy’s stopped selling those disastrous sweaters!
How about a war on TV schedules so screwed up that they have Halloween re-runs during Xmas week?
Choose your battles carefully people!
You know, someone who’s in the checkout line at Home Depot with a drain auger isn’t having a merry or happy anything, and it’s best to just keep quiet and ring them up.
Why would anyone wish everyone “Merry Christmas”—if many people do NOT celebrate Christmas? It’s just common sense. Jews, Muslims, Islamics, Agnostics, Atheists, Buddhists, Hindis, Hindus, Wiccans, New Age people and probably billions of other people worldwide DO NOT CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS. And we do not want to be told “Merry Christmas” by psycho smiling autobots at stifling, phony big-box stores.
If these wingnuts represent the labor pool in this country, a 10% unemployment rate seems low.
[re=468992]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: My wife, before I met her, worked in retail for years and judging from her stories about the spirit of Christmas and the good will of the season, these retards are lucky store clerks don’t tell them to go fuck themselves. So what I’m saying, they should feel lucky to get a robotic Happy Holidays.
Jesus Himself had something to say about this sort of ignorant, hypocritical, short-sighted dumbassery:
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You donate a tenth of your spices — mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law — justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat, but swallow a camel.”
Matthew 23: 23-24 NIV
Now overheard by Gap fitting room employees: “Jesus would like you better in those jeans.”
[re=469114]Autochthon[/re]: That can’t be right. Jesus would never have said anything about “swallowing a camel.” Jesus, that’s the kind of shit Rick Santorum tried to warn us about.
[re=469114]Autochthon[/re]: Also, not quite sure what’s up with the whole crown-of-thorns look. Wasn’t that more of a crucifixion thing? Have these guys actually ever *read* the Bible?
[re=469006]snoidoid[/re]: Truly. Chinese Communists who torture Christians (to hear Rick Warren bleat about it).
Ok, who put the one about getting a King James Bible from American Eagle after saying Merry Christmas … I’m waiting for my phony posts to be approved by the administrator (a.k.a. St. Peter).
Cause Jesus is the reason for the season. That and some old Roman god and forest dwelling Western European pagans.
Who are the Christian principals upon which our country was founded? And is that a literal “founded upon”, as in, the principals were ripped from their offices and made to lie on the dirt as paving stones were placed on top of them? Were they dropped into postholes to serve as cornerstones under government buildings? That seems really rough on them.
What about my beloved BevMo? There’ll be no drinking of Wassail this year if the bastard bitch doesn’t tell me how good my Xmas better be. Wassail! Wassail!!!11!
How do you observe “holloween” anyway? Fasting?
“I was made to feel very uncomfortable by their employees who would only respond to my ‘Merry Christmas’ with a ‘Happy Holidays’. If they know I believe in Jesus, why can’t they just wish me a Merry Christmas???”
I can actually get behind this one. I mean come on, it’s okay to have a religiously neutral store policy, but if someone tells you they root for Christmas it’s okay to wish them a good one.
All my shopping is now going to happen in Switzerland.
[re=469160]Mr. Tusks[/re]: Unless, like me, you enjoy watching their faces turn crimson right before their heads explode.
Another unintentionally hilarious comment: “Just saw the new Gap commercial. I am so disappointed that I will not be shopping at Gap or her sister stores again until they have a change of heart. I don’t understand why they can’t just say Merry Christmas, accept my money, and end it there. I don’t expect them to have a live nativity outside their store or give out tracts with each purchase. Just celebrate the holiday America has always celebrated, Christmas, and keep your mouths shut!!”
“First thing I notice is that they are only playing non-Christian Christmas songs (Jingle Bells, etc.). Unacceptable. I ask a clerk, “What is the reason for the season?” and I get back “What?”. I buy a shirt and when they ask me what kind of wrapping paper, I reply that I want nativity paper or something showing the baby Jesus. They say they only have snowflakes and snowmen and green/red paper. What does green and red have to do with JESUS?”
I walked into a store that sells clothing designed to appeal to the age 16-30 demographic. They were playing that blasphemous “Deck the Halls.” Unacceptable! The reason for the season is not decking halls, and it certainly isn’t donning any “gay apparel!” That reminded me–I asked an employee if he knew the reason for the season and was shocked when he asked if he could help me find anything. Going around serving customers in a completely secular fashion–I think he’s the one who needs to find something! For the final test, I selected a sweater, which I noticed was purple and in no way acknowledged Christmas, and asked for wrapping paper depicting the Stations of the Cross or perhaps Christ casting the sinners into the lake of fire, but was told that they only have snowmen on red or green paper. Snowmen? How do snowmen instill a sense of religious dread in the recpient of this gift? They do not. I give The Gap a rating of Doubleplus Satanic and will never shop there again.
[re=469160]Mr. Tusks[/re]:
I’m with Tusks on this one. Just do what my therapist does when I wish her a great weekend, etc.:
“I wish you the same.”
Yeshu’a H. Christofowitz on a Pogo Stick…
[re=469151]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: No! The reason for the season is that it was the true date of Jesus’ birth, following an empire-wide census ordered by Augustus Caesar (that appears in no Roman records) which required everyone to travel to the land of their distant ancestors (a nonsensible rule, never followed before or since, which conveniently got Jesus born in Bethlehem, where the messiah was supposed to be born, instead of Nazareth).
Following that was the appearance of a miraculous new star (that no one else seemed to notice; but then it’s not like Athens and Alexandria had a bunch of early astronomers then), and the family fleeing as King Herod ordered children killed to prevent the new “King of the Jew’s” birth (even though he had been dead for several years at that point, and once again the Romans didn’t see fit to take notice. But the important thing is that the man who tried to modernize Israel and bring peace with the Romans, and was hated by many as a Roman sympathizer for it, gets a bit more defamation added to him).
[re=469160]Mr. Tusks[/re]: I dunno – what if they were including New Years when they gave their ‘Happy Holidays’ response?? What’s so bad about that?
You know what I think? I think people need to get over themselves, their petty grievances and their useless, inane bullshit.
[re=469207]JMP[/re]:
Uh, the miraculous new star is called a supernova, easily visible to the naked eye when it outshines everything but the moon, especially at a time of almost no light pollution.
Shopping CHRISTmas friendly stores is very important to me. I do not believe that CHRISTmas advertising should BEGiN UNtil after Thanksgiving, reTAIL or wHOLEsale. The day the pubLIC beGIN obSERVEing the birth of Jesus COMEs SUCsessively earLIEr, and the celeBRAtion has beCOME far more too materialistic, paciFISTic, and seems to beCOME moRE AMok each year. Locally the CHRISTmas decorations, songs, etc. BEGan in the inteRIM before holloween. Absurd and disgusting. coatS, CREW neck SWEATers, looFA, Purses – it seems endless anD ONGoing. Thank God for focus ON A Nativity and all you do. God Bless, pASSionately, each and everyonE AT focus. Myrna
[re=469072]el_chupacabra[/re]:
and anyone else who submitted a review… hints about what stores I should look under, plz?
I find shopping so bANAL.
[re=469056]magic titty[/re]: As did I. Two years in Target Toys & Seasonal hell during college sapped my Thanksgiving thankfulness, my Xmas spirit, AND my belief in god.
Just celebrate the holiday America has always celebrated, Christmas, and keep your mouths shut
Epic Christmas Fail. It was actually illegal to celebrate Christmas in the colonies for quite some time. It was too much of a Catholic holiday for most of em.
[re=469101]Leftie Lucy[/re]: I went to Home Depot to buy a pole so I could practice being a stripper, and the guy told me “Happy Festivus!” I am outraged. OUTRAGED!
I remember in the 70′s that the Christians I grew up with didn’t give a shit about all of this because they were happy to have Christmas as a religious holiday uncontaminated by materialistic nonsense. But now Christianity only exists when someone else recognizes it in you. Ah, progress…
[re=469234]rachelv[/re]: Not up yet, but Home Depot, WalMart.
Jesus only bought by layaway. The cock crowed three times and he said “damn, I’m not going to get the last payment made on those righteous sandals.”
[re=469242]NiceButStupid[/re]: When I was at Lowes last week buying some pliers, the cashier had the nerve to say “do you want a bag for these?” instead of “Merry Christmas.” I was so offended that I defecated in the Board Cutting Area.
Comment Date: Dec 1 2009 7:36 AM
Rating: Christmas-Negligent
Comment: Wal-Mart in Olive Branch, MS has no nativity scenes. When I asked an employee he said X-mas was all about Santa Clause.
Fucking Tim Allen, man. Stealing from Baby Jeebus.
[re=468997]Gregoire[/re]: Go read more of the reviews on the actual site (the Barnes & Noble page is priceless). There are plenty of gripes about Merry Christmas being used (yay!) but only in context of Santa and not picturing little white baby Jeebus (BOOOOO!).
[re=468944]SmutBoffin[/re]: Anyone else notice the picture on that page of Saint Nicholas peeping through the window while that demon spanks the nice Alpine lady? St. Nick’s such a perv!
[re=469234]rachelv[/re]: Home Depot and GAP, still pending approval though
Ha ha!
Comment Date: Nov 29 2009 12:43 PM
Rating: Christmas-Negligent
Comment: 11/29 Ad: “Every Season starts at Dick’s” That’s all: no Holiday, no Christmas. no Dick’s.
I’m soooo looking forward to peeing on the nativity scene down the street again. I may even do it in broad daylight this year. You know, for Gaia.
“…they better tell me Merry Christmas or a VOID will be following in seconds.”
Clean up in Aisle 3!
Those outfits! OK, maybe Jesus is down with the white lab coat or old-timey doctor shawl or strait jacket or whatever Nick Nolte wig wearer has on, but that shirt tubby is flaunting is too fugly to be the work of anyone but Satan (or his Chinese communist stand-ins). And those hairnets made of sticks? What the fuck, Jesus? These are your pals?
Isn’t “Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays” a couplet, sort of like “Thank You / You’re Welcome”, or perhaps “The Lord be With You / And Also With You”? The less of these people the rest of us have to encounter in the stores, the better (especially with the voiding – thank you red for that wonderful holiday image)
Why can’t we all just get along? I mean, Jesus was SUCH a homo.
[re=468890]Red Zeppelin[/re]: I had to go back and read the first comment. Then I almost crapped mine in laughter.
“Visited the Gap today in Climax, Minnesota and I was horrified when the salesclerk did not immediately grasp my hand and partake in prayer with me. I left in tears and spent the rest of the night rocking softly to myself as I recited the entire book of Leviticus backwards.”
[re=469261]PortlandSmartAss[/re]:
“…and the cock crowed three times.”
“See? COCK is in the Bible!!”
Thank you, George Carlin. We miss you.
With abstinence the Christian way, I wonder why my local Adult World didn’t make the list….they have lots of “jolly toys”.
i am deeply saddened by this. this is exclusive not inclusive. this is not what the christmas holiday or any of the winter holidays are about. plus, why not recycling. please call them (focus on the family) and complain. (866) 655-4545
They should be giving their money to God and his helpers not to these companies for electronics for ungrateful children, siblings and other people who just want presents. They should tell everyone that their presence is their present!
Dear Comrade Secretary of the Neighborhood Committee:
When I handed Comrade Shaolin the ration coupon for my bok choy this morning, I greeted her with a cheery “Chairman Mao is the Great Helmsman whose face rivals the sunrise!”. She looked at me blankly and mumbled, “OK, whatever.” Is a little re-education required?
Together eternally striving for the victory of the glorious proletariat,
Comrade Long Wang.
I’m glad the Gap “… decided against Christmas”, because now I don’t have to buy anybody anything. Yay.
I think I have a solution. When a customer enters a store, a specially trained greeter asks the customer how they would prefer the holidays to be addressed. If you want “Merry Christmas”, you get a little cross badge. If you want, “Happy Hanukkah”, you get a Star of…um, wait. This needs some retooling.
I’m seriously about three one drink away from trolling that site by quoting the bible in every and any thread I can find. I wonder if the bible has any good quotes about materialism or wearing your religion like a sandwich board?
Comment Date: Dec 1 2009 3:46 PM
Rating: Christmas-Offensive
Comment: Very offended by the recent advertisement. How dare they suggest we celebrate what we want? This is a Christian nation.
Is this one of you? I hope so. Because otherwise, it makes me so afeared..
[re=469556]thatonegirlsays[/re]: I was just about to quote that…and was my same thought. Which one of those fuckers at Wonkette wrote that? Cuz if none of you did…well fuck…I can’t un-read that!
[re=468892]glamourdammerung[/re]: Shit, son. Dontcha know we gonna edit out all the lubrul bias soon. That shit’s a Jew-plant abomination that makes a mockery of the word of Jebus. Jebus loved him some Douglas Firs.
I absolutely love it when the two gods of the conservatards, Jeebus and THE MARKET, clash in the sky and make thunder. If THE MARKET says you shouldn’t make non-christians feel uncomfortable in your store to maximize sales, that totally trumps that skinny little pissant who never made a fucking dime until after he died!
On the most superficial level, I like the new Gap ads.
[re=469008]Neoyorquino[/re]: Awesome. You made me burst out laughing in public.
[re=469276]AlexisHidell[/re]: I liked the Barnes and Noble review that simply read “Too Liberal”. I guess having products that require reading skills and a decent vocabulary is un-American.
Wait–why are they buying things for Christmas? To put in stockings? Or under a pagan German tree? And who’s that fat guy in the red suit? Oh, that’s right. He brought the iPods and the myrrh to Baby Jesus the not-Jew on Saturnalia.
Makes perfect sense.
Comment: I walked through the christmas aisles,all four of them, and all the boxes were called holiday something.I looked for anything in four aisles that said christmas and only found two things out of four rows of tinsel and ornaments.
Seriously?
“I recently went to Best Buy to buy a flat panel teevee for watching Fox and my stories. Then the total rang up to $665! I know, I know…the Number of the Beast is 666…but 665! My, my…too close for comfort. The store actually REFUSED to lower the price to a more CHRISTIAN number, like $316. I strongly suspect the clerk was a demon like from Matthew 8:31. So we went to Wendy’s all got Baconators instead of the teevee.”
[re=469363]Japster[/re]: Leviticus!?!?!? There is not enough Jeebus in Leviticus! Get you some New Testament, cuz the Lord screwed up the first time.
These people are total idiots. They think it’s some sort of Christian thing to put up decorations after Thanksgiving? Jeez. Being Catholic, we have NO Christmas decorations in our churches until December 24. I guess that makes us satanic to wingnuts.
So anyway, story told by the priest last Sunday: Someone all stressed out by shopping said in a store elevator “Whoever is responsible for this whole Christmas thing should be strung up and shot.” Someone else responded “I think he kind of was.”
Now I say whoever came up with this whole War on Christmas stupidity should be strung up and shot, cause you can bet it wasn’t the guy who’s the “reason for the season.”
[re=469213]magic titty[/re]: “I dunno – what if they were including New Years when they gave their ‘Happy Holidays’ response?? What’s so bad about that?”
Considering that in retail-world Christmas begins before Halloween and continues until after New Year’s, you are absolutely correct in your reasoning for the use of “Happy Holidays.” I worked in retail establishments for years and felt it was ridiculous to say “Merry Christmas” to anyone except someone who admitted they were buying that ugly throw blanket as a gift for their mother-in-law.
Look at the 10 most-Jesusey. Of course companies who cater to fat people, poor people, gun people and people who love shit made out of wicker are going to be loud in there Christphilia. Has anyone reading this ever shopped at a Land’s End? What the fuck do they even sell? Also, Kmart still exists, I assumed they were eaten by Wal-Mart like an open faced turkey sandwich on the day after Turkeyday.
I just don’t get this stuck-on-stupid stubborness on Eid al-Adha, as if these stores aren’t also going to pimp out Christmas when its time comes around. These dumb-fucks really think these shops replaced Christmas with Muslim Thanksgiving? Jesus bin/ben Allah Christ, you guys!
Modern Fundies don’t know their history. Their real role-model, Oliver Cromwell, abolished Christmas back in the 1640s!
I know where I’m going to get my Muslim sweather! Best Buy here I come!
No one expects the Christmas Inquisition!
As a long practicing pagan who has kept our 8 sabbat days, including Yule, for many, many years, this time of year always reminds me of just how ignorant the Christianists are of their own faith. I used to try and remind them that thier Xmas was orginally celebrated in spring and that thier beloved Xmas tree is another of the many things they appropriated from faiths much older than thiers. Now I just drink more egg nog and try to laugh.
I used to shop at Best Buy until I heard on the radio that they’re, you know, Team Jacob.
I just hope that Rudolph [TRNR] makes out okay this year and doesn’t develop a hernia pulling all that materialistic stuff for those chrisscrewtards.
How do they rate Fred Flintstone’s Flat Earth Dino Feed Store?
I joined. The Black Pope made me.
I warned them that Pier One was full of Pagan Artifacts that were most likely demon infested. From Ethiopia.
And that the nice guys at Bass Pro Shops always got on their knees to pray when I walked in the store.
And posted this for Walmart:
“Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and gold; they fasten it with nails and hammers, that it move not” (Jeremiah 10:2-4).
Although this might not count with plastic Walmart Trees.
frequent less frequently
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